A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend had sex with this guy she hardly knew (we're on holiday) and firstly he stole her headphones and totally avoided her, but now she has got ulcers on her tonsils and it looks like herpes. Plus she has all the other symptoms like muscle ache, tiredness, fever etc.We got medication for the herpes but I'm so pissed off with this guy, I want to tell him. I found him on Facebook through a friend of a friend. Should I contact him and tell him what I think? He has already got the plane home, we are leaving soon too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2013): Someone wants to choose to be irresponsible and have unprotected sex will get exactly what they deserve. I don't want to see anyone get sick or hurt, don't get me wrong.
She was careless, he was careless, you don't really know for sure if he or she has herpes until she is diagnosed by a doctor, so instead of thinking you will solve something by telling this guy what you don't even know for sure and putting all the blame on him...perhaps you can all learn from it, grow up and be more responsible with your sex lives and just move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): 30-35, really?
Unless she is diagnosed by a professional, do not assume it is herpes. Also, how is it your business?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): This is the problem with doing a casual hookup. Your partner usually treats you like someone they just casually hooked up with. Sorry but I think your friend got exactly what she was asking for. There is nothing you can do for her now but be supportive. But don't let her pretend she had no responsibility in what happened. Doing that will encourage her to go out and make the same mistake again with the next guy.What did the guy really do wrong? Steal her headphones? That is wrong too but I don't think that is what has got you so worked up and angry with him. He's a jerk but there is no law against that (and him showing a few early signs of being a jerk probably helped him get into your friend's pants if she is like most young girls.)I guess it would be right to inform the guy that he is carrying Herpes if the doctor agrees that is really what it is. Maybe he does not know. But its just as likely that he already knows and does not really care if he passes it to a casual hookup.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 July 2013):
As others have already said, her condition needs to be diagnosed by some-one medically qualified to do so, otherwise you’re making an assumption that might not be correct. Even if it is, you should mind your own business. You haven’t said anything about how your friend feels about your proposal to confront this man. Maybe he didn’t know he had herpes. Maybe your friend had it, I don’t know. But what I do know is this: your friend took the foolish decision to have sex with some-one she hardly knew. That’s risky and dangerous behaviour and as a grown adult it’s her responsibility to know the risks she is taking with her health by doing this. She’s probably feeling upset and embarrassed enough as it is, without you meddling further in this matter.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Your friend is a grown woman who knew the risks and made her decision. It turned out to be a bad one, but that is hardly a surprise. She barely knew the man.
The best thing you can do for her is be supportive. That means you keep an open mind and, most of the time, a closed mouth.
The smartest thing she can do is consult a doctor and get a firm diagnosis, then take it from there.
You will accomplish nothing by telling the guy off. If he doesn't care much about your friend, he'll care even less about your opinion. You'll just be another 'psycho' for him to blow off. Besides, your friend might not appreciate you drawing attention to her mistake and the fact that she may have herpes or some other STD. It's not exactly the kind of thing one advertises.
Respect your friend's boundaries and remain inside your own. Say nothing to anyone. And stop following him around on Facebook.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 you say it looks like herpes and you got medication for the herpes.. she needs to see a doctor.
and as far as contacting him goes, say nothing, do nothing, it's not your place.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Don't do anything until the diagnosis is confirmed; she might just have tonsillitis.
But actually I agree with Eyeswideopen and Tisha and not get too involved, whether it's herpes or something else.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2013):
 And not to put too fine a point on it, but she is the one who chose to have sex with him. She assumed the risk by having sex with a guy she didn't know very well… I think it's up to her to deal with her medical issues and how to notify her sexual partners.
I think you are angry at him for other reasons, which is understandable, but again, if he's a player then he's used to the fallout from his behavior and someone yelling at him on FB will only result in him blocking you and possibly making you look like a scorned woman who is trying to get revenge.
I'd think very carefully about this and do not do anything that doesn't directly involve you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2013):
Is this the guy who said that the way you sing could cause a man to fall in love with you?
He's a player and jerk, sorry to hear that, but what do you hope to accomplish? He already knows he's a player and a jerk (and a thief).
She needs to see a doctor to verify your diagnosis and I hope she's not taking unnecessary medication.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Why? you're not the one that made an irresponsible decision. She had unprotected sex, not you. Plus, unless officially its diagnosed by a doctor, why are you freaking out over a self-diagnosis? This whole situation is just immature.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2013):
 None of your business, stay out of it.
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