A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, last year I was seeing a guy who had a gf (please no judgement) for about 2 and a half months. It was strictly sexual, I told him I didn't want it to blossom into anything more than that. However, he finally told me that he would break up with his gf of 7 years if I was willing to offer him more. I wasn't so I broke things off with him.I hadn't spoken to him for about 2 months and today out of the blue he calls me (I must admit I got butterflies when his name came up on the screen) After a long chat, he tells me he's broke up with his gf last month and would I like to go for a drink? Now, I'm not sure what to do. My friends don't approve of him for obvious reasons. So do I go out for drinks with him or stay way clear?
View related questions:
broke up, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 If you don't want a relationship with him then definitely no drinks or meeting up. What do you think, he just wants to catch up and be friends all of a sudden? This man wants more, you know it, and there is absolutely no reason for you to meet him unless you want to hook up again. Because he's not looking for a friendly chat. He broke up with his girlfriend and is looking for the replacement. That's why he wants to meet you.
If you aren't interested then why even bother considering meeting him? He'll just start pestering you if you give him any attention. I say don't even reply to any messages of his. He needs to get over his last relationship, himself, and you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): I dont condone having affairs but I also know the heart wants what it wants. Sounds to me you like him more than FWB but fear karma catching up.
What you feel for him is not going to go away and you need to decide do you want to try and if not for both of you its best you dont meet.
I have a sister in law who broke up a marriage that was two months old, she is happily married to that guy and have kids. The woman she hurt has gone through hell, I did not see karma catch up with her and this is 10 years later.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have clarified, I have absolutely no intention of being his gf, hence why i broke things off the first time. Knowing what he is capable of and the fact it's just not what I want. I know when karma catches up with me, I'm going to be well and truly bitten. Part of life though. Regarding my friends; the only problem they have with him is the way he went about this situation in the first place. Granted I'm not completely innocent in this, I wasn't the one in a relationship. So other than that they like him.As for not knowing anything about each other, that's not entirely true. We have mutual friends so we have been out together and talked without sex being involved. Plus we did talk when we'd hook up, obviously. I did even meet his family, accidentally as I turned up early one day. Obviously there is a lot we don't know about each other but wouldn't say we are completely oblivious about each other outside of the bedroom. I appreciate everybody's advice and taken those comments on board and decided not to go for a drink with him. There are just too may wrongs with this to make it right.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 So, now, he's not "gettin' a little" from his girlfriend... and wants YOU to be his "fallback" "G/F" to provide him a warm, soft and moist place to put his penis...
Are you up for that? Are you prepared for him to drop you when his continued/ongoing search for his "new" G/F is successful? How will you feel when he drops you YET AGAIN, because he's found someone "better"?????
Really.... YOU can do better...
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 February 2013):
I think it would be a bad idea to go out with him for several reasons.
1. he's a cheater. And really, no judgment, you weren't the one who were committed, but he was, and that makes him a cheater. And that speaks of his character. Don't think it speaks about how "special" you are, you know that's not why he cheated. He cheated because of who he is, he cheated because he doesn't have that little voice inside that tells him this is wrong. He cheated because it's what he felt like doing at the time, and should he feel like it he'll do it again, regardless of whom he's with. If you get involved with him you can't blame anyone but yourself if he cheats on you, because you knew who you were getting involved with. And don't go thinking "he'll change for me". That's such a cliché, and you know that never works.
2. He just got out of a relationship. Actually, he didn't just come out of one, he already started a relationship with you while still in one. Meaning, he hasn't really gotten out of any relationship at all, he's just moving from one woman to the next. You should always end one relationship before you start another. There's good reasons for this. You might think that because you ended things with him, he's now been single for a month. But not in his head. He got involved with you, and wanted things to evolve between the two of you. His relationship with you started then. Now is just the continuation of this relationship. He's not had any time to be single, not had any time to grieve the loss of his past relationship... He's taken absolutely no time to think about what he actually wants or needs in life. And that will come back to bite him in the buttocks, and in your buttocks too, should you get involved with him.
3. Well he does sound pretty obsessed with you, and without respect for your decision. You clearly told him it was just sexual, yet he thinks he can persuade you to enter a relationship with him? This sort of ignorant persistence is a turn off for me, however we're all different. I just thinks it shows that he is living in a bubble of his own, without considering what people around him actually want. He wanted to sleep with you, without thinking about the girlfriend he cheated on. He wants to date you, without thinking about how you said you didn't want more... He just keeps going at it. I think if you go out for drink you'll have him pestering you for months, even though you'll tell him to leave you alone.
4. Your relationship is based on sex. It was purely sexual. It is close to futile to build a relationship on sex, because he doesn't know the first thing about you except where your clitoris is (or at least I hope he knows that). I've been in casual sex-relationships before, so I know how it works. They start off with sex, then the guy falls for me and wants more. He doesn't know the first thing about me, because why would I open up to a guy I'm just sleeping with? It's not like I've taken him to my favourite places, seen my favourite movies with him, shown him my poetry or taken him to meet my family and friends. Nor has he shown true interest in me, because every time we meet up it has been for sex... I mean if a guy was actually interested in ME, as a person, he'd want to talk to me with my clothes on. You don't get to know someone when you're just hanging out in the nude.
So, he doesn't really know you, and you don't really know him. And, considering all of the above mentioned... It sounds like a really bad idea to indulge him with a drink.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): I think you should listen to your friends. They have your best interest at heart, they probably know more about you and about him and about the situation than what in one paragraph you have explained on this site, and if they don't approve of him, that should be a big enough red flag for you. As far as my opinion is concerned, the guy obviously has a weak character and a serious lack of moral integrity for cheating on his girlfriend and leading a double life with both you and her. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are bound to it, of course. If things are not working out it is okay and acceptable to move on in a respectable way. It's the mere fact that he was being skeevy about it and showing zero respect for her. He would probably do the same to you. He sounds like he sucks.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2013):
 It's a personal choice.....
if you go out with him and get into a relationship with him, will you trust that he's not cheating on you like he cheated on his last girlfriend?
do you want to be FWB with a guy that wants more?
...............................
|
