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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is this friendship even worth it?
Q. My oldest friend (a gay guy) from high school has changed. He complained that I always cancel but I've had bad morning sickness from an unplanned pregnancy and also trying to figure out what to do. I tried explaining my situation and never got an ...
A. 17 July 2013: You are hurt but sadly he has moved on from this relationship/friendship. He did not do it gracefully. There is really no “breakup” for friendships that die. They just die. And it’s sad for folks but he’s moved on in his life and you have to ... (read in full...)
Could it be puppy love, curiosity, or something else?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I have this best friend, she is only a year younger than me and we have been friends for a while now, I'm always staying over at her house and hanging out with her. My friends has a brother who is a year older than ...
A. 8 July 2013: you have to decide if you are willing to risk your friendship for a boyfriend of convenience.
the fact that you are over his house to visit his sister is the key here... you are a girlfriend of convenience.
IF your friend is concerned... (read in full...)
My husband is so forgetful that sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.
Q. My Husband is so forgetful! I really don't know what to do! Anything important that I tell him, He just can't take it in. He'll be talking about it that day and then a few weeks later he'll be like 'I wasn't aware of that.' For example, This month ...
A. 5 July 2013: i'm like this i forget everything...
we solved this problem by having a joint online calendar and I Put every bill I have to pay on the calender and get a reminder.
we also send daily email with the notes for the day... it helps me because ... (read in full...)
LDR ex dumped me without an explanation and it really bothers me
Q. My ex of 5 years dumped me without any explanation. We were in a long distance relationship. He still said he loved me and missed me a month before he broke up with me. I have no idea why he would change so st. He never contacted me after the ...
A. 5 July 2013: i don't think you should. He probably will not have an answer
at your age after 2 years if the relationship has not progressed to NON-LDR it probably never will
you wasted 5 years of your life on a non-relationship. some folks use LDRs ... (read in full...)
Should I be glad to have a good friend as a partner but not a lover?
Q. I feel so sad. I feel like I lost something. My partner of 4 yrs just does not make love to me anymore. He says it hurts him when he tries but does not bother or care about my needs. He went to Dr and said he can't take pills because of side ...
A. 5 July 2013: I'm 53 and my drive gets stronger all the time and I'm with a guy with a low drive.
I get kisses and cuddles all the time every day... NOT enough. I miss sex. I miss being physically wanted...
don't marry him. stay as long as you can but ... (read in full...)
Is this friendship even worth it?
Q. My oldest friend (a gay guy) from high school has changed. He complained that I always cancel but I've had bad morning sickness from an unplanned pregnancy and also trying to figure out what to do. I tried explaining my situation and never got an ...
A. 5 July 2013: Sometimes we outgrow our friends and don't know how to gracefully exit the friendship.
Being pregnant and having a child will change how you live and what you do.
You can't stand his finace' so I would imagine that you won't want to be aroun... (read in full...)
He does not trust me and always accuses me of cheating! And advice on how to change this pls?
Q. Hey guys, so my boyfriend of about almost two years and I for the most part do pretty great. The problem is he has had a pretty bad experience with one of his ex girlfiends cheating on him now he is almost always accusing me of cheating when I'm not ...
A. 5 July 2013: Sadly, after two years I think all you can do is consider leaving...
... (read in full...)
My parents are forcing me to chose either them or the girl!
Q. I'm 23, male. I met this mentally challenged girl (21 y.o.) about six months ago. Before I met her I was a very lonely person. I never had many friends. Those whom I trusted always betrayed me in some way or the other. This girl changed my life. She ...
A. 5 July 2013: There is way more that is missing from this story.
you don't want to have sex. (you hate sex) she is mentally challenged... I assume you mean her IQ is below 100...
What is your primary diagnosis? I ask because you write and sound so m... (read in full...)
Should I not move in with the friend of my ex? We are dating and I love him!
Q. Please help me, Cupid! I have this great boyfriend and his name is Mark. We've been going out for seven months now, and I just thought about this: I'm gonna move in with one of my ex-boyfriend's friends! Thinking about it now, I really don't wanna ...
A. 5 July 2013: I am confused... if mark is your boyfriend
and you are moving in with your ex-boyfriend's friends why would breaking up with mark help that?... (read in full...)
How handle a married co-worker who has a crush on me? And should I tell my husband? Help!
Q. I am married and working with a married guy who shows some interests in me and I strongly believe that even worse than that he should be a player. I guess I gave him the wrong impression with being friendly. I do not want to have anything with this ...
A. 5 July 2013: Has this guy made a pass at you?
what makes you so uncomfortable?
I have lots of male friends and I flirt and joke and tease with them but they know full well I'm married NOT cheating.
what is it that's actually the problem here?
... (read in full...)
I'm having erections during the day. Is it because I'm young or have a high sex drive?
Q. Hello I'm 22 yrs old and I haven't had sex yet. My question is: I noticed that I have few erections when asleep and especially in morning which last for half or maybe an hour.also during the day I have erections ( not too many). Does this happen b...
A. 5 July 2013: yes.
both actually it 's NORMAL... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my married bestfriend and I don't want to lose her friendship. Please help!
Q. Since my divorce. I have not dated anyone. It seemed that everyone else had love and I was alone. I met someone that became my best friend. Her and I spend every second together. I fell in love with this girl so hard it made me sick. Here is ...
A. 5 July 2013:
If you refuse to walk away then you have to stop whining and complaining about it. You say you can't but the truth is YOU ARE MAKING A CHOICE TO BE IN THIS PAIN.
BTW if she truly loved you she would leave her marriage for you.... she does... (read in full...)
Our son is confused about his sexuality. How can we help him?
Q. We live in Stockport, in Greater Manchester, and have a 20 year old son. He told us last night he was confused about himself sexually. Not professionally. He's enjoying his university studies in business systems and marketing - wants to go into PR ...
A. 5 July 2013: At 20 he sounds so very normal. And if he's not that stressed I am not sure that counseling is needed yet. Although I think counseling in general with a good counselor is always a good idea.
I love that your son felt safe and secure enough t... (read in full...)
Was his mother texting me an accident?
Q. Today I received a text message from my exes mother. Alas it is a holiday so I am tempted to brush it off as coincidence or a mass text. However, my ex and I broke up last Halloween and never did I receive any mass texts on Thanksgiving, Christmas, ...
A. 5 July 2013: I think that you should not worry about such things as he's an ex and should stay that way.
it could have been random, it could have been a mistake.
if you want to have a relationship with her, then contact her... but do not do it to try to get... (read in full...)
Ladies: Is it more difficult to have orgasm if you've been drinking?
Q. Well, hello, all, it's time to turn the tables :) My question is simple; have any of you ladies noticed that if you drink regularly (1 drink a day for a week or more), orgasm takes longer and is more difficult to attain? I usually don't have...
A. 5 July 2013: one drink should not impact you much but it can depend on lots of things
there are always days that it feels great but "i just cant' get there' even with myself.
best advice... shake it off and don't worry and don't try too hard to fi... (read in full...)
B/f had said he'd know within a year if he wanted to marry. Its been 10 months, should I be concerned?
Q. My boyfriend mentioned at the start of our relationship that after being with a girl for a year, he would know whether or not he would want to marry that person. His last two girlfriends lasted about a year and his first serious girlfriend lasted ...
A. 5 July 2013: so why not ask him to get married?
I knew my hubby wanted me to get married but he had this weird mental block insisting that I propose to him... so we planned it and I did... did not make our engagement or marriage any less of an event than i... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity months ago and still bleed every time I have sex
Q. i had just lost my virginity on valentines and everytime we have had sex i have bleed im worried and dont know what to do ...
A. 5 July 2013: It's not normal and you should go for a full well woman visit (if you have not had one ever) with your gyn and mention it.
if you are already seeing the gyn then you need to call and ask what's gong on.... (read in full...)
Am so confused , I think there is this connection between I and my ex
Q. My heart has never felt so soft like this before in a long time , The last time i felt like this was 5 months back when my ex broke up with me. last month she has been trying to get in touch with me, but i refused to reply all her mails. I also ...
A. 5 July 2013: I think you need to let it go.. it's over and done with and her unfriending you on facebook tells you she's moving on and you need to do the same.
I'm sorry.... (read in full...)
Does she like me or is she trying to push me away?
Q. Hey, okay so here's my problem. One night at a work night out me and a co worker started kissing. We were kissing for quite a while and multiple times. Other girls I work with told me she fancied me but I don't know of this is because she was drun...
A. 5 July 2013: she may like you or she may be using the getting to know you as an excuse.
the only way to know is to go for it and try.
... (read in full...)
My inlaws take advantage of my husband and I don't like it!
Q. I have a problem. I feel my inlaws take advantage of my husband and it irritates me so much. For example.he pays fees for his sister who is in university. She disrespects him. If he asks to see receipts for the payments , she will scream and says ...
A. 5 July 2013: I like honeypie's suggestion a lot
if your husband WANTS to pay his sisters fees and your family can afford to do so, then by all means let him pay them but tell his sister to use your address so the bills come directly to him and let him pay ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married woman. Her husband knows and she broke it off saying she can't live with the lies!
Q. well were to start really, Actually I am rather a pathetic person and very weak I think. In January this year I met a very beautiful woman on a site for language exchange we got talking I knew she was married but unhappy. he is from Ukraine and...
A. 5 July 2013: I would
a. go no contact with her
b. not go to the Ukraine if you can help it
c. cut all contact with her.
several reasons...
1. she is married
2. she is a cheater
3. she is a liar.
so let me ask you even if she does leav... (read in full...)
How do you ask to have an open relationship
Q. What is the best way to go about asking your boyfriend to allow the relationship to become an open relatonship?...
A. 5 July 2013: you don't. you leave.
I did an open relationship as a 40something married woman and it ruined the relationship.
There are times that being in the swinger lifestyle is appropriate and it works for a few couples.
IT is NEVER used... (read in full...)
My best friend chose a girl over me
Q. Whether or not you will answer or not, idk but I am currrently in the same situation, (different of course but sameish) We were best friends for a.long while. Things all changed when he got a gf. I mean, I have had one before, just remember that. ...
A. 5 July 2013: it's very normal even for adults in new relationships to leave friends lagging behind.
either they will settle down and he'll be back or they wil break up and he'll be back...
this will continue over and over in your life. As you grow ... (read in full...)
Should I let him stay in the motel with me?
Q. Hi, I'm dating this guy for 2 months now..I'm going to visit his city next week,and I'l be staying in a hotel and I think he would stay with me..but I don't know if we should stay together!obviously we wouldn't have sex its way too soon BUT should I...
A. 5 July 2013: an invitation by a woman to a man to stay in a hotel room ALONE with her... REEKS of a sexual invitation.
do not ask him unless you are ready to consummate the relationship sexually.... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to let go of my ex, she is my reason for living. I really need some advice pls?
Q. Would you allow your ex to move on to a new partner when you love them so much? They were everything and your entire reason for being here. 3 years I've tried everything to win her back. I've only ever loved her, I will only ever love her. The mo...
A. 5 July 2013: Not only would I allow it, if I truly loved them and wanted them to be happy I would encourage it.
if you have children with her you must continue to support your children. If you do not have a legal agreement to this, get one include, chi... (read in full...)
Bleeding after unprotected sex means ???
Q. Im 18, just moved to florida, and started seeing this guy. Weve been together for awhile, and we have been having sex, without a condom. Tonight after I got home I noticed blood when I went to the bathroom. Im scared of what this could have been ...
A. 5 July 2013: that popping sound could have been a queef.
if you are having unprotected sex and are not on hormonal birth control you are playing with fire and could very well be or get pregnant.
bleeding or spotting after an "active" sexual encounte... (read in full...)
BF has lost interest in sex and blames it on the fact that I am leaving. Please advise?
Q. Hi everyone, It's been a long long time since I've used this page! But I thought this would be a useful and important time to use it. I'm currently in a relationship and it's very complicated. A lot of people say I should just get out but it's eas...
A. 5 July 2013: I would just end it and not try to be LDR...
LDR sucks and it's worse when there are already issues.
You already have issues with him with trust and him behaving badly... he's given you a great reason for lack of sex... agree with him an... (read in full...)
Could it be puppy love, curiosity, or something else?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I have this best friend, she is only a year younger than me and we have been friends for a while now, I'm always staying over at her house and hanging out with her. My friends has a brother who is a year older than ...
A. 5 July 2013: Honey you describe exactly the way I sadly lost my virginity to my then best friend's brother at age 14... it was 1974 btw... far from the 21st century...
I did not regret it then but i do now...
I am 53 years old and when my friend and h... (read in full...)
I was excited about the holidays, until my boyfriend got mad at me on the phone last night.
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years and I have just had a fight before I'm due to go away for over 2 weeks on the holiday of a lifetime. He had asked me to come round to visit him tonight before I go, and I told him I'd try my best but I'd need to see what...
A. 5 July 2013: Honeypie nailed it... he wants you to worry about him and he's sulking because you didn't put him first.
you gave him a very reasonable offer to come over and he choose to be a big baby.
enjoy your holiday
and when you get home call him li... (read in full...)
I've accepted that he needs time for full on sex, but I still want him to go down on me at least.
Q. How can I get my boyfriend to give me oral sex? He's a virgin and I have accepted that he wants to wait and is too scared to have sex. I will wait for him to make the move to full intercourse. But in our sexual contact everything seems one sided - ...
A. 5 July 2013: I love Tisha's post... because if the roles were reversed we would be telling a boy not to push a girl.... so here I am telling you not to push him
and it it's true that you want and he does not and you have posted numerous times about this.. t... (read in full...)
My friend promised me she'd get me items on her trip and I'd pay her. She's been back a week and hasn't contacted me!
Q. Why have I not heard from her? What should I do? So my friend went on holiday and I asked her to get me some MAC products cause they are alot cheaper where she's going. She said that's fine. I texted her the things I wanted and said I wou...
A. 5 July 2013: she probably didn't get the things for you... especially if you did not give her the money in advance.
personally I Had a friend offer once to pick something up for me because she was going to that store anyway (out of state) and I told her not ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have a relationship after a one night stand?
Q. I'm wondering if it's possible to have a relationship after a one-night stand. Basically, I got with a guy over a month ago in a nightclub and we exchanged numbers then we were texting pretty much every other day and he wanted to meet up and ...
A. 5 July 2013: OP asks: "How long until we're 'boyfriend and girlfriend'?"
sadly probably NEVER going to happen.
you gave him the entire candy store before he had to pay for it honey...
you are now probably forever relegated to friends with be... (read in full...)
We made plans, he didn't text, didn't show up and now I have to work with him tomorrow!
Q. Hi guys, okay so I'm 21 and work in a warehouse office which is we're I met this guy :) we have been talking a lot for about 4 months on Facebook and texting and of course in work. So to be honest he was the one doing all the chasing! Texting me ...
A. 5 July 2013: I'd not only ignore the incident i'd be sweet as pie (BUT VERY professional) to him.
I'd not make plans with him again... clearly he's a game player and not worth any effort to have a relationship with him.... (read in full...)
Why my husband won't show me affection in bed?
Q. Why my husband won't show me affection in bed? He talked about al of his exes and how he would please them knowing they cheated on him but knowing I'm loyal he makes me feel like a call girl just in it to get his rocks off. He knows nothing that ...
A. 5 July 2013: IF you are not happy and have told him and he won't work to fix it then you should leave. I would not cheat. Besides how would cheating give him a challenge? Cheating is about lying and sneaking around...
You could try what I did... tell ... (read in full...)
Will I be judged for my not perfect body in a bikini?
Q. I'm looking for opinions here. What do men think when they see a woman wearing a bikini who is not that skinny, and does not have big boobs? Do you look at her and think "gross", or do you respect her for still having the confidence to we...
A. 5 July 2013: If you are going to worry that folks will talk, then don't wear it... once you get to be "of a certain age" you no longer CARE what others think and can do as you please.
... (read in full...)
After seven months I want to try again with my ex
Q. Hello. I split up with my ex 7 months ago and we said we'd still be friends. We have stayed in contact and met up twice. It's been nice and not awkward. We both haven't spoken about the relationship since. But he left the door open 'lets rema...
A. 5 July 2013: The thing is, he knows probably from how you act that you want to be together as more than friends.
"we can be friends" as my mother used to say is "the kiss of death" it means, I like you as a person but do not want to have a serious ... (read in full...)
He seems devoted to me but I'm insecure about his ex
Q. My boyfriend is loving, respectful and we get along very well with excellent physical attraction. We have been together about ten months. he talks about our future and marriage and babies. We've had a few issues, mostly my insecurities regarding an ...
A. 5 July 2013: IF he broke up with her (or she him) two years ago and he still NEEDS to look at her facebook page DAILY then no he's not done with her.
I'm sorry I can't sugar coat this.
You will either have to deal with him pining away for her or you w... (read in full...)
He's lost and confused after a major trauma, so he ended our relationship
Q. Hello again dear cupid. right now i feel my life is in shambles. Me and my bf broke up yesterday night. He told me that something inside him was broken since his work accident (building blew up, people died) this has affected our relationship from ...
A. 5 July 2013: I would suggest he get some treatment for his PTSD and that you go no contact.
if he can figure out what he wants let him contact you to get back together... if you are willing then great. By the time he is ready however you may have moved o... (read in full...)
My disabled partner is not able to satisfy my sexually and its causing problems of frustration and trust. Please help?
Q. My fiancee is disabled and cannot make love as often as I'd like to. His back pain severely restricts what he can do and how often. I have a very high sex drive so I find this a real challenge. I am ok to deal with it day by day while sober but the ...
A. 5 July 2013: As the disabled partner in my marriage (with a bad back and constant pain) I feel for you and for him.
If you are that unhappy you have several options.
1. you can stay and stop drinking and take care of your sexual needs when you de... (read in full...)
My girlfriend dumped my because I wouldn't add her as a friend on Facebook.
Q. My Girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn't add her as my friend on Facebook. I don't understand what everyone's obsession over Facebook is. I like to keep my private life private. I think she is just too jealous. I don't feel I should have to add ...
A. 5 July 2013: "I like to keep my private life private" isn't your girlfriend part of your private life?
seems to me that if she is your girlfriend and you won't friend her on facebook that you are hiding something.
my husband is not on facebook (his ... (read in full...)
Demanding Sister Wants Gift for her Kid
Q. Last year my niece turned three years olf. She had an amazing birthday party with lots of family and gifts. My sister just confessed that she was upset with the fact I did not get her than 3 year old a gift. My niece is turning four soon and my ...
A. 3 July 2013: I agree with EWO get the 4 yr old a gift for her that you find acceptable and within your budget. or maybe two a small toy that will eventually break and maybe a nicer book that she will treasure for years...
if your sister is RUDE enough ... (read in full...)
If I want optimal results, should I be clean shave, have some stubble, or full beard?
Q. I know looks are only part of what women want, and other factors for attraction come into play, like how active I am, how I take care of myself, etc. But, my question here is, what should I do, facial hair wise, to get some more potential suitor...
A. 3 July 2013: some will some won't OP
again do not groom just to meet women...groom yourself the way it makes you happy.... (read in full...)
If I want optimal results, should I be clean shave, have some stubble, or full beard?
Q. I know looks are only part of what women want, and other factors for attraction come into play, like how active I am, how I take care of myself, etc. But, my question here is, what should I do, facial hair wise, to get some more potential suitor...
A. 17 May 2013: I personally HATE the stubble look. IT’s so NON-committed. IF you WANT a beard and can grow a decent one (because nothing is as unattractive as a man trying to have a beard when he can’t really support it based on hair follicles) then do it for ... (read in full...)
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