A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To put a long story short, I was once morbidly obese. I've gotten to a *somewhat* healthy weight of 160, but I can't stand my body. I avoid looking in the mirror at my body. Over the past 3 months, I've come to the conclusion that I want to get reconstructive (plastic) surgery. I've already been to consultations and the price for my surgery is almost $15,000. A ton of money I know. This means I will have to pick up either a second job or a better job than I already have to be able to start saving some money. Which I have no problem doing and I'm so willing to do whatever it takes. Here's where I'm not sure what to do. I wanted to start college this fall. But if I do, it will mean putting my surgery on hold for several years while I focus on school. But if I decide to start working hard and saving money and getting my surgery, it will mean putting off college for some time as well. I can't do both (work like crazy and go to school) at the same time so I will have to pick. I'm 21, so I'm quite young. This surgery means a lot to me and I want to get my surgery while I'm still young. But I also want to start working on a degree. I have to pick which one to focus on first, and it's hard. Do I have any other options/ideas that I haven't thought of? What should I do? Thanks so much in advance for the help. I can't make this decision alone.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):
College is about your future. You need to do that. After college your income will be so much higher that if you still want the surgery you can get it, but I am guessing you will gain so much confidence you won't want it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2015):
 I have had a full tummy tuck and a mastoxpexy after massive weight loss at an older age.
I then promptly gained a bunch of weight and if I lose it now I will be saggy again.
Let me tell you that the tummy tuck was THE WORST surgical recovery I have ever had and even nearly 4 years out I still have side effects from the tummy tuck.
IF you ever plan to have children I would put off the surgery. Pregnancy will ruin your 15k (mine was 17k before insurance but mine was medically necessary so that insurance covered about 5k of it)
Who would be caring for you after surgery? You need someone you are willing to let wipe your butt after you have a bowel movement as you won't be able to bend.
You will not be able to stand up straight for weeks to let the surgery heal. My then fiance had to help me off the couch then walk backwards while supporting me as I walked bent over not able to support myself. WHO do you trust enough to do this for you for 6 weeks?
I came home with FOUR drains. these fill up with fluid and blood and need to be emptied regularly... will your care-giver be up to it?
I loved my body after the tummy tuck. I get it. I understand why you want it...but to be honest I would suggest you go to Walmart and buy some inexpensive shapers (cammis are most helpful and go past the hips. Get the ones with the extra firm control. They hold you just as well as expensive spanx.
feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 March 2015):
 Maybe I am working on assumptions here, but, off the top of my hat, I would say : definitely pick college.
I feel than , more than actual suegical corrections, maybe you need a self image adjustment, and perhaps you want to try investing some of the cash surgery would cost you in short-term therapy or a few sessions of counseling about body issues.
I am not saying " it's all in your mind, you look perfect " ( assuming that people need to look perfect to be happy , which is obviously debatable ). There's always room for improvement, so I do not doubt that the surgical corrections you have been suggested would improve your looks.
But, objectively, at your age tissues are so resilient and elastic that even a BIG weight loss can't do THAT much damage and wreak so much havoce to make your body an ebarassment and require URGENT repairs. Unless you have ditched the EQUIVALENT of your actual weight, or something like that. But if you have lost too fast even LARGE amounts of weight- well, maybe your breasts aren't as full as before, or your abdomen is a little soft- but I strongly doubt that you've got that " apron belly " which would warrant a prompt , drastic intervention.
In short, I'd bet that the flaws are MUCH more in the way you look at your body ,than in the body itself. So, perhaps - you could learn to look at yourself with loving, accepting eyes while you go to college , and put off surgery to a later date if you'll still want to do it.
What's yur rush ? You are young, and you'll still be young ( also from a surgical point of view ) also at 25 or 26.
In the meantime , as other posters suggest, you can help things along by building muscle , tuning up, staying active,- if you are constant and persistent I must admit , even being the natural-born couch potato I am, that it is just wondrous the way a body can be reshaped by proper exercise, particularly at your age.
Plus, I know thar this won't get through right now- but ot's more important to get your future in great shape, than your butt . 20 or 30 years from now you'll find out that having a firm butt won't particularly affect the quality of your life , while having the proper qualifications for access to better jobs and better income WILL.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2015): I agree with HoneyPie - your body needs more time to adjust and settle down - I know this from experience - and your focus should be on getting really fit and healthy. Your body will adjust more over the next 2 years. So I'd say go to college - you will stand a better chance of getting a good job afterwards and earning more money. Also, if you study something you like, then you may find that your preoccupation with your body lessens - because you will be enjoying developing your mind. Really, focus on getting fit and educating yourself and your body will adjust with time. If you sill need surgery after that, then go for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2015):
 I have to ask first, how long ago did you lose the weight (how long have you kept it off)?
I ask that because it usually takes a body a year to 2 years to SETTLE into a new "shape" - I would NOT do any surgery till you have 2 years down at a steady weight. And I would SPEND those two years getting fit. You are ONLY 21, which mean your body will STILL be able to have the ability to "somewhat" "reconfigure" (in lack of a better term).
After 2 years if you have kept the weight off, have gotten fit (not saying marathon runner or Olympic gymnasts fit - that would be unrealistic, BUT fit - as in build muscles (not Schwarzenegger) toned muscles, a healthy CORE - THEN I would consider the surgery. BUT not till then. IT will give you the best "base line" and foundation.
In those two years you can SAVE up for the surgery, OR get started on your education. And you might find that the education means more to you, LONG TERM then reconstruction.
And don't forget, with a GOOD degree in your hand... paying OFF the surgery will BE much easier too.
I understand why you want the surgery. I totally get it. BUT don't rush it.
I gained 50 lbs after having surgery in my 20's - wasn't obese, but still overweight - I WAS able to get rid of the weight and most of the flab by exercising and eating right.
I know there is a HUGE difference in losing 50 lbs and 100. Still GIVE yourself and your body a chance to work as much of it out as you can before going under the knife.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2015): I think your physical and emotional health is paramount. If this is affecting your self esteem and self image then you should prioritize the surgery. It'll make you more confident in college, when your friends go on spring break or go out to meet boys and you leave yourself out of doing fun stuff because you feel insecure. You may look back and feel you could've made more out of your time in college if you had been more confident.
I say go for the surgery, first. Get your mind, body and soul in a better place then go have fun, enjoy college and make something of yourself.
And you asked for alternatives, you could always take out a college loan which you wouldn't have to pay back until you graduate.
You could also start off at a community college, part time, which I think are dirt cheap, just to start knocking off your distribution requirements, you know math, science etc, transferable credits which you are going to have to take anyway to graduate, build up some credit hours in the meantime, while you are paying off the surgery and working. And then when you are in a better financial position transfer to college and hopefully you will already have some credit hours under your belt, in which case you can start focusing on your degree.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 March 2015):
 What the Heck is this surgery that you covet so?????
Unless it's breast augmentation that will allow you to become a porn star and make a FORTUNE in that field... or, some life-function problem - like a kidney transplant - I can't imagine WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAT FURTHERING YOUR EDUCATION!!!!!!
p.S. I always thought I should get my nose modified... but never did....
...............................
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (1 March 2015):
 Congratulations on the weight loss! You have done very well to come this far, and you must remember to be proud of yourself even if the end result isn't quite there yet!
This situation is a very hard one to find yourself in, and I can only imagine how difficult this situation is for you.
I myself have lost some weight last year.. I managed to lose two stone and even though I am not done yet I know how the journey is an emotional roller-coaster... I also know the implications that it leaves on the body.. such as stretch marks and lose skin and I know after you have put in such hard work it can devastate you to still not be happy with your body.
However.. only you know your body.. and only you know how it looks.. but are you sure things are so bad you need surgery? I only say this due to the fact I understand how to a person everything looks ten times worse, but too other people it may not look that bad... but I guess that shouldn't matter, as you are doing this for yourself!
I want you to ask yourself a question.. can you live with your body in the way it is? Does your body image give you constant paranoia/depression? Do you feel there is no more work that you can do yourself to have the body image you want? If you believe the answer is yes to these questions, then I do think getting surgery is a wise idea.
I am not against surgery at all.. and I have always believed as long as it doesn't get obsessive, then changing something to help you feel good each day is okay.. especially in situations such as weight loss.
However at the same time you also need to look at things in the long term.. a degree or going to college would improve your life by the sounds of it.. and in terms of goals it would probably benefit you more in life, than getting surgery would.. and surgery can wait... while as investing in your education is likely to help you get further in life.
It's all a matter of perspective really.. and it depends how bad you feel about the way you look. I see it as this: If the way you look interferes with your daily life.. and it gets you so upset to the point where it stops you doing normal things then go for it and save up for the surgery... however if you think this is something you can wait for, and something which isn't urgently needed, then go to college!
You also need to remember that the mind plays a big part in this... learning how to raise you self esteem can do wonders, and it could even help you realize you may not look as bad as you feel... this is something that will take time though.. and it may ease the worries you have about your body but it might not wipe them away.
I can't make the decision for you, but I hope maybe having an outsiders point of view could help.. also a womans body goes through many changes.. a lot of the time having children can reverse the surgery.. so just take that into mind as it is a lot of money.
Also.. what I do when I end up having a conflicting issue, is right down all the pro's and con's of the two decisions and try and go with the one that has the most pro's and least con's.. give it a try! Good luck x
...............................
|
