A
female
age
30-35,
*emeno
writes:Well alot if things had change lately. Hmmm so after everything my boyfriend ask me seriously to get a place with him. I must be out of my mind cause I told him yes I will get an apartment with him. Now.. I have no close what I'm going to tell me mom. She is going to freak when I tell her I'm moving out. I know she not going to let me at all. but I feel like i have to do this. i am really going to break her heart. We're going to look at a few apartment next week and if things work out well we will move out at the end of May. Omg!!! What can I tell my mom to let her understand and let me move out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 February 2013):
 No WAY should you move in with this guy! Are you even serious?
If you think that moving in together is "a big commitment he's making", you're sorely mistaken. Moving in IS NOT COMMITMENT, and if you think he's going to suddenly commit by moving in, you are gravely mistaken.
Moving in is NO commitment, especially for him. He's using you to get out of the house. He wants domesticity, the whole "wake up next to you in the morning" experience isn't commitment. Moving in together doesn't erase the problems. It enhances the problems.
You will, quite simply, destroy your life by moving in with him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Eh... I had had this hunch that Mom would be freaking out for some valid reason...
Honestly, if I were your Mom, I'd be freaking out too. I mean, seriously ? 4 break ups in 3 years !? Have you ever entertained the thought that this on/off pattern basically means you are not suited to be together ?...
Sure, this time it feels all different... after one month.
It's your life, and you can do what you want, and if you decide to move out your Mum will grumble at first and then she'll get over it.... but you should WAIT , at least one year seen the shaky grounds of the relationship, not for your mom, but for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Lemeno +, writes (23 February 2013):
Lemeno is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we been together for almost 3 year now. I'm 21 and he 19. We broke to 4 times or so during this 3 year period. We always get back together cause we both know being with each other is what we want. We recently just got back together and it been a month since. But I felt like this time we are both way more serious about our relationship. We are able to communicate with each other better. And thing just working out and I think that we are really growing up this time. 2 weeks ago he ask me to marry him and he gave me a ring that was once his dads wedding band. And when I told him yes I will marry him and he was so happy. I have never seen him so happy for the 3 years that we been together or ever since I know him. He told me that he will get me a real ring really soon. But I gave him back his dads ring. I told him that I still want to marry him but I can't keep the ring cause it mean too much. He was a little upset by it but he understand and say I will get you one I promise. We spent every day together since and we just can't get enough of each other. So two week later here we are. He asking me to get a place with him. I told him I would love to and I have question him many time if he positive about this. I told him that this a big commitment he making. And he say he know that and he say there nothing he would love more then waking up and morning and going to bed every night with me being the last and first person he sees. And if get to come home every day see me then if this is a commitment he willing to make. Plus he say I don't have commitment issue. Everything seem prefect but I just don't know what to tell my mom. We don't have any religious things that will against me from moving out. But we are Vietnamese and mom is really old fashioned and she wants us to all get married or it at least engaged before we move out. Or finish college. I have 4 sisters and my older sister got engaged and then she move our with her boyfriend. But they were together for 9 years. And I only been with my boyfriend for 3 and I don't know if my mom will agree with that. With us breaking up like 4 time she thinks that were just messing around and were not serious at all. I don't want to hurt her feeling but I have to do what I feel is right for me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 She'll figure it out when she comes to call you for breadfast that first morning, and finds your bed empty....
Greater question: Are you prepared to "eat crow" and return to your folks if/when your "B/F" proves to be a bad "roommate".... and your's and his "moving in together" proves to be other than the smartest thing you've ever done?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 February 2013):
If you are financially independent ( or, at least, if your bf is, and will support you till you get a job ) there is no way that your mother can stop you. She may dislike your decision, but there's nothing that she can do- she will have to get over it.
Maybe it will take her a little time, if she is against you moving out, at first she will act mad/ sad/ disappointed / sulky etc.etc.
But, unless there are particular cultural / religious reasons why she should take it as a personal insult, of which you haven't told us, it is hard to imagine in this day and age, in USA, a permanent, irrepairable rift between mother and adult daugher ,because the daughter wants to move out.
It would also be interesting, and helpful for giving you a more complete answer, to know the reason why your mother would " freak out ". Does she hate your bf, and why ? have you got a history of " serious relationships " and " true loves "...that last 3 months then fizzle ? Would you be interrupting your education / other future plans, to follow this guy ?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2013):
If you're an adult, your mom can't stop you.
However, even more than what you're going to say to her, how will you live? How are you supporting yourself? What are your plans after you move in with him? Will you be going to school? Are you a mom? Do you want to be one? How are you two going to handle your bills?
Let me caution you -- many people, women especially, will bankrupt themselves, trash their credit, become single moms, drop out of school, marginalize themselves with menial labor due to lack of experience and skills, and end up on the street because they move in with their boyfriends right out of high school only to have the lack of commitment leave them hanging out to dry when he takes off.
Moving in and being domestic is NOT the same as commitment. Living together and playing house is fun, but it's so fragile, and if you haven't told your mom and are too scared that she won't "let" you go, then not only aren't you ready for this, but you know she'll try and talk you out of it because you're trading your potential in for the easy way out.
I am not against living together, but two people doing it so young is like a 5-year old driving a car. You need to be older. You need to know how to support yourself without having to lean on someone else. This guy isn't marrying you, is he? If he cheated on you and left, leaving you on the hook for a lease? Not only that, but HOW OLD is this guy? Usually, a very young person looking to sign lease papers need a co-signer and a couple of months' rent plus a security deposit. Who's signing for you?
Trust me, there will be a time when you will be on your own, starting a new life and making your mark on the world. You have a very small window where you have the opportunity to decide what you want to be. Move in with a guy as young as you are, and you risk being a single mom, not having money to pay for school, limited job opportunities, etc.
Be patient. Moving in together isn't the only way you can grow as a couple. It's not the logical "next step" in a relationship. Slow down and let your mom's wisdom based on experience advise you. Don't shut her out and only try to think of things to say to shut her down to get what you want. Listen to her very carefully. Have a long LONG talk with her and come clean about everything. She's been around the block. She's smart, she's been where you are, and she could save you from making the worst decision of your life.
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