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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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If I want optimal results, should I be clean shave, have some stubble, or full beard?
Q. I know looks are only part of what women want, and other factors for attraction come into play, like how active I am, how I take care of myself, etc. But, my question here is, what should I do, facial hair wise, to get some more potential suitor...
A. 3 July 2013: some will some won't OP
again do not groom just to meet women...groom yourself the way it makes you happy.... (read in full...)
Is it possible that I'm turning gay?
Q. I've been straight but started getting nasty thoughts progressively. Thinking about getting a prostate massage from my wife and even doggy with a strap on. Today I just thought of kissing this guy that followed me in the mall. I have been married ...
A. 3 July 2013: lots of straight men like their prostate massaged internally or externally it does not make you gay. I had a strap on for my last husband... he loved to have anal penetration but not by a man...
the issue you say is you have lost your sexual ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do? It hurts!
Q. So I recently found out that my boyfriend is watching porn. Although he always brags about our sex life with one of his best friends. He told him that he doesn't need porn and stuff like that beacause I give him all the pleasure he needs and it made ...
A. 3 July 2013: he watches it because he does...
maybe he likes it
maybe it's a habit
I do not think it reflects ON YOU or your sex life. his watching porn does not mean you are not enough...
personally if you want to know why HE does it you are goin... (read in full...)
I wanna know why he's being a creeper and what do I do when he brings over girls to our house.
Q. Ive spent the last year sleeping with this guy. We spent almost everyday together and I knew we weren't together and he told me he didnt want a relationship with me I understand that he's a user so I don't want you guys to reiterate that fact to ...
A. 3 July 2013: he wants he wants he wants... you posted
he wants me to do this
he wants me to do that
well BFD what HE wants... what YOU want matters more to you right?
What i get is that he helped you move to a friends and this friend is also a f... (read in full...)
Is she only messing around?
Q. Hello everybody. I really need some objective opinions here. I'm currently in a FWB relationship with a girl I like very much. As in, A LOT. But she's clearly not that into me, she has told me that explicitly and she rejected me when I asked for...
A. 3 July 2013: you are trying to make her behavior fit what you want.
if you were really ok with the situation the way it is you would not care or question it you would go with the flow and your question about possibly having a serious relationship... (read in full...)
I didn't realize what I had until it was gone
Q. Hi All, Hope someone can give me some advice. I was with my live in boyfriend for a year and a half. For the most part it was wonderful (we were inseparable) but when we got in arguments they were intense and I would find myself saying mean thin...
A. 3 July 2013: NO contact only works to get someone back if they want to come back.
he told you that your words hurt him and you did not stop with the hurtful words so he left. He is a man of his word.
what makes you think the next time you get sc... (read in full...)
Wife don't have a job and doesn't like to cook or clean the house.
Q. I've dated my wife for almost 10 years before we got married for 5 years, ever since I met her she never have a job. Reason I like about her was she was very old school like my mom and I thought she would make a great mom one day and she's very ...
A. 3 July 2013: "I love my wife and daughter to death and i would love to pay her as much as I can if we get a divorce"
if you love her to death why would you divorce her?
IF you want a divorce it's not your place to help her. Get a good attorney and hav... (read in full...)
I say he is the most disloyal man ever and he says he is just being honest about his emotions. What do I do?
Q. I am so sad and tired. My boyfriend of 6 years has become completely disloyal to me. One example, We auditioned for a play together recently and I was disappointed that I did not make callbacks and therefore would not be getting a speaking part in ...
A. 3 July 2013: He's being cruel and nasty and hiding behind his cloak of honesty.
If you do not have a financial stake in the house.. leave now. Take all your stuff... if you have joint accounts.. take your money and GO...
no one needs this abuse in ... (read in full...)
How do I explain when comments about other women are out of line?
Q. Gonna get straight to the point. I'm bisexual, I've never actually dated a girl, fooled around in college a little more than i probably shouldve. fast forward some years, and now its me and my fiance, he and I. We have the sort of relationship that ...
A. 3 July 2013: I had this problem just a few weeks ago with my hubby...
He's allowed to look and comment all he wants... and he knows this... he made a comment about the young lady who was coming to our home to have us sign some papers (so a professi... (read in full...)
Surely I'm worth an Engagement Ring.. Aren't I??
Q. I am going through such an emotional roller coaster right now, I am desperate for unbiased advise. My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 6 years. We long distance dating at the beginning but after about 6months I moved to be with him...
A. 3 July 2013: The ring is the least of your problems.
You have made sacrifice after sacrifice for this guy and he does NOTHING to repay you in kind.
At your age 6 years is more than enough time to know what you want and make that commitment. If he ... (read in full...)
My new fiancé is reluctant for me to visit my late husband's parents.
Q. I am widowed and have become engaged. My fiancé and I took a short trip over the weekend. My late husband's sister called me on my cell to let me know that her dad (my father-in-law) had two strokes and that he was in the hospital. We ...
A. 3 July 2013: I agree that you are entitled to a relationship with your former in-laws.
I also can understand your fiance not wanting to be reminded over and over that the only reason you are with him is that you are a widow who lost her love.
I thi... (read in full...)
I like my male friend but he just told me he wanted to go visit another girl.
Q. I'm starting to have romantic feelings for one of my guy friends and recently he mentioned in one of our conversations that he would really like to travel to see this other mutual friend (a girl) that lives in a different state. Lately we have bee...
A. 3 July 2013: I'm pretty sure he mentioned it because he can sense your change in feelings and he's trying to let you know that you are a friend and not to get your hopes up.
... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to offer his sperm for IVF
Q. What do you all think about a woman having ivf at 45. I've always been waiting for the right moment and just out of another failed long term relationship and always wanted babies, always feel like I have missed out on that opportunity of being a ...
A. 3 July 2013: I would not ask an ex. Rather I would try to find an anonymous donor.
If you don't have much money however I'm not sure how you can pull it off since here at least an IVF is around 10k per attempt.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend still lives with his parents and I wonder if he'll ever grow up.
Q. So...I have been dating a guy for going on 2 years. He has lived at home the entire time. He has zero privacy as his bedroom is next to his moms. His dad basically lives in the basement. His dad has a bedroom and living room and bathroom down ...
A. 2 July 2013: Dating for two years and you have not met the parents and he lives at home?
my son has us meeting girls he's serious with by one month out... and he does not live at home or near our home he's more like 30 minutes away.
A man who is in his 30... (read in full...)
Spots on my scrotum that go away. Is this normal?
Q. Hello, I recently I have noticed 2 spots on my scrotum they are facial looking ones they don't hurt as I don't even know they are there untill I look I have this before they cleared up I just wanted to ask someone about this is this normal??...
A. 2 July 2013: they are probably nothing... could be a zit or an ingrown hair or just a discoloration.
IF they go away by themselves then they are no big deal but the next time you go to the doctor you can ask him/her about it to feel more secure about... (read in full...)
I feel like he sometimes uses his condition as a scapegoat to allow him to do nothing all day.
Q. Hi...I have been having a problem lately with my boyfriend who has been very sick for several months now with symptoms of Crohn's disease. We have been together 2 1/2 years and live together. We have always gotten along well, even now although I ...
A. 2 July 2013: Is he getting disability payments? IF not how is he supporting himself? Is he planning on going back to work soon? there are days I wish I could retire already.
I have severe arthritis including degenerative disc disease that leaves me in... (read in full...)
B/f masturbates before he sees me and then doesn't want sex!
Q. Hello agony aunts thank you for always answering my questions and helping me with my problems. I am here today because I have an issue with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He tells me he has a bad habit of jacking off before he sees me. And so ...
A. 2 July 2013: you have every right to ask him to abstain from masturbation if it affects your sex life. If you asked and he said ok... and he's NOT doing it then that's passive aggressive behavior and you need to find out what is making him so angry that he ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting here? Or do men do this??
Q. Ok, my bf and I have been together for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We've hit a rough patch the past year, where we've had more fights and just can't seem to get along as much anymore. Sometimes when I ask him a question he won't give me a full ...
A. 2 July 2013: WHOA... from not wanting to discuss something in front of his BIL to asking if there is cheating and/or drugs going on seems a bit of a stretch to me.
you even said he told you "I'm going to WALK to the store" so why would you ask if Jim w... (read in full...)
Worried that ex friend is vengeful after she found me on facebook.
Q. Hello dear Aunts, Thank you for being here for every problem all of us have. Well my problem is about an ex-friend of mine. She was mean and abusive (both psychological and physical abuse), so i ended the friendship and moved away about a year and...
A. 2 July 2013: just block her then she can't see you and you can't see her.
... (read in full...)
I found condoms in my girlfriends drawer but we don't use them since she is on the pill
Q. im in a 1 year 3 month long distance relationship with my girlfriend. we see each other every two months due to school and work and we live in different countries. I have been her first one and she is on the pill so we dont use any kind of ...
A. 2 July 2013: you did the right thing and asked
you yourself said they are the kind given away for free
her explanation is extremely plausible to me.
remember an upset tummy can render the pill ineffective as can antacids, or other medications. She s... (read in full...)
Are there any guys who don't prefer "beautiful" women?
Q. Are there any men out there who don't prefer traditionally beautiful women? I ask because there don't seem to be. I've met plenty of men who SAY they don't like those women, and say they prefer a natural look over fake, but still secretly look at ...
A. 2 July 2013: OP Liking a look in a fantasy is different than liking it in real life. I don't see how saying "she's my fantasy girl" is being dishonest if she's not someone he wants in real life.
... (read in full...)
My friend thinks he likes me and that I can change him
Q. My close friend introduced me to her friend on a night out about six months ago and ever since then we've been flirting, texting, meeting up and sharing kisses and at first I didn't like him but now I really do and I'm worried the feelings aren't ...
A. 2 July 2013: You can't change anyone. Only people who want to change for themselves can do that. He may fake it for a bit but that's not a true change.
IF you meet up and kiss and have not after 6 months been integrated into his life with family and f... (read in full...)
I absolutely hate the degree that I'm doing and cant even get myself to finish it but what will my parents say?
Q. Hi guys, I know this isn't the usual kind of question but i've been on this site before and always been impressed with the advice and guidance given so i thought i'd try it out. I've spent the past 3 years doing a degree that i shouldn't ...
A. 2 July 2013: I have a degree in psych and I do computer security for a living.. my area of interest is social engineering. BTW I started out as an elementary education major (I was going to teach)
I think that you should continue with the psych degree and a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend upset because I talk to men on facebook!
Q. my boyfriend is getting annoyed with men who speak to me on facebook. I put a status up and the same people will comment all of the time. I put a new picture on and the give me all these compliments and its really getting on his nerves. He ...
A. 2 July 2013: the rules have to be the same for both partners.
either you can talk to anyone you please just like he can or neither of you can talk to anyone else (childish and immature)
personally I would tell him that his arbitrary rules just sho... (read in full...)
I'm worried I'm just my bpyfriend's rebound girl!
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend (around 10 years older) for more than 2 years now. He has had a history of lying about his past with his ex of 7 years, who he said he broke up with almost 7 years ago (which was a lie), ranging from stupid things like ...
A. 2 July 2013: I am hoping you are 21 now which means you were 19 when you started dating this man who was 29 then. If you were 16 when you started dating him, then he has groomed you to be his playtoy and do what he wants.
You are quite young to be in such a l... (read in full...)
I feel like I am too ugly to deserve a guy.
Q. I'm 24 years old, female. I'm having HUGE self confidence issues. I've never felt pretty or beautiful. Never. In high school I never had any luck with guys. Now, I do get some attention. Some people tell me I'm pretty, some even tell me I'm hot....
A. 2 July 2013: Your self-loathing is not normal and will not pass without some strong professional intervention. I strongly suggest you find a neutral third party therapist who has NO vested interest in how you look or lying to you. FIND one you trust. IF ... (read in full...)
I want to get liposuction but have no idea where to start. Any ideas?
Q. I'm considering liposuction but I don't know where to begin. I'm 5'5 and pear shaped. I'm very slender on top but quite large on the bottom. I want to get liposuction to remove the extra fat on my thighs/bottom for a nicer proportion. Dieting only ...
A. 1 July 2013: Actually to the last OP I beg to differ.. .I have regained a bit of weight after lipo with my tummy tuck and I gain it in very different places now... still fat but not my belly.. now it goes to my hips and thighs which have not had the fat cells ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't admit that she is not sexually satisfied with me.
Q. Ok this might be hard to understand but bear with me. So me and my girlfriend are sexually active and what i thought was amazing. Untill a couple months ago i just found out that she isnt orgasm. I asked her if she was and she said no and it j...
A. 1 July 2013: Ok here we go, as a woman who has had more partners than I care to admit and ONLY one was ever able to bring me to orgasm on a regular basis (orally) I feel qualified to speak to this.
My current husband is the worst lover I have ever had and... (read in full...)
My friend thinks I'm spoiling my husband.
Q. Dear cupid My friend Debbie moved an hour and a half away a few years ago so we don't get to see each other as often as we use to. Debbie wants me to come and spent a weekend with her but my husband feels like why i cant just go and return ho...
A. 1 July 2013: Well I would need more info...
I will tell you my hubby can cope with me being away one day but he is not happy when I'm gone for two. In fact, the one time I tried it last year, the drunk dialings from him on day two made me crazy. We've ta... (read in full...)
Are there any guys who don't prefer "beautiful" women?
Q. Are there any men out there who don't prefer traditionally beautiful women? I ask because there don't seem to be. I've met plenty of men who SAY they don't like those women, and say they prefer a natural look over fake, but still secretly look at ...
A. 1 July 2013: Well I think the first thing we need to do to answer your questions is define what you mean by “traditionally beautiful women” since what is beautiful to one man is not beautiful to another.
My husband is a perfect example. He does not like blo... (read in full...)
What is the truth about libido? My man has been impotent since his 40s.
Q. The curiosity is killing me, but I cant find the rght answer anywhere. I keep hearing about man , who goes impotent and age 40, and than the doctors, and people are saying , oh it happens all the time, and its just natural aging. Yet, I keep ...
A. 1 July 2013: It's random.
My grandfather commented in his late 80s to his daughter "well do don't have sex as often as we used to but when we do it's still very good"
Having a libido (wanting sex) is different from being impotent. Impotency can be phy... (read in full...)
What do you think -- should I stay in this relationship?
Q. Hi. So anyone care to help me out, and tell me wheather to leave or stay in my relationship? Been together almost two years (9th july) I cheated first two weeks in, lied for months. My now fiance (23 almost) proposed to me (20) three mon...
A. 1 July 2013: usually if you have to ask and you have a list of things that are wrong then it's best to leave.
... (read in full...)
He's a liar and a hedonist but I love him
Q. Is there any hope for us? I love my fiance so much, he is my best friend and we laugh together so much and when things are good, I have never known so much happiness. But...he has been a womaniser all his life. He was married for 26 years and ...
A. 1 July 2013: the smartest women in the world get stupid when it comes to men
you admit he lies to you
you admit he cheats on you emotionally at minimum and possibly physically putting your health in danger.
I will promise you that you will never trus... (read in full...)
We're going to be long-distance and I'm afraid of it ending badly
Q. I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for nearly four months. She knew I would be moving away (1hour drive) yet she continued to meet me. I told her it's getting too strong and we shouldn't if I am going to move away. She says she h...
A. 1 July 2013: Some days it takes me nearly an hour to get to work. I live 9 miles from my office.
When my husband and I were dating it was LDR and he lived 2 hours away by car. I saw him, once we got serious, at least 3 nights a week. (Friday nigh... (read in full...)
I need fun things that we could do that doesn't involve sex but that would turn my B/f on when we are getting intimate
Q. Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 months now..we have decided there won't be any sex(I believe in sex after marriage and he's ok with that) So I need fun things that we could do that doesn't involve sex but that would turn him on when...
A. 1 July 2013: I agree that you are playing with fire.
being close and intimate physically leads to wanting more... you want more and more and then it's "well I'll just put the tip in" and then it goes from there... TRUST ME on this one...
before I ... (read in full...)
I want to get liposuction but have no idea where to start. Any ideas?
Q. I'm considering liposuction but I don't know where to begin. I'm 5'5 and pear shaped. I'm very slender on top but quite large on the bottom. I want to get liposuction to remove the extra fat on my thighs/bottom for a nicer proportion. Dieting only ...
A. 1 July 2013: Find a reputable plastic surgeon and have a consult. They will explain to you if you are a candidate or not. DO NOT go to a quickie fix place. DO NOT use anyone who is not BOARD CERTIFIED in PLASTIC SURGERY...
I have had plastic surg... (read in full...)
My lack of trust is causing problems in our relationship. Any advice on how to deal with this pls?
Q. Hey everyone so my boyfriend and i have been dating 5 months. We have been fighting for the past 2 days. We started fighting yesterday because he wouldn't go with me to a friends birthday party with me. He says it makes him mad because i never go to ...
A. 1 July 2013: You are dating a MERE 5 months and yet you live together? Seems rushed.
If you text him and he does not text you back, you blow up his phone? That’s childish, rude and immature. How would you have survived back in the 70s and 8s when all we h... (read in full...)
Why do I have to be this game he wants to play?
Q. Ok 5 years ago I fell in love with aman 12 yr older than me I am 27 and over the years he took my love as a game I feel he has no care at all. Till I get his total attention him in love or at least acting to be when we are alone. We broke up I liv...
A. 1 July 2013: stop listening to his words and instead listen to his actions.
His actions tell you how he truly feels. HE is not letting you hurt you are by being available for him.
I think it's time for you to let this man go and go back to being happy a... (read in full...)
Is my mechanic taking me for a ride or was I rude to cancel?
Q. To the point.....I've know my mechanic for 5 years and I make an effort to have my car inspected and maintenance when he's there. We've met up twice outside of his job at a bookstore nothing serious. I consider him a honest reputable mechanic. We ...
A. 30 June 2013: the only way to know if they are legititmate issues is to get a second opinion from someone else.
I know that sometimes for us car issues come up right after we've had other work done. It's the nature of cars I fear.
I've had work don... (read in full...)
Long distance love… After meeting this amazing woman everything has gone to shit. She imagined everything to be a fairytale
Q. I've been talking to this girl for 2 years online. Skype and FaceBook. I've honestly never found anyone who was as amazing as this. So, last month I went to visit her. Everything was perfect. We are very far apart. I only get 2-3 weeks of vacation a ...
A. 30 June 2013: first you must figure out why she is backing off...
ask her if everything is ok
ask if you can start making plans for one of you to move to be with the other.... see how that goes.... (read in full...)
Long distance love… After meeting this amazing woman everything has gone to shit. She imagined everything to be a fairytale
Q. I've been talking to this girl for 2 years online. Skype and FaceBook. I've honestly never found anyone who was as amazing as this. So, last month I went to visit her. Everything was perfect. We are very far apart. I only get 2-3 weeks of vacation a ...
A. 29 June 2013: With our LDR we were so lucky to only be 2 hours apart by car. But after spending time together it did get harder and harder to be apart... So going up to see him on Saturday and spending one night a month morphed into two trips a month that ... (read in full...)
If I want optimal results, should I be clean shave, have some stubble, or full beard?
Q. I know looks are only part of what women want, and other factors for attraction come into play, like how active I am, how I take care of myself, etc. But, my question here is, what should I do, facial hair wise, to get some more potential suitor...
A. 17 May 2013: I personally HATE the stubble look. IT’s so NON-committed. IF you WANT a beard and can grow a decent one (because nothing is as unattractive as a man trying to have a beard when he can’t really support it based on hair follicles) then do it for ... (read in full...)
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