A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a very good looking boyfriend . . . He loves me a lot . . . But he constantly asks me to change my hair style , to use cosmetics . . . But i like to be simple . . . He also gives examples of the girls who look beautiful . . . . This hurts me a lot . . . I cant say this to him . . . Pls say what shall i do ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Faded Lights  +, writes (16 April 2013):
I would bluntly just tell him that that is not you and you don't want to pretend to be what you're not and leave it at that. I think that that response would be enough to let him know you're not someone else.
A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 I understand both sides. My boyfriend has accidentally slipped things and hurt me but I also have caught myself wishing he would work out more or something, BUT the difference here as that he has always apologised and made it up to me and I would never be so rude as to ask him to change himself.
Your boyfriend probably thinks he's being helpful and the two of you could talk about it but love is a strong thing, and ultimately, he should be okay with the way you look if he loves you and you say you don't want to change for him.
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A
female
reader, Lost_soul91  +, writes (16 April 2013):
If he loves you he shouldn't be asking you to change something about yourself. He should love you for you. I had a boyfriend once who would constantly ask me to change things about myself of course it's offensive I told him to stop comparing me if I'm not what he wants then to go find it elsewhere, he never said a word after. You need to speak up if not those comments won't stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): You can say that to him. It's very possible he thinks he's being nice and will stop once he realizes you don't talk to women that way.
If he's as young as you then you need to teach him that he's not allowed to criticize your appearance, that it hurts you and makes you feel bad. OP as a guy I can tell you it's very important that you women tell us this kind of stuff, it's the only way we learn how to treat you well. It's not a big deal to talk to him and if you can't then this won't get fixed.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2013):
 You can't tell him that him wanting you to be something you are not hurts you? why not?
if you can't talk to him about how you feel, then I'm afraid the relationship is not a good one.
a general rule is do not make changes to please others... only make changes to please yourself.
IF he wants you to make changes and you do not want to then you have to tell him that you do not want to make these changes and you will not and if he's not happy with you the way you are he can leave.
yes you "risk" being without a man for a bit, but to be honest would you be happier being with this guy who demands that you change who you are and how you are to please him and never loves and accepts you for who you are and how you are or would you rather find a guy who loves you for who you are now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): There's no problem with trying new styles and making an effort when you see him, but only do it for yourself and dress and do your make up how you feel comfortable. He should like you as you are, never do anything, that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, for him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): You're wrong. You can say this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): If you want to make yourself prettier that's fine, but it should be entirely choice. Tell your boyfriend that if he really loves you he'll respect you and find you attractive for who you are.
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