A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about six months now. Everything is great we have plans on having kids and getting married in the near future except I dont like her brother. He's 2 years younger than her. He doesn't have a job but goes to school and he is basically home all day. They have this wierd relationship that really worries me sometimes like they share rooms, banks accounts, and she is basically his mom. Anyways my girlfriend is paying for her house her parents also live with her but she basically haddles everything financialy. The brother doesnt clean or anything around the house and she still folds his clothes and buys him anything he needs. She is even buying him a car. When I hang out at her house he is always there in the same spot on the coucb playing online. She has to fight with him for rights to the tv and we cant go up to her room cause they share it and and as we step foot in it he starts saying he wants to go to bed. He acts like he pays bills. Its annoying! One day we were sitting on the couch and he was basically almost cuddling with us. My girlfriend wants kids she wants me to move so we can pay off her house so her parents dont have to worry about the mortgage and we can save money for our own house but if I do we'll have to move in to her sisters room and basically have the brother share rooms with the bigger sister that is hardly ever home meaning the spoon fed kid will justvhave a huge room with a bathroom while he still hogs the living room. She asked me that she would like to put my name on a truck she is planning to buy in order to help build my credit but I feel like maybe her brother wants that even more idk sometimes I feel like he is gonna tear us appart but I love her too much I just dont to one day have kids a jave him think he still has senority over his sister. Idk if I should even move in anymore but I know it would benefit in the long run but still
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2013):
 If she is the "head of the household" and yet won't take the master suite, then again I say there is something odd about the relationship.
IF she won't talk about it or explain why her brother is so deferred to I would proceed with GREAT caution....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention she is the head of her household and she makes double whaf I make if I move in I wont be sleeping in the same room as her brother except she would be down grading to a even smaller room just so he can still be comfurtable. I tried having talks with her but all she says is that its her little brother and I cant help bur feel lile a jerk. When ever I mention moving I say i'll only move in to her room becausw it has a bathroom and its the biggest but then sbe just stays quiet idk I really like her I just dont like her brother and I dont know want to be the reason why they become worst enemies or something
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (16 April 2013):
She is buying him a car but wants you to move in to save money? What does this tell you?
The brother will never change because it is not in his interest to change and probably can't anymore even if he wanted to. Your GF is either "expected" to do this, derives pleasure from doing this or a bit of both.
She wants you to nicely and calmly fit in to her family structure where you will become "one of the gang". You will always be the third wheel, she will always be the "head of household" of her own family and never truly your wife.
One last thing: Distance or having your own home will not cure this either.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (16 April 2013):
RUN! Get out! Save yourself! Dump her!
This will haunt her and your relationship for the rest of your life!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 Talk to your girlfriend about this, in a serious and in-depth conversation. Tell her you need to talk about your future, and sit down one evening to discuss this matter of house and moving in/the issue of her brother.
Talk it out. Figure it out. Solve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Your doubts and concerns are warranted. Male and female siblings shouldn't share bedrooms beyond the age of four. The closeness is unsettling to you, and rightfully so.The financial setup is also screwy; so don't be sucked into her plans regarding the mortgage on her parent's home. You'll find yourself supporting the lot of them. She's feeling the pinch and factoring you in as her supplemental income. Don't co-sign on anything. Establish your own credit.You're neither a boarder nor her tenant; you're her boyfriend. You don't surrender sleeping arrangements with your girlfriend to her brother. That sounds a little sick.I find it hard to process that she can be so blatant about it. Being close and affectionate is okay, but sharing the same bedroom is more than pushing it.Her brother is already making himself a wedge in your relationship. Blood is thicker than water; and she's his meal ticket. Without her, he has no income. You'll find it difficult to withhold your opinion about his mooching.You can hardly stomach things the way they are. Now imagine living with your girlfriend, that annoying brother (cuddling and sleeping in her bedroom), and both her parents. Isn't that a bit much? Uhm... when are you supposed to be intimate? Will he be sleeping in the room while you're making love to her? If you'll ever get to.My advice: Take three steps backward, about face, RUN!!!There is something soooooo wrong about all this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2013):
um... something is wrong
so she wants you to move in and not with her in her room but rather into the sister's room?
I would not move in
I would not even consider dating her much longer if she's so attached to her brother that she still sleeps in the same room with him and has no need to.
There is something off about the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 April 2013):
 Trust your feelings on this. In general it is always best for a young couple to start their lives together living alone as a couple. In austere financial times like now there is always the temptation to save money by living together. What you are trading for money could be the future of your relationship. You need the freedom and space to learn to live together without input from the in-laws.FA
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