A
female
age
30-35,
*js56
writes:So I went to a party with my boyfriend....He was eyeballing a girl right in front of me.So I got upset. But I didn't say anything and held it in. I got over it by going into the bathroom and telling myself that I'm pretty too. People started getting really drunk. I was feeling uncomfortable. I said I wanted to go home. He said in a minute. Which was ok cuz then they brought out a cake. Yummy! LOL. Who can say no to cake? I asked again after the cake was finished and some people had left could we go home. He said no because he had to take his friend home. But his friend said he was finished and wanted to go home. So I was like getting angry. The girl who he had been eyeballing comes to our table and starts to talk with us and he is doing it again. I got mad and left the party to go stand outside his car. Cuz I had reached my limit of watching it. I texted him that I didn't like it that he was looking her up and down like I wasn't there, that I was ready to go home, and that he had really hurt my feelings. He doesn't respond to my text. So I call him and tell him I want to go home. He says ok. Hangs up and texts me to tell me he can't take me home cuz he has to take his friend home and I was like I want to go home now. If he didn't want to take me to my car (which was at his place and I really learnt my lesson don't worry) then to give me some money to get a taxi. So he comes out finally and is like what are you talking about? (I later learned and he told me he came out because one of the girls had told him I looked upset so I wonder if he would've even came out to talk to me)I wasn't eyeballing anybody at least not more than normally. And I was like yes u were! Don't lie to me, u did it in my face, and I would never do that to u, and that he hurt my feelings. He was like arguing with me that he wasn't looking at her. At this point I really didn't care. I told him that too. I said that I just wanted to go home. He told me no cuz he still needed to take his friend home. I said his friend was drunk and told me himself that he wanted to go home. My boyfriend said yes but more people keep popping in and he keeps saying 15 more minutes. I was like you can't take me home then come back to this stupid party? He is with his friends, It's late, u promised we wouldn't be staying here for very long, and that I have to go to my college class. He says no that he has to take his friend home.So I got really angry and thank god by chance my best friend lives one minute from the bar. So I was like fine whatever text me when you are done and come get me from my friends. So my friend was like he is disrespecting your wishes and that I don't need that bull****. So he finally comes to get me which honestly I was surprised that he did. He continued to party for 2 and a half more hours. I didn't say anything to him the whole ride home. I was fuming mad but decided it would be better to not talk about it and later would be better when I wasn't so angry. He says text me when you get home. I just say goodbye. I was just so happy to have my freedom back! My car!!! I don't text him because I feel like screaming at him. I get home by 2:15am!!! He doesn't text me the whole day. (which isn't normal he usually texts me everyday) So after my college class I go to see him cuz he didn't pay my parking ticket which he caused that he said he would take care of....I got a late notice in the mail. So when I say I need to talk to u he comes out of his place and I tell him about the ticket and he is like oh yea I forgot about it. I'm like whatever i'll pay for it. Then we get quiet. I say how come you did that to me? He was like I had to take my friend home. I was like yea but u couldn't take me to my car and then go back to the party? He said no cuz he was his friends ride home. And that that would be inconvient cuz it's a little out of the way. I was like 2 and a half hours later? Even when he told me three times he was ready to go? My boyfriend is like yea he kept saying 15 more mintues. I was like so he was more important than me. He says no. I'm like u basically abandon me. He was like no I didn't u went off to your friends. I'm like cause I didn't have a choice! And I was not staying there when I didn't feel comfortable. So I'm like then why couldn't you just take me home when you knew for sure that I wanted to go home and you didn't take me?, can't you put yourself in my shoes and tell me how you would feel if I did that to you? He says that I was being a dick because I thought he was looking at a girl then I wanted to go home and that he'll never go anywhere with me when i'm drunk. I was not drunk. I had one miller light. That I was acting childish and being unreasonable. I was like do you even care about me or my feelings? He says yes. Then I'm like why do you keep being mean to me, hurting my feelings, and was it really that wrong for me to want to go home? He just says I was being unreasonable again.So my question is how do you respond to that? Do you think I was being unreasonable because I wanted to go home? Maybe I'm being to sensitive? Get over it? Quit being so jealous? Idk I'm so confused. Maybe I shouldn't have overreacted aboout the looking cuz well....at least he wasn't touching. But the not taking me home part really made me feel so trapped and very scared about what I was going to have to do to get to my car if he didn;t take me home. Made me feel really helpless. I wish that on no one. Please I hope that anyone who read this will learn from my mistake and to take your car ladies!! LOL. I'm sorry so very long. Thank you.
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best friend, drunk, jealous, money, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): SVC, you are indeed so very confused.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I think you need to break up and find a man who keeps his word.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2013):
 Well here I go thinking like a man again. I get accused all the time at this site of being a man because I tend to side with the men more… I think you over reacted based on what you wrote. And I doubt the OP will like my information much…. Oh well the hell with my rating.
I’m married to a looker… he loves to look at girls who if I was insecure would make me feel useless and unloved and not enough. But it’s not that my husband does not love me. He does. He just likes to look at young pretty Asian girls. How does his looking at pretty girls undermine me? How does his finding other women attractive mean he does not love me, want me or find me attractive. I find other men attractive, and other women and I’ll look at a handsome man or a pretty girl. Does not mean I’m not going home with my husband… there was a song recorded in 1960 called “save the last dance for me” and the lyrics are perfect for you to learn:
You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand neath the pale moon light
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me
There was a time when ladies had dance cards… they did NOT dance at a dance with their boyfriends, beaus or husbands… only the LAST dance was with the man who takes them home… rather they spent the night being whirled around in the arms of men who danced with them, chatted them up and then went on their way… Parties are similar, they are for meeting with friends and even strangers on your dance card…. And I think you totally are over the top with your demands, your feelings and your behavior.
CMMP is right, you do sound VERY jealous (and hence insecure as jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity and not an indication of the amount of love a person feels)
HE was eyeballing a girl and you got mad and did not say anything… in fact, you RAN AWAY to the bathroom for some “self talk” “telling myself that I’m pretty too” WOW I would never EVER take my husband eyeballing another woman as an insult or an indication that I was not pretty. Just different. In addition when he looks, if he is anything LESS than subtle I will comment to him…. “hey don’t break your neck” or “did you want to get closer?” and to be honest if I see a pretty girl at the mall that I know is his type I’ll point her out… WHY? Because it takes all the POWER away from them. He knows I’m not going to get bent out of shape if he looks… it’s just looking… he’s married NOT DEAD.
So you come back from the bathroom and folks are getting drunk and you feel uncomfortable around them and ask him to go home… he said in a minute and yet they brought out CAKE so you opted to stay because of that which changes from “in a minute” to WHENEVER… you did not hold him to “in a minute” because all of a sudden you were NOT uncomfortable. OK BTW I can and do say NO to cake all the time.
You asked if you could go after cake and he said no because he had to take his friend home… when did this happen? Was this before cake came out or did he make a change after cake? Because you leave that out… if he knew he was taking his friend home from the get-go then there is clearly a communication problem with you two. IF he made arrangements to take his friend home during cake then he changed the rules on you without asking (still a problem on his part) So here we are now… you want to go home, the friend wanted to go home and the boyfriend was making excuses to not leave the party right?
And you were getting angry. So the girl he was looking at came to you guys to talk and he looks some more and YOU get all jealous and angry and go sulk outside like a little girl (you may not see it that way but honey that’s how I would see it and that’s how my husband would see it, I’m not sure how your boyfriend views it but storming off to sulk is some seriously passive aggressive behavior. You say you did not want to watch him looking at her but you DID NOT say anything to him… how was he supposed to know it was bothering you? Is he a mind reader??
Then you send him a TEXT of all things about something so vitally important in a relationship that it should be talked about in person. He had EVERY right to ignore your text (if he even got it).
YOU wanted to go home, you needed to call a cab and pay for it yourself or ask another friend to take you home or call someone to come get you… so many options other than picking a fight with your boyfriend who made it clear he was not tolerating your childish behavior.
It’s very VERY possible he really does not see his looking at other women the way you do. It’s all about YOUR perceptions of things vs his. YOU see it one way and he sees it another. You accused him of lying when I don’t see how he lied. He said id didn’t see it the way you did. That’s not lying that’s different perceptions. Our feelings and our experiences color our perceptions and they are going to be different for everyone.
So now you say that you told him you did not care, that you wanted to go home and he said he couldn’t because he still had to take the friend who also wanted to leave home… clearly this boyfriend of yours did NOT want to leave the party. He was having fun. You now say that he promised you that you would not stay long at the party but did you two define “long”
To you long may have been 20 or more minutes to him it could have been 5 hours. It would have been better to have a set time we are leaving “boyfriend, I have class in the morning and I want to be home by 12 midnight, since I left my car at your house we have to leave no later than 11:15 is this workable for you or should I just take my own car?” Wow that would have solved EVERYTHING had you communicated the TIME frames rather than leaving it open the way you did. You would have either been able to say ‘boyfriend it’s 11:15 we agreed to leave at this time” or you would have had your car.
So instead of calling a cab cause it’s late and you want to go home and get rest to go to class in the morning you walk to a friend’s house. And instead of your friend taking you to your car or calling another ride or a cab you waited at your friends for over 2 more hours. He knows you’re all fluff and hot air honey. You are lucky he came to get you, if it had been me or my husband and one of us had walked out on the other, finding their own way home would be the walker’s problem.
He asked you to text him when you get home so he can know you are safe… that’s thoughtful of him… and yet you disrespect his request and ignore him.
Then you complain he does not text you the next day… well why should he? He asked you to text him and you choose not to.
YOU accused him of abandoning you when YOU were the one who left him and went to your friends. Sadly for you he’s right YOU LEFT him. And then demanded that he come get you.
You say you didn’t have a choice but you did. You could have stayed at the party. YOU choose not to. YOU choose to LEAVE and go to a friends. You say you were not comfortable, were these not people you knew? Was there no one else there to talk to or be with?
You were being childish. I don’t know if you were being unreasonable but I do think you were being selfish and demanding and childish.
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A
female
reader, Kjs56 +, writes (16 April 2013):
Kjs56 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo honestly it was really bad. He was strange. All of his attention was on her every move and I didn't exsist anymore. I even brushed up beside him to get his attention so he would look away and realize that I was still there. After I came back from the restroom. LMAO. It worked for about 5 minutes. I'm not trying to be shallow or anything by saying this but I'm pretty. Maybe not as pretty as the other girl. Maybe I can't be as pretty as her but I know my personality is beautiful and that's hard to find. I made him realize that if he thinks he can do better than me then by all means go find her. Because I don't ever want to feel not wanted again. I'm not going to force anyone to be with me. I just want to forget that horrible night and try to move on.
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female
reader, Kjs56 +, writes (16 April 2013):
Kjs56 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so very much for your answers! You helped me out so very much. I was at a loss on how I should react and how to deal with this. I'm very greatful for ever word that you wrote. Thank you also for taking the time to answer my questions. I told him what u guys said in my own words. He quit being an ***hole and said he was sorry and made me feel better and that he wanted to keep me for forever. LMAO....when he realized I was about to leave his butt if he didn't do some serious *** kissing 4 that night. I gave him a second chance. I'm hopeful 4 the future but I'm no dummy. If he screws up like that again I will leave. Cuz a girl can only take so much! Lots of other fishay fishay in the sea! LOL. Outside of this one crazy night he has always treated me very good. Again I can never repay u for ur wonderful answers that lead to a very nice recovery in my relationship. Xoxo + million!!!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 April 2013):
Since I wasn't there I can only make assumptions. It sounds to me like you might be a little too jealous. I have a male friend who has ruined more than one night by accusing his wife of various perceived looks/stares/etc.
So (assuming you were over reacting) I can't blame him for not wanting to leave when he was having fun and he thought you were being a drama queen.
Does that make sense? Do you have a history of being too jealous? If so you might be to blame here.
If you don't and he was honestly being disrespectful and gawking, then I think he's to blame and it's even worse that he wouldn't take you home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Point taken, will have my own transport next time. You guys just dont seem to suit at all. Isnt this one of the many instances you've fought. Please find someone who makes you happy, its not too late.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): I'm with an eyeballer too. I wish he would go blind sometimes. It's the one issue I have with him plus I have caught him in lies.I'm to the point of walking out, because of the eyeballing. I can't go anywhere with him in public without him staring at other women, looking them up and down. It is so disrespectful to me. I find more and more excuses not to go out in public with him. I don't feel I should have to be subjected to that behavior.As far as your boyfriend not taking you home right away, I would have just called a cab and been done with it.I feel between your boyfriends eyeballing, him blaming you--a classic example of blaming you for his actions--, him getting drunk and not taking you home as you requested right away, at this point I would hand him his walking papers and find a "man" not a boy that is more stable and has some self-control.
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A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 I don't think you were being unreasonable or overly sensitive, you'd told him in advance that you couldn't stay long and he totally left you in the lurch. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish, insensitive douchebag. I also don't think you're just being jealous, because your boyfriend isn't supposed to make you feel this insecure. Please, if you really want to stay with him, make sure he knows what you need from him and that he's willing to give it to you. Set boundaries, and if he ever crosses them again, don't bother with him anymore.
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