A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am supposed to be getting married in June. The honeymoon is even booked. After the wedding she would have been moving into my house.We have been together for over 5 years. It has been an off and on relationship for the last 3 years. Mainly due to one thing only, and that being her online dating profiles she has and uses. We have broke up so many times and I have heard every lie, seen every reaction from her and even been told that she went on them because she knew that I was on them too. The last time I left I was sure it was for the last time. She found me, and for the first time in her life she owned up to it and admitted she was wrong in what she had done, and said that she now realised that she had been mentally cruel to me. She said the 4 months we were apart had opened her eyes, and also swore she had never met anyone, or ever wanted to at any time we was together or when we were broken up over it. She did admit that she flirted and teased them sexually. She said she has definitely finished with it. Even if I did`nt go back, she still has done with dating sites.I have trusted her since getting back together. Yesterday I was shocked, although I know I should`nt be. Dating sites again. I saw a conversation that was extremely sexually explicit. It seems she has been talking to him for months and they have exchanged photos. There was a conversation that mentioned "when we eventually do meet" in it. I have told her what I saw. Her reaction has been anger, she has called me controlling and super jealous, and said I am the one with the problem because I have difficulty trusting her. Exactly the opposite of what she had said when she wanted us back together. What do I do now? Why does she keep doing this?
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broke up, fiance, flirt, jealous, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I reckon if you hadn't walked, we all would have ganged up and dragged you outta there!!!!
Ne life begins every day and we get a chance to make things better every day!! You can hold your head up and say 'I don't let people treat me like shit'
I am telling you straight, men are seriously outnumbered by women in this world and there are millions of kind caring FAITHFUL women waiting for a decent genuine man to be with (I know because i'm one of them) so why waste your life on someone whos a liar, a manipulator and a cheat???...Makes a mockery of the word 'love'
I wish you all the best and I really hope she doesn't crawl back under your skin.
xx
A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 "Not let something so stupid come between you?" She sounds like a total nut case. Lets hope you stick to your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. Every single one of you. I have had a stupid text message off her, saying if I really loved her I would go back and not let something so stupid come between us. I will not be going back. No way. I never want to see, hear about, or even think about her and her dating sites again. That is final. Thank you all.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 Some people might remind you of the old story about the man who was beating his head against a brick wall when One of his friends happened to come along and said to him: "Hey, friend, why are you beating your head against that brick wall?"....
... and the man said, "because if feels so good when I stop."
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): She keeps doing that because she can...because there have been no real consequences for her actions...she is NOT a trustworthy person. When you are in a relationship, you have no business on any kind of dating site talking to people privately and in that manner or anything like it. Why does she have so much time on her hands that she is doing this? I am sorry you are going through this, but this is NOT the girl for you. She's been doing it, she lies about it and she continues to do it. She, for whatever reason is craving male attention and is seeking it out. She is has disrespected you and your committment together and her repeated actions are loud and clear. If she was in this 100% she would not be doing it, period. She is not mature enough or ready to be in a relationship and she sure as hell is not ready for marriage. This is not going to change when you get married,,,it will not change a thing, that is a guarantee.Personally, as painful as it would be, I would break it off. She needs counseling to find out why she is behaving this way. She's lying to herself and you. Marriage can be a fulfilling committment, but it takes two to make it work...if there is not love, loyalty and honesty and communication, it's not going to work. Why on earth would you want to walk into something so rocky?"Controlling and jealous"? WHAT? Nice deflecting there....fail. She is completely out of line and has no sense of right and wrong. She is trouble and she doesn't care enough to change...she's not going to. It's going to take some time and it's going to be a rough road ahead, but you will get through it and you will survive it. There are plenty of wonderful women out there who will be trustworthy and loyal, will love and respect you....for whatever reason, you had to go through this experience to bring you to something and someone better. Give her what she wants...freedom ..you are just not going to be a part of it. Best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): You have been given similar advice off a lot of people on here. If you do not follow the advice, then you will have to accept it for exactly what it is without a word of complaint. You deserve as much as you are prepared to tolerate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): You gave her chance after chance for three years. She is bound to think she can do it again and again and you will always take her back. I think she is a nutter. Say goodbye. You must have had enough of it by now.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 This is the end of the relationship. You cannot put your head in hole and think this is going to stop, history has repeated it self over and over again. You walk down that aisle you cannot blame her or anyone as you know the truth.
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A
male
reader, Joey Notice +, writes (22 February 2013):
Whether you are engaged, married or have only been dating for a week, she is mistreating you. You have been far too soft and forgiving. Believe me now, she would not tolerate this if it was the other way round. No one with any sense would tolerate it. Dump her. You will find far better.
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A
male
reader, SumGuy +, writes (21 February 2013):
What do you do now? The world is your oyster. I can not tell you what to do. That decision is yours. I can however, suggest what you don`t do, and that is marry her or even go back to her. Not going back to her will sort out your problem once and for all, and it doesn`t even require any action.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): Do not marry that woman. If she is like that now, just think what she will be like when the routine of married life and children sets in and she starts getting bored.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (21 February 2013):
You have bags of answers here and all but one say the same. That one that doesnt, has probably no idea of what it is like putting up with an internet dating site die hard. Well I have !!! If she cannot keep off dating sites now, then getting married will not stop her. Do not marry a woman who cheats on you. And believe me she is cheating on you. I do not know if the one contradicting answer is serious or just a troll? One thing is for sure, it is her, not you.
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A
female
reader, N joY +, writes (21 February 2013):
You could always tell her that you wont stop her going to dating sites anymore, because you have decided to go on them too. I bet she views that very different. Of course you will get jealous and not want her having computer sex with strange men. I think she gets off on it myself. I think maybe you have not snooped enough. She needs checking out a lot more. The best fix would be to dump her all together and never see or speak to her again. No contact. You surely know that it has not been a real relationship?
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (21 February 2013):
I do not understand why you are here asking what you should do, or why she does it. You know what to do. DUMP HER. She is probably getting titillated by talking dirty online or possibly gets a buzz out of cheating. Do her reasons matter that much anymore? The fact is, she will never stop doing it.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (21 February 2013):
You would be far better off dumping your cheat, because whatever her reason or excuse, she is insincere and untrustworthy. People like her would hate it if they got the same treatment. Do not contact her. Do not accept her calls or messages.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 February 2013):
Why is she doing it?...because it's how she gets her kicks and she's obviously a person who can only exist by feeding off of attention. I think it's quite sickening to be honest that she can be planning a wedding with you all the while she is behaving like some kind of sex slut for various faceless men online. If she's gone so far as to get sexual with them, i'd lay money that she's already met a few of them...quickie in the backseat or some shady motel!!!! Yuck!!
If you think marrying her will make her stop, then you need to accept the fool's lot in life and suck it up!!...almost all guys finding themselves in your position would be out the door before she had a chance to type her next 'sexual' stunt!!!...but maybe you will just put up with it forever...who knows?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): If she has been using dating sites for three years then she is either determined to cheat on you, or she is addicted to it (that's if there is such a thing as being addicted). Whatever it is, her disrespect for you sticks out a mile. You need to get rid of her and keep her well in the distance.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (21 February 2013):
 She has got away with it for so long, that if you end it with her permanently, it will probably be a shock to her. She may even think that YOURE the unreasonable one. It does not seem like she has any sense of reason. She is angry because you have caught her. So for three years she has been going on these dating sites knowing the damage it causes? She is more committed to dating sites than she is you. She aint gonna stop. Forget her. Forget dating sites. Move on.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (21 February 2013):
Cancel the wedding and the honeymoon. You have been spared a life of torment. She is selfish, narcissistic, and not in touch with any ones feelings but her own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): forget her. she will never ever change. not for you or anybody. dating sites are there to meet people, and just because she told you she doesnt want to, it means nothing, just like her telling you she wouldnt go on them anymore meant nothing. she owned up to it to appease you, because she knew denying it had ran its course. you went back and nothing had changed. if she never met or slept with anybody, then what if she came across someone she thought was better than you? what then? people do not gamble their relationship and wedding for so little. in my opinion she is looking for greener grass.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (21 February 2013):
I have been in a very similar situation to you. Forget asking her why. You will never get a honest answer. You will never get an answer that adds up. You will end up even more confused. Leave her to it.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Maybe she never intended meeting anyone off the sites. Who knows? I think this is about a constant need for attention,to be desired and adored. I do not think you alone will ever be enough to feed her need. I think she may need you for the security of being steady, but it looks like the dating sites will never stop. It is difficult to judge how much she really does love you. What makes me think she does`nt love you that much, is the risk she takes of losing you. I think you would be better out of it and staying away from her. Don`t even talk to her about it anymore. You will probably never get closure or get any sense from her about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): Dump her. You will never be able to trust her. You deserve so much better than this. There will be a woman out there that will treat you with kindness and compassion and someone that you are able to trust.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (21 February 2013):
 So she's done it yet again, and this time she's not even sorry.
You know what you need to do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2013):
 I would break the engagement and not get married to her.
She's angry at being caught...
I do not think that it's controlling or jealous to not want your fiancee to NOT be on dating sites.
you have given her chance after chance.... she's not going to change if you marry.... trust me on this my ex husband could not bear to not have other women stroking his ego...
he loved me but not enough. she may love you (or say she does) but her behavior says she loves herself more.
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