A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has broken up with me after living together for one year. In this time some was good some bad plenty of verbal abuse near the end. He is 32 I am 44 I understand it is a big age difference but it just happened. He is a party hard person in the weekends I'm not, I will party just not all night. The whole time together I got the feeling he couldn't work out whether he wanted a relationship or to be single I never felt like he totally loved me. I moved interstate when he did as he asked me to and I sold everything and did it. Now he has broken up after we had a huge fight about him going interstate to a friends 30th cause he didn't invite me and I felt very very hurt (I knew that girls 30th and she is a les so I wasn't worried about that part). I asked him why he didn't invite me he said he wanted a stressfree no fighting weekend which I think was just an excuse. Anyway I dropped him off at the airport and said our good buys and soon I will be going back to the same state again where he has gone to.My problem is I absolutely love him no matter what has been said or done, I really feel he is the one my soul partner. Since he has left he has called me a few times and messaged just general stuff and I have been all happy and positive not sad or anything to hide my feelings and to prove to him I am fine. Really I just don't know what to do, is it possible to get back with your ex if you are still on talking terms, if we did things would change all for the better. I am confused as he is giving me mixed messages by calling me, I havn't called him once, it has been one week.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): Well it has only been two weeks so I am pretty sure he hasn't slept with anyone yet.
Oh I won't be catching up for sex, he has to proove he really does want me in his life.
Here's my latest thought and I was wondering what you thoughts are. It is a little out there but what if I asked him to marry me?? (I will definitely know either way exactly how everything stands with him). Maybe it would put some sort of closure on the whole thing for me if said no and if he said yes fantastic!
We would have not seen each other for exactly two months by then so he should know exactly how his feelings are for me.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 why does he want to catch up?
because he knows you love him and will give him sex.
if he asked if you are seeing others, then he probably is seeing other women.
try and be strong and not see him or contact him. the sooner you can go no contact the easier it will be
IF you do go see him, you will probably succumb to his words and actions and hear and see what you want, be wise make him wear a condom.... you have no clue who he's been with and what he could have caught.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): Yes He has left me and living another state and financially I am a bit stranded, I have work so just biding time. I don't know anyone in this start so it is quite difficult for me.I agree it definitely isn't the age gap that isn't the problem, I would say more the compromise.I don't even have a problem with him partying and if I don't go as long as he does invite me so yes it really hurt me when he did fly interestate for the weekend and it has caused us to break up.I had my birthday yesterday and he messaged two times first one I didn't reply, 2nd I just replied thanks then later on that day he phoned and just chatted away about his job, new house bla bla bla. I am confused why he is telling me all this stuff and how great everything is when really I am hurting and trying to sound all positive over the phone to him is very difficult.He asked me if I was seeing anyone (I thought this was strange) unforntanely I should've said not right now but instead said no had enough of men. I messaged him after the phone call (so stupid) and said I'm not going to ask you that question but we are both single and you can see and do what you want with many woman and his reply was I know. It's all just a bit weird and I am very confused by it, I can't cut him off right now, I wish I could but I just can't do it. Oh and he wants to catch up when I do go interstate where he lives why??? Thanks
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2013):
My husband and I have about the same gap , just slightly larger. He is 39 and I am 53. My husband is a night owl and we are rarely together on weekends as I go to bed early and he stays up all night to play on the computer and drink. So I get that you two are also very different. But the issue is that either he’s not happy with your behavior or you are not happy with his and you two were unable to reach a compromise. I’m not even addressing the age difference as by the time all the players are 30 it’s not about maturity but rather lifestyle differences and personality differences. I do not think Age is the issue here at all.Rather, the issue is fundamental differences in how you choose to live your lives. You say you always sensed he was not sure that he wanted this relationship. That alone tells me a lot. He didn’t want it as much as you did and he’s just going along for the ride so to speak. You never felt totally loved because you probably never were totally loved. I think people have a way of knowing when they are loved.I would be very hurt and angry if my live in partner was invited to a party and did not take me. I do think that’s a deal breaker to be honest. He’s going to be social with friends and you are excluded for whatever reason he has given. It’s one thing to say go on a boys weekend with the guys and no women… but a mixed gender social event should include your partner if they wish to be included. You say you love him no matter how he has mistreated you, how he has disrespected you and how he has verbally abused you. IF you LOVE a man who is cruel to you, perhaps you need to look at why you love him and you don’t love yourself enough to refuse mistreatment.Does he KNOW you are leaving him? You say he’s called and messaged you general stuff… is it the moving out details that are being hashed out… because once you move out I would go no contact with him, do not let him text you, or call you or email you. Do not let him have the comfort of “we’re still friends”. To me that is a crock of poo that folks use to make themselves feel better when they do a bad thing. He’s done a bad thing. I am sorry he asked you to follow him and you did and now have nothing and have to start all over, that's very up
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 April 2013):
 As long as there is abuse, as long as he is not sure whether he wants to be in a relationship or not, as long as he is not totally in love with you, as long as you can't go through a weekend without a fight, as long as he needs to make an excuse to be away from you, as long as all of that is true, getting back together is not a good idea. Your love can't cure all that.FA
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