A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend last year at the gym I train in. He is a personal trainer and we got along really well and started dating after a few months. We now live together and for the most part it is a really good relationship! We have lots of fun and laugh and great sex. We can talk for hours about anything too! I feel like he is a best friend to me now. But I'm a little bit jealous (maybe a lot!). A new girl started training in one of his classes yesterday, he was talking about how she eats well, doesn't drink and is very into training the way he likes. I asked him if she was in shape and good looking to which he said: she's not overweight and not bad looking. Turns out she is small petite, athletic and a stunning looking natural blonde too (my friend from the gym was talking to me about her today without me even asking). So I'm really jealous! I think it comes from the fact that he met me at the gym - not something he would normally do as he thinks its unprofessional but he made an exception for me because I was different to him. So apparently the new girl is also nice and friendly as well as hot looking! I'm not unnattractive myself at all but I am insecure and I know how disgusting jealousy is :-( can't help it! Should I be jealous that he might become interested in this girl and leave me for her? I mean obviously she might not like him at all lol.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 July 2013):
 You can be jealous all you want... but your boyfriend's job is a trainer and he is going to be looking at men's and women's bodies all day and getting paid for it too. He is a guy after all and while he may be professional, there will always be a side of him that will be turned on by an attractive woman.
Keep in mind the same goes for an office worker. Most guys notice the hot secretary -- even if they are happily engaged / married. While your boyfriend's position is certainly different in the fact that it is his JOB to watch his clients wherever he goes he will be around beautiful women. That's a fact of life.
The bottom line here, though, is: do you trust your boyfriend? Because ultimately that is ALL you have to go on here. If the thought of him working, watching, potentially touching (adjusting someone's form) and dealing with women while working in the gym bothers you, then I think you may be pursuing the wrong guy.
Professionally is he a stand-up guy? Has he given you concern before? Is he morally grounded? Ask these questions to yourself and see what your answers are... and then act accordingly.
Eddie
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2013):
 Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity (and it shows in your post) you think a natural petite blonde better than you...
and maybe your guy has a work crush... they are common with new folks... it is probably harmless
Eyeswideopen is correct a jealous whiny insecure clingy demanding gf gets OLD fast.
You can't control how you feel (well not without therapy to build your self esteem) but you can control what you do which is WALK AWAY and say nothing, do nothing...
if it keeps up for months and months you can pin the blame on yourself... 'honey I know you are fine and we are fine but I'm an insecure wreck and I need to talk to you about it"
you are going to be your own worst enemy here (but I have to say since he met you the same way and he said he had a rule about not dating women from work and yet he did, you may have a reason for concern)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): We all get jealous from time to time it's the wAy we handle it that is important .Life is like this .. We cannot control another person, we cannot controlTheir behaviour .. We can only control our reaction to their action.I'm a mental health nurse and from what you've posted, your relationship is healthy and flourishing .. I don't see any red flags .. So just keep telling yourself your the one that has him .. Who cares about the other girl and if he does so anything tell him jokingly haha if the convo comes up toy kick his ass to the curb . Because my lovely you are worth keeping, and I would say if you did play away, I wouldn't be left on the shelf believe me .. Confidence is such a turn on, so keep that head high and smile and be sassy .. You keep being you .. That's all he needs..Take care x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): You know what? Jealousy is about letting go...We can control when we wake up, what we eat, what we drink, what we do, but we can't control time, and we can't control who we love.You met your boyfriend at the gym, and contrary to his own personal policy, he made an exception for you which speaks to your being special.His profession was always going to be tough to be strong as his partner in terms of jealousy ;-) I mean, he is always going to be training people to get them to their physical best, and they will be grateful and he will make friends. However, just like any other profession, if we are taken, we set boundaries and we respect our partner if we are that kind of person.It's understandable given the relationship you have now, that you live together, and he is your best friend amongst the rest, of course you don't want to lose him. However, you can't control him. You can only hope he feels the same as you, that he also appreciates what you have, and that he will be true to that. If he does, you continue building on what you have, and if he doesn't, then he wasn't yours to keep and he loses the best thing that happened to him. Trying to keep a tight leash will only cause resentment, and he should want to be with you, only you.So trust in what you have, and in yourself. Be the best you can be - in who you are, your personality, your character, your principles and examples, and spoil and show him how you feel, let him know he has the best right at home, so that he never need consider anything or anyone else. No matter how cute, nice, wonderful, special or beautiful they are - there will be many more newbies, it doesn't matter, he already has his girl. By the way, I really like how he answered you - he was honest yet very tactful. Very nice! Perhaps share you have heard about her from your friends, you are a little worried, and let him shower you with attention ;-) it's natural to feel jealous in that circumstance, but trust him, and trust in your relationship. You too could run into a gorgeous guy at work, or have to partner with someone on a project, does not change the fact he may be good looking, kind, etc. but you already have your special personal trainer love at home, so while you can appreciate someone else's exterior, you already have your man. Same thing goes.It does not matter if she does end up liking him - he is taken ;-) If he wants to stay taken, he will respect that, and show you who his girl is. Don't keep the insecurity internally, and don't try to play games or one up him. Rather, share how you feel, let him know you are sensitive about this girl, to be extra careful and then wow him with YOU! Good LuckG's Girl
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2013):
 No need to be borrowing trouble Honey. Whenever you start having those unsettling thoughts find something to distract you. Go for a bike ride, read a book, whatever it takes. Just make sure you don't hound your boyfriend, guys get fed up with needy, clingy girlfriends pretty damn fast.
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