A
female
age
30-35,
*cristina62
writes:My boyfriend who's now my ex just broke up with me two weeks ago. He used the line " I think we should take a break" I"m trying to move on but can't help but wonder, what if. Were both young I'm 20 and he's 22. He says he has alot on his plate and can't handle a girl friend right now. He's a single father of a two year old son (just got full custody ) fell behind on child support to they took away his license ever since then it's a rippled effect. He lossed his job because he couldn't drive without license and because he lossed his job he lossed his apartment. The mother has had little contact with the child and now all of a sudden she wants more to do with him. I understand that's alot to deal with and why a girlfriend maybe to much for him right now, but should I forget him and move one? He still says he wants me and all but I don't want to be the sucker waiting and hoping well be back together again. Is he just stringing me along? What should I do? hELP!!!!! :-(
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a break, broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (21 January 2010):
Vcristina62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thanx ill look into the book
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (17 January 2010):
I'm only being harsh because you come here for advice and you don't want to take it. I've been there done that, I'm not here to kiss anyone's ass so that they like my answers, it's reality. So you can go ahead and like the advice of someone that's never been strung along by a guy because you were told what you want to hear, but whatever, you'll see. I didn't say to leave him forever, but you need to back off for now. You should get the book, "Why Men Love Bitches." It doesn't literally mean you have to be a bitch, but you'll see that what you're doing is all wrong and it's only going to push him away further. It's about loving yourself before giving your all to a guy that's giving you nothing, which is what's happening in your case. But live and learn.
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A
female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (17 January 2010):
Vcristina62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice, and I am taking it into consideration. Although you guys think moving on is best, I semi disagree. I'm determined to do whatever it takes. Thanks FA I found your advice to be most helpful. He just was told today he has 14 days to move out of his old apt. And I was thinking of lending him money. But you say that make things worse because he wants to feel more responsible. But how can I just watch all this unfold and not help? I just wanna rush to his side and let him know it's going to be ok and help him out a little financially. But I understand that could hurt his eago and the last thing I want to do is make more trouble for him. :-( so for now I'll just be his friend and show him he can count on me. Thanks guys for all you great advice! :-) even though pinktopaz was a little harsh I understand where your coming from
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 January 2010):
Jesus, quit playing such a victim. It's hard because he keeps "reeling" you in. That's why I said to not have anymore contact with him, I explained it to you. Ignore his phone calls and don't call him. Be a strong person for once in your life instead of complaining about how you're 20 years old and want a relationship to last longer than a year. If he keeps jerking your emotions around, you're the only one to blame because you allow it to happen. Or you can stick with being his little go-to girl and be miserable. But everyone has to learn for themselves, and unfortunately, it sounds like you want to learn the hard way. Have fun with that.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Why do people think that jealousy is a good sign? It is a negative emotion that you are deliberately feeding in him. If you really want to build a stronger relationship with him you need to build it on trust and love, not on fear and jealousy. Do you see that they are opposites?
You also have a question as to why his ex now has an interest in the son. It is a financial matter, just like the chain of events leading to his job loss. He know is the custodial parent. she is not getting payments unless he is able to make payments on back child support, which he should be doing, and on top of that she is making child support payments to him. She sees the son as a solution to her money problem. Which is very unfair to the son.
Anyway, what you should do. You seem determined to stay in contact with him. So, I'm not going to tell you to break it off. It's your heart, if you want to run it through the wringer it's up to you. If he breaks it you will heal. Two things he doesn't need from you are, Money, and to hear about other guys. As a Man he needs to pull himself out of his financial mess. If you help him he will lose respect for himself. As he is being the father and male role model to a son, he needs to be a strong man. Trying to make him jealous in order to get more of his attention is a very selfish ploy on your part. In order for him to come back to you he needs to see you as a, solid as a rock, strong, consistent woman. You want a long term relationship. Show him that your love is steady and constant, not fickle and wavering. This is true for any relationship, not just a guy in his situation. You acknowledge his needs for more time and less distractions, then you turn around and try to pry more from him. You need to support him emotionally, and not financially. When he is confident of himself again, you will be there for him, as the shining light house that was there through the storm. Remember Love and Trust re the opposite of fear and jealousy. Positive emotions will keep him, negative emotions will keep him looking elsewhere.
FA
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
Move on. You'll just become an escape to him, with no real prospect of any future together. And then one day you'll look back and wonder where your life has really gone. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (16 January 2010):
Vcristina62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I shouldn't wait, but he has so much going on right now. I want to be someone he can count on. I do try and make him jealous by telling him things about me and guys. He seems to get mad and a little jealous at times so maybe there's hope also the other day when we were talking he said he worries about me, he said that he's worried if we don't get back together I won't be able to handle it. And maybe it's true a little bit. I REALLy like him and we have a good connection I feel. But I want just one relationship to last more than a year :-/ especially with him. I'll try to move on but it's hard when he keeps reeling me in
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 January 2010):
No, don't wait around for him, that's the WORST thing you could do for yourself. I and many other girls have fallen into the same trap, and yes, he's just going to string you along. He'll keep stringing you along and at times it will even feel like you're back together again, then you bring up being in a relationship, then he does the whole, "I'm still not ready." So he gets the benefits of a relationship (you being there whenever he needs you, maybe some food and sex) while you get the short end of the stick and don't get the relationship you want.
So for now, yes, you need to let him go. Let him know that if he's not willing to be in a relationship with you right now, that you can't have anymore contact with him (and I'm serious about this) and that while you're on this "break" (which is actually a breakup) you'll do your thing and he will do his. If you still love him when the time comes and he's ready, then maybe you'll give him a chance. But for now, don't sit around waiting for him to come around. He may never and why would you wait for someone that you're not even together with anymore? It's hard at first, but you'll be okay.
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