A
female
age
22-25,
*ordii taylor
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for a week now, he is asking me for sex ,we are both 14, i dont know what to do can you help me? x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): I agree with all the many other responses NO!!!! it's not a good idea at all.
A week is not long enough to know what a person is really like as a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
You need to be strong, and stand up for yourself. Do not let someone try and make you do something you are not ready to do or not comfortable with. At this age (and at this early stage of your relationship) you should just be working on getting to know each other and having fun, rather than making the relationship all about sex. Make sure you are with someone who truly respects you and your choices.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Hi Jordii, did you read any of our responses? Just wondering if you had and had taken the time to think about them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): It dose not matter about your age. That fact he his asking you after a week is ridiculous. When it is your first time having sex (whether you are 14 or 24) you should be with that person a long time, over a year, even more! I was 19 when I lost my virginity and was with my BF for a long time before we did. If you have sex so willingly no guy will treat you with respect and as a woman that is one of the most important things. When you tell him no and if pushes to do it, you dump him. You will find someone who will respect you enough to wait. And if he tells people you wouldn't and feel like you have to because of people around you. Tell them your not a hoe.Don't give into peer pressure. Your regret it for that rest of you life. Your first time is the one thing you will remember forever, don't make it one you want to forget.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 One WEEK? My advice is short and sweet: DO NOT HAVE SEX with him - you're only 13, 14 or 15 - FAR too young!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): My darling you do not want to have sex, please DO NOT DO IT.I had sex without consent because I was told if you love you will let me do it, when I was about your age, he did not stay with me and left me.I really regret doing it, I wish I could look back and say; I did it when I was ready and knew what I was doing and also with knowledge of all the stds. (I had to be treated for pre-cervical cancer in 1995) who knows who I got from. I am now 48 years old.You have written this article because you know the answer; you do not want to do it. do not be pressurised into doing what you do not want. My son went out with a girl who was 15, he waited till she was 16 then they were both ready, I always told him that he has to respect women. He may leave because he say no to him, do not worry you will meet someone decent who will love you and respect you and understand no means no. and relationships are not based on sex. Please read your own article you know the answer, and I think your sensible.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2013):
 You two having sex now within a week of being together is as crazy as giving a 2-year old toddler a chainsaw. Risky, foolish, pregnancy inducing, and you are on your way to getting used and discarded.
You're scared that he won't like you if you say no? Listen well, he already doesn't like you the way you want him to if he's asking for it only a week in.
Do not have sex with him or anyone else. A sexually active 14 year old is like that toddler with the chainsaw -- you'll get really hurt and permanently scarred for life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): No, absolutely no.
It's a criminal offence in the United States, although it's legal in some parts of Europe to do so aged 14-15, but even then this is morally doubtful, so if in doubt, don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Honey, you need to learn a word that you will NEED many times in your life ahead of you, that word is NO.
No, I don't want sex. I'm not ready and we have only been together a week.
He might dump you if you use this magic word (NO), but... that.. would be a better thing for you. At 14 you shouldn't worry about sex and relationships.
Him wanting sex doesn't MEAN he loves you. Understand that. IT means he thinks he is somehow entitled because you are now BF/GF. HE is not.
IF you DO decide to "give it up" there is no certainty he will stick around. He probably won't because h'd want to try that with other girls. And other boys will want to "date" you in order to get some too. NOT because they care about YOU or love YOU.
IT IS OK, that you are not ready. I would ALSO (if I were you) NOT get into oral/handjobs or anal (yeah, I hear that a lot of really young folk will try anal so they can "stay" virgins and THAT is ridiculous.) NO sex of any kind or sexual acts. Why do I say this? Well, first of all you have only dated 1 (ONE) week. Secondly you are 14. Thirdly, it is HARD to stop things from going further in the "throws of passion".
You know what to do and you know what to say, have a little FAITH in yourself. I'm guessing the reason you posted on here is because you know sex with this fella is NOT the right thing to do for you.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 First of all you are both underage. Second of all you guys haven't been together long. Third of all its clear you aren't ready.
Tell him that you don't want to sleep with him. If he pushes you further then dump him.
I can see that you probably like this boy (or you would have sent him packing straight away) but seriously speaking he sounds thirsty. If he refuses to accept your decision, tell him to go and get what he wants elsewhere (lord knows with the kids these days he won't have to search very long).
You don't need someone like this. Im sure there are other very sweet and respectful boys that will come your way. Don't give in to this boys pressure.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 July 2013):
It’s illegal, both of you are too young. You’re obviously not ready and even if you thought you were it’s not possible. No boy who will treat you with any respect should expect sex after just a week. Tell him no and don’t allow him to put any pressure on you, if he does and you are finding it hard please talk to a trustworthy adult.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
I would tell him that you asked your dad what he thought about it and your dad told you that you should wait for one full year before sex, and that includes blow-jobs and hand-jobs too. Tell him your dad said he was a your boyfriend's age once too and knows exactly how it feels to be a teenage boy full of hormones and sexy thoughts. You dad said he doesn't blame him for trying but that he has to stop trying now.
I like So Very Confused's idea about asking how he's going to support the baby. In fact, if you want to freak him out a little, you could buy (or borrow) some very tiny baby clothes and start talking about how much you want to have a baby and be married and spend lots and lots of time changing diapers and playing with a brand new baby. Start wearing pillows under your shirt to make your belly look pregnant. That would really demonstrate the consequences of what may happen to him…. although it's too extreme really.
The very best thing you can do for yourself, right now, is to decide that you are strong enough to say 'no' to things you know for certain you are not ready for.
How do I know you are not ready? Because you are here asking for help.
So, say, "no, I do not want to have sex, and I will not have sex until I'm old enough AND I've been with my boyfriend for at least one year. I will decide when I am ready and the time is not now. If you want sex more than you want me, you will have to decide that for yourself."
I don't like that this boy is pushing for sex after a week of dating. That strikes me as a selfish guy.
I would go have this conversation with your Mom (and your Dad if you are brave enough and he's a good guy) and see what she has to say.
There's a great checklist on if you are ready here http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist and it's pretty clear that you are not ready.
Empower yourself, you are so worth it, say "no" loudly and plainly and don't be sad if a selfish boy can't handle your own personal strength.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2013):
 you say "we are both 14 and I'm NOT ready"
and he will push you more... because all he wants is sex...
ask him "how will you support our child?"
he will say "it's our first time you won't get pregnant" that's a LIE
say "no lots of women get pregnant their first time"
again you say "so how will you support our child?"
"I'll wear a condom"
and you say:
"sorry that doesn't cut it it's not 100% safe"
and again you say
"until you tell me how you will support OUR child if I get pregnant I'm NOT having sex with you."
the truth is HE CANNOT at 14 support a child.
yes your bodies are ready for sex
but your minds are not
and you are not in a position to deal with the consequences.
if he keeps at it... tell him to ask your parents for permission.... see what he does then.
I know this is hard... you want a boyfriend. you want him to like you... but giving in and having sex at 14 is a horrible idea.
you could get pregnant
you WILL get a reputation as a fast easy cheap girl...
just say NO. and if he keeps asking, he's not a very good boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Yes, the best advise I can give is for you to tell him no! If he tries the old "if you really loved me .... routine tell him if HE really loved you he would respect your decision.
If you need more help, or if he persists come back here and the Aunts will further advise you.
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