Escape from this narcissistic lover
Q. My lover is a Narcissist but perhaps this is it.. First off all I am going to post a link so you can see what has been happening http://www.dearcupid.org/question/jeky...
A. 4 February 2013: BElieve me.... you are NOT "lost".... what you are doing is making your way out of the quagmire that was your mental prison, as long as you spent ANY time with this guy....
I hope you happen upon more-civilized surroundings, soon, so that you will... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing getting back with my ex?
Q. Hello I am in a dire situation. I am 21 and my girlfriend is 22. It's long and please be patient with me. My ex and I broke up two months ago after 3 years of relationship together. the only reason she gave me at that time (why she broke up wit...
A. 4 February 2013: Following your re-submittal:
IF you are are holding out, and hoping that someone/anyone will come up with some valid reason why you shouldn't terminate this futile excuse for a relationship - "...I wish there were more posts ..." then you are ... (read in full...)
Escape from this narcissistic lover
Q. My lover is a Narcissist but perhaps this is it.. First off all I am going to post a link so you can see what has been happening http://www.dearcupid.org/question/jeky...
A. 3 February 2013: Have you ever heard this?: "Holding on to a grudge (or living with thoughts of someone who is poison to you) is like letting a vagrant live in your brain, rent-free"????
Because THAT is what it "sounds" like you are doing. IF you ever want to ... (read in full...)
I feel completely heartbroken, I'd accepted that we had broken up but to be lied to repeatedly just for sex?
Q. This all happened within the space of three weeks. So, basically I was in a relationship with this guy for just over two years, we both loved each other but obviously argued occasionally, as people do. One day, he calls me to have a chat, everythi...
A. 3 February 2013: You write: "My question is, do you think trying to be friends with him again would be a bad idea?"
My answer is: YES.... it's a TERRIBLE idea..... You can only dump and distance yourself from a partner by having no contact with them....... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 2 February 2013: You write: "...but i will not fall weak for his kindness!! I HOPE!"
HOPE, SCHMOPE!!!! Drop those two words and live by the rest of this comment!!!!!
Good luck...... (read in full...)
29-year-old man in loving relationship but attracted to older women....
Q. I am a 29-year-old male, in a loving relationship with a 27-year-old female. We've been together for about 5 years. We live together, and have a wonderful time. We never argue (**really**) and we haven't lost any intimacy or closeness. My p...
A. 2 February 2013: I think what you are really saying is: "I have this child-like obsession about women who are more the age of my Mother..... and I'm quite certain that I'm willing to scuttle my age-appropriate relationship with a GREAT girl who loves me.... and who ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses to let me leave!
Q. I have been my boyfriend Andrew on and off for 3 years he's 29 I'm 26 we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter we have officially been dating for 5 months he says he loves me but he never shows it he's great with his daughter and my oldest who's not ...
A. 2 February 2013: I'm sorry.... but I am having a tough time getting past, "...we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter we have officially been dating for 5 months ..." Since that child was - evidently - spawned 33 months ago. WHAT was your status for the ... (read in full...)
He wants us to try a threesome what will that do to our love?
Q. Pls I need your opinion, my boyfriend enjoy sex with me, and we both satisfy with each other, but his always begging me to give him a chance to try is fantasy of bringing a girl to join us,he said, he only want to know how it feel having two girls ...
A. 2 February 2013: I'd be willing to make a generous wager that, adding another girl in to your's and his bed is going to be the "beginning of the end" of your "relationship"....
WHY would you give him a "pass" on this clearly-unacceptable fantasy??????? .... whe... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 2 February 2013: Thanks to your submittal, I was able to, finally, ask my sister.... who is well-known for her baking skills...and who has had two very successful restaurants, in the past.... if SHE was gay. She told me that she wasn't (gay)....
So much for your... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 2 February 2013: Thanks to your submittal, I was able to, finally, ask my sister.... who is well-known for her baking skills...and who has had two very successful restaurants, in the past.... if SHE was gay. She told me that she wasn't (gay)....
So much for your... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing getting back with my ex?
Q. Hello I am in a dire situation. I am 21 and my girlfriend is 22. It's long and please be patient with me. My ex and I broke up two months ago after 3 years of relationship together. the only reason she gave me at that time (why she broke up wit...
A. 2 February 2013: I found ONE sentence in your submittal.... which sentence made it oh-so-easy to give you my sage advice.....
The sentence: "I love her but in my mind, I know we are not compatible..."
The advice: Don't spend another minute trying to figure... (read in full...)
My BF and I had a fight a week ago and he hasn't called me since. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf and myself had a fight, to be precise he fought with me saying that I'm bugging him when I asked him to spend some time with me also along with his friends. He hasn't called me for a week, what should I do now. I am scared tha...
A. 2 February 2013: Your "question" reminds me of this sage advice that I got from my Father, once: "When someone isn't speaking to you... DON'T INTERRUPT THEM!!!!!!"
Leave this one in your past, and get on with your life...
Good luck....... (read in full...)
My ex is asking me to give him another chance but he won't finish with his girlfriend. What should I do?
Q. I need some advise. Me and my ex bf of 6 years broke up about 2 years ago due to arguments. He has a new gf who he has been with for the 2 years, but throughout the 2 years he has been emailing me, texting me asking me to meet him saying he is th...
A. 2 February 2013: That's because we guys like to have BOTH a "real girlfriend"... AND a "bit on the side".. who is willing to give us "passes".. indefinitely... and won't drop our sorry bottoms.... whilest WE get to have our cake (our current "girlfriend") and eat it ... (read in full...)
Will my married lover ever leave his wife?
Q. I've being dating a married man for a year now and initially I thought he was single because he is a young guy. After 3 weeks of getting to know him and fallen for him, he told me he had a wife and they got married because the lady was a girlfrie...
A. 2 February 2013: Oh sure... he's going to leave his wife "when the baby starts walking...."
I'm willing to wager that, once the little tyke starts walking, he'll tell you that he'll leave his wife "when the baby starts running..."
After that, it will be: "...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes plans and then can't keep them claiming that he has forgotten. This happens all the time!
Q. I am 27 and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is he always forgets about plans we make and ends up cancelling on me at the last minute. For example, months ago we were invited out to a meal for my friend's birthday which is ...
A. 2 February 2013: .. and you've put up with this for 3 YEARS, now?????
I suggest that, the next time you see him, you tell him that you have forgotten that he is your "boyfriend"....
What he's doing isn't innocent absent-mindedness.... it's just plain impolitene... (read in full...)
Would you end a relationship because your partner is untidy?
Q. Would you end a relationship because your partner is untidy and unorganised ?. My boyfriend is lovely. He treats me very well, but one thing i don't like is that his house is a mess a lot of the time and unorganised. He doesnt have a bed. He has ...
A. 1 February 2013: If any/ and every girl friend who found that I was untidy had dumped me.... I swear, I'd need to find a new G/F every time I brought a new G/F to my house.....
Son-of-a-gun.... You know... I think that that HAS happened to me!!!! I'll lucky if... (read in full...)
Ten years with a man only to be cheated on then left for her, so why cant I move on??
Q. Well, I am 26 years of age and about 1 year ago I got out of a 10 year relationship. He left me for another woman! He had also been sleeping with her for a month or who knows how much longer before we actually broke up. I spent my life loving this ...
A. 1 February 2013: Marie: You look for - and find - lots of other things to take your attention and energy, whilest you let your amour for this guy (who sounds like a jerk, by the way) evaporate.....
Volunteer at a hospital, soup kitchen or library.... they alw... (read in full...)
Engaged but not ready to marry
Q. I have been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are engaged with no set date. I know he loves me and I don't want to throw away a loving relationship for no reason, but I don't think my feelings for him are very deep. I'm worried if ...
A. 1 February 2013: I see a "relationship" full of drama and mixed emotions, and youthful immaturity.... but not much else....
You're in your early 20's. What say you give back the ring.... to this guy who is really not adult enough to be married.... and go your sep... (read in full...)
Boyfriend in love with his ex
Q. Hello, I got back with my ex of 6 months January, after finding out that he had never broken up with his ex of two years. He felt really guilty and kept saying how sorry he was. He was being really lovely and paying me lots of attention. Everythi...
A. 1 February 2013: I "see" two girls who are being played by ONE guy.... and you (the girls) stand to get hurt whilest this Lothario gets off scot-free.....
Both of you can do yourselves favors by staying away from this guy and considering other guys. This one is g... (read in full...)
How can I help my husband have better communication skills?
Q. I post this question if anione know of any service s that help with communication skills. My husband is a very nice man, and most of the time we get alone. The way he communicates with people around him and his customers needs improvement. He is a ...
A. 31 January 2013: When I started my "career"..... after college, 'way back in 1973, my first boss gave me a copy of Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People".... and recommended that I (re-)read it periodically. I have probably read it 10 ... (read in full...)
My husband says he doesn't watch porn or masturbate ever. Is this possible?
Q. All I ever read on this site is how men use porn. If a guy says he isn't using porn then he is lying. I read a post just the other day for a woman who wanted a man who didn't cheat, watch porn, look at other women, etc. It got tons of replies all ...
A. 31 January 2013: ANYTHING is "possible"..... There are two greater questions to be addressed:
1. Is it likely? (.... or, plausible?), and,
2. Does it make any difference?
Here's my take:
For 1.: Sure there may be lots of guys who don't avail themselv... (read in full...)
Should I apologize for saying that his friendship with this other woman makes me uncomfortable?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, please advise: My guy has a married girl friend who is flying in to his city for a week, without her husband, just to hang out with my guy because she “misses him”. I don’t live with my guy yet, though we’ve been together fo...
A. 31 January 2013: She's MARRIED,... flying in - alone - to see him... "because she misses him"........ and you are soliciting validation that you should "give her a pass" for this mis-behaviour???????
The issue, here, has NOTHING to do with her... it is STRICTLY... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my Bf is getting tired of me. He's even said he does not feel he "needs" to see me. What can I do?
Q. I have been really worried about my relationship lately, and really need some advice. I'm worried my boyfriend is getting tired of me, or if this is just normal for a relationship as it goes along? I don't know what to do. help please! I'll try...
A. 31 January 2013: You have described a situation which is not uncommon for young folks of your age group..... You are emerging in to your young-adult years... and there are lots of emotions and chemicals overloading your bodies... and you (two) are sorting them ... (read in full...)
I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I wish I wasn't.
Q. I need help or someone to talk to... I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I wish I wasn't. We've been broken up for 2 months but he is moving halfway across the country in a month, so we've been spending time with each other, acting li...
A. 31 January 2013: You write: "...I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I wish I wasn't..." AND, also: "...I do know that he loves me despite everything we've been through...", and, finally: "...It's just that I think I love him more than he was ever or is ... (read in full...)
I hate that my boyfriend said his best vacation was with his ex! Should I be mad?
Q. Hi everyone, we talked with my bf the other day about spending some summer vacation together. We want to go to the sea, because we haven´t been by the sea for a long time. My BF told me he was by the sea few years ago and it was the best, most ama...
A. 31 January 2013: Relative to your follow-up, in which you write: "...I think what upsets me most is that he keeps chatting with that ex from time to time on social networks. but I got used to it..."
THAT is NOT acceptable. IF he has no "other" reason to speak/co... (read in full...)
Why do people have to make comments that are hurtful?
Q. Dear Cupid, The other night I was talking to this guy that I know fairly well but is still considered an acquaintance. We were texting and he asked "why do you wear so much makeup? Not to say you look bad but i'm sure you're pretty naturally...
A. 30 January 2013: Sometimes, people engage their mouths before their brains are in gear.....
You can give him the benefit-of-the-doubt... that his comment was actually a "backhanded" compliment... that he was REALLY "saying"... "I think that you are so pretty -... (read in full...)
I need the strength to despise him for cheating on me
Q. I don't know what to do. I'm 26, found out my boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on me 2 times, once each time with two different girls. He seemed so sweet and loving up until I just found this out. I have 100% concrete evidence, there's no doubt he...
A. 30 January 2013: May I suggest another (different) point of view?
You REALLY need the strength... but it's to FORGET ABOUT HIM... and get on with your life ON YOUR (OWN) BEHALF!!!
Don't let a lousy boyfriend linger in your head...... He's not worth it...
G... (read in full...)
I hate that my boyfriend said his best vacation was with his ex! Should I be mad?
Q. Hi everyone, we talked with my bf the other day about spending some summer vacation together. We want to go to the sea, because we haven´t been by the sea for a long time. My BF told me he was by the sea few years ago and it was the best, most ama...
A. 30 January 2013: Why be mad and jealous???? Why not go on the vacation.... and then TOP this prior vacation that he told you was so great!!!!
You know, holding on to events from the past is like letting a freeloader live, rent-free, in your brain.....
Good lu... (read in full...)
Escape from this narcissistic lover
Q. My lover is a Narcissist but perhaps this is it.. First off all I am going to post a link so you can see what has been happening http://www.dearcupid.org/question/jeky...
A. 29 January 2013: This guy gives you so much despair and angst.....
WHY would you spend one more MINUTE with him? .... and/or expend one iota of mental energy on him?????
Only if you are content with a future that duplicates your past.... and you're satisfied... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 29 January 2013: In all your glowing and gushy submittal, THIS phrase stands out: "(He's) a great actor in front of people yet swears he would never act on me...."
Sorry to advise that, yes, he has acted on you... AND he continues to "act on" you.... AND, des... (read in full...)
I do have herpes, but not more than that. But was he being flippant, or weird with his response, "that he'd still like me even if I did have AIDS"?
Q. So I went to high school with this guy a few years ago. I lived in a small town so we all knew each other. I have started "talking" to him and we have grown so close, we have not had sex. Well, this may be TMI but, I have herpes. And I was too sc...
A. 29 January 2013: I think there's a serious matter of responsible maturity that's missing, between the two of you....
Herpes is a fairly-benign infection related to the same virus that gives us chicken pox..... and gives one irritating - but not serious - outbreak... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches an inordinate amount of porn.
Q. I feel like this is a question that's been asked over and over again, and will probably be asked again many times in the future. My boyfriend watches an inordinate amount of porn. He's 22. While the fact that he's watching porn seriously bugs me,...
A. 29 January 2013: From your submittal, I'd say that - for you - any porn viewing by your partner is a "dealbreaker".....
The guy you are seeing, likes to view porn....(his lying about it makes no difference).... so it sounds like you're going to have to let your... (read in full...)
Married four years and she does not want to work. I'm ready to walk. What would you advise?
Q. Hi I have a question we been Married four years. Before that she was working. Now she feels she doesn't have to work. I talk to her about getting a job. She won’t do it, and I'm tired of doing it all. He is no help. Instead she wants me to do a lot...
A. 29 January 2013: Should we Aunts and Uncles assume that you and she have discussed this matter prior to marrying? ... with you explaining that you thought that your marriage would include being a "two-paycheck" household? ... and that she entered in to that marriage ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf bi-sexual or gay? He says he's shared oral sex with guys. Do I seem to have a closed mind?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months recently told me that has fooled around with men before. He hasn't had sex with them, just oral. I wasn't ok with this when he told me and I am having a really hard time with it. A lot of people tell me that if a guys e...
A. 29 January 2013: Fellatio is "sex...." That said, it's refreshing that your guy was open with you about this detail... and that you are sufficiently OPEN-minded to discuss it. HOWEVER, the person with whom you need to discuss this is HIM...
HE can give you the ... (read in full...)
Should I remain a friend to my ex, or should I leave him alone?
Q. Should I remain a friend to my ex, or should I leave him alone? BACKGROUND: My ex-boyfriend and I dated for three years in university then broke up. Before we split up we never fought. We are both down-to-earth and had only dated one...
A. 29 January 2013: I expect that you've learned that this "Momma's boy" does none of his own thinking and deciding.... so, unless you would expose yourself to that sort of arrangement, then you'll be much more relaxed if you just go your separate ways....
Good ... (read in full...)
He said he'll start seeing me again if I'll do a threesome
Q. From the beginning he was already involved with this older lady. And there was one more other girl staying at his place for a week just to travel around. And there was me. So it was more of a friends with benefit thing. And I know it was immature or ...
A. 28 January 2013: You write: "That was for me to bring a girl to have threesome. Is this normal? Is this love? I am definitely being used if I say yes to that, and I gave him a good reason for that right? I should definitely stop seeing this guy and have a ... (read in full...)
The mother of my boyfriend's son doesn't like me getting close to her son
Q. I have a boyfriend who has a 3 year old son to someone else,his sons mother thinks im getting too close to their son.im not sure what to do my boyfriends sons mother has a boyfriend is hardly involved at all is this healthy??and what should i do ...
A. 28 January 2013: No matter what else might happen.... reconcile to yourself that - until this young man is 18 - his REAL MOTHER has the inside track on you.....
There are lots of ways that you can arrange to be close to your B/F's son..... but you will always b... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to sell my house and move with him.
Q. I've been with my bf for nearly 4 years. Before i met him, i started building a house and after a few delays it was finished 2 years ago. I have lived there since but he has remained living at home. We are on the verge of breaking up beca...
A. 28 January 2013: Here's my tip for women, for the night (AND, forever)....
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ,NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER leave your address to move in with some idiot guy!!!!!
You've done fine. Now, reconcile to yourself that th... (read in full...)
I want a man who doesn't cheat or look at pornography. Does he exist?
Q. I want a man like this does this even exist? Basically i'm after a man who does not engage in any kind of cheating at all (glances at swimsuit pics mildly acceptable.) but no porn, no talking dirty to others, little female friends, no strip clubs. ...
A. 27 January 2013: A guy who won't cheat or look at porn????? You might as well suggest, as well, that he will be riding a UNICORN!!!.... 'cuz then BOTH of them will be Fig Newtons of your imagination......
Good luck......... (read in full...)
Our relationship is secret, but I want to spend more time with my Gf. How can I keep my job, and the respect of my boss and still see her daughter?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are in a secret relationship because we work together and not allowed to date. I should also mention she is my bosses daughter. We only get to see each other about once a week for an occational movie. How can I spend more time ...
A. 26 January 2013: Brother... this is like living in a glass house and wondering why everybody knows that you walk around naked at night.....
Fuggeddaboutit.... keeping this a secret. Man-up and decide that you fancy this girl and will accomodate what it takes to... (read in full...)
I feel completely heartbroken, I'd accepted that we had broken up but to be lied to repeatedly just for sex?
Q. This all happened within the space of three weeks. So, basically I was in a relationship with this guy for just over two years, we both loved each other but obviously argued occasionally, as people do. One day, he calls me to have a chat, everythi...
A. 26 January 2013: YOu may reconcile that guys are peculiar creatures... and, when we get the chance to bed ANOTHER girl - despite our promises to a different one (you!)... we sometimes jump at it.....KNOWING, FULL WELL, THAT IT'S GOING TO SCREW UP THE GREAT ... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend called after 4 years! Do I phone him back?
Q. Today i received a missed call from my ex boyfriend. I haven't seen him since end of 2008! When we were together, i did lend him money (one of the things i regret the most and never do that now!) and i have never got it back. I'm confused why he ...
A. 26 January 2013: I would take the opportunity to call him back, and ask: "Hi, how have you been? Have you been accumulating some money... and you're calling now to get my address so that you can mail me a check to re-pay me?"
THAT'S the ONLY phone conversa... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 26 January 2013: It's "a bit odd and uncalled for..." because he OUGHT to be pulling YOU back in to the bed and doing a morning encore performance!!!! What IZZIT with your boy?????
Good luck...... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend that his smoking weed is a deal breaker for me?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. When we first met i didnt know he smoked weed, but as time went on he seemed to smoke more and more to the point where i said it was bothering me. His personality has changed and the smell drives me ...
A. 25 January 2013: You sit him down and say to him: "You know, hunchy-bunchy, I DO like you a lot. However, I don't wish to date anyone who smokes weed..... so, until and unless you choose to discontinue doing that, this discussion will segue in to a "break-up" ... (read in full...)
Who could care and have feelings for 3 year affair?
Q. Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her? My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs.I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her ...
A. 25 January 2013: There are TWO women involved in this ongoing drama.... and YOU are one of them. What goes on between you and hubby? Do you, honestly, believe that he goes to her address, copulates with her, then dresses and returns home (to you) whistling all ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my best friend/boyfriend? Or end things?
Q. Hello, I am a 21 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When I first met him, we had a wonderful relationship...about 8 months into it, he started drifting away. He wanted to spend more time with his friends and not ...
A. 25 January 2013: WE guys who claim to be "thrifty" (read: "we're cheap") do this, something, which is interesting:
In order to save the price of gifts at Christmas and Valentine's Day, we do a "light" break-up with our G/Fs just before Christmas. AND, we intend t... (read in full...)
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