A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A year and a half ago I would have said I had the best marriage ever. Three great kids, a devoted husband and good father for our kids. So much so much can change so quickly. It started with a move. Husband took a job transfer and the plan was for the kids and I to be right behind him. It has been almost a year later and the kids and I are still with the house that hasn’t sold. His transfer, that is offering him a new adventure, is over 13,000 miles away. We see each other every 2-3 months. I would like him to consider transferring back closer to us. He won’t, he likes where he is. He says it is more exciting. Husband has a history of feeling a bit of wander lust every 3-5 years. Our kids are getting older now and I’m tired of moving. I tried to compromise on transfer locations before he applied and unilaterally chose to except this offer, but he didn’t like anywhere I wanted to move to. Seemed like he threw around locations until I didn’t like one and that’s where he HAD to be. Over a week ago we talked about how we were going to get our family back together. I asked him to just consider transferring back. He hasn’t spoken to me since. There had been other things just prior to the move, more than what I can cover on here. Things like mood swings, yelling and both me and the kids. Stuff that wasn’t going on before. I will be starting counselling. But pretty sure Husband won’t be getting any counselling,, he doesn’t care for the idea of it. I asked him if he wanted a divorce, because he seemed to be acting like he did. He said that wasn’t what he wanted. Just trying to understand him. And I really can’t
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the suggestions. Counseling was a bust and waste of time for just me. She wished me "good luck" as I left. May try another counselor. Hubby has agreed to try to get back for a counseling session. But, I think he feels it will be a quick fix. We can't talk much with out fighting. Divorce may be the way we are headed. Not at all what I wanted.
To R1 .. I felt he was having mid life crisis for over a year now. I have read up on the signs and how to deal with it. Some say it may be a permanent personality change, others said they can get back to their old normal. It just depends.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Sounds to me like he's emotionally checking out of your marriage and life together.
I think it's a great idea for you to get counseling
I also think that you have grounds for abandonment charges in your divorce proceedings should you opt to go that way...
I do think a midlife crisis is a possibility and perhaps shaking him to the core (serving with divorce papers) is the way to fix it....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): Hi. It sounds as if you have been abandoned. If he really wanted to get the family together, he would not be sulking and ignoring you like a child. He would be manning up and moving heaven and earth to reach a happy compromise that suited him AND his family! As it is, you both seem to want entirely different things. Emails and phone calls are not the way to go when you are discussing something as serious as a marriage. I would leave the kids with someone you trust and pay your husband a surprise visit. He will either be pleased to see you or he will want you on the next plane home. Either way, you will know more than you do now. This is your marriage too. You deserve some answers because it sounds as if he is quite happy leaving you behind to raise his family while he is off doing goodness knows what. I would leave with a healthy dose of suspicion if it were me because something does not sound right.It is as if he is trying to keep himself one step ahead of you and does not want you with him. If that`s not what you `signed up` for back in the day when you two were in love and made your vows...go tell him! He probably thinks you are safely tucked away, knee deep in kids and laundry. And while you complain a little, you will still be there `holding the fort for him` until he decides what he wants. The cheek! Go tell him what you want! Because if this marriage is ever going to work, one of you has to make an effort here. Ignoring you wont fix anything. That is just being very childish and selfish of him.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Sounds like a typical mid life crisis. My friends and I (who all work in similar professions with people) were discussing this recently, and whether it is linked to a reduction in testosterone. Best advice is to google midlife crisis and follow the advice - it's got ways to support him through this and signs to look out for.
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