A
male
age
30-35,
*hatevver
writes:Hi I have a boyfriend (I'm gay) and we've been dating for a good while now and are very committed to each other. When we have sex normally both of us get off and we kind feed off each other's energies. We constantly tell each other how much we love one another and things are going great. However I worry because he's never had another boyfriend before and we are very young, just getting into college. I'm afraid with being around college guys he will leave me for someone with a bigger cock. I'm around 6 inches and he's smaller but he's the bottom so it doesn't matter. He is very devoted to me and he always seems very satisfied, but I just worry a lot and this is constantly on my mind..I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): You are very young, so it doesn't surprise me that you place concern in the wrong place. You should be more concerned that he may leave you; because you aren't good to him, or you don't appreciate him.
Maybe you'll find someone with a nicer butt. Someone you think is cuter.
I'm gay too. I know the insecurities that we have that are pretty much not the sort of things our parents can prepare us for, unless they are gay; or psychologists.
First, what you need to know; is that young relationships are trial-relationships. They may not last that long anyway. Because we grow and change. We learn more about ourselves and decide to move on. Our first choice may not be right for us. Maybe we'll make many bad choices along the way.
Some new relationships surpass the test of time. I had a gay partner for 28 years. He died of cancer. Did I have some insecurities about things I thought he'd want, I didn't have?
Yes.
I thought he'd want someone more handsome, more masculine, made more money, younger (we were the same age), richer, etc. etc. etc.
I was taught from a very young age; I am special for who I am and what I can offer. I am unique. So no matter what anyone else has to offer; there is always somebody out there that thinks I'm a threat for my special qualities.
Be secure in who you are. You will never possess everything anyone ever needs. No one will have every single quality that you seek in a person. He may leave you for not trusting him. For not feeling secure that he likes you for just being who you are. For being so insecure and thinking he is so superficial and shallow as a person. Consider that.
You need to put your worries aside and focus on just being happy with what you have, and what he likes about you.
You might be the one who leaves him for someone else.
Live day by day. Appreciate yourself for who you are, and what you are capable off offering to make someone happy.
Don't give in to worrying about losing someone; unless you do things to hurt them. Not what you don't have.
Your insecurity about your penis may make you say and do stupid things. So get a grip.
Enjoy what you have, while you still have it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2013):
 You are over thinking this.
Sex is not about size. It's about the connection you have. It's about wanting to be with the PERSON attached to the genitalia.
The problem is at your age, long distance relationships are hard so if you are apart when you attend college, that will be a bigger hardship on you than him leaving for a bigger dick.
being in college opens up new worlds that you have not yet had the chance to experience... new people, new experiences... its a turbulent time for anyone gay or straight, partnered or not.
do yourself a favor and try to relax and enjoy the moments and not worry about the future.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 July 2013):
Dear OP,
Of course, college life will make the both of you meet new people. So, there's always a chance you or him will meet somebody else. However, in my experience, when you're committed to someone you stop looking right or left and you're happy with what you've got.
It sounds like you guys enjoy a great sex life and are emotionally connected, so I am optimistic this transition to college won't harm your relationship. So stop worrying about your (perfectly normal) size. There will always be someone out there who's belly is more ripped, who's penis is larger, who's got the broader shoulders or the better haircut, the cooler hobby etc. so plenty of reasons to compare yourself and feel less than perfect. If you want to, you can always find reasons to be paranoid about how you're going to be abandoned for somebody better.
But you and your bf got something special and he seems to know and appreciate that. If you want to keep your bf, just be nice to him and make sure you both have a good time together. Also remind yourself of your qualities and don't just look at what you perceive as flaws.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 July 2013):
Is size really all that matters?
This fear sounds like it isn’t based on anything rational: there is no evidence whatsoever that he would wish to leave you. You describe a clear satisfaction with your sex life, which from what you say, he seems to share, so why walk away from that? And what about all the other components to a relationship: personality, compatibility, finding other features apart from your manhood attractive?
You can’t magically stop thinking things, unfortunately. What you can do is learn to determine whether those thoughts are irrational or not so that their impact on your life and your relationships isn’t significant. IF you don’t, it’ll be your insecurity, not some-one else’s private parts, that threatens the relationship.
Make sure you have good communication in your relationship, that you remind each other of how you feel for each other, and you know how either of you could discuss any problems. That will give you greater confidence in the solidity of this relationship. You said you already tell each other you love each other constantly so that’s a good start.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (9 July 2013):
Perhaps I`m betraying ignorance here, but wouldn't smaller be better under these circumstances? Guys assume that bigger is going to be more effective in a vagina, but women I think prefer smaller for anal. Does your boyfriend think differently?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Relax! There's more to life than a couple of inches! I know size is a thing with guys, but so is technique, caring, adventurous, and did I mention sexual innovation??
Which one would you take, the guy with elephantitus of the penis, or a guy with a decent size (6 inches is normal and NOT small!) and the finesse of a sexual virtuoso?
Bottom line? Up your game! Unless you picked a shallow idiot of a man who runs around with a tape measure in his back pocket, do a lot of studying and become the utter master of pleasure! Trust me, not only will your partner not care about inches, but you'll make him crave you more than a starving man craves Thanksgiving dinner!
So channel that anxiety into a quest for knowledge and superior prowess! I can't tell you not to be anxious, but turn it around for good, and you'll find ways of pleasure that are unheard of!
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