How can I resolve the fact that I am torn between the man I love and what I think will make me happy in the long run?
Q. My partner is 30 and I am 20, we love each other and I think he is my soulmate. I just wish I had met him 10 years ago and things would have been different. He has two kids with his ex and they live with her. He visits them in the holidays and...
A. 25 February 2013: Ella: There's nothing "wrong" with a 20-year-old woman meeting and falling in love with a 30-year-old man... Probably happens more than you'd imagine....
The greater question, in my eyes, is YOUR rather immature reaction to the dynamics of what ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my fiance who continues to lie to me? Money is tight yet he still spends on things we can't afford.
Q. my fiance keeps lying about stupid things and its driving me up the wall. He's not working at the moment so money is tight, I have spoken to him about how much he keeps spending several times now. He has two kids from a previous relationshi...
A. 25 February 2013: This is one of those questions which begs for an answer in the form of an question. To wit: "WHY does this guy continue to be your "fiance???" He's OBVIOUSLY someone who is TOTALLY irresponsible, and seems to have NO compunction about taking ... (read in full...)
Is he the right Bf for me? He prefers vanilla sex. I want threesome,s sex toys, bondage, role plays, sex outdoors and dressing up
Q. I'm 24 and my partner is 28 and we have been together for a year and a half. Although we love each other the chemistry in the bedroom isn't sizzling... We keep fighting and getting frustrated with each other about whether we are having sex or n...
A. 25 February 2013: When a woman and a man are as far apart as you describe, about a subject as important as your intimate lives together... then it's time to agree that you aren't sufficiently compatible to spend any more time together. Make the break, and the two of ... (read in full...)
The guy that I've been dating for 3 years has done the disappearing act!
Q. So the guy that I've been dating for 3 years.. has done the disappearing act.. No contact or communication whatsoever..lately.. There was no arguments nothing of that nature.. I feel like he's either one of two things.. Has a fear of taking our ...
A. 24 February 2013: My Dad always told me; "When someone isn't talking to you, DON'T INTERRUPT THEM!!!"
That applies here, as well....
If he's disappeared, let him STAY disappeared.
Good luck........ (read in full...)
How do you cut someone you see frequently out of your life?
Q. I need to cut someone out of my life because I believe that is the only way to get them off my mind. I've had a crush on this person for a terribly long time and they give less than a damn about me. They may not be aware that I still like them (I do ...
A. 24 February 2013: You act politely toward him.... just as you would (behave toward) any other of your circle of friends.... BUT,...
... When you have to look at him (and you usually get all giddy when you do, no?).... instead of HIM, visualize in your mind Fre... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with our second child but now he's hardly talking to me
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years ad we have a daughter who is currently one. We had her kinda early in our relationship but we both agreed that was fine. Now pregnant again and after I got pregnant he stopped wanting to touch ...
A. 24 February 2013: Geesh. This is the second time, today, that I've gotten to give this EXACT SAME advice. Here it is:
You are correct, that his behaviour - as you've described it - is totally unacceptable. However, I believe the "medicine" necessary to foresee ... (read in full...)
How can I progress this? And, how do I ask the younger brother out?
Q. Hi Everyone. I am stuck. Properly stuck. My story is this. Two brothers. When I met the elder, he liked me and wanted to date me, but I decided he wasn't the guy for me. We set up a bit of a flirtation but only that. He has a girlf...
A. 24 February 2013: Rather than try to "drive" a partnership with this shy guy.... why not just stay close? ... stay friendly? ... and let matters evolve without any undue pressure by either of you? From your submittal, it "sounds" as if you have regular contact with ... (read in full...)
16 weeks pregnant and my Bf is acting distant. What can I do? He's not affectionate now. It's made me feel lonely.
Q. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I'm 28 y/o. 5 years ago I was* married and had 2 miscarriages. I found out that my (now ex husband ) was cheating on me so I filed for divorce. Now, after years of thinking id never be lucky enough to get pregnant aga...
A. 24 February 2013: You are correct, that his behaviour - as you've described it - is totally unacceptable. However, I believe the "medicine" necessary to foresee your's (and his) future is pretty painful to take.... To wit:
I'd suggest that you sit down with him... (read in full...)
He broke my hear, yet he won't leave me alone. What are my options in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend of two years decided a week before christmas break was over and he went back to school that he wanted a break because he feels we are too young to be tied down. He's in his second year of college and I get that he feels that he hasn'...
A. 24 February 2013: Ditto what CindyCares wrote EXCEPT I would drop the "one last time" proviso. You've endured his emotional playing for 'way too long, already. Make the break, and make it stick. You'll find there really ARE some nice guys "out there".... so go ... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this unhappy situation? He says a divorce will be worse on the kids than us being unhappy.
Q. I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids under 10. My husband and I dated for 6 years before getting married. I am absolutely miserable in my marriage. My husband is emotionally abusive...a true narcissist. It has taken me too long and ...
A. 24 February 2013: You write: "My question is: he says a divorce will be worse on the kids than us being unhappy. (I disagree...I think they are living in a very unhappy situation and learning what love should not be.) "
He's wrong; you're right. NOW, set in m... (read in full...)
No affection, I am trying to deal with it!
Q. I am ashamed of myself. I know that what he is going through is worse than any pain I could have, but it doesn't make my pain go away. We have been living together for a little over a year. Things were good before he moved in, then we had the ...
A. 24 February 2013: We guys are noted for retreating to our caves, in an effort to get away from the world, when things get rough for us...
HOWEVER, regardless of how rough our moment-in-time is, we (guys) should never forget to be civil to those of us who love us.... (read in full...)
For how long am I expected to work at making this work?
Q. Hi. I have some relationship probelms, including my bf's financial probelms, having to bail him out, the nagging ex wife and massive fights he has with her and so on. She even sent me thretening messages. We don't live together so althogh I get ...
A. 24 February 2013:
You ask: "But for how long? " Judging by what you've written, I'd say 20 minutes is long enough...
Good luck....... (read in full...)
What should I do about this baby Dad Drama, caused by his new GF? I need help.
Q. My child's father and I have been really going through the drama. His new girlfriend is the cause of it. She does things to influence our arguing I'm honestly tired out of fighting and I'm tired of her causing problems I talked to him about ...
A. 23 February 2013: "Sounds" to me like "Baby Daddy" used you and is now on to the NEXT girl he is going to use.... and - ultimately - both you and this next girl will be able to collaborate on the NEXT submittal, on here, when the THIRD girl comes in to the ... (read in full...)
What we had together was amazing. Why did my commitment phobic guy cut me off the way he did?
Q. I dated this guy for a year. He was commitment phobic from the start because he had some horrible experiences in his past, but we decided to go with the flow, because the chemistry and compatibility between us were very strong. In fact I woul...
A. 23 February 2013: You ask: "Why did he cut me off like that?"
Here are the details... which - incidentally - I found right there in your submittal:
1. HE had no intentions of making a committment to - and having a relationship with - you. You KNEW this at the... (read in full...)
I want us to be a family but I'm tired of doing everything all for nothing!
Q. I am in a bondle. I have been with this person about 3 years now on and off and we have a son together. Its our first kid for the both of us and when we first started dating everything was great and we spent lots of time together. I found out I was ...
A. 23 February 2013: All the "good stuff" in your submittal is in the first two paragraphs. All the remainder of your submittal, is your wishing/dreaming that HE would "become" the friend/boyfriend/hubby that you WISH he would be. He isn't going to do so..... so you ... (read in full...)
Why does he randomly contact me when we only met once over 2 years ago?
Q. I met this guy (I will refer to him as B) almost two years ago when I went to my best friend's beach house. B and I lived in the same city but we both happened to be at the beach at the same time. We really hit it off and we flirted back and forth ...
A. 23 February 2013: The key detail that is missing from your submittal, is whether or not you and he engaged in $-x at the beach. IF SO.... then he is sniffing around (and contacting you) to see if he can get a re-play of that (the $-x)....
Good luck...... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my boyfriend's flirty friend will take him away from me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3 years. He has a female friend who is constantly flirting with him in front of me, and they have a close friendship. I am trying to keep my mouth shut, because I don't know if I can talk to them both ...
A. 23 February 2013: IF being boyfriend and girlfriend requires exclusivity... then you and he are not really "B/F and G/F" are you?
The decision that is before YOU, is to decide IF you are going to be the parenthetic "girl" in his life... whilest he, publicly... (read in full...)
I'm moving out but too scared to tell Mom!
Q. Well alot if things had change lately. Hmmm so after everything my boyfriend ask me seriously to get a place with him. I must be out of my mind cause I told him yes I will get an apartment with him. Now.. I have no close what I'm going to tell me ...
A. 23 February 2013: She'll figure it out when she comes to call you for breadfast that first morning, and finds your bed empty....
Greater question: Are you prepared to "eat crow" and return to your folks if/when your "B/F" proves to be a bad "roommate".... and your... (read in full...)
I resent my girlfriend because she's hot and I'm not!
Q. I'm a horrible person. I have a really great friend. She is by far the kindest and most sincere and loyal friend I have ever had. She's such a true friend that I truley.think if it came down to it she would throw herself in front of a car to save my ...
A. 23 February 2013: If I had a nickel for every girl who condescended to go on a date with me.... and who was demonstrably hotter than I am.... I would be one very-wealthy guy....
WHY does this issue even EXIST in your head?????
Good luck....... (read in full...)
I love my husband but he loves his money and freedom more than he loves me!
Q. My ques: myself and my husband got married 12 years back. We have 2 daughters. I love my husband more than my life. He 2 loves me. But he a very practical person. He is away from me for 9 months due to his work in ship. But when he is near to me he ...
A. 23 February 2013: From your submittal, it sounds as if the relationship that you've described is a single guy (your hubby) who has a woman standing in the wings.... bearing and rearing his children, keeping his home in-order, and waiting - waiting - for him to become ... (read in full...)
Are you supposed to feel a spark when you kiss your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Q. when i kiss my boyfriend, there is no spark and am really confused because i believe that spark is true but i dont feel anything for my boyfriend no fireworks or chemistry between us. My question is...is spark really true?...
A. 22 February 2013: Depending on you and the partner you are kissing... you may experience anything along a spectrum from the tiny spark you get from scruffing your shoes on a carpet and touching your cat's nose.... up to a gargantuan bolt of lightning from a Kansas ... (read in full...)
Should I get to know my so called 'mother in law'
Q. I've posted here before but about my last relationship. I'm back this time however to ask something else. I'm in a new relationship now and my bfs mother is abit much. She seems to have a strong personality from what I hear (constantly argu...
A. 22 February 2013:
I would like to focus on three bits in your submittal which give me an opening to offer "mature" advice....
First, you include these two phrases: "from what I hear" .... and, "I was warned about her...." The mature me sez don't give much cr... (read in full...)
I'm supposed to be getting married in May. My fiance has been again been caught talking sexual on dating sites!
Q. I am supposed to be getting married in June. The honeymoon is even booked. After the wedding she would have been moving into my house. We have been together for over 5 years. It has been an off and on relationship for the last 3 years. Mainly d...
A. 22 February 2013: Some people might remind you of the old story about the man who was beating his head against a brick wall when One of his friends happened to come along and said to him: "Hey, friend, why are you beating your head against that brick wall?"....
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend on site to cheat with married man. Is it time to end things?
Q. I have found out my girlfriend of 2 years went onto a site that is designed for married people to cheat on each other. Her friend told me. I am surprised she told her anyway. She wrote that she is single and looking for an uncomplicated no strings ...
A. 22 February 2013:
.... Yes........ (read in full...)
Why do girls play hard to get when you show them little interest?
Q. Why do girls play hard to get when you show little interest?? I AM just curious? obviously you are not clinging and showing being needy. And what's the best way of getting that girl who plays hard to get? ...
A. 22 February 2013: Playing "hard-to-get" is just like any other game.... it's a game. Why bother to PLAY A GAME when there are so many OTHER fun and interesting things to do?.... like spend time with a girl who DOESN'T play games?.....
Good luck...
P.S. Every t... (read in full...)
Is it really true? Once a cheater always a cheater?
Q. Can people be truly sorry for cheating and never go on to do it again? Or is it a case of once a cheater always a cheater? I've cheated in the past knew it was wrong and never done it again. My boyfriend of four years cheated in the b...
A. 22 February 2013: It's certainly a cliche ("once a cheater.. etc.") and it didn't occur in a vacuum. MANY people are "serial" cheaters who give no indication of reform, or change.....
HOWEVER, there's no reason that a penitent cheater can't mend his or her ways... (read in full...)
Did I scare him off with my question about dating?
Q. This guy I've been talking to wanted to come over Friday night. We were having lunch together Wednesday (he stopped by my office to take me out to lunch,) and he was extremely sweet to me. He and I dated a few months ago but have kind of been doing ...
A. 22 February 2013: Guys aren't as concerned (as are women) with knowing exactly how to "define" what is going on between the two of them... We have only one goal... and you KNOW what that is.... and all of our efforts are expended to see that we meet that goal....
... (read in full...)
How can I find a cute nickname for my boyfriend?
Q. I've got a problem. My friend has an adorable nickname for her boyfriend and it isn't girly or anything (It's darebear) and he loves it. I'm having trouble thinking of one for my bf because he has the most god awful name (Rudolfo...but he goes by ...
A. 22 February 2013: Whenever a girl is in a quandry for finding a cute nickname for her boyfriend, I offer the two best ones I know: "Hunchy-bunchy" or "Studmuffin"
Surely, one of those will work for you and Rudy....
P.S. Does he have a cute nickname that he... (read in full...)
I'm feeling claustrophobic in our relationship and regret having said 'yes' to his proposal!
Q. Hi everybody. Im in a spot of bother... Ive been with my fella for nearly 3 years, at first he was everything i ever wanted, the complete opposite of my abusive ex but now my feelings have changed. We have been through so much drama and break up...
A. 22 February 2013: WOW!!! If there was ever a time and submittal for which I would say: "Take three steps backwards, and DON'T do ANYTHING related to this "relationship" until then (6 months from now)..." THIS IS IT!!!!!!
What's 6 months????? .... if it keeps yo... (read in full...)
I HATE my ex! I need a healthy way of letting go!
Q. I need help to control my anger before i seriously burst with rage! I absolutly HATE my ex boyfriend with a passion right now, he has made a complete fool out fo me and i have literally just thrown everything he ever bought me on ebay to get rid....
A. 22 February 2013: Don 'cha just love hate? It's like a slow-acting acid that burns in to you... and makes you wonder why you tolerate it...
Soooo, WHY DO YOU "tolerate it"????? YOUR hatred (of him) isn't going to affect your ex-boyfriend.... In fact, he's mor... (read in full...)
Do I go out with my former FWB who no longer has a girlfriend?
Q. Ok, last year I was seeing a guy who had a gf (please no judgement) for about 2 and a half months. It was strictly sexual, I told him I didn't want it to blossom into anything more than that. However, he finally told me that he would break up with ...
A. 21 February 2013: So, now, he's not "gettin' a little" from his girlfriend... and wants YOU to be his "fallback" "G/F" to provide him a warm, soft and moist place to put his penis...
Are you up for that? Are you prepared for him to drop you when his continue... (read in full...)
Has he Lost Interest in me After Only Two Months?
Q. Hi everyone (: My boyfriend and I are dating since two months and a half, I know it's not a long time, but it has been a lot since I had a "serious" relarionship. I am not the kind of girl that wants her boyfriend to call her every time, or text her...
A. 21 February 2013: The key to your submittal is certainly the question of whether or not you and he have shared intimacies (had
$-x). IF you did.... then his behaviour is perfectly predictable.... and you are experiencing the disinterest that guys exhibit once they... (read in full...)
I Proposed to My Pregnant Girlfriend, She Accepted!
Q. hi Aunts ahd Uncles... im the man who orginally posted about my pregnant girlfriend. the title was she posts everything on facebook. you all wanted me to come back and prove you wrong. well guess what? my baby BOY is due in june, i proposed to her ...
A. 21 February 2013: If you and she have a "happy ending" to your submittal, and to the goings-on in your lives.... then we (Aunts and Uncles) are happy for you.... THAT's the best ending of all.....
As for your criticising the advice your received herein.... I detect... (read in full...)
Worried that this relationship is unhealthy but I can't leave!
Q. My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married, but we've had a lot of problems. In the beginning, he was verbally abusive to both myself and his daughter. I told him not to talk to me like that and he's stopped. He's become a new man and he says nic...
A. 21 February 2013: WHOA!!!! You "want to get back with on of my (your) exs..."
Then, DO SO, and don't keep this poor fellow on the hook whilest you take your time growing up.......
Good luck.... (Even MORE "good luck" to HIM!!!)........ (read in full...)
I hurt my ex girlfriend when I finished the relationship. I know she's hurting. How can I help her?
Q. I had a 3 month relationship with this girl and we fell in love really quickly. We had some trust issues and I ended up breaking her heart. Since then she has been avoiding and ignoring me. The thing is, she is still emotionally dependent on me ...
A. 21 February 2013: STOP playing the childish games that you believe make sense.... and get on with YOUR life... and let HER get on with HER life......
Over time, things will get to where they NEED to be - after the demise of a young love - and the two of you will... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed that I'm pregnant
Q. I'm 24 years old and almost 2 months pregnant. I don't know what to do. I have a completely understanding family's and my child's father is in the picture and he's completely supportive. I haven't told my mother. I'm afraid that she will be ...
A. 21 February 2013: Your submittal is 'way too dramatic. You tell your Mom that you are pregnant, then go on with life. What ELSE is there to consider??????
Good luck...... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend still text this woman? He knows she has feelings for him!
Q. I met my boyfriend on a dating website about 3 months ago. Our relationship is exclusive and he has told me he has fallen in love with me. We live an hour apart. We see each other every weekend and once during the week. Problem... He met this...
A. 21 February 2013: C'mon OP. You write: "In all fairness, he has told her about me coming into his life." Were you there when this conversation took place?????? IF so, then I have no more to add. IF NOT.... then my advice is: BE THERE when he repeats this ... (read in full...)
I want to talk to this guy but don't want to seem too forward
Q. I just recently moved to a new town. It's a little beach town, and in the summer I know it will be easy to make friends but being winter, it's pretty dead. Im currently between jobs so the only people I'm around are those in my community college ...
A. 20 February 2013: I wouldn't normally suggest this.... but, in your case, I'm willing to make say, "what the heck????" Here's the suggestion (and it's quite novel and creative!!).....
Print out a copy of this submittal. Have it with you in your purse or pocket..... (read in full...)
Why would my 62 year old husband start looking at porn on the computer?
Q. Hi, My husband is 62 Years old and for the past 2 months he has been looking at naked women online. He confessed to me last night. I was so hurt. What would cause this? I feel like I have nothing left. Donna...
A. 20 February 2013: Donna: Guys like to look at pretty pictures of naked girls. Isn't that what your hubby is doing? Have you TOLD hubby that you are aware of - and hurt by - his looking at pictures of naked women?
We can give you much better replies if you will... (read in full...)
My lover asked me to marry him but I'm already married!
Q. HI! I’m 27years old and I'm a married woman with two kids. I'm in a relationship with a white guy, but I love my husband and love this guy so much more than my husband. This guy asked me to marry him and I said yes to him. Now I don't know what to ...
A. 20 February 2013: Does your lovers' being white "add" anything to the story?
Otherwise, whether black, white, green or any other colour, the situation that you describe (a married woman entertaining - and AGREEING TO - a marriage proposal), goes against all that... (read in full...)
My guy changed after he found out about my past. Is this emotional abuse?
Q. I met a guy last year and we had nearly been together a year. When I met this guy I was in a bad place in my life and he was the most amazing guy I had ever met. Always texting poems, sending photos, doing everything for me and giving me so much ...
A. 20 February 2013: You ask: "Now is this emotional abuse control? I dont know whether I should walk away and cut al strings or carry on with this and see where it goes..."
I answer: This is two adults acting like children (Yes, you are part of the childish... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend still text this woman? He knows she has feelings for him!
Q. I met my boyfriend on a dating website about 3 months ago. Our relationship is exclusive and he has told me he has fallen in love with me. We live an hour apart. We see each other every weekend and once during the week. Problem... He met this...
A. 20 February 2013: Considering that it's rather coarse for him to say to this "other" woman: "Hey, bitch.... don't be in touch with me 'cuz I'm romancin' another girl now..... and am not available to you...." I would give him a pass for him to "let her down ... (read in full...)
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