A
female
age
30-35,
*ilemaaax
writes:Hi aunts. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with open relationships -- can they work, is it a viable option? How do you approach the subject? My partner and I have been together over 3 years, living together for 2 and a half years. We are very "content". We almost never fight and are generally happy together. We get on very well! We don't spend a lot of time together because we work different hours but we get 1 day off a week together and it seems to suit us fine as we are both quite independent and like to be social in our own groups. We have very separate hobbies and interests but living together and being together just seems to WORK. There is no effort involved with us! We are financially stable together and working towards the same life goals - career before family, no plans for marriage.We used to have satisfying sex when we first got together but for the last year or more our sex life has not been great. When I go out I constantly crave sex with other men, but never him. We HAVE tried to spice things up in the past but I just think we're on different wavelengths completely. I have now lost interest in the idea of spicing things up.I recently began contemplating the idea of an open relationship as I am not sexually satisfied where I am now. I have been feeling horribly guilty about lusting after other men and have considered breaking up with him but aside from our sex life we have the ideal relationship and I don't want to throw it away. I also do NOT want to cheat so if it comes down to him not being interested in a open relationship we will have to end things.I have no idea how he will take it. On one hand he will probably be horrified at the idea of me wanting to sleep with other men, but on the other hand he may be thrilled at the idea of being able to sleep with whoever he likes. The idea of him seducing another woman kind of turns me on, so it may even help rekindle our own sex life.I am also beginning to think that I may be bisexual and would like a chance to try out my theory!Thoughts? Is this just the crazy fantasy of a sex-starved woman or is this actually something which could work/has worked in the past for other people?Thanks in advance for help. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): I knew a couple that were happily in an open relationship, supposedly. Every time I would hang with them her boyfriend would hit on me right in front of her and she'd always approach me and say, "it's ok! We're in an open relationship!" And I didn't know how to politely break it to them that it had nothing to do with their relationship, I just was neither interested nor attracted to her boyfriend. They were a really fun couple though and I Ioved hanging with them as friends. I don't think they had long term plans of marriage and whatnot. I think they were just having fun. They ended up breaking up. I know another couple, friends of my ex boyfriend, who are in an open marriage. They have kids and everything. Here's my take on this couple: I think the husband has this alpha male mentality and never had the desire to be faithful to his high school sweetheart, presently his wife, and has taken advantage of the fact that she is obsessed with him and would've settled for whatever he offered as long as she could be his wife. The open marriage did not strengthen their bond. He says jump and she says, how high!? He kind of acts like he thinks she is kind of pathetic. My ex boyfriend, who knows them better than I do, seemed to feel the same way. As for her, she acts like she is so happy, but as an outsider looking in, it seems fake, to me. I suspect deep down they are both miserable. You could bring it up to him. I personally don't think it will improve things. But sometimes you have try things out and find out for yourself.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 NOPE it does not work.
what you have is you live with your best friend.
you need to end the relationship so that you can go out and meet "the one" he's not it.
btw there is no ONE but this guy you are with is not doing it for you sexually and that's no way to have a relationship.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Unless both people in the relationship have exactly the same feelings about it being open, it will NEVER work long term. I mean both people being completely honest and expressing EVERYTHING that they want, need and what they expect. Usually one person is all for the idea and the other person sort of hesitantly goes along with it, hoping its just a whim for their partner. And then usually comes the disappointment, the doubt and the jealousy. It just doesn't work.
I have known several couples that had open relationships. Every one of them ended either in a break up or a divorce. Make damn sure of what you want before you head down this road because once you are involved and adding other people, you just can't say "oops! Sorry about that". It doesn't work like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): 'I also do NOT want to cheat so if it comes down to him not being interested in a open relationship we will have to end things.'Your relationship is already over if you're happy to throw it away for a hypothetical other man that might hypothetically spice things up.Honestly, if after years of commitment my other half said we either invite other people into our bed or else... I'd be devastated. He didn't sign up for an open relationship. I get the impression that he is not doing it for you sexually and you want a substitute sexual parter to fill that gap. This strategy really won't work because he will realise that these other male partners are his sexual replacements. His member is no longer needed. He won't stick around once he knows that. Personally, I think it's extremely unreasonable of you to even ask. I'd say just break up with him already and leave him for someone else who is attracted to him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Personally, I think adding MORE people to a relationship is a cop-out. And it RARELY works.
For some it works, but ONLY if both WANT the same things. THAT is, till one of them develop feelings for another person they are being intimate with.
You will have to TALK to him.
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