A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:One of my friends from school is getting married, and though she's spent most of the last 2 years overseas, we are still relatively close friends. I was so excited when she asked me and my best friend to be bridesmaids!When the invitation came to her engagement party, I did find it a bit strange that my brother (who the bride is not close with really at all) was invited, but not my boyfriend of almost 4 years was invited. Both my parents were invited too. We went to the engagement and had a great night.However, I figure if she didn't invite my partner to the engagement, she's unlikely to invite him to the wedding. I understand that cost may be an issue, but why invite my brother instead of my boyfriend? It's not that I HAVE to have him there, but we've never had the opportunity to go to a wedding together before, and I'd love him to see me all dolled up!!I feel like it would be mortally rude to ask her directly, but I can't help but feel it's a bit strange. My mum and my best friend (other bridesmaid) both agree that it's a bit out of the norm.Is there some tactful way I can find out what's going on? I would really like to know!!
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (10 July 2013):
 You’re finding out tactfully by asking us here :)For me, it’s a matter of etiquette whom one invites to a Party of any description. If there’s to be a query it’s always best to bring it up there and then, never after the event has been and gone. As her Bridesmaid and close friend I would think you able to ask her these questions in the first place or know her thinking? However when it comes to an Engagement Party most people whom were invited are not necessarily invited to the main Wedding as a matter of expense. That’s why we have Engagement Parties, there bigger, less intense, and more casual to incorporate all those related or unrelated guests, not to exclude anyone.Although I agree it’s a bit odd for our Aussie cultural; he could have been invited to this particular party. However you were there to see how she invited the rest of the guests; did other girls have their boyfriend invited, or was your boyfriend the exception?When it comes to a Wedding Invitation, she will need to cut numbers down… Here I would accept the boyfriend not be invited as you are not married or living together etc. As I see it; she perhaps used this rule of etiquette with her party, and there’s nothing rude or wrong with that, it’s just odd for us.CAA :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): "Is there some tactful way I can find out what's going on? I would really like to know!!"I suspect your friend is being tactful by not telling you what you think you really want to know, because if she tells you then you likely wouldn't have wanted to know and she will probably no longer be your friend. She considers you a close enough friend to want your immediate family to share her special day with you. For whatever reasons, either moral disapproval or personal dislike or other, she is not requesting the presence of your boyfriend (not your "partner" by any legal standard). I suggest that you respect her wishes by keeping quiet or risk losing your friendship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 it's common to keep the cost of weddings down by only invited married or engaged couples.
if you live together then that should count as partnered enough for an invite but if you don't live together assume that no one who is not married or engaged is bringing a date.
you could ask her what her criteria for dates was....
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