A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. Our relationship has been amazing except lately I find that things are a little weird. My boyfriend met a girl through work about a week ago and they really hit it off. I was very glad he met a new friend and was excited at first. Well he has been talking with her a lot, like a whole lot. He even spent most of Valentine's Day talking to her online and getting to know her and didn't pay much attention to me. Eventually I had to leave because I was called into work. Anyways, so it really didn't start bothering me until he told me she added him on Facebook, so I checked out her Facebook and saw how sexy and attractive she is. She has big boobs, slim body, long brown hair. My boyfriend is actually attracted to all of those things as he's told me before. Here I am over here, I'm a little chubby, got smaller type breasts, and blonde hair. I admit I felt insecure when I saw her pictures and can only imagine that my boyfriend was probably attracted to her when they had met in person. Based on what she looks like, and how much my boyfriend has been speaking with her (they even exchanged phone numbers, which kind of bothered me). I honestly think my boyfriend has a crush on her, or is attracted to her at least and he just doesn't know how to deal with it properly. This has happened with another girl before, like a year ago. He's not the cheating type, but is the flirty type. I don't want to come in between them but it's like damn, why does he seem so interested in her? He's like really excited to speak with her. They do have a lot in common, but so do him and I. Maybe I'm just looking at it the wrong way, but I just feel like something is weird? Maybe he's just not as attracted to me as he use to be? And yes, he's told me he told her he is in a relationship with me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2015):
 Well everyone is blowing up about VALENTINE'S DAY like it's a big deal for EVERYONE.
I got my hubby a card and I replaced a cup he needed replaced and gave him a bag of his favorite candy for Valentines Day.
He didn't even read the card till Yesterday (he laughed so I got it right) For the actual holiday we were at friends, he got me a heart shaped donut and a cup of coffee... "happy valentine's day" he said as he tossed the brown bag at me.
BFD.. it's a made up holiday by a card company to generate money...
NOW if he spends ALL his time with you on the computer or phone with her, then it may be an issue.
IT sounds like the new girl at work is a mad crush... which if that's all it is... it will die down
Personally, I have always had a "work husband" it's never been a threat to my marriage.
If you don't want to come between them, then encourage the friendship... bring it home even... invite HER and her SO (if she has one) to have dinner... get to know her... you may find she's a hoot and that's why he likes her.
I can tell you that while most men will love to look at a pretty girl who is their ideal most don't really want to date them... they are high maintenance, and the guy is never relaxed thinking everyone is going to steal her... better to be a woman that your man loves and has "settled for" than the ideal on the pedestal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2015): OK he likely has a crush on her. We all have passing attractions to others- but we choose how we control it. I think he is far too attentive to her. Still, I would say wait it out a bit/ talk to him as you may be thinking it means more than it does... BUT what makes me say dump him NOW is that in the past he has told you he has a 'type' and that it is not your type. I find this very offensive and have dumped a man over this myself in the past. It is not you, it is his problem(and anyone else who claims to have a "type") There are many different kinds of beauty and you need someone who understands this and appreciates you. He sounds immature, superficial and prone to flattery. Not good qualities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): I just don't know whether to ask him about it. Usually if I were to ask him some questions about this he would get kind of annoyed and say that I don't trust him. If I start on about this girl he will turn it around on me and it will be a fight, because that's what he did when this happened with a different girl I've a year ago. He made it out to be as if I don't trust him or want him talking with other females.
I wouldn't be worried about it except that he has a flirty personality, and the the exchange of numbers, and the huge amount of communication they've been having.
I want him to have friends and be happy, but I feel like this is a crush. It he's just extremely happy to have a new friend. I'm starting to wonder if she's been flirting with him and that's why he's so interested?
He tells me he loves me everyday and hasn't said much lately about his new friend, but I know they still speak a lot. Maybe I should just let it go, it just hurts me to think he's crushing on another girl that isn't me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): Discretely observe his enthusiasm when talking to this girl. I have to be frank here. In my opinion, he's crushing on her.
There are too many means of contact. Facebook, by phone, and they work together. He spent too much time chatting online with her on Valentines Day; and barely acknowledging his girlfriend who is THERE!!! For me, that's the clincher!
The concern is justified, overreaction is not. He's only known her a week, but his peaked interest in chatting with her is more like a guy attracted to a girl than just being "friends." I'd say observe and draw your own conclusions. Don't stick around and let his behavior hurt your feelings. This when you've got to be brave and make a decision that is best for you. You also have to make your feelings known about Valentines Day. She may have been doing her best to hold his attention, and he's flattered by a pretty girl.
Don't make any rash moves when only a week has gone by. You're shocked by her looks and comparing yourself. If women would only learn to stop doing this to themselves!
Look at your boyfriend, do you think he's all that super hot that he can get any woman he wants? Some women destroy themselves over guys who are just average-looking blokes!
Then the question is, what did he see in you that he liked so much he made you his girlfriend? Are you rich and famous?
Is your daddy rich? I think you're attractive in your own right. So, don't compare your looks; just mind his behavior.
Other women don't fall off the planet just because a guy has a girlfriend. He's likely to make friends with one, incidentally she may be pretty. Let him know when he's getting far too chummy for your comfort. If you find there is a lot of chat and communication like they're dating, give him the boot. Hold him accountable for how he treats YOU!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): I fully agree with NotSoHappy here.And I'm the first to defend the complete possibility of guys+girls=just friends.It is possible.It has happened in my life time and time again. It happened for several of my male friends too and for one of my ex-partner's as well (anecdotal evidence but: he went to the other end of the world (India) without me for 1 month, two girls from his Masters' course were with him the entire time,one originally being from there,so she was like the tour guide if you will.) It did not bother me one bit and nothing happened. Hey, the girls even sent me presents (via him :P) and checked on whether I liked them (via FB)).So,again,simply my experience-completely possible.However I don't believe that this is the case here. Why?Because as NotSoHappy has correctly identified-he is is ignoring you.Ask yourself thus: IF the friend was a guy, not a girl, totally not his type,etc.etc. So just another guy,right? BUT he spent Valentine's day (!!!) speaking to this GUY instead of enjoying his time with you?Would that make it better? Would it make you happier?I doubt it would. Because essentially (even IF the friend was a guy!) he is choosing somebody else above you. He's prioritising this other friend (be it guy or girl) above your needs/desires. He is showing that friend interest/affection instead of showing it to you.Now,the friend is a girl,that just makes it a bit messier. Coz the potential is always there and I agree with another female anon-given the right circumstances,everyone can be tempted to go down the wrong path (man or woman). So,action plan:-STOP comparing yourself to her. You're not doing yourself any favours and are degrading your own worth (i.e. you say she is "his type") And then you hint that you on the other hand,are not. (you compare all of your physical aspects to hers- so that's why I interpret this in this manner)Well,hate to break it to ya (now,love to to ;) ) BUT actually you ARE HIS type. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you. And if this man has been putting you down because of your physical appearance...don't know if he did,but you are sooo fixated on "his type" that it does mean he mentioned it several times in front of you-to what end? For what purpose??-Just have a frank talk with the bf. Frank talk.Frank,frank,frank!You say this happened before (so there is a bit of history),so ask him. Ask him is that what has happened before just repeating itself (i.e. just flirting) or does it feel different to him this time around?Once you have his answer- well then is up to you if you want to stay or to leave or re-set boundaries or whatever it is your heart wants you to do. Love,the Nonny
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): Well as much as I think it's fine to have friends of the opposite sex,the kicker bit here for me, when I read it, was how much time he spent talking to her on Valentine's Day. You have been together 2 years, in an established relationship and on Valentine's Day, he spends most of his time, when he is with you, getting to know another woman better, who is physically also his classic "type", and he has known her for one week and you are ignored? I'm sorry to say it, I am 45 years old and very easy going, but if a man did this to me, I would go ballistic. Plus your intuition/gut instinct/whatever you want to call it, is telling you something is not right. No doubt he talks about her a lot as well...?So not only does he blatantly "chat up" another woman he has barely known five minutes on Valentine's Day, he does it IN FRONT of you???? WHAT the heck? He is downright disrespectful. I'm not sure I could continue if I were you. It really does sound as if he is going to cheat. Wave him bye bye now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): I'm married and I'm not saying guys can't have girls as friends, but for me it never worked as the guy was always interested in taking it a step further . And as a married happy peep that wasn't happening so I talk with males I'm medical so it's kinda impossible not too . I don't get friendly sit with them at lunch or take a coffee from them etc it's having boundaries . At the minute your bf to me has no boundaries . He may be telling her he in a relationship but being online with another girl when your visiting no matter what day it is, to me is insulting .Exchanging numbers another no no .What can you do .. talk with him and see how that goes .. but he probably say wither your help us or your paranoid .. Or do the same as him Find a guy friend exchange numbers, or I don't normal believe in fibbing or get a gf to text uYou for a while as a new guy friend and watch his reaction when you say oo honey wait I'm texting Davy you know what it's like when you text ? Fill in her name .Or move on .. I think depending on how much he got up my nose I probably do the last two .. He needs a wake up call .. either he sits up takes notice puts effort in or he loses the best thing he had .. and rest assured most guys like curvy cute blondes .. Take care sweetie and wish you well . Keep us posted ..
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