Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Husband slept with gorgeous coworker. Is it unreasonable to ask him to find another job?
Q. My husband had an affair with a gorgeous female co-worker. He felt guilty and admitted everything to me. I am devastated but would like to work on rebuilding our marriage. Am I being unreasonable for asking him to find another job? They see ea...
A. 25 June 2013: I hear your concern but HER behavior is not your concern. YOUR husband's behavior is all you need concern yourself with.
What OTHERS do or say or think is not the problem.. HOW your husband reacts or acts or deals with it is the issue you need... (read in full...)
How much space is too much?
Q. okay so I'm dating this guy we have been dating for about 4 months. He lives with me. I know he shouldn't be living with me with us only being together for . Months. Anyway, there for a while we was spending every single day together we was together ...
A. 24 June 2013: Four months is not a long time to be dating… and it’s not good that you are joined at the hip and are already for all intents and purposes living together.
NOT wanting to cuddle when you go to sleep is not a bad thing… many nights I go to bed befo... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing here? Should I stay in this relationship?
Q. Hi aunt and uncles :) It's been a while since I have had to post as I have been really happy up until now. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years and we were really happy. He lost his job in November and was sent to prison. I st...
A. 24 June 2013: you can't find a nice guy to be happy with as long as you are tied to this guy....
... (read in full...)
My ex wanted to know about my boyfriend. Does he still have feelings for me?
Q. My ex called me yesterday and said that he needs my help on a computer. He isn't good at using computers, but he knows that I am. He also asked me what I was up to. I told him that I was going to a family party. He also asked if I was still with my ...
A. 24 June 2013: does not matter what He feels or if he has feelings for you
he's a ex. what they want/need does not matter unless you have children with them.... (read in full...)
Can a relationship last if it has a rocky start???
Q. I am in desperate need of advice on what to do with my current relationship as i'm not liking how it is going. It's somewhat long, but I wanted to be thorough. Thank you very much in advance for your help!! So my current girlfriend and I...
A. 24 June 2013: Some people are able to be friends and not lovers/partners. Sounds like you and your GF are those folks.
Most couples do not fight all the time. At least not the healthy stable ones.
And I have to say if you are FIGHTING early on in... (read in full...)
How can I deal with an emotionally damaged "boyfriend"?
Q. Dear cupid, I am 20, I met a guy in December. I was in his town and I met him through a friend, I then went back to my city a few days later, we have been speaking ever since, we started to like each other, we are now doing long distance, we're no...
A. 24 June 2013: You can't fix this. You can love him all you want but your love alone will never be enough to make him be a cuddly romantic partner.
And while you think sex is not important now, it will be eventually.
He's long distance, he's not emoti... (read in full...)
How can I get romance in our relationship so that its better?
Q. My bf and I have been together for almost 6 months now. Things are going well but he doesn't do things that he used to and he's not one of the romantic types. He used to text me good morning, we used to text good night, he never talks to me about ...
A. 24 June 2013: if you are tired of being the one carrying the relationship.
stop doing it. Be prepared to find out you are NOT that important to him.
if he leaves the getting together to you all the time, stop calling him and asking him to do things... ... (read in full...)
Bf went to lunch with female coworker I am jealous of and another coworker
Q. i just found out that my bf went out to eat with this girl A that I've always been jealous of and another male colleague 2yrs ago. during that time, i already told him and we agreed that he will not go out with A unless it is a work setting. girl A ...
A. 24 June 2013: While he should have told you, I can clearly see why he did not.
Let’s look at what you have said:
“that I’ve always been jealous of”
So why are you so jealous of her? Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity… why do you feel so i... (read in full...)
Can I get Herpes from kissing my boyfriend doesn't have any blisters ?
Q. question about kissing and herpes. I recently started dating this guy he is very nice we has a kissing make out session we have only been on 3 dates so no further but now he tells me he has Genital Herpes. I told him that I was not going to sleep ...
A. 24 June 2013: If he has genital herpes (HS-2) then probably not
Oral Herpes (HS-1) is what causes cold sores.
when I googled "can I get genital herpes from kissing someone" I found this on webmd:
http://www.webmd.com/geni... (read in full...)
Was she a virgin or not?
Q. Maybe my question is stupid, bare with me. recently my gf and I were playing a game, something like truth or dare, I asked her with how many guys she has have sex with, she hesitated for a bit and she answered "only with you". when we had sex for ...
A. 24 June 2013: she did not "lose her virginity to a vibrator" although she may have enjoyed using it.
not feeling pain during first penetration is not abnormal. I did not. And yet I have on subsequent acts. I also did not bleed the first time but have oth... (read in full...)
She broke my heart and she's expecting me to wish her a birthday message
Q. Hi, My ex- girlfriend that broke up our four year relationship would be celebrating her birthday in some days time. The fact is 4 months ago she broke up with me and recently she's been finding different means and tactics to get us talking,...
A. 24 June 2013: she's an ex why do you have ANY contact with her?
delete her phone info, block her on social media.
you don't want to send a message... don't do it.
why do you care what an ex thinks anyway?... (read in full...)
My bf is still communicating with an ex even though we agree that he would not! HELP!
Q. So the man I have a relationship with for he last two years had an affair in January. Technically we were on a break. He was out of town for a month and there were no promises made. However he kept the affair secret and when he came back took up ...
A. 24 June 2013: she left him
he is not over her
he would still be with her had she not dumped him.
use this information to make your choice.
... (read in full...)
How long will it take me to heal after the break up?
Q. i was involved with a married woman to make a long story short she was a few years older and ive come to relise she used me in the 6 months we were together we broke up in april and i was a wreck shatterd you could say but me being me wanting her in ...
A. 24 June 2013: first thing you must do is delete her phone number, delete her email and block her social media accounts.
you must go totally completely 100% NO contact.
she did not treat you with love
she used you
the first thing you should do is rea... (read in full...)
Okay for a model girlfriend to kiss another guy model for photo shoot???
Q. My girlfriend does allot of modeling and yesterday she told me that she might be in a photo shoot where she will have to kiss another guy model. I'll be honest and say I am very protective of her and I don't even like the idea of a guy touching her ...
A. 24 June 2013: "honey I have to do a breast lift today so my hands will be all over another woman's naked body today"
would that bother you if she was a reconstructive plastic surgeon?
no? because it's her job?
right.
so is kissing a man... (read in full...)
After the lying and the cheating on some level, should I cancel the wedding?
Q. Am I reacting unreasonably in struggling to trust my partner? I became engaged to a man I had been dating for 6 months just over a year ago. In all honesty he is the type of man I have avoided all my life. In my eyes he is a womaniser and op...
A. 24 June 2013: we define cheating as anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
you know he's cheating. his message to the young lady from his trip "sorry to have mislead you" indicates to me that there was way more than sexy chat... he made prom... (read in full...)
why does he continue to keep doing this text and then leave thing?
Q. I have had an on and off again with a guy for a few years now. Recently I ended it because he was being a jerk and I said we shouldn't talk anymore if that was how he was gonna be. He responded with bye. I thought it was done then the next day he w...
A. 24 June 2013: because he knows his behavior is not acceptable to you but every time you respond to him you stroke his ego.
do not respond to him ever.
it's over and done... delete his number and block him.... (read in full...)
I'm afraid friends may find out I was at this boy's house and think I'm a slut!
Q. Hey, thanks for answering my question, I really appreciate it :) Here's what happened. A month ago I met a guy and we talked on facebook ever since. We have two groups of friends and we went on a group outing together. After which, he asked ...
A. 24 June 2013: relax.
just don't go to his house again with no one home, that's common sense. Boys who want something can overpower you and force you... not good.
also do not do things you don't normally do to try to impress folks...
you didn't do a... (read in full...)
Moved in, now he doesn't know what he wants as the next step!
Q. Aunts and Uncles: Moved in with boyfriend of 4 years: we love each other, we have a good relationship, we are both responsible, we see ourselves together for the long run. Problem: my guy has gone from being positive about the idea of marriage...
A. 24 June 2013: there is nothing you can do to set him straight.
you are taking a giant risk that when your biological clock goes off and you are ready and he's still not that you will
either backtrack and give him kids without marriage
or
be stuck ... (read in full...)
I am trying not to make my boyfriend choose between his mom and I but I really have to wonder about our future.
Q. Hello everybody! I have been dating my boyfriend (let's call him Mark) for almost three years now, and he is a wonderful person. He is always doing nice things for me, and he is so considerate. The issue is not him, but rather, his mother. I...
A. 24 June 2013: if you spend your life with Mark his mommy will always come first.
I would not ask him to choose, he's already chosen.
Now you have to decide if you wish to stay with him and if so, how you will cope with this.
Personally I would neve... (read in full...)
Why didn't my b/f introduce me to his friend?
Q. My boyfriend and I went to the beach and we were having a nice time until we were walking out of the water and he saw an old friend. He walked over to his friend and embraced him and I was walking over thinking he'd introduce me. He then grabbed his ...
A. 24 June 2013: I cannot think of a single GOOD reason for this.
ask him and let us know what his "excuse" was.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants a threesome. How do I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and have a great, caring, passionate relationship together. We often go out on a date night, go to our friends parties, etc together. Although neither of us are eachother's first long-term relati...
A. 24 June 2013: threesomes foursomes, fivesomes, orgies, are all HIGHLY Over rated... BTDT done all of them...
He said he wishes.. wishing is normal. He has not asked.
you offering to set him free to go experience it would be misinterpreted as you wa... (read in full...)
Is this really cheating?
Q. I'm separated for 3 years now. I ran into my high school sweetheart a few weeks ago and made a lunch date. At our lunch we discussed everything. I told her about my cheater wife and she told me about her bad marriage. Long story short, she asked me ...
A. 24 June 2013: We define cheating as ANYTHING you don't, won't or can't tell your spouse.
since she wont' tell, it's CHEATING in my book.
and it's not your responsibility to care for her needs.
The fact that she thinks you would be willing to d... (read in full...)
Single Mom, please help - why is my daughter behaving like this?
Q. I am a single mom... I have a daughter who is 13 yrs of age. For the past year her behavior has been really unusal. She walks around the house with a robe all of the time...And its like 80 something degrees, it seems she uses this robe as a clutch s...
A. 24 June 2013: oh heck to the 18 yr old who remembers being 13... i'm 53 and I REMEMBER it like yesterday.
You can ask her if she wants to see a counselor to talk to in private (stuff she will not have to share with you) (and you have to respect that) but d... (read in full...)
Will I measure up OK for upcoming one-night stand?
Q. Hi, my mates girlfriend is coming to visit him in a week (she lives in another city) and we are going clubbing when she comes, she is bringing her mate with her to set her up with me (just for a one night stand), now I'm just a bit anxious as I ...
A. 24 June 2013: Has this young lady already agreed to have sex with you? I mean to me it sounds like she's coming along so you have a date not necessarily someone to have sex with.
as far as measuring up should she agree to sex... for me your size would be... (read in full...)
Our sexual relationship is all just one sided. Is this right?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 24months or 2years and in that time we both have not had sex. We are each others 'first' boyfriend/girlfriend, we started dating in our 20s and both virgins. Though we have not h...
A. 24 June 2013: Wow. I'm sorry you are having this problem. And it appears to be her problem to a large degree.
FWIW I agree with Chigirl and I LOVE giving my guy blow jobs.
It sounds like she has major problems and phobias or hang ups about adult sex.... (read in full...)
Will I be able to find a girl to date? I'm not interested in sex!
Q. I get plenty of attention from girls and even occasionally some even ask me out, which from what I hear in not the usual. My problem is that I am not interested in sex, namely penetration. I would very much enjoy foreplay, cuddling, kissing and ...
A. 24 June 2013: As long as you have good oral skills and are willing to provide lots of attention manually and orally most of the time and resort to penetration occasionally, I am sure there are women out there that can cope with your desires.
Personall... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want sex as often, what can I do?
Q. Hi all. My husband no longer wants to have sex regularly and Im not sure about what I should or can do about it. Im 24, we have two children together ( toddlers) He works a regular job and has a side job as well. Im currently a stay atvhome mom ( ...
A. 24 June 2013: if he is working a full time job and a second job then I am guessing you are home alone without him enough that he would not even have to know about your masturbation habits and it's NOT his business anyway.
but your comment at the end about hi... (read in full...)
FWB...is am I in for a bad break?
Q. I've been in a fwb relationship for 6 months. I knew within the fourth month, I had very deep feelings for him. I have voiced how I feel about him and even explained that he is my fantasy. He was just outta really bad breakup and new to my area. ...
A. 24 June 2013: The rule for FWB needs to be ONCE YOU START HAVING FEELINGS for the friend that are deeper than friendship you need to walk away.
You are going to end up heartbroken.
He has told you he just wants FWB, listen to his words. DO NOT assum... (read in full...)
Husband slept with gorgeous coworker. Is it unreasonable to ask him to find another job?
Q. My husband had an affair with a gorgeous female co-worker. He felt guilty and admitted everything to me. I am devastated but would like to work on rebuilding our marriage. Am I being unreasonable for asking him to find another job? They see ea...
A. 24 June 2013: I will be the voice of dissent here.
Your husband did a terrible horrible thing to you, to your faith, to your trust, to your marriage. That can never be forgotten and only you can decide if you can forgive enough to make it work. I do not disp... (read in full...)
Should men stand up and get involved for their partners?
Q. I have a question about men standing up for their partners. My husband today told me a story about a woman at a wedding who was being picked on by another female guest. The woman went on and on but the lady who was being picked on's husband did ...
A. 24 June 2013: IF was I as being attacked physically by anyone I would hope my husband would intervene.
If I as being verbally accosted by someone I can hold my own and would hope my husband if there would respect that about me. A woman picking on me takes he... (read in full...)
Why would an ex delete you completely from their life?
Q. Why would an ex delete you completely from his / her life? Especially when you did nothing wrong to them and you did not hurt them in any way....
A. 21 June 2013: Because there is no need to be friends with an ex.
... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to a webcam girl?
Q. Hi all, I'm a 26 yr old male virgin. I saw this girl on one of her online webcam shows and found out she's a flight attendant flying into my city. She made a proposition that she will offer sex for money. I am a virgin and want to know what sex fe...
A. 21 June 2013: this woman is making her living one $50 dollar deposit at a time.
If you send her that money, that's what this lesson in life will cost you since you will never see her for the full session and she won't even need to find an excuse to not have... (read in full...)
Return a gift after breakup?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have been seeing this guy for over about two months now. He was away for a while so I couldn't see him but he brought me something which I thought was really sweet. After he came back, we went on dates. On our first date I pai...
A. 20 June 2013: Agreed.. a gift is not to be returned unless it was very expensive (an engagement ring sort of thing)
other than that... toss it.
and him.... (read in full...)
Its been 3 weeks since I've heard from him but I don't understand his Houdini disappearing act?
Q. Hi I would like some advice.I was in a relationship for 6months. We took it very slow at the beginning. He told me he had alot of wounded damage from his previous relationships and he was hurt in the past, but his ex was no longer in the picture. so ...
A. 20 June 2013: You will probably never get closure from him.
You have to make your own closure... so what do you need to do that?
He owes you an explanation but there will probably be none forthcoming from him.
I am sure that he did not just forget ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to a webcam girl?
Q. Hi all, I'm a 26 yr old male virgin. I saw this girl on one of her online webcam shows and found out she's a flight attendant flying into my city. She made a proposition that she will offer sex for money. I am a virgin and want to know what sex fe...
A. 20 June 2013: a girl that has online webcams shows and SAYS she's disease free but won't share the documentation till you see her...
and then when you see her and she shows them and they are more than 6 months old (and hence useless) or worse "forgot them" ... (read in full...)
He keeps breaking up my relationships, I'm in love. I need to stop him!
Q. There is this guy who I am completely inlove with but everytime we start dating he just stops talking to me and then months pass and he comes back and then he leaves again and that just keeps happening. I told him im tired of him doing that and that ...
A. 20 June 2013: I agree that if you had an RO that his coming to your home would not happen and the police being called would result in him being arrested.
I also know just how hard it is to get an RO or a PO when you feel threatened but legally there is nothi... (read in full...)
Do I talk to him next time I see him and tell him how I feel?
Q. Hello, So I met this guy back in January. We immediately hit it off, spoke, exchanged numbers and hung out like 1 month later. We talk maybe like twice a week via text. Sometimes not talking can extend to two weeks. When we talk and hangout ther...
A. 20 June 2013: I cannot agree any more with WiseOwlE. He NAILED IT. And I can’t improve on what he has said. I will share my LDR story with you.
I met a guy in August 2010. I was attracted to him and in November 2010 when I ran into him again I was MORE bla... (read in full...)
In an LDR, his live-in son asks for money, will this relationship last?
Q. im in a long distance relationship he comes for me every wk end we are both widowed he has 6 children i have 5 all grown up it takes him just over an hr to get here then an hr to take me back to his house , he has a son in his 40s living with him ...
A. 20 June 2013: No one can predict based on what you have written if the relationship will last.
If you find the adult child asking for money, and being given money by his parent, unacceptable and your partner does not, then that is a fundamental issue that h... (read in full...)
How can I trust my husband when he texts a girl from an escort service all night?
Q. Dear readers, I find myself here again and I have only been married a month. I wass here to weeks ago. Because my husband joined a sex site and still denies it. But know I am here because my husband has been out of town for the week and I looked a...
A. 19 June 2013: when you say you believe nothing happened what you mean is you do not believe your husband put his penis in her body.
something HAPPENED all right...
"A TEST to see if you would check up on him?"
I cry foul.. what a GREAT save and comeba... (read in full...)
I get so panicky when he doesn't respond right away to my texts
Q. i visited the guy that i really like and we got along great, had lots of laughs etc. when i returned home, we texted and everything was fine.i got on twitter and started tweeting about my guy friend that passed away and then I tweeted "random I love ...
A. 19 June 2013: Some people are just not cut out for long distance relationships.
in the olden days (say 1978-1981) when I was your age
we did not have cell phones or the World Wide Web to keep up with folks.
if a boy wanted to talk to me he had to cal... (read in full...)
How do I go about initiating a no strings relationship with this man?
Q. I hooked up with (not had sex with, just made out) a guy last weekend that I'd never spoken to before with mutual friends. We were both very attracted to each other, but haven't really spoken or texted since then. I would really like to talk to ...
A. 19 June 2013: I'm sorry but you are entirely too young for a FWB relationship.
FWB is hard for adults. I can't see a teen coping with the emotional stress of being intimate with a person and yet not caring. Usually for women, sex and emotions go hand in h... (read in full...)
Is marriage the right thing for me to do?
Q. I just want to share my story and I would Love your opinions. it was about 8 or 9 months ago I was walking into church for a revival when I laid eyes on the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He was well dressed, the cutest smile with pe...
A. 19 June 2013: I think that you should marry him in about 3 years... start planning the wedding then... after you and he spend a lot of time together on a daily basis and figure out if there is truly something there or not.
DO NOT jump into anything qui... (read in full...)
He keeps breaking up my relationships, I'm in love. I need to stop him!
Q. There is this guy who I am completely inlove with but everytime we start dating he just stops talking to me and then months pass and he comes back and then he leaves again and that just keeps happening. I told him im tired of him doing that and that ...
A. 19 June 2013: IF you block his phone numbers and his emails and block him on social media then he can't come into your life or contact you.
if you don't take his calls he can't bring up anything
if you don't answer his messages (you can't see them if you ... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
