A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen for someone I can't have, but I knew that when we started and now its too late.I met this guy about 9 months ago, we clicked immediately, he had a gf but decided to sleep with me.. I knew it was wrong but he said it was just a bit of fun, no strings attached, which I was fine with. 8months down the line we haven't stopped sleeping together, but we became like best mates and I've fallen for him.One night after a lot of drink at his house I decided to tell him. He told me that he really cares for me too and its not one sided, But currently nothings gonna change with his gf. So I have told him I don't think I can see him/sleep with him anymore cos I want to be with him too much and it hurts.Should I be giving up my best friend just because I have feelings for him? He said he's happy to stop having sex, but doesn't wanna lose me as a mate?Can it work?Plz don't slag either of us off, we know we done the wrong thing, but I can't help falling for him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 you can't be just friends. you want more and can't have it.
all he will do is string you along and feed you enough attention and words that will keep you running after him.
you will never NOT hurt when this ends.
the sooner you end it and walk away the better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Nice try OP, but there is no chance in hell he will ever respect your wish to not sleep together if you did decide to do that. He'd say he would then he'd just try it on with the usual "I can't help myself, sorry I was drunk".
OP I agree with the others, you are being played. I know because I've done it, lots and lots of times.
Stop having sex with him, don't give in to any temptation and I bet you my house he'll start to get quite distant and cold quite quickly because no matter what he says that's all you are to him, a bit of side pussy. I'm not slagging you off OP but you are a fool for trusting/believing the words of a man who is saying all the same things to his girlfriend yet sticking it in some easy side pussy at the same time. You really need to wise up and understand what being side pussy truly is, you're nothing but a warm hole to stick it in. Sure you may get on, you may have similar interests but take away the sex completely, 100% never have sex with him again and he'll quickly show his true colours. But you won't take away the sex so it's pointless really.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Sorry to tell you this but you have been played. This guy is just using you for sex, nothing more. There is nothing more to it. If he was going to leave his girlfriend he would have by now. Yes there's always some kind of excuse, she's crazy, she's unstable, etc... etc... they are always lies. It's been going on for 8 whole months! That's not a one night stand, that is a full blown affair. Even if at this point he did leave his gf for you, I can almost guarantee you that a year or two in he would do the exact same to you because the guy is a selfish user.
The only thing you can do is cut him out of your life and move on. If you stay friends with him he'll try to manipulate you into bed again, no question about it. The guy is toxic and a player, a cheater and a liar. You shouldn't waste more time on him because it's a) not going anywhere and b) shouldn't go anywhere because he's already proven himself to be a lying weasel (he's been lying to and cheating on his girlfriend for 8 whole months, only a serious asshole could do that).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 July 2013):
 He's using you, and the "falling for him" feelings you have for him? He doesn't even remotely have them for you. If he did, he'd leave his girlfriend. Incidentally, can you not see how he treats the girl he says he loves? He's cheating on her without the slightest hint of remorse. He lies easily and effortlessly, which is a very disturbing trait. All he is to you is a lie. You have fallen for a man who does not exist, and is merely the image he wants you to see.
You provide him a service -- cheap and easy sex. Before you say "He wants me to be a mate", think about it. He's not your friend...that's the standard line used to keep the easy and cheap sex on the side, because he knows you can't be just friends with him. You'll cave, and he'll get sex again. All he has to do is wait it out, betray his girlfriend some more, and you give him all the sex he wants.
So what on earth do you get from it? Good sex? That would be nice, but he's going to drop you the moment you keep making demands for more, like a relationship or a commitment. Then you're history. How do you know he doesn't have 3, or 4, or 5 other girls? You don't. He's only in love with one person, and it isn't you or his girlfriend. It's himself, and he's got you eating out of his hand. Give you a little attention, a tea-cup full of affirmation, and you remain as his gravy train with a side order of simulated (for him) "girlfriend-experience". All he has to do is pretend he loves you, and you're desperate enough to buy it.
He's not your mate. He's not in love with you. The moment you exit the scene, he'll not think of you other than a booty call, and he'll say the same flowery things to you to keep you putting out. That is not a man deserving of love.
One day you'll look in the mirror, and your looks will have faded, and your prospects will too. You'll have de-railed some of your dreams for him, and you'll see a woman who you don't like staring back at you from that mirror.
With so many single guys out there who would actually cherish you and stand by you in public and private, who would openly date you, you choose to be a dirty little secret. Why???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): I can't I'm sorry justify your relationship and what I'm going to say isn't slagging as I don't think that get anyone anywhere ..So lets look at the facts and your question ..You knew he had a gf, but because you like him you slept with him hoping the sex would make up his mind basically to choose you.. So after 8 months of him having sex with you and his gf .. He chooses her!! Don't know About you but i would feel pretty snissed Okey he did say at the beginning no strings but come on .. We're not robots .. We're humans with wants desires and mostly ruled by our emotions .. So my take is he doesn't care that much as If he did he would have stop imitating sex not you.What he does care about though is losing out.. I mean someone else could be getting what he had so keeping you as a mate helps him maybe get into your knicker when your having a weak moment .. He knows you care for him And if you stay mates believe me, the sleeping together won't stop Nd it will be soul distroying for you.My advice sweetie, learn from this Nd don't get involved with anyone unless they are willing to give you the moon. .. Why ? Because you deserve to have everything not the crumbs on someone else's plate.. Your worth more than that. Leave him be.. Yes you'll be hurt but you will get over it.. Don't let him ruin you as this will happen .. He wants both his cake and extra .. And believe he won't stop even if he is with you.. He cheats no problem on his gf be thankful you are not her and move on..Take care x ( ps . See I wasn't so bad)
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