A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, so Ill try to brief. I met a girl, we went on 4 dates never kissed. Walked her home to her apartment every time. I was nervous around her and she knew it, she told me to relax lol, she's a "cool" girl.anyways we had a couple short conversations where she said she liked me but said she takes things slow... She held my hand one time for a little bit... But we talked for a month basically kept in touch everyday. Then one day after face timing for the first time. We had a nice fairy long conversation... ( she tends to mention how she wants to get married in the next 10 years bc she wants her dog to be the ring barrier. She said this to me a few times. ) we definitely flirted more on the phone. Bc I got more relaxed. But after that convo. We texted very short the next day and I didn't hear from her at all now and it's been a week... I called her 3 days after I didn't hear from her and it seemed like she ignored it. So I didn't bother to call her or text her bc i didn't want to look desperate and she should call or text back a missed call... So it's been a week day after Valentine's day... And she finally posted a video on Instagram... She hasn't posted anything in a week. And it had a cute song and her dog. Had a comment about how she spent Valentine's Day alone and it was nice to catch up with her friends blah blah... Obviously this past week I've been crushed bc I liked her so much I knew I blew it bc I was so nervous around her. But the. After she posted that video. She posted a second video. Of me and her dog on our last date... I didn't even know she recorded it... And I'm talking to her telling him to fetch a ball and i throw the ball he runs after it....And I remember telling her how he has potential to learn to play fetch and that i would love to teach him...(not directly)So the comment she wrote was. Super late post but it looks like he has potential to play fetch... She hasn't called me back or texted me in a week... And now this... Did she post it bc she loves her dog a lot and just felt like it was a cool video... Is she messing with me?? Please someone help before I go crazyAlso she told me in a convo. That she takes time to get to know someone and she doesn't like jumping into things
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2015):
 Call her. do not text her, do not message her.
CALL HER and ASK HER out for this weekend. DO IT NOW.
and yeah.. VALENTINE'S day... did you get her a funny card at least?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): I don't understand, you didn't invite her to spend Valentine together??
No wonder she ignored you, and rightfully so. She wants to take things slowly, but how slow? Do you think she enjoyed spending Valentine alone?
Men bewilder me sometimes. If she went on 4 dates, it means she likes you. Usuallyit takes 2 dates to understand if you like someone. If a guy after 4 days didn't invite for Valentineiwould assume he is seeing someone else.
You need to be more persistent that that, honestly. Call her, text her, but don't play it cool, if you she will think you are indifferent
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2015): Your nervousness may have played a part; but she was straight with you and told you she wants to take it slow. Nervousness translates to eagerness, and borders on awkwardness; so be at ease like she suggests.
So, take it slow. Stop over-thinking the situation. She is sorting and evaluating her feelings. Giving you the go-over in her mind. She probably has had a history of attaching and falling for men too quickly. She also had to take a step-back; she suggested that you slowdown, then she jumped light-years ahead of herself by bringing up "marriage" to a guy she has only dated four times. That was a little weird!
It's something you might not realize you've done until after the date. She probably talked to a girlfriend, and was told that was awkward.
I'd say she's embarrassed about that. Now about the lack of contact. That could mean she is comparing you to someone else of interest. You're not in a commitment; so both your options are still open. She doesn't have to constantly respond to your messages; if she feels they are too frequent, or you are being too pushy.
Invite her out for coffee. A coffee-date is for quiet conversation. This is a meeting of sort, for the purpose of establishing if she is still getting over someone, has another guy in-mind, and to ask where you stand. I would also ask if your messages are coming too frequently; because you noticed they went unanswered. As a courtesy, you are due an explanation for that. No games! I suggested a coffee-date; because I use this method when I want someone's undivided attention. The the atmosphere is light and easy. It's still romantic. No alcohol involved!
There are a few DON'T'S:
Don't grill her like she's being cross-examined. Don't be over-sensitive about the unanswered messages. Don't be nervous. Don't be desperate. Don't come across as though your feelings are hurt, and don't try to impose guilt.
Now the DO's:
Do ask her if she is interested in seeing more of you? Do ask her to excuse the nervousness; because you're just getting to know her. Do let her know that she should be honest with you at all times. Do smile and relax.
I think you do deserve to know where she's coming from. Your time and feelings are as important as hers. You're not just a baby-sitter to keep her empty evenings filled until she finds someone else. It is too soon to be suggesting she be your girlfriend. You have to get your emotional-bearings; because it seems you're a bit eager from being alone and wanting a girlfriend. Trust me, there is no urgency in this matter. Taking it slow allows you both to pace your feelings; so no one gets ahead of the other.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (16 February 2015):
 Contact her one last time and find out where you stand with her.
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