A
female
age
26-29,
*implyMe96
writes:I have relationship problems, how do i trust a guy when i have been hurt by the ones i thought i could trust? Every guy i am suposed to be friends with decide they want in my pants or want to be in a relationship. I dont flirt with guys, I just love to have fun and i dont know how to tell guys were just friends. So now when i find a guy i really want to be with i can't get close enough to be in a relationship i always get scared and get out. Find a reason why i can't be with them. In the past guys have cheated, lied, used me, broke my heart, annd never cared to much, and thats exactly why i have no trust. I want to be able to trust tho. Just trust the right ones, how do i determine the ones worth my time, and how do i say nicely i just want to be your friend. How do i not run away from guys i do care about? And how do i tell guys i dont want a sexual relationship right off the back cause i want to build something special. I know i have soo much time to find something but not if i cant let someone behind my walls and right now i cant..
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 Just to add this: every boy your age will see contact with an attractive girls as an opportunity for sex. Ever guy. Being friendly = lets have sex. Thats just how guys think. They dont want girls for friends, certainly not at your age. So just stop trying to be a friend to guys. It doesnt work. It still doesnt work at my age, and Im closing in on 30. Its not about you flirting with them, its about every guy your age being horny and going for every opportunity they get.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2013):
 I honestly don't think you ARE ready for a relationship. Which given your age isn't totally weird, it's a steep learning curve for sure.
Back off from dating a bit. FIGURE out what you want from a relationship. If you are RUNNING from guy you "think" are good, then you really are second guessing yourself. So the idea of backing off is not a bad one. You know you don't HAVE to have a BF constantly to be happy, right?
You already know what you DO NOT want so that does make it easier, then thing is you might WANT one thing but you can't always "get" what you want from anther person (only if they are 1. willing and feels the same way).
You could benefit from counseling - in a way isn't that why you are here? asking totally random people? 1. A counselor will NOT tell your parents anything UNLESS you consent to the information being passed on, it's JUST NOT legal for them to do. 2. They are TRAINED to help (us aunties/uncles on here are not, we just try and use common sense and (some of us) life experiences. 3. you haven't tried it, so don't hate on it (at least not yet). I felt the same way when I was your age, but I did suffer from OCD pretty seriously and it was kind of out of control, counseling was hard but it really made a huge improvement in my life.
As for the sex part, I would be honest about it from the get go they (or you) start talking relationship. Give yourself 6 months of dating BEFORE having sex. That that means oral sex is out of the question too as well as hand-jobs and poking around below the belt. If a guy wants to wait for you to feel comfortable in the relationship and WITH him, he will stick around and if he doesn't well, then you know early on.
When you say:" you don't flirt but you like you have fun", can you elaborate on WHAT you define as fun? Because if guy friends all of a sudden seem to want to get into your pants it could be that YOU "think" you are having fun but you are really sending out vibes?
Do you have any female friends?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2013):
 IF all the guys you are with are asking for sexual contact, then there is something you are doing that is giving off that vibe.
NOT liking counseling is a good sign. Counseling is HARD WORK and it's NOT fun. you don't need to like it to do something that's good for you. I don't like dieting or exercising or getting my teeth cleaned... I do all of them because they are good for me. Counseling is like that.
IF you don't trust your own judgement, how do you expect to find someone without some guidance from someone with more experience...
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A
female
reader, SimplyMe96 +, writes (9 July 2013):
SimplyMe96 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Its not the fact im not ready for a relationship, Its the fact the ones i have been with made it soo hard to trust any one new. I dont like counseling so thats out of the question telling random people everything kinda worries me. and I dont want anything i say to go back to my parents. And i doo go for the attractive guys, but i have gone for ones that arent that great looking but are super nice, then they turn on me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Most girls don't have a problem spotting the signs of a bad guy. They just have a problem heeding the signs they do spot.
Do you trust guys more when they are more attractive? Almost every female I know does this, and it gets them into trouble every time.
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