A
female
age
30-35,
*ibra-cat
writes:okay last October, i met a female photographer (39y.o) at a venue while i was out by myself supporting a friends band. I was married at the time and was at the venue to see my friends band and also take photo's of the band as i had begun a new hobby. Anyway a very attractive woman with a professional camera was also taking photo's and i made some joke about the difference between her camera and my tiny digital camera. Anyway the female photographer (call her Pisceas) and myself both smoke so we ended up out the front and it soon became evident that there were sparks and electricity between us. We swapped email addresses and i soon told her that i was married with a 2 y.o son, anyway the emails between us were romantic based, both her Pisceas and myself (refer to myself as Capricorn) are artists (me more music and poetry) and we looked forward to each others response and insight into the sparks that we felt that night both her and me met. We wrote to each other on and off for 5-6 months before meeting her again on her birthday in a park in mid-March, from that second meeting it was obvious to us that we were in love with each other and not just a fantasy. Ironically just before Pisceas and myself met, my wife and myself were having marriage counseling and we nearly seperated a few times before. Okay so after meeting Pisceas on her birthday at a park, we didn't kiss, we just held hands as i still had my wedding ring on. The following week i confessed to my wife that i had very strong feelings for another woman and that my true relationship with my wife was really just sex based, sex was the only real bond that both of us felt and we showed no affection especially in front of our beautiful 2 y.o boy so i made a decision to seperate in the best interest of our son who had witnessed heated arguments and no affection between his mother and me, . So i left my wife and son in late-March and was intially going to move into a friends place to process my feelings/intuition. Anyway Pisceas invited me to first meet her at her place the night i moved out and then that night we began a sexual relationship. Now i contracted Herpes (genital) in 2002 and i take medication in the form of Valtrex which suppresses the outbreak. Anyway during the chaos or moving out, leaving my family, falling heavily in love i forgot to take my medication from the house. So after having sex for 6 days with Pisceas.. i started to feel a little tingle down there which is a very early indication of an outbreak, I examined myself in the bathroom and couldn't see any blisters so i had loving sex with Pisceas. The next night the tingles were getting stronger so i made up an excuse that i couldn't have sex that night and then the following night after giving Pisceas oral sex, I revealed to her that i think I'm having a Herpes attack and that's why i can't penetrate her with my penis. My understanding of Herpes is that it is only contagious if you have a blister or a series of them around your genitals with skin to skin contact though i was informed by Pisceas who quickly researched the condition that even on the suppresant Valtrex or with or without tingles or any visible signs there is still a chance that it's contagious to your sexual partner. Anyway, Piscean had come down with thrush during this time, though she is currently having problems with one of her kidneys and her white blood cell count that was read last December was on the increase, the Doctors are still not sure what the body is fighting at the moment. Anyway what i understand, is that Thrush or urinary track infection can be a sign of Herpes in women so what's happened is that a week after i told her about the condition, she's asked me to leave and it wasn't on good terms. So now I'm living with a very good male friend of mine, Pisceas has unfriended me on facebook, I'm going to give her $400 for rent for 2 weeks that i was there, she's flat broke and a single mother. SO my question to your readers is "If you believe that you've met your soulmate and you've accidentally transmitted an STD (in this case Herpes) to your soulmate, even though you were trying to protect your partner from it though failed and to seperate on bad terms because of it... am i a fool to believe that both Pisceas and myself could reconnect on a loving level the way we were in the first week of our relationship sometime again in the future.. or is it better if Pisceas and myself just totally forget how we feel about each other and live with the question of "what might of been".. thankyou, Capricorn
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facebook, herpes, moved out, my penis, oral sex, soulmate, spark, std, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 Okay, I'm not going to attack you like some of the responses have (although, make no mistake, what you did is reprehensible and you better thank the heavens that I'm not ruler of the world because I'd make what you did punishable by law).No, I don't believe you can expect this woman to forgive you. It's very possible that she'll come around to you, but I feel like the only reason she'd do that is because she'll feel untouchable to other potential mates.Please, please, please, Capricorn, use protection with future partners. I know that this woman ought to have suggested condom use anyway, and you two ought to have discussed your sexual histories before jumping into bed. But you in particular, as the carrier of an incurable, highly contagious STD, are responsible for telling anyone with whom you want to have sex about your condition. It's only fair.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 You've had the disease since 2002 and in all this time you never figured out that it MAY be contagious even between outbreaks ( during outbreaks is when it is MOST contagious ) and ,alas, even if you use a condom ( although this case does not happen frequently ) ? Did not the doctor who diagnosed you tell you, did you not ask him : exactly how contagious I am, did you never had the curiosity to learn more about your condition ?... Did you have to wait for Pisces to get educated about it ? ...And : what a flimsy excuse, " I had forgotten my medication in my old place ". Then go to a drugstore and get another one at once. And : why are you having untested , unprotected sex anyway ? You've only got herpes genitalis , but, had she been so devoid of scruples as you, for all you know she could have had syphilis or worse ! Plus, the clincher is : when you have herpes you tell them first, BEFORE getting intimate. So that they can decide if they want to risk , and give you an informed consent. Moral, turn it as you like, you tricked her . Intentionally. It did not happen " inadvertently ", when you omit to reveal relevant health informations , it is as intentional as it comes. You can't be so arrogant to decide " oh it will be fine " or " as far as I know , it will be fine ". It's up to THEM to decide if it will be fine or not, and it really does not take a moralist or a philosopher to get this concept. You asked if Pisces is going to come back. Who knows. I would think not- she must be furious right now. Then again, women do many stupid things for " love " and often forgive even the unforgivable, so I guess only time will tell. To tell you the truth, I hope for her that she does not, you sound selfish and superficial to the point of being dangerous !
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 April 2013):
Although she is somewhat responsible because she didn't insist on condom use, you are a total ^^^^ for not taking 2 seconds to research what 99% of people know, whether or not they have herpes; that it's ALWAYS contagious. While it's relatively harmless, it still has a social stigma attached to it that can be devastating to people. If I was her I'd not talk to you ever again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2013):
 1. You really think that NOT telling someone that you are sexual with that you have HERPES (whether or not it’s under control) was fair or right? It wasn’t.2. “Pisceas is correct even when ON medication and having NO symptoms you can TRANSMIT your disease to others. You did not wear a condom. You did not inform her that you were putting her at risk. You were WRONG. You did not give her a CHOICE at all.3. You did not ACCIDENTLY transmit an STD, you willfully and with malice of forethought put your partner at risk for your own pleasure. Whether it was from ignorance or selfishness does not matter. You as an adult with an STD had the RESPONSIBILITY to give your partner all of this information from BEFORE you were physical with her and LET HER MAKE HER CHOICE based on the information given. YOU took that choice away from her. 4. You say she is your soul mate but yet you were willing to LIE to her. Willing to put her at risk. Willing to deceive her for your sexual pleasure. You were NOT in any way shape or form trying to protect her from HERPES. 5. You are a fool. For several reasons: a. to believe you could not infect her if you were not having an open active outbreak was wrong and selfish and foolishb. to not tell her that you had HERPES was to lie to her and deceive her. And selfish and foolishc. to think she will forgive you for lying, and potentially infecting her is a bit over the top and probably foolish as well.Will she forgive you, To be honest I don’t know. Perhaps had you given her the chance to make a choice herself to put herself at risk she might have opted to stay… but now? She would have to be a very strong woman to forgive you. I would not hold my breath.BTW for future reference should you meet a new “soul mate” BE HONEST with her from BEFORE You are physical with her. My BIL is HIV positive and has been for over 20 years. My brother is HEP-C positive and has been for over 25 years. They were HONEST with each other when they met and they opted to stay together and marry. NEITHER one has passed their illness to their spouse. Safe sex can be had within the realm of adult mature relationships of partners with lifelong STDs. But it takes ADULTs to behave properly to do so. Learn from your mistakes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): I think that carelessly transmitting an sti to PiscEs instead of using a condom will have made her very angry. You could have told PiscEs before . I don't think that PiscEs will forgive you
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A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 You're insanely selfish to have sex with a woman without telling her you have an INCURABLE transmittable disease. Of course she wants nothing to do with you, she trusted you and you made her sick when she was already dealing with health issues. Also, the fact that you don't know everything there is to know about a disease that you've had for over ten years is really stupid, so don't call it an accident, you should have known. Honestly, if it were me, I would seriously, physically hurt you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2013):
 I'm sorry, but to be frank, you didn't "accidentally" transmit the STD, you CARELESSLY transmitted it.You KNEW you had it since 2002 and you should have been upfront with her. You WAITED til you thought you had an outbreak, AFTER having had sex with her already.Is there any way she might forgive you? I don't know only she can tell you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): If you believe you have met your soulmate, why did you give your soulmate herpes? You say you love this woman, yet you did not see fit to tell her that you have a sexually transmitted disease? That is not love. That is being selfish, and taking advantage of another person. You knowingly infected her!It appears you are not even aware of how the disease works, as you say you thought Valtrex suppressed it. If you are going to have ANY more sexual relations in your life, you need to get informed about herpes, its effects, how it is transmitted, and how the medication works.Otherwise, this unfortunate episode will not be the last.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 if you have passed on an STD to someone, it depends on who it is. Some people will just accept that what's done is done. And some will be very disappointed. But what should you do about it now?Fake it. Just pretend that everything is okay even though it's not. And forget about the person. And when people disappear, they disappear forever. Like a precious diamond that has been lost. It's unlikely to come back.
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