A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. Im in a spot of bother...Ive been with my fella for nearly 3 years, at first he was everything i ever wanted, the complete opposite of my abusive ex but now my feelings have changed. We have been through so much drama and break ups the last year i think its all taken its toll on me, he recently proposed again, (no ring) for the 6th time and i knew he was so insecure in our relationship i wanted to show him i loved him too so i said yes, which was great for a few days, then i felt trapped he wanted me and my kids to move 30 miles away coz its closer to his work and because he doesnt want to live in my house as i was with another man when we broke up. Right now i dont know whats wrong with me, i feel awkward around him, i have gone off sex and i dont even look forward to seeing him alot of the time. Im bored of our conversations an the fact that we have absolutley no social life as my friends and family dont think much of him due to his recent behavior and dramas, so i finding it very hard to be all loved up when i feel so clostraphobic. He has told everyone that were engaged and im really thinking i made a rash decision for all the wrong reasons when right now all i want is to be on my own with my kis, but if i mention anything about how i feel he goes nuts and gets upset or angry ... i feel like im not me anymore even my friends and family have said it, im just at a loss and i dont know what to do to save our relationship...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2013):
If all you want is to be with your kids and be alone, then yes you really do need to get away from the relationship.
and he's not going to make it easy I know.
if he lives 30 miles away however, it will be a bit easier...
if you want out, you want out and there is not much you can do... and you can drag your feet and treat him bad and he will stay... clearly that's going to be the case here....
what part of this relationship do you want to save???
I don't think you will end up friends... I don't think you will end up with him...
6 proposals till you said yes... it's not love, he wore you down.... and you stay with him cause it's easy to have someone love you so unconditionally....
deep sigh...
IF you want out of the relationship but are not sure how to do it... well there are a couple of options.
you can just ride the wave till he asks you what's wrong...
(i.e. not call him, not make the plans, not row the relationship boat as it were and let him do all the work)
he may or may not start saying (as we often see in posts here) "My fiancee is not doing her part in the relationship" and then we would tell him... stop rowing and see what happens... then he will notice you don't do anything... it's an ugly chicken way out... however...
the arguments and pain (for both of you) that will come with you being open and honest may be the only way to end this.
so do you want out of the relationship totally
or do you just want to end the engagement... and if you just want to end the engagement where do you see the relationship going in the long run?
sometimes we have to do painful things in order to get to a place of peace and happiness... and sometimes we have to hurt others to take care of ourselves.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 February 2013):
 WOW!!! If there was ever a time and submittal for which I would say: "Take three steps backwards, and DON'T do ANYTHING related to this "relationship" until then (6 months from now)..." THIS IS IT!!!!!!
What's 6 months????? .... if it keeps you from committing yourself to a lifetime of misery?????
Good luck...
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