A
female
age
41-50,
*ock chic
writes:hi. Im just looking for advice on dating someone ur not sexually attracted to?! iv met this lovely man, his nearly 17 yrs older than me but that isn't a problem for us. we get on rather well and i feel ifwe get together as an actual couple he would treat me great, unlike all my previous relationships (lies, drink problems, cheating, bein let down) i feel i deserve it. he is completely different from any other man iv dated, ie looks, personality and his defo not what id normally go for but after speaking online for two months and then meeting last week i think his a lovely bloke but Im worried does not bein attracted to him physically matter?? iv always dated men i fancy so this is all new to me! will it work if i don't feel i wanna jump on him all.the time lol im trying to think.its about what's inside that counts but i dno. his not unattractive just not what i go for normally Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 dating someone you are not attracted to physically is called being FRIENDS.
no it wont' work.
OTOH, if you like him that much and spend that much time with him you may find over time he becomes more appealing physically.....
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 If you're not attracted to him, it's not going to work. Period.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I don't care what feel-good BS many others like to say, looks totally do matter. It's literally a biological part of attraction. Now, obviously, if you're in the 30-35 age range, then that would put him somewhere over 45 which means you're probably not looking to make babies with the guy.
That said, I still wouldn't advise that you settle. What's the point of doing that? You can be friends with any "lovely bloke" out there without dating them. To date this guy would be to settle, and people only settle when they're 1) desperate 2) selfish (not actually interested in the other person, just looking to satisfy his/her own needs) or 3) crippled by low self-esteem.
You don't want to be any of those three things, now do you?
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (9 July 2013):
Oh Man! You need to let this poor fella go! You are not interested in him with a relationship. Physical attraction and all the other stuff is a complete package. Don't waste your time.....or his. Let him go and move on.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (8 July 2013):
Dear OP,
That's the problem with online dating: you might meet the nicest guys, it's just that you can't tell in advance that the spark is going to be there. I agree with the first agony aunt that if you're still not sure whether he could become attractive to you, then date him one or two more times. Maybe he's really just very unusual for you and you might get to like it.
But if you don't feel any sparks after that, don't continue dating. Being in a relationship without physical attraction would be hard for the both of you.
When it comes to love and romance, I guess there's something you can't control.. the attraction.. it has to be there somehow, or it's just a friendship.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 July 2013):
 You cannot be in a long-term romantic relationship with a person you have no physical attraction to.
He sounds like great "friend" material, but don't date him. You'll be wasting both your times.
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole +, writes (8 July 2013):
 Yes, it matters. A lot. Yes, the inside counts too obviously. But, over time you'll notice it's pretty sexually frustrating to be in an exclusive relationship with someone you're not attracted to. Also, think about if the tables were turned and you found out you were dating a guy that wasn't attracted to you. How would you feel? It's not fair to either of you to start a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 July 2013):
 Do you find him physically unappealing? Or are you just trying to wrap your head around the fact that he's different from your normal type?
Why not date a few more times and see if there is any inkling of attraction developing inside you. Pay your way, of course, so you aren't taking his time and making him spend money on you if you aren't really into him.
I'd give it a little time. Sometimes attraction develops as you get to know a person. I know it did for me and my now-husband. When I first met him, I didn't really think he was my type. Now he's my 'normal,' lol.
If you find him repulsive, then don't spend any more time dating him, however.
Good luck! He sounds very nice.
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