A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had a 3 month relationship with this girl and we fell in love really quickly. We had some trust issues and I ended up breaking her heart. Since then she has been avoiding and ignoring me. The thing is, she is still emotionally dependent on me (4 months after the break-up) and can't function without knowing that I'm still there for her and that no one else "has" me. She doesn't want me to know this, but I've found out through her friends. She apparently cries all the time if I don't contact her for weeks. She won't even have the motivation to go to work. When I actually do contact her she starts ignoring and avoiding me again. It's always me who has to contact her first though. She would rather go through hell than let me know that she needs me. This has to do with the way I broke her heart at the end of our relationship. I kind of dumped her when she told me she loved me (I never told her I love her). I had my reasons and I won't go into detail since it isn't relevant to this. Anyway, since then she has been extremely reluctant to show me any feelings at all.It's been 3 weeks since I last contacted her and she isn't doing too well. It makes me feel like shit to know that she has to go through this but I don't know what I can do other than continue NC. We still love each other but it seems she can never trust me again.I have obviously said sorry and explained why I did what I did but it's not enough. How can I make things right between us, or is it possible at all?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): Original poster here.
Thanks everyone, but mainly Daisy_Daisy and llifton for your advice.
I will wait until she contacts me (if ever) and just tell our mutual friends to not talk to me about her state. I did want us to get back together but leaving her alone is truly for the best so she can finally heal and get over me.
Sageoldguy1465: I don't understand what you're saying. I'm not playing any games with her. Just knowing that she is in pain actually makes me very emotional because I love her and want her to be happy.
iAmHereToHelpYou: 3 months can definitely be enough for love. This isn't my first relationship, nor anywhere near the "longest" but my feelings have never been this strong for anyone else.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 you dumped her after she said she loves you? that sounds pretty harsh, although i don't know the full story. but one definitely can't blame her for not allowing you to see any of her emotions. i mean my god, i wouldn't show any emotions at all, either, if i had gotten dumped for that reaason. and her friends have no business telling you she feels that way. that's something she's confiding in them.
if i were you, i would cut this off cold turkey. stop talking to her and texting her, etc. that's the best thing for her. she's dealing with it slowly. and having to hear from you probably doesn't make it any better for her. she may think it makes it better, but it's really not. eventually she will move on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 February 2013):
 STOP playing the childish games that you believe make sense.... and get on with YOUR life... and let HER get on with HER life......
Over time, things will get to where they NEED to be - after the demise of a young love - and the two of you will look back on this as a pleasant part of your teenage-hood.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): just leave her alone and leave her to sort herself out. That's the best thing you can do. she will get over you in her own time, if you let her.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 If you still love each other, and you're concerned this much, I don't really understand why you're no longer a couple. However you must've had your reasons for breaking up.
But anyway: you chose to end the relationship. Do you want to be friends with her? Why does it matter to you whether or not she trusts you or initiates contact? It's far too soon to consider being her friend when you both still love each other. You may never be friends with her.
For her to heal, she needs proper No Contact (none at all, not even every 3 weeks). That is why she is not initiating contact. No matter how hard for her, it's better for her in the long run.
Please don't tell her you still love her. Its sending mixed messages and it's not fair on her.
Let her friends and family look after her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I agree leave her alone and let her heal.....
stop asking your mutual friends about her or sending messages with them.
she's your ex and her issues are no longer your problem.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 You broke her heart, leave her alone! You are tormenting her every time you contact her! She is doing exactly the right things, cutting you out of her life and refusing to show you any emotional connection. There is nothing you can do to make this "right" except to let her go.
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A
female
reader, Seabreezes +, writes (20 February 2013):
Please just leave her alone. She will survive. You're prolonging her agony by drawing out the situation. It's very immature of her friends to divulge her fragile state to you, anyway. Don't use guilt as the reason for contact. She isn't able to be friends right now, so avoid contact with her.Good luck.
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