A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend on a dating website about 3 months ago. Our relationship is exclusive and he has told me he has fallen in love with me. We live an hour apart. We see each other every weekend and once during the week. Problem... He met this girl on a different dating website about a year ago. He said that he never looked at her in a romantic way, but she has feelings for him. And she has told him that. In all fairness, he has told her about me coming into his life. He does not see her anymore, but continues to get a couple of text a day from her. He turns his telephone off when he is with me, it does not interfere with our time together. Even though I trust him, I can't help feel disrespected that he is communicating with a women that he knowingly says has feelings for him. He says that he can't be rude and she is just a friend. He has friends that are girls, but that does not bother me. I also pointed out to him that they don't text him a couple of times a day. He knows that this bothers me. Am I insecure or should I put up some yellow flags. He is so perfect in every other way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): She is his backup, waiting in the wings, a hook on the line in case you two don't work out.
For me "exclusive" means no contact with other females that show interest. Others may disagree but that is what it means to me personally.
I don't think your "boyfriend" understands that term correctly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): Thanks for everyone's input. You guys have been great. Update: We had a good talk last night. His communication skills are matured. He has already begun to work on it. Two factors as we get to know each other. One, I have a few insecurities to work through and two he needs to become sensitive to what really bothers me. He has already begun to work on this. He does not want hard feelings with her and is not the type of person to purposely hurt people. This is what I love about him and why should I expect him to behave differently. He has begun to wean her and has ignored a few text and answered slowly on the others. He feels that she will loose interest and get the message. For the record, he said that he did not ever carry lengthy conversations on with her. Just short to the point answeres. I have pondered and realized that we are new in this relationship and some things I need to chill out about and handle in a mature way. I just need to take my time and see how this goes. I might be bamboozled, but it's worth taking the chance. Thanks all!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2013):
 “he does not feel obligated to talk to her about our relationship”
WTF? That’ is not good. That means mentioning “I’m going to a friend’s for the weekend” not MY GIRLFRIEND…. He’s playing both ends….
IF he's NOT interested in her, he would talk about YOU and your relationship... if he barely mentions you... he's leading her on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 February 2013):
 C'mon OP. You write: "In all fairness, he has told her about me coming into his life." Were you there when this conversation took place?????? IF so, then I have no more to add. IF NOT.... then my advice is: BE THERE when he repeats this message to his "old" G/F.....
Please don't let him bamboozle you.. then come on this site and say: "Geeesh, he sure got away with bamboozling me......"
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): I completely agree with you. I give him credit for being honest about it, but I wouldn't like the fact she is texting him daily to the point he turns his phone off.
He is in a new exclusive relationship with you & while he doesn't want to be rude to her, he is being rude to you.
If he knows it bothers you, and does nothing to change the situation, I'd start seeing the flags. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): I never asked him to be rude and say things mean to her. She text him and tells him all about her failed dates, new job, etc... He told me he mentions very little about our relationship except maybe he's headed to my house for the weekend. He says that he does not feel obligated to talk to her about our relationship. I feel that he likes the attention plus it's like she is lingering in the background waiting. Maybe once he becomes more secure in our relationship, (if I can stay and deal with this)he will eventually loose interest and not answer her. Have to get over that feeling if he's been too busy to text me, did he text her jealousy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
if she is texting him, is he replying to every text?
Her texting him would not bother me... his replies might bother me... depends on if he's encouraging her to contact him or not. If she sends questions that require answers, then if they are short and to the point, that's fine...
but if she's texting "good morning" and he is not ignoring it, that's would irk me.... a "good morning" text does not require a response and he can and should ignore this... IF he truly wants her to stop texting..... but some men are flattered by the attention even if they have no intent of going further... and a woman who wants more will easily read into his reply of "good morning" as "good morning darling, how are you today I missed you overnight"
if she texts him and his replies are short, curt, non-committal etc. AND he talks about you to her, then I'd let it go.
IF on the other hand, he doesn't talk about you, he encourages her texts (by sending long replies or replying rapidly) I'd be concerned....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Interesting. I had a very similar situation. My ex was friends with 2 girls who both admitted they had feelings for him, one had asked him out, the other told me she had a crush on him.
Yet he still hung out with them and went ice skating with one even. I did trust him, but could not shake off that niggling feeling. So we split.
I think if you do complain, you risk as being seen as the controlling gf. I would make my feelings clear, but avoid giving ultimatums etc. And see what he does. It still is early days, so you dont want to seem too controlling this early on.
I think if he does have feelings for you, he will automatically cease contact (sounds like he is doing that already).
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2013):
Considering that it's rather coarse for him to say to this "other" woman: "Hey, bitch.... don't be in touch with me 'cuz I'm romancin' another girl now..... and am not available to you...." I would give him a pass for him to "let her down easily"....
NOW, the issue is: What does "let her down easy" mean? YOU should define it for him.... in this way: "Let her down easy" means that you (he) has ONE WEEK to come up with a way to say to her, gracefully, "Hey, bitch.... don't be in touch with me 'cuz I'm romancin' another girl now..... and am not available to you...." THAT should do the trick...
AND, if he fails to do so, then be prepared to drop him....
Good luck....
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