A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When I moved into my fiance's house, he asked me to move in with him, he called it "our" home, although he owns the home. No mortgage on the property. I started my own business and have been very busy with that. I've been organizing the rooms at home and I let one room go for a while. He got miffed and told me he wants to see it cleaned up and that it is "his" home. Granted the stuff in the other room has been sitting there, but I got sidelined with my business organizing that and haven't had much time to get to the other room. So when things don't go right does the home suddenly become "his" home in your household?One room is for a business and I have been organizing that, to make the tax man/woman happy, so I had to move things around to the other room and it hasn't been that long...maybe a couple of weeks...and I was going to get to that room and sort it out, but the business room needed to be cleaned up first. It's been a major overhaul with the business room which needed more organization.His ex-wife kicked him out of his last home and he let her have it because his kids needed a place so I think that is where some of it is coming from. He finally has his own house. But, I sold my home, a place that I loved to move in with him too. It goes both ways.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I own the home my husband and I live in. I’m in the process of refinancing it and he asked to be on the mortgage and that’s fine with me. I consider it OUR home totally but I often refer to it as “my house” Husband wants me to sell home and move to a new home that is OURS. And NOTHING I say or do will change his mind. What’s going to kill him is after we move and I refer to “my house” and I will. It is MY house as well as OUR house. And when he smokes cigarettes in our home you bet I will complain that MY HOUSE smells like cigarettes and I hate it.
If he is OCD and your moving in has disturbed his usual orderliness then I can see his discomfort. You don’t say how long it’s been since you moved in and “let this room go” so if it’s been 6 weeks that’s not much… 6 months…. Eh we are pushing it… 6 years… over the top…
IF he wants it done, has he offered to help? If all he does is whine about it, then say to him… “ok I know you want it and I’ve been really busy so I would be happy to work with you together on it… when is good for you?”
So you sold your home and your security and moved in with him and no have no home of your own…. I don’t know that I would have done this but since it’s over and done, you have to cope with it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): Ouch! That type of remark would really hurt. I feel by him saying that he was using control to get you to clean the room up. No, it wasn't the right thing to say at all to someone he is suppose to love.You might want to rethink the engagement. You are seeing another side of him.If you have funds or proceeds from the sale of your home you might want to start thinking about an exit plan (getting your OWN home), but plan it carefully so he doesn't suspect anything. Then get busy and start cleaning YOUR stuff up, taking things to a charity organziation, like the Salvation Army. This should also PLEASE your fiance seeing that your cleaning and organizing.Sell as much as you can or give it away. That will cut down on the moving costs. Moving companies charge per box. I'm sure you had to pay a pretty penny to move in with him after you sold your house. Learn from this and get rid of as much stuff as possible to lighten the load.Remember the actress Katie Holmes that was married to Tom Cruise? She divorced him and moved out with precision timing. I love her for that. Use that as an example if you decide to go this route.I'd be walking on eggshells after he stated that it was HIS home and always wondering if the place is clean enough. In the end all you are is a maid, cook and sex slave.A person should not be made to feel unwelcome. He wanted you to live with him and if he can't even handle a messy room once in a while then I would be looking for another place to live.Then you have the freedom to be messy or neat without having to be scrutinized. You can come and go as you please and not have to be held accountable to anyone which I feel you are in this situation. You can live in peace. Seriously, think about it. I know I would be.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Had you written, “HIS” home; my thoughts would be different… Whereas “his”; sounds as though he was miffed and not reigning power and control, but clumsily stating a fact. He obviously likes to have/see things tidy – lucky you? Given that you see where this is coming from, I’d pay particular attention if this is said again. It really should not be said, it’s an unfair insensitive comment!And no the general household doesn’t suddenly become his… He has to learn to share again, play fair and expect that minor chaos in any room or that your input, does not warrant him saying ‘it’s his home’, period! Yes it goes both ways.Had he simply been perceptive seeing you’re busy organising, he could have asked if you needed help with that room, checked with your scheduling, and or respectfully stated his needs, he’d like to see/have it tidied up in the next few days. Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): If you are letting his space get way messier than he is accustomed to, you can expect him to pull rank and ask you to tidy up your mess that you created in his home.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): "So when things don't go right does the home suddenly become 'his' home in your household?"There's always that possibility when an unmarried person is shacking up with a homeowner and his/her name isn't on the deed."He finally has his own house. But, I sold my home, a place that I loved to move in with him too." Then unfortunately you made a very unwise choice to give up your own home in order to move into your "fiancé's" home as a shack-up girlfriend with no ownership interest and apparently no wedding date in sight. "It goes both ways."Not without a marriage certificate. As things stand, what's his is his. I can only assume he's a controller who conned you into giving up your home to shack up with him so he could get you under his thumb. Hopefully you have sufficient financial resources from the sale of your home to get your own place should you need to, and you likely will once this sham "engagement" runs its course.
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