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I've done nothing to encourage him because my friend liked him first

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 April 2013)
A female Canada age 30-35, *carlettepenelope writes:

Dear Cupid,

Currently my friend has a crush on a guy. I met the guy during a coffeehouse event but he didn't approach my table until my friend left. We got talking and joked around a lot but I know he's territory I shouldn't be trespassing in because my friend liked him first. I saw him another time we got chatting and my friend was there but was too shy to join the conversation. Whenever she'd try the conversation would die immediately because she isn't the greatest with humor and light hearted jokes she's quite serious.

Eventually the guy added me on Facebook and my friend snapped at me and said " you can have him" obviously I was quite hurt because I haven't done absolutely anything with this guy and have been holding back on talking to him because I know she's his territory and I do enjoy his company quite a bit.

The next event I went to she was talking loudly asking him questions, desperately trying to get his attention and he seemed quite weirded out by it. He talked to me the entire time and approached me first.

View related questions: crush, facebook, shy

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwell there's girl code and there's girl code.

he is NOT her territory he is not interested in her.

YOU are not "stealing him" from her in any way shape or form.

I think you need to let her know you are not trying to "steal him" or discourage him from her but you have NO control over what he says or does... you only have control over yourself.

and you may want to explain to him why your are holding back if he asks....

it's a lousy situation to be the friend of a girl with a crush on a guy who is not interested in her but rather you.

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A female reader, HeresBoo Australia +, writes (17 April 2013):

HeresBoo agony auntUnfortunately for us girls, there's the issue of fighting over a guy who's already made his choice, and it's hard for everyone! I think don't push your relationship with him, just let him talk to you first and tell him you're cautious because your friend liked him first and you don't want to cross any lines. And talk to her about how you haven't done anything because you knew she liked him but unfortunately you can't decide a persons feelings for them!

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