A
female
age
30-35,
*t4rfish
writes:How important is it to date someone your type? I've always liked guys with softer features and slender eyes, seemingly shy but with a bright smile. My first ex was exactly that and I've never been more attracted to anyone else. He was cute more than handsome, and youthful looking. Our relationship had progressed quickly possibly because we were highly attracted to one another from the start. My second ex was the complete opposite. Heavy set with dark eyebrows, sharp features, and overall masculine. He looked quite mature for his age. Although he was more handsome than my first ex, our relationship began based on friendship and understanding (personality) rather than attraction. Being close with him created attraction but that eventually faded (quicker than I'd expected). Of course, personality was also key. How important is it to date your physical type? A man whose looks are what you've always dreamed of? I'm not saying "perfect" or handsome, rather attractive specifically to you. Does everyone have a type?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 April 2013):
For me, its extremely important. I am of Northern European decent - and I have discovered I strongly prefer ladies of South American decent. Once I dated one for the first time a decade ago, I have never went back. I am getting married to one at the end of June.....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I do believe that some folks are just naturally attracted to a particular type of woman. I know a man who you can barely tell his new girl friend from his old wife in pictures... he has that much of a "type"
on the other hand I go more for personality and brains that looks... I have had four husbands the tallest was 6'4" the shortest was 5'6" two with dark hair two with light hair, three with light eyes... NONE with green eyes which I prefer... All of them funny and bright and interesting....
Looks fade, folks gain weight, I've lost nearly 3 inches in height and have a crippling debilitating life long disease now and yet I'm still funny and caring and helpful and my insides are still the same.
My current husband weighed 139 skinny pounds when I met him... 2.5 years later he's a lovely 169 with a belly and a double chin... he's still adorable to me.
I much prefer to have a love affair with their brains vs their beauty...
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I have dated all kinds of different men and I find my type changes as I do.
I never specifically dated my type, but enjoyed both. I obviously found men that looked my type more attractive but also had higher expectations of them because they were what I fantasised about.
I'd say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'
The more I like someone's personality, the more I like their appearance.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 April 2013):
Well, since looks fade, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on dating your physical type. You'll restrict yourself a lot that way. You'll need basic attraction though; if you're not at all attracted to someone it won't work out. But if the attraction is there, I wouldn't worry about whether he fits your type or not. Personality and compatibility is most important. Just because your relationship with the guy who was your type lasted longer than the one with someone who wasn't, doesn't mean 'being your type' was the reason behind the failure.
My longest relationship was with a guy who wasn't my type at all. I like tall, dark haired, masculine guys with sharp features. This guy was my height, blonde, with thinning hair and soft features. He wasn't what many would call attractive, but he had a natural charisma and great personality that the prettier guys didn't have. It's a cliche, but personality is so important. It shines through a person and makes their eyes brighter and their smile lovelier. On the other hand, if someone is an a-hole, it makes them uglier to look at. This guy at uni looked like a GQ model, with dark hair and striking green eyes. Seriously, most of the girls drooled over him. But he was so annoying I soon found I wasn't attracted to him at all anymore, even though he was exactly 'my type'.
So, to conclude: just be open to every type and just go by the 'click'. If the attraction and interest is there, it should be enough.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I don't believe everyone has a type, at least not purely physically. I have a personality type that I tend to go for and am attracted to. But I think you do too, just just haven't given it too much thought because for now you're focused on the physical.
I think attraction IS important. We're all shallow, some more than others. And it's normal and natural. There needs to be an attraction, and if you know what you're attracted too then I see no point in trying to convince yourself you like something else.
But, there's a difference between going for someone you're NOT attracted too, and going for someone you are attracted too, just that they aren't the "most" attractive one to you. I don't think you need to go with the idealized type of what you find attractive. Rather, go for someone in that general directions. Looks do change over the years, and you need to be with someone whose looks you will appreciate not just now, but also later on.
You also need to be a bit.. what can I say.. realistic and critical about your own ability to reflect and understand your own attractions. How do you know that what you are attracted to now, is going to be what you are attracted to as a 40 year old woman? I would dare say, you have no idea of knowing what you will be attracted to then, not specifically anyway. You only have a vague guess, something up the lines of knowing what height you like a man, the type of look in his eyes, the type of touch you like, and maybe a firm butt. But other than that, do you really know what you want 20 years from now? Do you know that you will/wont grow a fascination for.. say.. strong and manly hands, as opposed to delicate piano fingers? I mean we do change our preferences as we grow older and mature.
So, it is pointless to paint yourself in a corner by going for something very specific, when it might turn out, 20 years from now (or even 5 years from now), none of it does the trick for you.
To get to my point: find someone you're attracted to, yes. But don't be too specific about it, go for someone within your general "type", someone who's in the area of what you like, rather than waste time trying to find a "mr. perfect".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): To me it's not important. As long as they're not an anorexic thinspo freak or morbidly obese then I can find them sexy.
I've dated all shapes and sizes, and yeah even an ultra skinny woman until I realized they're too obsessed with themselves/damaged to make good partners.
My ex before my fiancée was taller than me, a meaty woman. Not at all fat, very well kept figure but a naturally big woman if you know what I mean.
My fiancée then has a petite frame but is also kind of meaty and has a bit of extra weight that really suits her and gives her a lovely softness.
The thing is I've never been a person "who always dreamed of" a specific kind of woman, getting a woman was never a dream for me. Romance is an added bonus not a life plan, goal or dream.
I mean my fiancée loved her skinny, pretty boy, mop head guys. I was balding and quite fat when we got together. But like me she doesn't have a strict type, so it didn't matter all that much when I decided to lose the fat and get ripped. Just a novelty really and she wouldn't mind if I gained weight again. In fact she'd kind of like it so she'd feel less guilty about her own weight haha.
She never considered a bald guy as her type, she never considered a built, ripped guy her type either but 7 years later not matter how my body changes I'm very much her type.
You see that's the danger of a restricted type OP. Looks fade, or your type could be a macho abusive asshole type, you know?
So many women complain that they can't find a nice guy, yet every time they get a new man he's so very obviously a damaged, insecure muscle freak and they dimply do not find any other type of guy attractive or exciting enough.
OP you can't help your type, just be glad yours is open enough that you have options. I know one woman specifically will not date any other type of guy that degenerate criminals. Fiery abusive fuckers, because she quite simply finds any other guy too boring and just not sexy.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Generally a woman prefers personality over looks. Its in ur psychology. I have a type n why not I was incapable of falling into a category before but now its all about short thin/medium build perhaps busty women for me. Reason being coz im a big strong guy who likes to dominate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): It is important to an extent for me. I personally like dark hair, and brown eyes on men with strong facial features like a sculpted nose, or a chin with an indintation in it. I also much prefer the mature older look than the youthful baby face on a man. I also like men that tend to be well groomed and take care of themselves, I usually fall for the ones who wax their eyebrows and clip their fingernails regularly. Everyone has their preference I suppose, I know I do.
However, I would be open to dating men who do not have these specific characteristics as well. I do agree with you in that a great personality can make a person attractive though.
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