A
female
age
36-40,
*weetpea84
writes:I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I'm 28 y/o. 5 years ago I was* married and had 2 miscarriages. I found out that my (now ex husband ) was cheating on me so I filed for divorce. Now, after years of thinking id never be lucky enough to get pregnant again, its happened. My now boyfriend and I have been together less than a year and moved in with each other recently. Everything was wonderful until I started showing and the past two weeks have been rough. He's very unaffectionate, distant and insensitive. I understand my emotions can be a bit crazy right now, but he has been treating me more and more like a roommate lately than anything. Last week I slipped down our carpeted stairs and he didn't even as much as come help me up, ask if I was ok or act remotely concern. In fact, he stood there at the top of the steps laughing. Although I'm a big girl and don't need someone to kiss it make it better, I found this rather disturbing and fd up of him. I ended up spotting and the next day went to my obg dr. Luckily everything is ok but what the heck. I NEVER would have expected him to be so self centered. I've tried to have him go with me to do a baby registry for weeks now, and he's always "busy". I've tried to have him go to dr appts but there's always an excuse. I'm so lonely. All I want is him to put an arm around me and that's less hopeful than anything else. We don't kiss, cuddle and sex is totally extinct. I can't help but cry every night to myself. I'm so gosh darn depressed. It seems like the man I fell in love with is just a child lacking empathy. A 32 year old man who is expecting his first child, shouldn't normally act this way right? Please give ur advice.
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depressed, divorce, fell in love, moved in, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LaceratedReality  +, writes (24 February 2013):
Are you sure that he even wants the baby? Seems really early in the relationship for such a huge step and commitment.
A
female
reader, sweetpea84 +, writes (24 February 2013):
sweetpea84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to both of u. Eddie, I believe you're right about him wanting me to take initiative. It seems that is it. As confused as I am to why suddenly now those are the expectations from him, ill just appreciate what I have. I think us women have a tendency of over analyzing too much and especially now that the hormones are an amusement park it doesn't help. Sometimes he doesn't think and he doesn't realize how things he says are interpreted. And he's the kind that never ever apologizes. But I know when he feels bad. Pregnancy is anything but bliss. But I'm looking fwd to my due date so I can have another buddy. Thanks again you were very helpful gentlemen.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 February 2013):
 I think your boyfriend is going through a very emotional time right now.
Let's look at things through his perspective:
1) Your relationship is still very new. If you've been together less than a year and your are 4 months pregnant, he may be wondering what he has gotten himself into. He may be grappling with the reality that you AND him are now officially tied to one another -- at least for the next 18 years. Moving in together also compounds the step -- as it establishes more firmly you are a couple (and one step closer to marriage, perhaps)
2) Does he want the baby? Is he as excited about it as you? Perhaps, on some level he is nervous about becoming a father. At the age of 32, he may never wanted to be a father. This could cause him some resentment -- and thus a lack of wanting to be with you. Also this is new to him -- he is not used to having his girlfriend carrying a baby, so it may not have dawned on him that slipping down the stairs was bad -- guys can be clueless sometimes. He could be as emotionally overwhelmed right now as you are.
3) Is your relationship naturally losing its edge? Sometimes this happens. Couples get used to one another and become more like friends than lovers. I do believe this is a normal process. That doesn't mean your relationship is doomed to mediocrity... why not up the charm on your side? Wear something sexy and seduce him. Send him flirty messages throughout the day. Too many women, in my opinion, let the man dictate the chemistry and romance... he may be wanting you to take initiative. Be sure you are doing your part of the bargain in keeping the home fires lit.
4) Also consider that you emotionally may be a wreck. I am told women's hormones go through the roof when they are pregnant. Keep this in mind as you go through the next 5 months. You could be in for a roller coaster of a ride.
Finally, don't panic!
This could be a phase he could be going through. Not every week, day or month is going to be lighting the world on fire.... Perhaps he has had a rough week at the office or something else is bothering him. Open up to him -- ask him what's going on and that you are there for him. Your communication skills and the ability to be intimate with one another should be your priority. Be sure you are doing your part in making that as easy of a process as it can be.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (24 February 2013):
Get out of this relationship stat! A man who would not help his pregnant girlfriend who fell on the stairs and just stood there laughing?? Well there is something seriously wrong with him and this picture. He obviously was into you when you didn't need anything from him but now that you do he is resentful of both you and the baby to come. He sounds emotionally abusive too. When that baby comes I can tell you he will not help and he could even become angry. You need to find support for you and this baby. If you have a close friend or family member go to them. Tell them your relationship is over and you need help. You are still early enough in the pregnancy to move out and get away from him. The stress of a new baby is incredible. It is far more work than most moms to be can imagine. You need to be where it is stress free, where you get support and where you feel happy. Having a baby in an environment where you cry every night is not good for you or your new baby. Pack your bags when he is at work and leave. Leave a note telling him that laughing at you when you fell carrying his baby made you see this relationship was not for you and if he wants to see the baby you will arrange visitation but I'm not sure how interested he will be with this baby. You deserve so much better than this. And so does your baby. Leaving him gives you and this baby a chance to eventually have a healthy relationship and father. If you don't have support of friends and family find any single parent support groups in your area. Their is help for single parents even financially so look into that as well. Good luck and please update us if you can!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 February 2013):
 You are correct, that his behaviour - as you've described it - is totally unacceptable. However, I believe the "medicine" necessary to foresee your's (and his) future is pretty painful to take.... To wit:
I'd suggest that you sit down with him - sometime soon - and say to him: "Sugar-bunchy, now that we are starting a family, I think it would be appropriate for us to be a REAL family.... you know, the kind that is married and lives happily ever after. What say, Wanna propose now?"
If/when he sez: "Are you crazy?? .... and lose my "single" status???" You will have learned just what kind of a guy he is. I HOPE he's good and noble (and doesn't need to be single any longer).....
Good luck....
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