A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. We've been dating two years, see each other over the weekends and communicate a lot by text. Today, my boyfriend was rude to me over the phone, basically hung up on me for no reason, and then continued to talk to me over facebook chat that night. Everything was ok until he sent me a song that I don't like and I told him I didn't like it (being on edge from before and said it was stupid). He always says my music taste suck and I've accepted we have different tastes in those regards. What I didn't expect is for him to call me stupid, tell me the musician is more than I'll ever amount to in life and then call me fat. I'm stunned. I know he's been under a lot of stress lately (he recently got full custody of a two year old) but I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a punching bag. This has never happened before and I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2015):
 HIT the key by mistake
There is NEVER any EXCUSE for calling ANYONE STUIPD
as for FAT... even if she is overweight HE said it to hurt her.
and abuse OF ANY KIND is not acceptable
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2015):
To the last male reader.
EVEN if she does not like or know about ANYTHING
there is NEVER any EXCUSE
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2015): Maybe he is actually stressed out & life is getting difficult for him (do you have a 2 year old running around you all day?). Sure, 'verbal abuse' is not great, but c'mon, he just expressed himself & you shot him down - by calling his appreciation for a song he wants to share with you stupid, you're essentially calling him stupid (isn't that abuse? Or is it only a one-way street, with men always being in the wrong?).
And, not trying to be a bad guy here, but what if he's being honest in his opinion? Isn't honesty what people want nowadays? If the musician is commercially successful, and you have yet to do anything big with no clear cut plans to do anything big in life, is his comment really invalid? And the fat thing...are you perhaps overweight? Many people are nowadays yet refuse to accept it, instead classifying themselves as 'average'. I'm not saying you should be a punching bag for this guy, but to get worked up over - potentially - cold hard facts, is ridiculous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): I completely agree with SoVeryConfused. Don't even give this turd the time of day. Simply put in place a boundary, short and swift and strong and then silence on your part. Personally I would end the relationship altogether.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2015): Exactly. You are NOT his punching bag.
Nor should you ever be.
Know what you should do?
Tell him you are going to find somebody who thinks you're beautiful and smart!
And you will!
Make him choke on your glitter!!!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 February 2015):
 Nip this in the bud NOW. Let him know that in no uncertain terms is he to speak to you in such a manner. Make sure you are very clear on this. If he does it again then tell him you will (what will you do?? Walk away? end things?? whatever it is you wish to do) Be sure that you intend to hold up what you say though. If you tell him something and then don't follow through ...he'll just keep doing it over and over again. So very confused is right..you use the broken record..he does it..you walk away..etc..until he gets it that you will absolutely not tolerate such behavior from him.
It doesn't matter what kind of stress he is under, he has no right to talk to you in such a way. You are not his punching bag. I'm a great deal older than you, and quite frankly, I already went through this with an ex husband, if another man spoke to me in such a way, I'd end it if it happened more than once. I refuse to let a man talk disrespectful to me. I just won't tolerate it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2015):
His being "under stress" is not an excuse for his abusive behavior.
And he is being abusive.
you have to set the boundaries. I'm working on this now.
My husband calls me "bitch" all the time when he's angry.
I have said to him "you may not abuse me with words, our conversation is now over" and I walk away (or cease communication in whatever form it's in)
I do not even have to demand an apology. He gets the negative feedback that if he does not treat me with respect he gets NOTHING from me.
Set your boundaries now or you will have issues like this escalate and things will not change and you will continue to be verbally abused at minimum.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2015):
 I would write him an e-mail - (because I think it might be easier for you to express HOW he made you feel in writing rather then talking to him)
I would tell him that if he continues to use you as his verbal punching bag that you need to walk away. That calling YOU names such as stupid and fat is detrimental and not OK.
I don't give a HOOT about his stress in life. THOSE are not excuses to call you names, it doesn't make it OK.
Then I would sit back and see what he says to the e-mail.
Personally though, this is not OK and I'm not really sure WHAT he can say that would make it OK.
Is this something new in him? Or has it happened before when he was "stressed"?
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