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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 12 July 2013: really... what did the text say?... (read in full...)
He's too hairy for me! How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?
Q. dear cupid, i had just went on a first date with this guy hes really sweet and really funny we get along great. he says hes very uncomfortable with his body, i told him he has a great body type and he asks me " are you sure?" and i said yes we start ...
A. 11 July 2013: you are 16/17 and I would hope he's about the same age.
today so many young people think that body hair is gross... they wax and shave and laser it all off.
it's normal to have body hair. Is he as hairy as an ape or are you reacting to a no... (read in full...)
Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 11 July 2013: maybe she just hasn't deleted it.... some of us can move on and not erase the person from our lives totally
how do you know she has it?... (read in full...)
Anyone ever seen a chick magnet in his 50s?
Q. I am just wondering if anyone else has seen such a thing. There is this guy at work, who is probably about mid 50's. Maybe more. He is more popular than any of us with all the many girls here, including those between 18 and 25. They all lust after ...
A. 11 July 2013: of course... as a young woman in my 20s and now as a woman in my 50s...
I see "chick magnets" of all ages and all sizes and all kinds.
... (read in full...)
Is there really such thing as a psychic?
Q. Is there really such thing as a psychic? Ok, strange question, but please read. I'm 26 and a mother of one. I have a degree in genetics and I'm a secondary (high) school science teacher, so I'm slightly skeptical of all the supernatura...
A. 11 July 2013: And had your dad not gone to the hospital this would not be an issue... coincidences happen.
I think that some of us are more tuned into things than others are but that just makes us more perceptive and open to the possibilities of what might b... (read in full...)
If your partner has an emergency and you share a lease, would you charge them for rent?
Q. My live in boyfriend and me got an apartment in march I paid the first month and him the deposit, a month into the lease I had to leave town because of a medical emergency where my sister's heart condition became worse and she needed surgery. Since ...
A. 11 July 2013: IF you are LTR and living together and plan to treat this like a marriage then your money is his money and his money is yours IMO.
In addition, even if I am not living in my home I am responsible for it's upkeep and it's bills.
It wa... (read in full...)
If he goes traveling, I may resent him. If he stays here for me, he may resent me. What do we do?
Q. hi there I am such a mess right now and really need some advice: My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year we get on so well and have recently we have have had a few minor disagreements - nothing really bad but more so than usual - not...
A. 10 July 2013: 6 months to a year is a very doable break.
If it was me I'd miss my guy terribly but I'd encourage him to go...
will you be able to see each other at all during the time he's away?... (read in full...)
Why would he throw away 7 years and me for that mess?
Q. I'm hoping for someone to enlighten me on why my ex fiancé would dump me and marry someone who resembles his ex wife. My ex was married to an alcoholic like himself for 14 yrs. It was a very abusive marriage to say the least. When we met he was ...
A. 10 July 2013: I agree with Tisha... you were not co-dependent enough for him. You did not feed his addiction.
I know I am married to an active alcoholic who I married knowing he had this issue. I do not drink much and he tries so hard to get me to indulge w... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous that my B/f might become interested in this girl and leave me for her?
Q. I met my boyfriend last year at the gym I train in. He is a personal trainer and we got along really well and started dating after a few months. We now live together and for the most part it is a really good relationship! We have lots of fun and ...
A. 10 July 2013: Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity (and it shows in your post) you think a natural petite blonde better than you...
and maybe your guy has a work crush... they are common with new folks... it is probably harmless
Eyeswideopen is c... (read in full...)
Should I be giving up my best friend just because I have feelings for him? He said he's happy to stop having sex, but doesn't wanna lose me as a mate?
Q. I have fallen for someone I can't have, but I knew that when we started and now its too late. I met this guy about 9 months ago, we clicked immediately, he had a gf but decided to sleep with me.. I knew it was wrong but he said it was just a bit of...
A. 10 July 2013: you can't be just friends. you want more and can't have it.
all he will do is string you along and feed you enough attention and words that will keep you running after him.
you will never NOT hurt when this ends.
the sooner you end it a... (read in full...)
He's done it all before, and I want the relationship to be as special for him as it is for me
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months (both of us 20 years old). We both knew from the start that it would be a serious relationship and I think of him as my best friend as well as my boyfriend. The thing is this is my first relatio...
A. 10 July 2013: I'm married to my FOURTH husband.
I loved husband one when I loved him and I have two children with him. I don't think of him much at all and never compare him to the current spouse or any other spouse
we don't talk about #2
I loved ... (read in full...)
If he goes traveling, I may resent him. If he stays here for me, he may resent me. What do we do?
Q. hi there I am such a mess right now and really need some advice: My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year we get on so well and have recently we have have had a few minor disagreements - nothing really bad but more so than usual - not...
A. 10 July 2013: how long will he be gone?... (read in full...)
He lied about who was calling him, should I bring it up? Is he worth my trust?
Q. dear cupids, my boyfriend had a phone cal while we were together and he didn't pick up, i asked who is it, he said it was mr.x. later in a chat with mr.x i asked him if he called my boyfriend today and he said no. i told my boyfriend and told hi...
A. 10 July 2013: words are cheap especially after a fight. he can say I love you all he wants but unless he shows you by being truthful all the time, then it's just empty words.
if you don't trust him (and clearly you don't)
then you have no relationship
... (read in full...)
Does this message mean I'm dumped? Help!
Q. Me and my bf have been arguing ALOT and we had a huge row because he has no time too see me this morning he said 'Right now I am screaming at my phone because I can't put into text what I want to say in retaliation and so it doesn't ruin your day, I ...
A. 10 July 2013: stop texting him
and consider some counseling since it's not about being needy or crazy.
I think it should be mandatory for all teens to have a therapist or counselor at least once a month for all teen years...... (read in full...)
Should I tell him off for giving my friend herpes?
Q. My friend had sex with this guy she hardly knew (we're on holiday) and firstly he stole her headphones and totally avoided her, but now she has got ulcers on her tonsils and it looks like herpes. Plus she has all the other symptoms like muscle ...
A. 10 July 2013: you say it looks like herpes and you got medication for the herpes.. she needs to see a doctor.
and as far as contacting him goes, say nothing, do nothing, it's not your place.... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me he'd rather be dead than a dad. I don't know how to handle this!
Q. Help!! iv recently found out i am pregnant i have been with the baby's farther 7 mths i know that not long and it wasn't anything serious the pregnancy wasn't planned. i told him about the baby and at the time he said he will support me as mu...
A. 10 July 2013: His problem not yours.
he's dumping guilt on you to get you to have an abortion you do not want.
In addition, you don't know for a fact his mom won't be happy to be a grandmother... I'd be thrilled to be a grandma at this point although I wou... (read in full...)
How do I make her love me?
Q. i am in class 10th and love a girl who is a year younger than me.. The problem is that she hates me a lot. Once i had proposed her but she said no with a reason that she thinks me as her brother.... I can't take big steps because it's school days so ...
A. 10 July 2013: there is an old Bonnie Raitt Song "I can't make you love me"
so very true
you can NEVER make anyone LOVE you if they do not have those feelings for you...... (read in full...)
She has pain during sex but refuses to see the doctor!
Q. I been with my girlfriend for 6months. Our relationship is great. We doesn't like to have sex everyday, but it's okay, when we do she gets pains down below after 10mins and I always have to stop as she claims to feel diZy and in pain and it ends ...
A. 10 July 2013: is she well lubricated when you have sex? lack of lube can hurt...
are you only using ONE position? if so then it's possible you are "bottoming out" so to speak and when you thrust you hit her cervix which moves her uterus, fallopian tubes an... (read in full...)
Should I continue this long distance relationship or try to cut it off to avoid heartbreak?
Q. About five years ago I met a guy, along with a handful of other people from all over the world, while playing an online game. I've kept in good contact with many of these people throughout the years. This guy in particular has been a great fri...
A. 10 July 2013: if you can't spend serious time together in person the relationship cannot grow and become something amazing.
Relationships are hard
Long distance relationships are harder
VERY long distance relationships nearly impossible even with folks havin... (read in full...)
Should I worry about his porn use? He said he tried to give it up but lasted only 3 days!
Q. I know this is going to sound stupid to most people because it sounds stupid to me but it annoys me and set of my jealous streak.. (I know I'm going to get some 'hate' probably for what I've done) So me and my boyfriend have exchanged intima...
A. 10 July 2013: listen to me
do NOT email snail mail, facebook, text sext or any other manner of sharing intimate photos of yourself with ANYONE....
that's a disaster waiting to happen. It's over and done now but NEVER do it again. even if things are good ... (read in full...)
She is the only one who turns me on -- is this a problem?
Q. Hi I'm not too sure if this is a problem or not. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 and a half years. We had a 2 month break at one stage. To the point, my girlfriend is the only girl that turns me on... It's strange,, I look at a pretty...
A. 10 July 2013: NO help needed.
If a year after you and your gf break up you write that your EX gf is STILL the only one/thing that turns you on, then we can worry but for now
it's a good thing.... (read in full...)
Why do they keep talking about her to me?
Q. Why does my ex-girlfriend family keep bringing this girl up in conversations whenever I see them? If I talk to the mother or father it’s always "have you seen her" or they try to tell me the things she’s doing which I don’t care about. The aunt who ...
A. 10 July 2013: what are the circumstances that you run into this family all the time?
next time they bring it up say to them "that was a long time ago and there is no chance of a reconciliation can we not discuss it any more"... (read in full...)
I'm scared my boyfriend will leave me for someone with a bigger dick
Q. Hi I have a boyfriend (I'm gay) and we've been dating for a good while now and are very committed to each other. When we have sex normally both of us get off and we kind feed off each other's energies. We constantly tell each other how much we love ...
A. 10 July 2013: You are over thinking this.
Sex is not about size. It's about the connection you have. It's about wanting to be with the PERSON attached to the genitalia.
The problem is at your age, long distance relationships are hard so if you are apart ... (read in full...)
Swinging gone terribly wrong, am I stupid for staying?
Q. I am a 41 year old married woman for 16 years. I got my husband into swinging then I began an longtime affair for over 10 years. I do not want to swing anymore. I just recently stopped my affair within the last year, my husband is still a swinger ...
A. 10 July 2013: OP I don't see it as infidelity if you both had prior consent from the other to be open... there were no lies and no cheating... so it's not being unfaithful.
It's hard for folks not in the lifestyle to get this.
I had to learn to define c... (read in full...)
How do I distinguish the losers from the keepers? And how do I tell a keeper I want to wait before having sex?
Q. I have relationship problems, how do i trust a guy when i have been hurt by the ones i thought i could trust? Every guy i am suposed to be friends with decide they want in my pants or want to be in a relationship. I dont flirt with guys, I just love ...
A. 10 July 2013: IF all the guys you are with are asking for sexual contact, then there is something you are doing that is giving off that vibe.
NOT liking counseling is a good sign. Counseling is HARD WORK and it's NOT fun. you don't need to like it to do som... (read in full...)
I'm married and friend now wants to have sex. What do I do?
Q. Hi I am actually from Pakistan but now living in Australia with my husband and 4 years old son.My husband works and I am a housewife.We r really a happy small family.Here I met with a guy when I first came.I lost my way and my husband was not with ...
A. 9 July 2013: I would not do it.
I would also let your husband know that his "friend" is being sexually aggressive with you and ask him to tell the friend to stop it.
if you don't want to do that then tell your friend that you and your husband and your "fr... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy to keep a booty call around for 2 years?
Q. Okay, so 2 years ago I moved back home and decided to try out the internet dating deal. I met a few nice guys but nothing really went anywhere, except with one guy, sort of. We met a month or so after talking and seemed to hit it off. We always had ...
A. 9 July 2013: my aunt was kept as a booty call by a married man for 25 years till he died.
I had a FWB with an x that lasted so long I can't recall how long it was but it was a long time.
sure guys can keep booty calls 2 years or longer...
just bec... (read in full...)
How old were you when you kissed someone?
Q. just asking, how old where you when you kissed somebody or anybody?????...
A. 9 July 2013: my first kiss... was at 14... (read in full...)
We've been together a week and now he wants to have sex! I don't know what to do!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a week now, he is asking me for sex ,we are both 14, i dont know what to do can you help me? x ...
A. 9 July 2013: you say "we are both 14 and I'm NOT ready"
and he will push you more... because all he wants is sex...
ask him "how will you support our child?"
he will say "it's our first time you won't get pregnant" that's a LIE
say "no lots ... (read in full...)
Does it matter that I'm not that physically attracted to him?
Q. hi. Im just looking for advice on dating someone ur not sexually attracted to?! iv met this lovely man, his nearly 17 yrs older than me but that isn't a problem for us. we get on rather well and i feel ifwe get together as an actual couple he would ...
A. 9 July 2013: dating someone you are not attracted to physically is called being FRIENDS.
no it wont' work.
OTOH, if you like him that much and spend that much time with him you may find over time he becomes more appealing physically........ (read in full...)
He has funny marks on his face that he says came from playing basketball. Is he cheating?
Q. So here is my story; In the beginning of June my boyfriend broke his phone, he has been jobless and his parents have kicked him out quite a few times, and also his car broke down. So basically we haven't really talked, and when we do its every other ...
A. 9 July 2013: “me being a concerned girlfriend did a little research on who she was”
REALLY.. that’s what concerned girlfriends do… they RESEARCH their boyfriend’s unknown friends?
I don’t think so beatless93…. That’s’ your way to say you snooped beca... (read in full...)
Swinging gone terribly wrong, am I stupid for staying?
Q. I am a 41 year old married woman for 16 years. I got my husband into swinging then I began an longtime affair for over 10 years. I do not want to swing anymore. I just recently stopped my affair within the last year, my husband is still a swinger ...
A. 9 July 2013: I have been there done that.
my ex husband and I got into swinging because I felt it was ok to be open that way and knew he needed the ego stroke of more than just me.
guess what, it ruined our marriage because when I added a boy toy he could... (read in full...)
How do I tactfully find out why she didn't invite my longterm boyfriend to her wedding?
Q. One of my friends from school is getting married, and though she's spent most of the last 2 years overseas, we are still relatively close friends. I was so excited when she asked me and my best friend to be bridesmaids! When the invitation came ...
A. 9 July 2013: it's common to keep the cost of weddings down by only invited married or engaged couples.
if you live together then that should count as partnered enough for an invite but if you don't live together assume that no one who is not married ... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 9 July 2013: I get you OP. You like the drama and the attention and you want us all to pat you on the head and say “poor baby, the heart wants what it wants and we have NO CONTROL” YOU want us to say this. Or actually you NEED US to say this. NOT going ... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from him in two weeks -- what do I do?
Q. So my boyfriend hasn't been texting me in over 2 weeks. The last thing I heard from him was that he was in the hospital with a lot of pain. The hospital is on base so I can't enter. I don't know what to do! Should I just wait?...
A. 8 July 2013: i agree either call his family or call the hospital directly.... (read in full...)
I need alimony money from my husband. How does that work?
Q. my husband s filing for a divorce. There is no money in the house and we dont have any other assets together but i want him to give me alimony. i just want to know what is going to be on the divorce papers? Is it going to have question on how much ...
A. 8 July 2013: you need a good attorney.
I got alimony back in 1989 because I was a SAHM to his two children but it was limited ending either at one years time or when I found a job. It had nothing to do with child support either.
so if you need alimony ... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 8 July 2013: trust me if he had feelings for you he would not care about it and he would leave his wife... do not fall for his lines.... (read in full...)
My girl on the side stopped contacting me. Do I discuss this with my wife? She knows about this girl already
Q. My wife and I have a fairly open relationship. Recently I met a girl at a party and we got on well. We eventually slept together a couple of times, my wife being aware and okay with it. The three of us spent a few evenings and days hanging out. ...
A. 8 July 2013: If you are having feelings of rejection and you want to talk about it without being judged, I strongly suggest a professional therapist.
as for feeling rejected... I can assure you it's not personal.
... (read in full...)
Should I quit something I love (weed) in hope of happiness?
Q. Not a relationship question but advice please, right I have been smoking weed for about 10 years now and I still love it, I don't like alcohol as much for many reasons. Now my life is quite boring as I go to work, go home get high, go to a fr...
A. 8 July 2013: NOTE your addiction to weed is psychological totally.
going cold turkey will not hurt you physically (unlike alcohol withdrawal that can kill you if not done properly) and therefore you can just stop cold turkey (no weaning) and move forward ... (read in full...)
I'm a teacher, but I'm not HER teacher. Is she still off limits?
Q. This may sound like a typical college teacher-student case, but it's somewhat different, since I'm attracted to this girl who isn't and has never been my student. We met because some months ago she started working as staff so we see every day as our ...
A. 8 July 2013: A senior in college in the USA is in her 20s usually (college here is high school and you graduate at 17/18 then four years of college makes you 21/22 usually.
you met her at the office in her capacity as an employee.
I think it depends on if... (read in full...)
Could it be puppy love, curiosity, or something else?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I have this best friend, she is only a year younger than me and we have been friends for a while now, I'm always staying over at her house and hanging out with her. My friends has a brother who is a year older than ...
A. 8 July 2013: you have to decide if you are willing to risk your friendship for a boyfriend of convenience.
the fact that you are over his house to visit his sister is the key here... you are a girlfriend of convenience.
IF your friend is concerned... (read in full...)
Could it be puppy love, curiosity, or something else?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I have this best friend, she is only a year younger than me and we have been friends for a while now, I'm always staying over at her house and hanging out with her. My friends has a brother who is a year older than ...
A. 5 July 2013: Honey you describe exactly the way I sadly lost my virginity to my then best friend's brother at age 14... it was 1974 btw... far from the 21st century...
I did not regret it then but i do now...
I am 53 years old and when my friend and h... (read in full...)
Married man dumped me and I am feeling so used and stupid!!
Q. I had a fling with a married man. I posted here not long ago but I think my question reached a max with 27 answers because I tried to post a follow up and the site would not allow me. This is my follow up. You can say I TOLD YOU SO and I had it ...
A. 26 June 2013: You WILL heal. I won't say I told you so because you are already beating yourself up about it and rightfully so.
USE this as a springboard for personal growth and understanding.
Consider some therapy to work through why you did it in th... (read in full...)
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