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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I call my crush, but he never seems to make the effort to call me
Q. dear cupid i have a crush on my best friend of 5years. he doesnt know it but i really like him. we are very close and used to talk with each other everyday.. we say things like i love you and really really like each other alot. but im tired bec...
A. 17 July 2013: Honey STOP calling him.
just STOP do not call
do not BEG him to see you or explain it to you
why do you demean yourself for a man that does not care?... (read in full...)
I really like this girl!
Q. Hi everyone, I was talking to this girl on a dating site and we had been talking for nearly a month. We were getting on really well and we had similar interests, she even admired that she really liked me and I liked her a lot too but I feel really ...
A. 17 July 2013: She works 7 days a week as a doctor at age 25? IF she is telling you this, then there may be other things she exaggerates.
here in the states let's say a person graduates from high school at age 18, then it's 4 years of college so we are at a... (read in full...)
By leaving him completely, will that make a guy come back?
Q. ok, I have been cutting a client/guys hair for a many yrs, and his kids too. after he got separated from his wife, not divorced yet,about 5mo, he asked me out.btw he has full custody of his kids. it was a whirlwind relationship, for 3mo we were all ...
A. 17 July 2013: It's won't make him come back but it will give you closure.... (read in full...)
Do you believe there's someone for everyone?
Q. I think the media hypes love by saying there's someone for everyone, don't give up on love. etc. NOT everyone finds love. I think society just says this to make people who've been hurt feel better, as well as to encourage procreation and sell ...
A. 17 July 2013: Seriously, yes there is even someone for the man who only a mother could love. I’m married to one of those and not even his mother loved him. His grandmother did. He’s a whack-a-loon but he’s mine. I’m not wrapped too tight either to be honest.
B... (read in full...)
I call my crush, but he never seems to make the effort to call me
Q. dear cupid i have a crush on my best friend of 5years. he doesnt know it but i really like him. we are very close and used to talk with each other everyday.. we say things like i love you and really really like each other alot. but im tired bec...
A. 17 July 2013: I agree with WiseOwlE you need to let the man and the "relationship" go.
Stop rowing the relationship boat.
do not call him or email him or text him.
HE KNOWS how you feel and it does NOT MATTER TO HIM.
WALK away on your terms..... (read in full...)
How do I handle my matron-of-honor duties at my sister's wedding? I'm on bed rest for my pregnancy!
Q. My sister is getting married this weekend. I am the matron of honor and therefore would have to give a speech. I am on strict bed rest for my pregnancy and can only attend the ceremony as it isn't long. Should I have one of the other bridesmaids ...
A. 17 July 2013: I vote for asking your sister what she would like. It's her day.
... (read in full...)
Can one be a nymphomanic without being promiscuous?
Q. Is it possible for someone to be obsessed with all things sexual without being a nymphomaniac? I was very curious about sex from an early age.... which I am ashamed to elaborate on. Let's just say I would watch films on the television (soft...
A. 17 July 2013: I think you are just a very open young lady who is in touch with her sexuality.
I see nothing abnormal about what you have said other than you are trying to label something that does not require a label.... (read in full...)
If you were me, would you take him back?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up recently. The relationship was at tipping point and although we loved each other (and still do) very much and had a great connection and friendship, it was time that we either did something about it, or brake ...
A. 17 July 2013: I would not take him back. Breakups are usually indicative of issues in a relationship that require heavy intervention.
the fact that he probably broke up with you so he could sleep with her guilt free and says he would NOT take you back if ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up our first time together!
Q. I'm 31 and I went on my third date with a new guy (37) last night. We have known each other for about a month, but started dating just last week. The night went great and we had a lot of fun. We stayed up really late and he ended up spending the ...
A. 17 July 2013: Agree with Chi and Cindy...
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN take from this is IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
had he been drinking or drugging? does he smoke?
He may have ED due to drinking or smoking or drugging.. he may have a cardiovascular is... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this guy I only want as a friend?
Q. There is this guy that I have known for 4 years through other friends and he immediately made it clear that he fancied me from the beginning and even though I found this flattering I told him I just wanted to be friends. Everything was fine until ...
A. 17 July 2013: His self-harming is NOT Your problem. HIS mental health is not your problem. IF he threatens to harm himself as a way to blackmail you into being friends or in contact with him, say to him "I'm sorry to hear this and I will be calling the mental ... (read in full...)
I don't love him any more but can't let him go
Q. i no longer love my boyfriend of 4 years but can't let him go. its driving me crazy as my life feels like its being wasted away before my very eyes. im 27 and fed up to the back teeth of my other half, he is disloyal, untrustworthy and does not res...
A. 17 July 2013: sometimes staying in a lousy relationship is easier because we are comforted by knowing the drill and the routine.
We KNOW that being alone is better and safer and happier and we KNOW we can do it (I speak for both of us dear) and yet we are p... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me, and if so what can I do to stop it?
Q. I have a real dilemma and I am in need of advice. I am a single 30-something year old mum and have been single for 9 years. My daughter rides at a local riding school and isn't of the age I can leave her on her own. She has become friends with ...
A. 17 July 2013: oh you are reading him right... what a CREEP....
I like honeypie's suggestion of something to read... and make it an actual BOOK not an e-reader that has other things on it that he may try to engage you in.
I would not say anything to him ... (read in full...)
Is this friendship even worth it?
Q. My oldest friend (a gay guy) from high school has changed. He complained that I always cancel but I've had bad morning sickness from an unplanned pregnancy and also trying to figure out what to do. I tried explaining my situation and never got an ...
A. 17 July 2013: You are hurt but sadly he has moved on from this relationship/friendship. He did not do it gracefully. There is really no “breakup” for friendships that die. They just die. And it’s sad for folks but he’s moved on in his life and you have to ... (read in full...)
Want a low cost way to get a flat stomach by Dec 2013. Is my goal achievable and how?
Q. I am 1.63m/5'4" and I weigh 66kg/146lbs and 20 percent body fat. I want to get a flat stomach and get my body fat down to 10-12 percent by mid December. I don't know how to do this when I have a limited budget for food and can't eat 5 times a day ...
A. 17 July 2013: IF you want definition the only way to do that is to work your core muscles and do weight training.
NOTE that muscle is DENSER than fat so that 5 pounds of fat takes up more room than 5 pounds of muscle so that you will be more compact but ... (read in full...)
Three months and he didn't mention he has kids?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. He is 28 and I am 25. The relationship moved really quickly and I absolutely fell in love with him and him with me. This past weekend, I found out that he has two children he neve...
A. 16 July 2013: oh yeah AGREED... NONE of my ex partners ever had keys to my place. first thing I did was change the locks.
MY mother had a key till the day she died.
currently one neighbor and my bff have keys to my place not even my grown children have ke... (read in full...)
Where can I find a younger woman, evolved intellectually, who isn't interested in procreating?
Q. I'm in my mid fifties, look 10 years younger, am mistaken for being in my thirties on occasion. I find younger women attractive, but I'm afraid to respond to their overtures for fear of rejection when they find out that I'm much older than they ...
A. 16 July 2013: Anonymous MALE poster asks:
I wonder how the tone of the comments would have differed if the sexes were flipped here? What if it was a 20s-30s woman asking for advice about meeting a nice 40s-50s man who did not want to kids?
Lots of women... (read in full...)
Three months and he didn't mention he has kids?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. He is 28 and I am 25. The relationship moved really quickly and I absolutely fell in love with him and him with me. This past weekend, I found out that he has two children he neve...
A. 16 July 2013: OH hell for ME this would be a deal breaker.
How can a man not mention his children from day one?
and if he is that cold and is NOT taking care of his kids properly (financially and visitation) I would find him beneath contempt.
and o... (read in full...)
Want a low cost way to get a flat stomach by Dec 2013. Is my goal achievable and how?
Q. I am 1.63m/5'4" and I weigh 66kg/146lbs and 20 percent body fat. I want to get a flat stomach and get my body fat down to 10-12 percent by mid December. I don't know how to do this when I have a limited budget for food and can't eat 5 times a day ...
A. 16 July 2013: I think you are thin enough... sometimes we have to accept that our bodies will NOT do what we want.
Personally I think what's better than working out hours and hours daily and depriving yourself 24/7 is to find a LIFESTYLE that works
an ... (read in full...)
He loses his temper especially about money issues
Q. Hello friends! I am in a dilema! I don't think my boyfriend is good at communicating. He waits until things REALLY get on his nerves and then he blows up on me! Like he used to hate how much rent I paid him, and he never said anything until one...
A. 16 July 2013: You ask how do I approach this?
just by saying what you said "honey, we need to talk money and I would really like to budget this trip and not cause any fights. I want to have fun! and since we stress about funds so often I think we need to ... (read in full...)
Does that sound like he was keen to come and see me?
Q. Hi guys, I just wanted some opinions on my situation. About three weeks ago I hooked up with a guy in a band (they were on tour). He gave me his number and we had been texting back and forth for about two weeks. He's not from my state so I went ...
A. 16 July 2013: Another vote for "let it go"
he has your number if he wants you he will contact you.
word to the wise: NO SEX otherwise you will never know if all he wants is a booty call....... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend masturbate to his ex girlfriends facebook pictures?
Q. Is it possible that my boyfriend masturbates to his ex girlfriends facebook page? He used to watch a bit of porn everyday. I didn't mind this but he said that he did it out of boredom (he works mornings and evenings and has a lot of hours off during ...
A. 16 July 2013: I doubt he is masturbating to her pictures.
he has said that the child is the issue with his detaching not the woman and I don't doubt it.
but he needs to work that through just like you need to work through you lack of self-esteem that cau... (read in full...)
My partner said he will never forgive me for my shouting at him because he let our 16 week baby boy roll off a chair!
Q. We have a beautiful 16 week baby boy who ia amazing. My partner and I have been together nearly 4 years.Our son is a miracle as we were told we might have problems conceiving. Yesterday my partner told me he did not want to be with me any more, I am ...
A. 16 July 2013: Oh yes Cindy makes a good point and I do want to add to it... I totally completely get your reaction to the baby falling.... i was HYSTERICAL when the first kid fell...
by the second you just kinda brush them off and keep going...... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable to ask him to come to see me every time?
Q. I am starting to date this guy who lives in the city about 45 minutes (without traffic) from my house (I live in the suburbs). The first two times he came up to see me, once for coffee and the next time for dinner (it was his own suggestion for him ...
A. 16 July 2013: Tell him the truth. that you are not ready to spend the night and you are not secure with your night driving.
I get your feelings. I hate driving in the dark in places I do not know.
Now my personal story (because when do I not h... (read in full...)
Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?
Q. Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...
A. 16 July 2013: I was a swinger in my last marriage.
I loved my husband. I met a man who I liked a lot and wanted to "play" with. So here I am with two men that I love wanting BOTH of them. Sadly polyamory was NOT going to work for them and my then hus... (read in full...)
My partner said he will never forgive me for my shouting at him because he let our 16 week baby boy roll off a chair!
Q. We have a beautiful 16 week baby boy who ia amazing. My partner and I have been together nearly 4 years.Our son is a miracle as we were told we might have problems conceiving. Yesterday my partner told me he did not want to be with me any more, I am ...
A. 16 July 2013: Sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to leave.
it may be temporary or he may have been planning this for a while.
You have said you are sorry and you over reacted and he refuses to accept it. Personally if he wants to go there is n... (read in full...)
Does getting oral still qualify you as a virgin?
Q. hey guys just a quick question does geting oral qualify as being a virgin some people say yes others no if you can help please do...
A. 16 July 2013: technically a virgin is someone who has not had penis to vagina penetration.
I am really starting to wonder if this idea of sexual virginity needs to be modified as we evolve in our understanding of sexuality.
was this oral given by a mem... (read in full...)
Where can I find a younger woman, evolved intellectually, who isn't interested in procreating?
Q. I'm in my mid fifties, look 10 years younger, am mistaken for being in my thirties on occasion. I find younger women attractive, but I'm afraid to respond to their overtures for fear of rejection when they find out that I'm much older than they ...
A. 16 July 2013: As a 53 year old woman with a 40 yr old husband the ONLY thing I can advise you is STOP AGE TARGETING.
You have an age range and with that you LIMIT yourself.
I suggest rather you go out and try to meet a woman (age irrelevant) who meets yo... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want me?
Q. Hi I would really like some help here, am I being paranoid, or is something not right? I have been with my BF for 3 months, everything is perfect except one thing! I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex. We do everything e...
A. 15 July 2013: he sounds like my hubby... a man who loves me but has no clue how to be a lover.
he's lazy and gets all his cues about sex from porn. and he refuses to be "taught"
my advice is that at 3 months you see your future... and know it will only get... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lies to authorities and tells them his parents are dead. Isn't that kind of sick?
Q. My partner is currently serving a prison sentence for violence towards me. At first he was being very apologetic saying it would never happen again and please dont leave him. Now he says to me that he doesnt trust me not to go to the police again ...
A. 15 July 2013: what's more concerning to me is that you consider someone who abused you enough to be in jail as your boyfriend.
when he gets out and comes to beat you... will you let him?
clearly he is a liar
he is an abuser
he has no respect fo... (read in full...)
Am I Being Too Pushy About Marriage?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years now; I'm 21, he's 25. We are high school sweet hearts, blah, blah, blah... I moved 30 miles away from home a year ago to transfer colleges and at the beginning, of course, I was scared of the change because ...
A. 15 July 2013: if you can't talk to your boyfriend of 6 years about what you want in the future, then I'm concerned it's not a good relationship.
stop HINTING... this is the 21st century. if you WANT to marry HIM ASK HIM.
be prepared for him to say ... (read in full...)
Since I no longer pay for everything, he doesn't hardly see me at all!
Q. Ok I'm back with more questions. I am still in the LDR. But have made some much needed changes. I no longer pay for everything but with that change it means he doesn't see me hardly at all. So this is probably the last straw. This weekend I drive 3 ...
A. 15 July 2013: yes it has to happen.
do not call him
do not drive to see him
do not lay out one more penny on this user.
I'm so sorry and I know this hurts so badly. Hugs to you.... (read in full...)
Put a dent in my boyfriend's car, how do I handle this?
Q. I backed into something last night in boyfriends new car and now he is not speaking to me after though he was rude and acts like i did it on purpose. How long will he be mad? It isnt even a big dent (2in) also how should i handle it we live together...
A. 15 July 2013: you call your insurance and you FIX it if you can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. that's how you handle it.
my now husband dented my car when we were dating... he whipped out a wad of bills and pealed off the amount needed to cover the in... (read in full...)
I'm not her type, but she went on a date with me?
Q. Hey everyone! I recently went on a date with this girl, who I've been pursuing for like 6 weeks. She and I have an extraordinary amount in common, from musical taste, sense of humor, race and even religion - the main reason behind me being so a...
A. 15 July 2013: I was thinking.... that's the first mistake
it's not a GAME this is LIFE
do not play games
if you like her be yourself and ask her out again
... (read in full...)
Is there ever love again after you lose your soulmate?
Q. Hi everyone :) My boyfriend and I have just broken up, well, he broke up with me something like 6 days ago. Now he's in NYC and he's coming back next week. He broke up with me because he told me that he didn't love me anymore, and he also told me ...
A. 15 July 2013: yes you do
my dad met my mom when she was 16 and he was 19. they married 3 years later... 48 years later she died in his arms. He cried for the first and only time I've ever seen him cry.
He met another woman and has been with her 18 year... (read in full...)
Does this mean he no longer sees a future for us?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend just under a year now. In a little confused. We used to talk about our wedding day and kids and stuff. A couple of months ago, we had a couple of big fights but are working through them and he is still affectionate and ...
A. 15 July 2013: talking about marriage and kids in the early part of a relationship is common... as the relationship progresses, we may learn things about our partner that make us rethink our original plans.
go from where you are now in the relationship... (read in full...)
She left me and now seems to be all about money and status
Q. My girlfriend of 10 years left me a while ago. She lost a lot of weight and started hanging out in clubs with people who would never have accepted her before the weight loss. All the attention went to her head I think. A month after she left she met ...
A. 15 July 2013: She lost weight and found confidence. Losing a lot of weight often has a negative impact on relationships that were already in effect before the weight loss.
It's not a question of her waking up... it would be a question of her returning to... (read in full...)
Does it work to not always be available when you are dating?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm dating this guy for over 3 months!!and I'v seen and learnt from experience and also my friend's relationship,the minute you totally give a 100% your boyfriend lose interest,they love it when they have to work for it..and I don't wa...
A. 15 July 2013: I would just be yourself and stop playing games.... (read in full...)
Do you guys still hate or forgive your exes after being dumped?
Q. So my ex and I were in LDR and he dumped me out of no where a couple of months ago. I've been through every phase,grief,hating him, missing him and now trying to forgive him. I don't know what to do is better for me. I mean we've been through a ...
A. 15 July 2013: wanting the best for him after he was a jerk and a scumbag indicates you truly love him and want him happy even if he does not deserve it. Very big of you.
I hold no hate for any of my ex partners, not those that dumped me or those I dumped. ... (read in full...)
FWB should I have told him how I feel?
Q. I was involved in a friends with benefits situation with a guy for about 3 months. We had a mutual friend, and i would always be at their house, so was the guy. We would have so much fun together. One night he told me he wanted me....sexually. ...
A. 15 July 2013: Sounds like letting him know you want more is in your best interest.
My current husband and I while a rare case of it did start out as NSA/FWB.... so it can happen but it's very very VERY rare.
by telling him the last time, that you would... (read in full...)
Is it bad to go to prom alone?
Q. dear cupid, is it bad to go to prom alone. I feel like im a failure at life; not one boy from school asked me as his date. how do I keep things positive? looking at allmy friends preparations with dresses,andflowers,and most importantly their da...
A. 15 July 2013:
I agree with WiseOwl. If you are 13-15 then your "prom" is jr high or middle school and you still have Jr. and Sr Prom from High school.
I know that I would be very upset and sad that I was not invited to prom by a boy (any boy) and I would ... (read in full...)
Should she just be up front about the nose job?
Q. Just a simple question, I know everybody has their own opinions on people who have nose jobs. But please don't be judgemental and say those who do are 'shallow, stupid, fake' or any other insulting and personal comment. Because it depends on the ...
A. 15 July 2013: The whole point behind the difference between personal and public is that what you are not required to tell is personal. She is not required to tell therefore it's personal.
Since most of us feel the need to justify actions to others (as o... (read in full...)
Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 12 July 2013: really... what did the text say?... (read in full...)
Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 11 July 2013: maybe she just hasn't deleted it.... some of us can move on and not erase the person from our lives totally
how do you know she has it?... (read in full...)
Is this friendship even worth it?
Q. My oldest friend (a gay guy) from high school has changed. He complained that I always cancel but I've had bad morning sickness from an unplanned pregnancy and also trying to figure out what to do. I tried explaining my situation and never got an ...
A. 5 July 2013: Sometimes we outgrow our friends and don't know how to gracefully exit the friendship.
Being pregnant and having a child will change how you live and what you do.
You can't stand his finace' so I would imagine that you won't want to be aroun... (read in full...)
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