A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupids,my boyfriend had a phone cal while we were together and he didn't pick up, i asked who is it, he said it was mr.x.later in a chat with mr.x i asked him if he called my boyfriend today and he said no.i told my boyfriend and told him that i hated the idea of lying to me and that what ever is going on he needs to tell me and we will work it outhe neither confessed nor denied the fact that he lied, he kept dancing around the subject until he last decided that i am looking for a fight so out of anger i hung up and he didn't call backthe next day e talked about stuff at work and at some point he said i love youtoday he is expressing t=how much he loves and needs and misses me, like he always do, yet not even mentioning the revealed lie or trying to convince me that it was not a lieshould i open the subject again?should i wait him to talk?this lie means he might have lied to me beforeis he worth my trust?i don't want to loss him what to do?thanks for all your help
View related questions:
at work, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2013): One final thought: If your boyfriend respected your values then he wouldn't have taken your virginity, and if he respects you as a person then he wouldn't be lying, blaming you and then putting on an act to weasel his way into your affections.
Is this really the type of person with whom you want to spend your life and raise your children?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know what i did was wrong, i know it is forbidden but at that point when we did it, i was convinced it was all right and that i would not lose my virginity, but alas i did.i get your message, i have to choose, and i think i have taken the choice of not wanting him in my life the moment i started imagining my life without him and it felt okaybut the action of breaking up is the hard part, we have been together for too long, every one knows we are together and we work at the same placei think i will take things slow this month, to make it a routine not to talk to him often, and then i will try to loos any contact with himdo you think that would work?by the way, if you are right and he is holding the secret just to keep me coming,then that means if i did go away he might tell every onewhat to do in that case?i am very scared right now, what your saying is the hard truth slapping me in the facei am very scared to have a break up but i think i really need one, please how to make one ?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): Previous anon male responding to OP follow-up."he loves me enough to keep the secret of me not being a version and working hard to get us married"I suspect boyfriend is keeping the "secret" of your not being a virgin as a means to keep you under his control by telling you that if he doesn't want you then nobody else will while he is free to pursue other women, and is dangling the promise of marriage under your nose so you'll continue sleeping with him."after five days he called me and cried on the phone telling m how much hard his life was without me and how much bad he needs me back"As SVC stated, words are cheap especially when you know he's capable of lying to you to serve his own purposes. Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES."again, i need a way to change his actions"You are asking the impossible. There is no way for you to compel him to do anything he would not be otherwise inclined to do. "if you think i am hopeless please say so"You are not hopeless, though I do find it interesting how you selectively apply your cultural standards by sleeping with a guy to whom you are not married while claiming you can't find a husband if you are not a virgin. I can only hope that at some point in the relatively near future you learn to stand up and make rational decisions for yourself, as I'm assuming boyfriend spends a lot of time reinforcing the belief that no other man will want you as a wife because you're not a virgin."i need to know if being single for the rest of my life is better than marring someone that i love his company"Very clever way of framing a question to ensure you receive the answer you want, and so I will respond with a very definitive "it depends." Obviously you prefer to believe that which you would prefer to believe and not to believe that which you would prefer not to believe, so all I can say is good luck and best wishes for the future.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionboth your answers say he is a cheater and that i have a k=low esteem for being with him
this is true probably, but i can not really leave him, i am not a virgin any more because of him, which means that i have to be with him, because in her i will never have a husband unless i am version, and this guy is working double shifts to make enough money for us to get married
he might be a lair or even a cheater, yet he loves me, he is very caring, at least he loves me enough to keep the secret of me not being a version and working hard to get us married
you need to know that we are together for over a year now.
i need to know how to keep his mind off cheating if he is doing so to keep him for myself
also you need to know that once we broke up for 5 days in after i read a chat between him and an ex were the ex explained how much she still love her, and he did not say he did too, yet he did not say i am in a relationship and that was what bothered me, i got angry and hurt him with my words so he broke up with me
after five days he called me and cried on the phone telling m how much hard his life was without me and how much bad he needs me back
i do not think he cheats, he have no time, yet i do think that he misses the days where he used to date 3 girls at a time
again, i need a way to change his actions
thank you so much for your time
if you think i am hopeless please say so
i need to know if being single for the rest of my life is better than marring someone that i love his company
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): "should i open the subject again?"
No, he'll only dance around the subject before throwing the blame back at you just like he did before.
"should i wait him to talk?"
No point in waiting for something that isn't going to happen.
"this lie means he might have lied to me before"
It almost certainly means he's lied to you before, you just never previously caught him.
"is he worth my trust?"
No, he hasn't earned your trust and he's given you sufficient reason NOT to trust him.
"i don't want to loss him what to do?"
Accept the fact that he is a lying scumbag who is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions when he can deflect the blame onto you, which means he more than likely wants to cheat on you if he isn't already doing so.
If your self-esteem is so low that after your so-called boyfriend treats you with such disrespect and contempt, all it takes for him to weasel his way back into your good graces is to tell you whatever you want to hear, then he is willing to continue to walk all over you for as long as you are willing to let him which is apparently indefinitely.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 words are cheap especially after a fight. he can say I love you all he wants but unless he shows you by being truthful all the time, then it's just empty words.
if you don't trust him (and clearly you don't)
then you have no relationship
...............................
|
