A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My problem is with climaxing, Ive only ever orgasm-ed with my ex of five years, we broke up a few years ago, I havent been able to with any men before or after him regardless of what they did oral or hands, by myself I have no issue but I always just do from vibrators, im afraid maybe my body is accustomed to the intensity of a vibrator and therefor other methods dont work because if i use my hands on myself it can take alot longer, i also have to close and tense my legs, it doesnt happen for me with them spread open im embarrassed to explain this to guys and i feel like a freak, i know i should be grateful but i keep ending up with guys intent on pleasing me and the pressure just puts me off altogether. the thing i thought was maybe its a trust thing but my ex made me orgasm the first time he went down on me and we only knew each other a few weeks.is this something i have to just accept or is there hope i can fix my problem
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broke up, my ex, orgasm, vibrator Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 I think you should just lay off awhile and let your body readjust .. Probably you use the vibrator too often and too much of everything aint good.. I'll also suggest you talk your bf through the next sex session . Let him know hw you wanna be touched nd where and how much pressure you want applied and at what moment you want it employed..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2015):
 I am 54.
I have been having sex for 40 years.
I have had sex with men and with women.
I have had 4 husbands and many boyfriends and lovers.
ONLY ONE MAN (my 3rd husband) could ever consistently bring me to orgasm during oral and i have had ONE orgasm from penetration in my lifetime ever.... that's it.
My current husband and I abstained from masturbating once early in our relationship when we were long distance for two weeks or so.... made NO difference for me... to be honest...
yes I would give up the vibrator for a bit... but that does not mean you should not try other ways to have an orgasm via masturbation if your partner cannot "get you there"
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2015):
 I agree with putting the vibrator on the shelf for a while. It doesn't mean you have to give it up entirely.
That being said, some women only reach orgasm using vibrators so if that truly is the case then don't give it up!
If you say you have to close and tense your legs then incorporate that into your sex life. There are positions where that type of stimulation can be accomplished.
I think it's great that the guys you are with want to make sure you reach orgasm, and I would relax and accept their ministrations to that end. Just guide them and help them along. They don't know how you are wired so let them know what gets you off.
I think you have wound yourself up about this now and expect failure. I would open yourself back up to accepting pleasure as well as giving it and settle in and just ENJOY it!
It's okay to be slow to orgasm and it's okay to ask for what works for you.
Good luck finding your bliss!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2015):
 I'd say put the vibrator on the shelf a while. I do think it's partly the reason you don't orgasm easily.
Secondly, if you expect to orgasm from insertion only, you may be one of those women who can't. (which is 75%)
TRUST do have a lot to do with it. The fact that you feel you can't TELL a guy what you LIKE to do to get off, means you aren't "getting" what you need. Like wrapping your legs tightly around him, might do it? (facing each other, on the side)
I think finding positions where you clitoris is simulated would help you a lot.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (17 February 2015):
"im afraid maybe my body is accustomed to the intensity of a vibrator"
You are correct there. So, lay off for awhile and let you body re-adjust to the natural ways, before starting again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2015): I am exactly the same as you. Closed legs and all! I look forward to seeing the answers :-)
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