A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have decided that are both going to try swinging, or whatever works for us. Not often, but sometimes .. maybe a few times a year if even.Anyway, we broke up last year for two months (something totally unrelated). During this time, my boyfriend went on a date with a girl who was in an open relationship and a swinger. So he decided to meet her to talk about our situation. She then offered to meet with me to discuss any concerns.So I did, and it went really well, too well. Like I felt an inkling of sexual tension. She now wants to meet for a second "date". And I have a girl crush and my boyf is delighted LOL. I'm pretty sure he's thinking threesome.Haha!What happened? I do get girl crushes but am I bi-sexual or just curious?
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broke up, crush, swinging, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 February 2015):
 It'll probably be just fine, the first time. After that, it's a "roll of the dice".....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2015):
 FWIW I have NO REGRETS on my swinging life style.
My then spouse was looking for a reason to leave.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2015):
swinging only works if
a. both people are on the same page
b. they both adhere to any and all rules the couple sets up for themselves (no kissing is one common rule)
c. the relationship is already stron
d. neither partner has insecurity or jealousy issues.
e. neither party lies about anything EVER (not just swinging)
my then husband was fine with swinging as long as we both only played with girls. As soon as I added a boy toy to the mix he used it as an excuse to leave the marriage. While I was set for swinging he was not.
I only know of 3 couples (all married over 20 years) who swing and manage to stay together. but I'm not even sure they are all still active in the world.
at this point my husband would love for me to want to play with girls so he can play too... nope... WE DO NOT SHARE. end of conversation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): Most of the time, swinging breaks down relationship ties even among married couples and in your case where only bind is a claim that he is your BF does not look too promising for you two in the long run.
So will it work? It depends on your time frame. Will it work for next few sex sessions and few threesomes? Sure, you may get off and your man will get his sexual kicks. Will you be with this guy 5 years from now? Probably not.
Will you regret that you've done this, say, 15 years from now? Most definitively.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2015):
 Just like we can't tell you if you are bisexual or "just" bi-curious - none of us can tell you that swinging will work.
Personally, I don't get it. But this isn't about me.
If you are BOTH interested and WANT to do it, set some ground rules.
The whole notion that you are thinking about doing this because of your BF and because he seems excited about the prospect of having 3-somes... seems.. not smart.
From most of the post I have seen here in DC, swinging doesn't make a relationship better. To me it always seems like it's the MAN who REALLY wants to do it and the woman who joins in, in HOPE to KEEP him.
As for experimenting sexually, again I can only answer what I personally think, I believe THAT is something you CAN do when you are single.
But only you can really know WHAT you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): Thanks for your responses. So_very_confused - do you mind me asking how swinging ruined your last marriage? I have read so much positive stuff about it but I understand the negative things that happen also.
We are not trying to fix the relationship in any way. And it's not something that either of us want or even have time to get overly involved in. Some just some occasional physical fun .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2015):
you won't know if you are bisexual until you have an intimate relationship with a woman and see if you like it.
right now you are bi-curious.
I was a swinger. It ruined my last marriage.
I am a bisexual woman who is currently monogamously married to a man. Our deal is we do not swing. We don not cheat.
IF you want to see if you are bisexual I would strongly urge you to NOT do it as a threesome.
IF you want to experiment that's fine but he has the same right whether it be boys or girls he wants to experiment with.
I would NOT suggest swinging. it's not a way to fix anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): Curious. Alot of women are but to afraid to admit it. Trying new things is always a positive, this could kick start something great for you and you're partner
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): "Will it work?"-No one here is a clairvoyant, my dear.It will bring up issues-if you work trough them and are both open-minded and honest,it might work. It does for some people. But not that many."Am I bi or just curious?" Wait a sec,wait a sec! You want strangers on the i-net (who have never met you and don't know anything about you!!!) to help you define your sexual orientation??? SERIOUSLY? How are we supposed to know the answer to something hidden deep within YOUR subconscious mind???IF you are wondering and really curious-give it a go. As long as everybody is clear about it beforehand and know of the possible ramifications involved, then fine.Btw,I happen to believe that our sexual orientation is a lot more fluid, than we give it credit for, but that's all:my belief. You have to find out what yours is.
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