A
female
age
30-35,
*regnantandconfused
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years ad we have a daughter who is currently one. We had her kinda early in our relationship but we both agreed that was fine. Now pregnant again and after I got pregnant he stopped wanting to touch me which is understandable since some men don't want sex while their girlfriend is pregnant. But for the last two weeks he has been in this off mood where he won't hardly talk he won't txt me he won't even cuddle with me at night. He seems distant and he acts almost rudely anytime I talk to him. He treats our baby just fine and is happy around her but whenever he is around me be acts like this. I don't understand we didn't fight or anything and before these last two weeks our relationship was pretty fine. He has never acted like this and I don't think it's stress because there is nothing stressful in either of our lives right now.Please help!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): You clearly don't know your boyfriend that well if at all. In your original post you said there is "no stress ' in your lives. Yet he blows up at you saying his life totally sucks and keeps getting worse.Talk about both of you living in completely different worlds while in the same house. I see the deeper issue is a lack of relationship. You don't know him at all but you think you do so you expect him to act a certain wayAcknowledge that for now you are on your own in this relationship. This is important because it is the reality and it does no good to pretend it isn't as that will just exacerbated your problems if you insist he behave as if things were different (like pretending to be happy or to enjoy being a family when he isn't). Take care of your needs on your own. Then invite him to get to know each other as if you are acquaintances because you pretty much are right now. Then start from scratch building a relationship. realize that you do not make demands of someone if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship. That is why you need to for now be independent and take care of yourself on your own so that the relationship can develop naturally at whatever lace is needed.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are fairly young and if he is the same age as you, he could be drowning with the thought of supporting you and now two children. It can be a daunting task to support a family of 2 at that age.
I am glad you talked to him about what is going on and I think his response was definitely an invitation to talk more. Ask him why his life sucks... and listen to his response(s). Hey may be dealing with something at work or his family. He could be overwhelmed with the new sense of responsibility... These are things that would cause him to pull away.
Do remind him of all the positives in his life. He has you and a child that love and worship him. Be able to list all the positives that are going on in his life and yours. For men, pregnancy can also be a challenging time because their woman's body is changing and they are suddenly worrying about having another mouth to feed. Be sure that you are there to support HIM as well.
Don't be afraid to push the relationship in the direction you want it to go. Too many women, in my opinion, are afraid to go for what they want. If you want and need more affection, initiate it. Set up a date night, wear something revealing -- seduce your man.
Also don't expect overnight changes. Building a solid relationship and chemistry take time and there will be highs and lows. Keep working on establishing an open line of communication and learn to roll with the punches. There are definitely exciting days ahead.
Eddie
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Hi
Well his life is you and your daughter, now you have another on the way.
Suddenly his life (and yours) is set out.Two children,a girlfriend and a ton of responsibilty.Not the fun of dating,holidays, new clothes,cars and lads weekends.
Does he work, do you work? Is his job secure? Is there maybe debt you don't know about?
Can you get one of his family to talk to him,somebody mature who can listen and make him see he *has* to talk to you,not just shout and run off.That behaviour solves nothing.
If he decides to walk away from his responsibilities then you need to be prepared.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pregnantandconfused +, writes (24 February 2013):
Pregnantandconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is me again. I can see where you guys think It may be because if the second baby. I got pregnant while on birth control ( although I took it on time all the time).
I tried talking to him this morning. all i said was, "listen i know there is something bothering you and i want to help you but i cant help you if you dont let me. i just want you to be happy i dont like seeing tou this way"
and he actually yelled at me :0 he said," theres nothing you can do my life sucks and it keeps gettong worse every day."
he has never yelled at me in our relationship until this morning. I'm really confused and hurt right now
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Geesh. This is the second time, today, that I've gotten to give this EXACT SAME advice. Here it is:
You are correct, that his behaviour - as you've described it - is totally unacceptable. However, I believe the "medicine" necessary to foresee your's (and his) future is pretty painful to take.... To wit:
I'd suggest that you sit down with him - sometime soon - and say to him: "Sugar-bunchy, now that we are starting a family, I think it would be appropriate for us to be a REAL family.... you know, the kind that is married and lives happily ever after. What say, Wanna propose now?"
If/when he sez: "Are you crazy?? .... and lose my "single" status???" You will have learned just what kind of a guy he is. I HOPE he's good and noble (and doesn't need to be single any longer).....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 February 2013):
Hi
I think it's because of the 2nd pregnancy, that *IS* stressful, another mouth to feed,clothe etc another little person and your daughter is only one years old.Perhaps he is feeling overwhelmed,especially if it was unplanned.
You have only been together 2 years so it's alot of commitment having both children within 3 years when your so young.
Give him a few days to get his head round it and then you must talk to him,ask him how he feels about it.He may be fine,just in shock,but it's best to get to the root of his behaviour as soon as you can.
...............................
A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 As u mentioned u people don't have stress in your lives,i think there may be some other issues.Ask him whats wrong.As its a little early for your age and relationship to have 2 children ,discuss with him if he is ok with it.If he is not,want to know what you people can do about it.Welcome his views as you already have 1 and he is happy with it,u should know his thoughts about d 2nd 1.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): You just need to either give him space so he can sort out in peace whatever is bothering him, or ask him what's the matter. No one can be happy upbeat all the time we all go through our own personal ups and downs in life whether it has anything to do with our relationship or not.
...............................
|
