A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3 years. He has a female friend who is constantly flirting with him in front of me, and they have a close friendship. I am trying to keep my mouth shut, because I don't know if I can talk to them both because it will get back to their mothers. But, they went shopping together for Christmas presents without their parents chaperoning them, and I found out two days ago that he was going to her birthday party this weekend. He keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about, and I keep feeling like she will do something and I am honestly scared she will actually try to take him away. Do I keep my mouth shut or do I just talk to her and him at separate times to try to solve it? I really love him and I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 well I can say that from 14-17 is a long time and people change... but for right now you are together so let's deal with that.
IN your life, there will always be women that want your man. The issue is not that you don't trust the women (because after all why would we trust any woman who goes after a taken man) but rather do you trust your man....
IF you worry enough that she WILL take him away then there is not much of a relationship to worry about. I know this will upset you... and you will tell me I don't understand... I'm not 17.... it's not my first love. But the fundamentals of life do not change.
IF YOU DO NOT TRUST YOUR PARTNER YOU DO NOT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
and if you trust your partner, then NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE DOES YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER IS NOT LEAVING YOU.
My husband loves to look at pretty young girls. I've seen younger women blatantly hit on him.... cleavage within inches of his face hitting on him... coy eyes hanging on his every word.... HE is CLUELESS about it... because he is not looking for anyone, he's happy with me...
Happy content men are totally immune to flirting by other women.... they just don't even SEE it.
IF you are concerned that this girl could steal your boyfriend... you need to figure out what's wrong with your relationship with him that makes you so worried.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Re: Aunty BimBim: she is actually a family friend but I keep getting the feeling she and their mothers want there to be more. I want him to have friends obviously but I just don'yt want her trying something.
Re: Sageoldguy1465: I don't want to be the "only girl" in his life, but as an established couple of nearly 3 years, it makes it hard, to try to overcome the fact she is really pretty. Thank you both for the advice
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Hi again,
if you and your boyfriend have been in an established boyfreind/girlfriend relationship for three years, and all three of you in this triangle attend the same school, I don't understand why you and he are not invited to the same parties ....
You are the one who gave the christmas shopping as an example of their closeness, it it wasn't an issue you would not have mentioned it.
Something appears to be missing from your story, I don't understand why you refer to her as a 'supposed' family friend, are you saying this is not the case? Are you saying their families don't know each other and they are both trying to pull the wool over your eyes?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 IF being boyfriend and girlfriend requires exclusivity... then you and he are not really "B/F and G/F" are you?
The decision that is before YOU, is to decide IF you are going to be the parenthetic "girl" in his life... whilest he, publicly, goes about HIS "single" life.... OR are you going to insist on an exclusive "B/F-G/F" relationship....
You can't have both.... (but, as of now, you are allowing HIM to "have it all"...)
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): RE AuntyBimBim: My family and myself are all Australian. As for the boyfriend myself and the friend; we all attend the same school, but the Christmas thing wasn't my issue. My issue was the fact that this girl has been a supposed "family friend" of his for a couple of years. I was actually quite upset with her for implicating my best friend in flirting with him, but telling me to my face that this girl herself actually wasn't flirting with him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (23 February 2013):
I am a little surprised at your concern your boyfriend and his friend went Christmas shopping without parents chaperoning as that behaviour would usually be accepted as quite a normal thing in Australia, where your location apparently is. In fact I can remember going Christmas shopping in small town Australia with friends, without parents, when I was a teenager, and that was many, many years ago. If this behaviour is of concern to you I can only assume you or your family are newly arrived in Australia with a different cultural backgroup, it can't be because you have a sheltered lifestyle, or you would not have had a boyfriend for the past three years.
I am also a little concerned you list your age as 16 - 17 and say you and he have been together for almost three years, which means the relationship started when you were 13 or 14. I would have expected any issues with female friends to have been resolved long ago, and not still happening after three years, I would also expect your relationship after such a long period of time together that you and he would be viewed as an established couple and you would recieve invites to the same parties he does.
A little more information about your relationship and back ground could help with answers more pertinent to your particluar predicament, such as if the relationship between you is out in the open or kept secret, how long your boyfriend has been friends with this other girl, if you all attend the same school or not, and if everybody's mothers know each other and know about your boyfriend and you.
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