A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ques: myself and my husband got married 12 years back. We have 2 daughters. I love my husband more than my life. He 2 loves me. But he a very practical person. He is away from me for 9 months due to his work in ship. But when he is near to me he is always with me. But now I have realised that he always needed space for time to spend with his friends. He likes to speak to other women. If I don't stop him, he may keep talking as long as possible. I mean to say he like to spend time with other women. When we both go out together he admires other women which I don't like. I feel as if he don't like me. He always wants to earn more and more money. When I feel to talk to him, I send him SMS but he don't call me. But calls me daily just for few minutes. He always feels that not to waste money on phone calls if there is no topic to talk about. But I think it is not necessary that we need any topic to talk with a person whom u love more than anything. It hurts me very much. I love him so much. But he always thinks about money. He always wanted an earning wife who will support him financially in future life. But I don't like to work in office. I love to stay at home and look after kids and spend time with them and look after their needs. I feel neglected by my husband. I feel as if I am just a responsibility for him, and nothing more than that. I can't share this all with anybody else because I don't want anybody to know that me and my husband's relationship is in problem. Most important thing, I don't want my parents to know that their daughter is not happy in her married life. They will get hurt. They are very old and I don't want then to take tension during their old age.I am very confused. I don't understand, what should I do? I want my husband to be happy always I cant leave my husband. People will point finger on my husband, which I don't want to happen. Please help me. I may go mad. I don't want to stay with him, because I know, he loves money more than me. He loves his freedom. He will never change himself. I cant bear his behaviour towards other women. Please help me, what should I do? I think I am suffering from depression. I don't want anybody to know that there is any problem between myself and my husband. I love him so much.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 It's always about what he wants. What about what you what? You want a man with a career and at the same time a family oriented man, which he isn't. When he's away for 9 months, who's going to take care of the kids if you go work also? He knew your character before he married you. He has no problems with you staying home. You are exactly what he needs to afford his freedom outside. He's just saying things to justify his outside dalliances, and to justify why he doesn't love you. I don't believe he is faithful all those months. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Truth is, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.
You are financially dependent on your husband which means if you leave, you are going to stay with your parents. You should not hold it in. Being single is better than a neglected wife. Very few people can emotionally leave the relationship while keeping the spouse title and house together. It is important that you show your parents you can be happy, even as a single mom. If your children have problems in the marriage, you don't want them to suffer inside. You want them to be open and have better options in life.
Parenting is the most important job, but the most unappreciated one also. You have to give yourself credit for being true to who you are. Your children have immense possibilities, thanks to a devoted mom. If only your husband can realize this.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 From your submittal, it sounds as if the relationship that you've described is a single guy (your hubby) who has a woman standing in the wings.... bearing and rearing his children, keeping his home in-order, and waiting - waiting - for him to become a "husband"..... whilest HE lives, effectively, a "single" life....
The ONLY question: How long to you intend to be his foot- wiping mat?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, franny1297  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Im sorry to hear this, but he may just like being more open with others. Think back to how it was when you were in your first few months, or even years of marriage? did you have lots of fun, probably go out together. I say, all go out together, resterant. But he is really attached to money, isn't he. YOU must learn to relax, of course you want the best for your family, marriage and kids, but you must let him go, have his freedom (by this i DON'T mean break up with him). If he desides to cheat, it will backfire and you will find out eventually, anything he does behind your back will backfire at him. You must talk to your parents about him, your parents will always be there for you no matter what age, and they'll be happy you came to them, old people are wise! As for your depression, GO to your doctor, you MUST tell him/her what's going on, you can't keep it in you forever. If he's having freedom time, you have freedom time with the kids
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