Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
He's in a relationship, but is he attracted to me?
Q. Hi everyone. I need guys opinion. If a guy teases you a lot would that mean he likes you? Or is it just for a play? I have a guy friend from uni who always say he likes me. but its all for fun. I never took it seriously. But everyday he does...
A. 23 July 2013: And if he is what will change? NOTHING because he has a partner.
I find folks attractive all the time. I'm partnered so it does not matter as I would not do anything to jeopardize the relationship I am in.
It sounds like he likes you bu... (read in full...)
Does my sister fit the "passive-aggressive" label?
Q. Does anyone know someone with passive aggressive personality disorder? I believe my sister has this. She has always caused trouble, not so much now she's moved out. I will describe her behaviour which has started becoming quite obvious to me that ...
A. 22 July 2013: I don't think this is passive aggressive behavior at all.
Passive Aggressive is best displayed by something I did to someone in college.
I was a freshman
she was a sophomore
one night at an out of control party I spilled beer on her ON PUR... (read in full...)
My best male friend has cut me out of his life after his wife got jealous
Q. My male friend and I have been best friends ever since High School. We are both grown around our 30's now and we've been talking on the phone and emailing each other past years, I'am married with 2 kids and he just got married last year and a ...
A. 22 July 2013: I personally think he did the right thing.
Spousal needs over friends any day of the week.
If my husband (even irrationally) asked me NOT to be friends with someone because it made HIM uncomfortable I would not tell MY HUSBAND to learn to ... (read in full...)
Married for 32 years and she's never given me oral sex. Will I die never knowing what it's like?
Q. I am 56 yrs old, sitting here late at night ready to cry - in that I have known my wife (55) for 35 yrs., married for 32, with 3 grown children and 2 grandchildren - and through all these years, she has never given me oral sex. I made some subtle ...
A. 22 July 2013: Well at least you don't know what you are missing.
I miss being given oral sex as I used to have partners that gave it but now I'm with a man who will not give it. Sadly it's the only way I can be brought to what I consider a complete org... (read in full...)
Is a threesome a good idea? Should I delay decision making, until I return in a month?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles :) I'll start with a bit of back story first. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years now and we believe we are in a strong relationship. We've been through a lot what with family death and serious fall outs be...
A. 22 July 2013: Letting other people into my marital bed broke up my last marriage. I no longer choose to share even though I am a bisexual woman. I have opted to forsake ALL OTHERS in lieu of holding my marriage together.
I do know of a few married coup... (read in full...)
Advice for a untidy boyfriend!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, lived together for a year. We are both social extroverts with a passion for new adventures and life. Where were very different is cleaning and tidyness, with me spending much more time doing ...
A. 22 July 2013: I had a problem in our home where i was the only one doing the cleaning because he wanted it cleaned but he wanted it done when he was ready which was usually later in the evening when I was tired and done with work and wanted to veg.
I solved ... (read in full...)
My mother is dating a man the same age as my fiance, who on top of everything is rude and pokes fun at my fiance's height
Q. My mother is turning 60 next year but she is dating (secretly she thinks but everyone knows) a man the same age as my 35 year old husband to be. I'm 29 and I think a 35 year old is an acceptable age for my future husband. I do not think my almost 6...
A. 22 July 2013: Sadly for you, it seems your mom is competing and she feels inadequate.
THIS is her problem.
I am not going to address her boytoy's age since I'd be the pot calling the kettle black as I tend to prefer younger men who want me to dress slu... (read in full...)
After our weekend away together, my boyfriend called me a slut and a whore and said I never leave him alone.
Q. Dear Cupid I am in LDR now with my bf of 4 years. We went for a trip few days ago as we didn't meet for few months. As far as i could see the trip was great and fun. We came back to our respective cities. I called him next day, he sounded ok, but ...
A. 20 July 2013: how you deal with him is you walk away from the relationship.
It's LDR and he's being abusive. What are the CURRENT good things about being with this man who uses you, abuses you and makes you cry?... (read in full...)
I think I'm gay, but people can't just turn gay over the years, can they?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I think I'm gay, I'm 23 and for years I have been having gay thoughts and fantasies which arouses me and sometimes I can't help but mastubate to them but then I feel wrong somehow. I used to have a few girlfriends when I was ...
A. 19 July 2013: you are not "turning gay" you are learning to accept who you are...
my brother is gay.. he always knew it... he dated girls in high school, even had sex with one or two... but he was never fulfilled till he met his now husband.
You may be bi... (read in full...)
I found out my boyfriend called me fat when we first met and it hurts!
Q. Hello, I´ve been with my bf for 2 years and everything´s beautiful and sweet, we don´t fight, we just love each other. At least, I thought so...Yesterday I found out something, that turns my all ideas about our ideal relationship upside down.. M...
A. 19 July 2013: when I first met my husband he did not think I was beautiful. He does now.
Maybe he said it THEN but he did not know you and it has no bearing on what he feels NOW.
let it go.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend no longer wants to date or hang out, just wants sex
Q. I have a problem that really shouldn't be a problem for a guy of my age. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months we had intercourse about 1 month ago. Up until that point our relationship had been great we were very affectionate and ...
A. 19 July 2013: stop having sex with her until she give you what you want.
sounds to me like she's happy now with FWB...
and no you being amazing at pleasing THIS woman does not mean you will ruin all future relationships. ... (read in full...)
I am new to having sex but am worried something is wrong. I feel like I could pass out!
Q. i need some help. i had sex for the first time about two days ago. yeah i was nervous but also very comfortable since it was with my boyfriend who i love very much, and he also helped me feel comfortable. what i dont understand it right when i ...
A. 19 July 2013: it might be panic attacks... are you on hormonal birth control?... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with a man I don't even know. How can I approach him?
Q. Hello! I'm currently obessed with this man who I don't know anything about. this past year I've ran into him a couple of times and each time I feel like he wants to flirt? He gives me these looks and smile. Like when I ran into him again a few ...
A. 19 July 2013: why would you want a ONS with a stranger? is that all you think you are worth?
why does his mobility come into play? BTW the term "cripple" is really OFFENSIVE. I walk with a limp and sometime use a cane and I don't consider myself cripp... (read in full...)
My partner has convinced himself I have had sex with someone else
Q. Ok...where to begin. I came in from work asked my partner for a kiss, he said no. When I asked why he said...it's a bit difficult but then said during sex last night he had noticed I felt different, He then said I had taken a long time while I was ...
A. 19 July 2013: Seriously, this insecurity is his issue.
His accusations will hurt him in the long run
personally I would say to him "it's not true and of course your reasoning is irrational, but if you truly believe I cheated I need you to leave since I... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if girlfriend was a virgin?
Q. hello dear aunts, I have recently start dating this girl, she has just turned 21. she recently confessed she was a virgin when we did it for the first time, however I've been skeptical. (sorry for being graphic) I gave her oral a few times, only ...
A. 19 July 2013: SERIOUSLY?
ok she's 21 and you are 17? did you know she can go to jail and have her life ruined by having sex with you?
just because it's easy to penetrate a woman (sometimes at 53 having had two children and more lovers than you can ... (read in full...)
We broke up because of distance not because we weren't in love. Its so hard!
Q. Hello. I would like to ask for some advice if possible. Myself and my girlfriend have just split up due to her moving back to Italy and me being forced to stay here in Ireland. We discussed this at length and decided that things would be better ...
A. 19 July 2013: how long before you could be together again?
a short term LDR with a goal is better than misery.
if you will never want to move to be with her or she can never come back then yes it's better to be apart
BUT if within the next few years... (read in full...)
Why would he just disappear when things seemed to be going so well?
Q. I have this guy, we started talking last year. We met last year as well, and things were really good, then he moved back to his home state for a year, and we still continued talking and having an on and off long-distance thing for the whole year. A ...
A. 19 July 2013: He's in the middle of a big move, family members have died and he's still in touch but not up in your face daily... yeah I do think you are over reacting.
Women can multi-task better than men (in general) men focus on ONE THING at a time. his goa... (read in full...)
67 year old father dating a girl almost 50 years younger than him. I don't know whether to laugh or cry
Q. My 67 year old father has been dating a 19 year old girl for a month now, and she is already living with him. She does not work or go to school, she just stays home and lives off him. I, along with my three siblings, are upset and disgusted. What ...
A. 18 July 2013: they won't last. she will quickly tire of it if he goes nowhere and does nothing and does not support her other than at home... no spending money for her would help...
here's my take on it... humor him. EMBRACE her.
say.. hey your da... (read in full...)
Girlfriend takes medication for depression and is no longer into sex
Q. just a quick question. my girlfriend is on zoloft for depression and it's really effecting her sex drive. before the medication, our sex was incredible. it was all the time and extremely good! now she's not interested in sex, and when we have it, ...
A. 18 July 2013: there are no ways to counteract it... it is what it is..
if she does not wish to switch and you do not either, than the sex life you have now is what you get.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend takes medication for depression and is no longer into sex
Q. just a quick question. my girlfriend is on zoloft for depression and it's really effecting her sex drive. before the medication, our sex was incredible. it was all the time and extremely good! now she's not interested in sex, and when we have it, ...
A. 18 July 2013: she needs to go to the doctor and let the doc know zoloft is not going to work...
some anti-depressants really affect either drive or worse NOT drive but the ability to orgasm... very frustrating
... (read in full...)
LDR problem, I love him dearly but not sure if he loves me, and don't know what to do. Should I keep on waiting?
Q. I met my Aussie boyfriend 2 and a half years ago. He first flew here and chased after me after 2 months of talking. I was very smitten. We had our ups and downs in our LDR and 16 months forward he flew me to Aus for the first time and took me ...
A. 18 July 2013: if you have not seen each other in a year and you are 25 and 35 then it's time to cut bait.
the relationship is not going anywhere and his excuse that it's his busy time is just that an excuse... he always KNEW when his busy time was and if he WA... (read in full...)
Went on a trip with my LDR and now he doesn't call
Q. Dear Cupid I am in LDR with my bf of 3 years for the past 6 months. We went for a trip few days back and had a very nice time. Few times he was cranky, but otherwise trip was a success. Its been a week, he hasnt called me once or returned by me...
A. 18 July 2013: if you guys are going to continue to be LDR (and you were not before from my interpretation of your post) then this may be his way of getting out of the LDR... they are very hard to do.
either way his being mad about anal is a big red flag tha... (read in full...)
I want us to be together for ever -- am I gearing up for heartache?
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together for some time, and even though we are only 15 I know I love him deeply. We have started thinking about a future together, and even though we are young I could see myself with this boy for the rest of ...
A. 18 July 2013: if you keep thinking about the future and it makes you sad stop thinking about it and enjoy the moment
sadly what you want at 15 is not what you want at 18 or 21 or 25... or even 30....
I was with my first boyfriend from 15 1/2 till nearly 1... (read in full...)
Friend wants to visit with her husband, and I don't want him in my home
Q. My best friend wants to visit me, but she's invited her husband (without saying anything to me) and I don't like him! I haven't seen my best friend in about 4 years, she wants to visit me this Fall, but her husband is jealous, and doesn't trust he...
A. 18 July 2013: You don't not like HIM you have not met him. You do not like what you KNOW of him. Understood.
I got invited to a party a few weeks ago. I assumed it was for both myself and my spouse since it was co-ed and a saturday night.
When I RSVP... (read in full...)
A new potential step parent vs a teenager
Q. I need constructive advise about a situation that is bothering me. Im widowed 5 years now and have 3 kids (14, 11 and 10), I finally met the most amazing man and he proposed to me recently. A background on the guy, he is the type of guy that is a go ...
A. 17 July 2013: She's being a bratty teen who can't understand how you could betray her father. (that's how she sees it)
I think all 14 yr olds should be in therapy. It needs to be standard care. They have so many mixed feelings about so many things.
... (read in full...)
Do you try to work it out or walk away?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and lately all we do us argue. I have trust issues from a previous relationship. I don't like his friends and can't stand to be around them so I prefer to not go to social events with him. ...
A. 17 July 2013: you don't like his friends so you don't socialize with him when he's with them. BAD sign
you fight all the time... BAD SIGN
you are asking total strangers what to do BAD SIGN
you say you love him but do you love HIM or do you love w... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cannot talk but would not say why
Q. My girlfriend says she's at home, but she's busy, and can't talk to me, yet she does not want to tell me why. She says she'll call me back when she's done, but she will not give me a time. I called her back saying it really bothers her that she woul...
A. 17 July 2013: or option 4 is that she met him, knew it was not good with you and left a bad relationship to pursue one that may be better...
you yourself said there were problems in the relationship...
... (read in full...)
Should I go back to see the man I met on holiday?
Q. I went on holiday to Jamaica at the beginning of the year to celebrate my birthday. While there I met a guy there. I was not interested in him on holiday at all I thought he was drop dead gorgeous. But I just don't go on looks I go for personality ...
A. 17 July 2013: If you guys are in daily contact, I can see no harm at all in going back to see him if you can and he wants to see you and you want it to happen. but be in control of your vacation... do not stay with him. have plans to do things without him just ... (read in full...)
What does no love lost between two people mean?
Q. Someone told me that there is no love lost between me and my son's mother-in-law. what does she mean? Has the mother-in-law badmouthed me?...
A. 17 July 2013: It means you two are not close friends and would not choose to have anything to do with each other if it was not for the shared grandchildren you will have.
it does mean one is bad mouthing the other.
... (read in full...)
Break up after 12 years together, she's moved on and happy but I'm miserable!
Q. Hi there. I read someone elses story and mine relates a bit. I am really hurting bad and I need advice. My girlfriend recently left me. A bit more than a month ago. We were together for 12 years. We were always good together. No cheating, no ...
A. 17 July 2013: Perhaps she met him while you two were together and while she may not have cheated on you, what happened was your wants and her wants no longer were the same.
She is probably around your age and after 12 years she WANTS A CHILD and you do not. T... (read in full...)
Is love really racist or Is it just my mind?
Q. Hi Friends, I am really trying to understand something here. I am working in a private sector firm and I like someone at work. I am an South East Asian and she probably is White/Mix. She started working at my company couple of weeks ago. When ...
A. 17 July 2013: I don't think it has to be about race.
some folks do not date co-workers as a general rule.
she may not see you as dating material.
other than her name, where she works and how she looks what do you know about her? how old is she? is ... (read in full...)
Why would my lover ask his wife to pick me up?
Q. I have a really strange question to ask. Iv'e been involved with a married man for over 8yrs.and please i'm not here asking for comments regarding the long term affair.but today when i texted him and said i will not be home till later this afternoo...
A. 17 July 2013: maybe his wife holds the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" attitude.
If I was trying to hide an affair from my hubby, I can see hiding it in plain sight...
I mean why in the world would the wife suspect he's having an affai... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's cousin is ruining our relationship and destroying our love. :(. What should I do ?
Q. I've been dating my friend for almost a yearalong . I came from rich family and he came from poor family. It has started with him being carying, nice, concerned over me. First we both never thought that we would be dating eachother. I realized ...
A. 17 July 2013: Do you not see that you manipulate him too?
The fact that you start with “I came from a rich family and he came from poor family” right away tells me you view him, as beneath you. You may not even realize it because it’s a subconscious thing. ... (read in full...)
Why is he acting like we are together but says its nothing serious help!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. This is quite a confusing situation !!! I met this guy weve been hanging out for about 2 month there was a little drama in the begining but that is over now. And we are still hanging i asked him what was going on with us and he said im not seeing ...
A. 17 July 2013: so you two are dating but it's not serious. you have fun, he treats you nicely but it's not enough for you? you want a serious commitment after 2 months when there are children involved?
sounds to me like he's having fun and you're havin... (read in full...)
I call my crush, but he never seems to make the effort to call me
Q. dear cupid i have a crush on my best friend of 5years. he doesnt know it but i really like him. we are very close and used to talk with each other everyday.. we say things like i love you and really really like each other alot. but im tired bec...
A. 17 July 2013: Honey STOP calling him.
just STOP do not call
do not BEG him to see you or explain it to you
why do you demean yourself for a man that does not care?... (read in full...)
Should I buy this house with him, and try to make this marriage work?
Q. I need some advice. I am 6 months pregnant and my parents have given me and my husband some money, so we can buy a house together. We have found a place and have applied for our mortgage, we are hoping to exchange contracts by the end of augus...
A. 17 July 2013: If you will be able to afford the house when the marriage ends then do it.
IF not don't buy the house.
As for the money.. I am a lousy money manager. I married my husband partially because he is a good money manager but we fight more about ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never has time for me, should I dump him?
Q. My boyfriend never has time for me should I break up with him ?? We were dating about 3 weeks before and things were great he was seeing me a lot then I got upset with him over him not adding me as a friend on facebook so I dumped him. I got really ...
A. 17 July 2013: Yes early in a relationship folks normally spend A LOT of time together.
this early in a relationship and not spending time together is a bad sign
you dated 3 weeks and broke up because he would not add you to facebook (a red flag for some fo... (read in full...)
Do you think she might be into a threesome?
Q. Hey guys and gals. I need some advice. I am living the good life with my gf who is 24 and im 29 for about 6 years now. Everything is just peachy. For a while now I have been having fantasies of having a threesome with either a dude or chick ...
A. 17 July 2013: you are not being weird you are being human.
however, trust me on this.... keeping your threesome a FANTASY is the way to go.
Bringing others into your bed is not a way to spice up a relationship or fix problems... it only makes them worse... (read in full...)
Facing a separation and divorce, after just one year of marriage! Help, please!
Q. This is probably the most I have needed advice of any question I've asked on here. I am facing a separation and ultimately divorce. I'm having a lot of mixed emotions and its been a roller coaster but I'll give the background in as short a story as ...
A. 17 July 2013: I think that if you stay you are just prolonging the inevitable divorce. If you stay and try to make it work and have kids, it will complicate things.
My first divorce was when i had no job and 2 small children. I survived. so did they. O... (read in full...)
Should I stick it out at this school where I'm miserable because my friends say since I've been here for 2 years I may as well stick it out?
Q. I have been going to this college for two years it seems to be a very prestigious college but I am just not happy. It has been effecting my grades and it seems like the harder I try the more unhappy I become. I have stuck it out for two years. My ...
A. 17 July 2013: You are not happy. You need to be happy.
DO NOT live your life for your friends. Or your family. LIVE your LIFE for YOURSELF.
IF you have the option to transfer to a different school (will the credits transfer etc) then DO IT.
I d... (read in full...)
I really like this girl!
Q. Hi everyone, I was talking to this girl on a dating site and we had been talking for nearly a month. We were getting on really well and we had similar interests, she even admired that she really liked me and I liked her a lot too but I feel really ...
A. 17 July 2013: She works 7 days a week as a doctor at age 25? IF she is telling you this, then there may be other things she exaggerates.
here in the states let's say a person graduates from high school at age 18, then it's 4 years of college so we are at a... (read in full...)
I call my crush, but he never seems to make the effort to call me
Q. dear cupid i have a crush on my best friend of 5years. he doesnt know it but i really like him. we are very close and used to talk with each other everyday.. we say things like i love you and really really like each other alot. but im tired bec...
A. 17 July 2013: I agree with WiseOwlE you need to let the man and the "relationship" go.
Stop rowing the relationship boat.
do not call him or email him or text him.
HE KNOWS how you feel and it does NOT MATTER TO HIM.
WALK away on your terms..... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
