A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi have been in Relationship for 2years wants to continue friendship but has told me he does not love me .we are both in our early sixties .Do I move on or stay as friends???
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (5 March 2015):
 Ultimately, what you choose to do, is purely up to you, but if i were in your shoes, i would most definitely break all ties with this man, despite all you once had together.
He has told you outright, that he no longer loves you & he simply wishes to remain as friends.
If truth be known, he has lost interest in you, both sexually & possibly even as a long term friend.
Now i know i may be wrong here & even treading in deep water, but i doubt it very much.
The facts are in his words. No more love for you, let's just be friends.
How can this work in the long term, especially if he has already met another woman, yet feels no desire to share that bit of information with you, nor is he obligated, however, if you've just very freshly come out of your relationship, one would assume that he would share this with you.
I am speaking hypothetically @ present, yes, but it may be so.
You are both of mature age & you would have so many life experiences behind you, more knowledge, wisdom on your side.
Use your experienced mind/intuition, to make your final decision.
I would, however, still encourage you to let go of him, "UNLESS" you really think/feel, that you could be friends with him.
As other readers have said, it is possible to remain friends with an ex, however, it depends on what you guys had when you were together.
I am still very close to my ex, i text him weekly, we talk via the ph very regularly, we get together occassionally, we hang out.
But we have been able to achieve this status together, bec when we were together, we were already the best of friends, especially when after our 5th year tog, our intimacy pretty much ceased. (We were togther for 7 yrs) Although he & i still loved one another, but moreso as friends, when we broke up, we kept our friendship going & we both wanted to continue being dear friends & i will always love him as a dear friend, until we both leave this earth.
That's just how it is for my ex & i, but i know every couple is different.
Sit down, make yourself a cup of tea & think deeply, rationally, logically, about what "YOU" really want, need, desire in "YOUR" life.
Don't think of his wants/needs when doing this.
All the best & let me know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 my dear departed mother always told me "let's be friends" is the kiss of death.
you have been in a relationship. to me that means sex.
IF now he wants to go NO commitment but still have sex I would say NO....
IF he wants to drop down to having dinner together once or twice a month and grabbing a movie now and then... maybe.
If he wants to go to NO relationship but just sex and friendship then I say NO.... the fact that you are asking is enough to tell me it's not going to work for you as FWB.
the problem is you probably want more and he's probably going to be looking for some NEW "friend" and when he finds her you will be left by the wayside.
Be proactive and cut him out of your life now and spare yourself future heartache.
UNLESS you really do not care. in that case do what you think is best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2015): Let's be friends, for a guy, most of the time means either (1) I don't care about you and I just wanna have sex or (2) I don't want to have anything to do with you but I'm polite about it. Vast number of women waste time with men like this.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 Good point, Auntie E.
First, we should know exactly what he means by " let's just be friends ".
Very often it is code for : I do not want to date you and I do not want to commit to you, but I don't mind the occasional roll in the hay, no strings attached.
Other times, it's a polite phrase to let you down easy and does not mean much. It does not mean that he will actually act as a platonic friend, go out with you , keep you company, call you often etc. It just means : let's go our separate ways and let's be civil about it.
In a minority of cases, it does literally mean what it says, the person values your friendship and wants to keep it without the sexual / romantic context.
Easier said than done- it is easy for the uninvolved, emotionally detached person, - but if the dumpee has still got romantic , sexual feelings for the dumper, for her/ him being " just friends " will be a self imposed torture.
All in all I would not bother- if you were with him, it was because you wanted a lover, not a friend. I am pretty sure that , by age 60, you got already all the friends that you need and that you can manage.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (4 March 2015):
 Are you having sex with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2015): The real question is not should you, but could you? If you could do it-do you want to?If you could and you do want to stay friends (depending on how long you've together for), then you need to have some clear ground rules, just as you would in a relationship.Because a friendship is just a different type of relationship (i.e. not romantic! anything but romantic!)You can set the rules together and see if it will work (for example: no discussing your previous relationship and its faults, no discussing other romantic relationships in depth in the first 3-5 years of your friendship (as you'd with normal friends-with your other friends it takes time to establish trust etc as well. Not something you can rush. And, in this case it avoids ugliness and hurt feelings down the line.)It does and can work,but it requires more effort than a normal friendship,especially at the beginning. Plus side:it does give you back a lot more than other friendships.As I said,you both have to be willing to work at it in the beginning,and if you pay your dues,I see no reason why it wouldn't.BUT if you don't want a FWB situation rearing its head later down the line, I think you REALLY need to outline to him that this is JUST friends and nothing else on the side.
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