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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am a 17 year old girl and well last night was a really bad night. My twin brother and me got in a physical fight. I was already really upset and he was just getting on my nerves because he was calling me names and saying stuff that was starting to get me really mad. So I pushed him and then punched him in his face. This got him really mad and he pushed me back and started hitting me in my chest and stomach until i fell on the floor cuz i couldn't breath. After i caught my breath i got up and went to my room and called my boyfriend and told him everything that had just happened. He was really mad and was saying that he's gunna beat my brothers ass and stuff. Well i didn't want him to do that because i think it would just cause a lot of drama for our relationship because my parents wouldn't like him and all that kind of stuff. Well he got really mad at this and was mad at me saying that i never let him beat guys up that mess with me. He says that it shows other people that he's not gunna do anything even if i am messed with. Because well i haven't let him get in a fight with any of the guys that have made fun of me or hurt me. My question is... Should i let him handle it or not? it would make him feel a lot better and show other people that he will not let anyone mess with me. I don't know what to do. He says it'll make him feel a lot better if he can defend me when he needs to. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Generally I'd say that Satindesire is spot on with her assessment. However I do believe that there are 'certain' insults that can also cause anyone male or female to retaliate physically, and the average person is no saint to just stand there and take. Without understanding what the argument was, all I can say is that you better make sure that it was a big, serious and highly inflammatory comment that resulted you in attacking first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): No, gosh it's between you and your brother, and plus you bloody punched him in the face! Of course he was going to fight back!
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 LOL WOW i kno im late but wow i gotta add my 2 cents,
I feel you deserved what you got, you hit him and got your ass kicked this is probably what happened to Rhianna.
you say he went to far maybe but you should ahve thought about all day before you punched someone because you didnt like what they said,
This is a good post it substantiates my belief that women start alot of domestic violence situations of course the men usually get all the blame because there bigger stronger and generally come out far less bruised, and people for some reason think the male should have more self control because there a man when everyone knows males are generally the more agressive of the species to begin with.
As for telling your bf i dont have an opinion, If it was me i wouldnt get involved in a situation like this its not like your being beat all the time and the attack was unprovoked you kinda asked for it. My question to you is do you think your bf can even take your brother secondly it might be hard to live in the house with someone after putting a hit out on them, thirdly if the fight goes bad in any direction someone gets seriously injured you could be implicated.
My suggestion just apologize to your bro BFs come and go but a twin should be for life, He should also apologize to you but you should initiate the apology since you initiated the physical confrontation.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Angzw is right. If the man has to defend himself, he has to defend himself, but if a man uses more force than necessary, it's wrong because he's hitting the woman in anger, or as a punishment. That's abuse. He didn't need to punch you repeatedly in the stomach.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): "And no he did not just push me. He hit me in my chest a few times and my stomach till i fell on the ground. Then he still continued hitting me till he got pulled off. So before you make assumptions that i was in the wrong, why don't you read the whole thing. I hit him once and did not deserve a beatdown."
You're right. I zipped through your post too fast and missed parts of what you said. I apologize for that.
"And i do not need advice on that part of the story anyways!!"
Yes, you do, whether you like it or not. Actually, both you and your brother do. Not to mention your boyfriend with the violent tendencies.
Now let me try again. It is wrong for him to call you names. If you 2 have an argument then do it without name calling. If he can't argue civilly then walk away from him or get your parents involved to solve the problem. Punching him in the face is just going to aggravate the situation more.
So you punched him in the face. Perhaps he deserved it, but it is still not the proper way to solve an argument. Walk away until you both can talk civilly. At this point, him pushing you away would have been a proper response. If you were not continually attacking him after that then he had no reason to hit you even once and certainly not beating you. If you had continued to hit him in the face after he pushed you away then you got what you deserved. Apparently that was not the case.
Keep your boyfriend out of this. This is a family matter and none of his business. As you said, having him getting involved is just going to make the situation worse and put him in your parents' bad standing.
So your boyfriend wants to beat up any guy who says something to you that hurts you. I suppose that goes for guys who might flirt with you too. That is not a good sign in a boyfriend. You should handle those situations yourself. If you are with him and some guy tries to get physical with you and you can't handle it then he should step in on your behalf. However, having a boyfriend who wants to beat up every guy who looks at you the wrong way or says something inappropriate is one to be careful with. Stepping in and telling someone to leave you alone if you can't handle it is fine. You are doing the right thing by not allowing him to start fights with anybody who he does not like.
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female
reader, Runewyrm  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 The thing is, the second you told you boyfriend you knew he would react like this. What did you expect him to say? Sure, whatever? I understand you needed to tell someone about what happened. And its not acceptable for your brother to hit you. However, you did hit him first. I'm not ecusing what he did in any way, just stating the fact, that in a court of law, you started it. Don't let your boyfriend handle this. He doesn't need to beat up every guy that acts like a prick to you to be a supporting boyfriend. Just let things blow over and talk to your twin and sort this argument out.
Best wishes x
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female
reader, SallyLamont  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 I had the same problem with my brother when I still lived with my parents. He is four yers younger than me, but he's bigger in size and much stronger. My dad never could do anything to stop him from demeaning me and hitting me. He even hit my mother. He once got sexually abusing, but I kept quiet about this, because he threatened me. Later on I told my boyfriend(now my fiance) about this. I ran away from home and everything. He wanted to beat my brother up. I didn't stop him. They had such a bad fight and both of them got beaten up pretty bad. I felt really awful about this, since it was all my fault. I would say that if he loves you enough to stand up for you, let him. They are men, and men fight for what's theirs. But don't let them get too carried away, you'll only resent yourself. It is better to talk things throug in the end. I hope things get better for you. I know how you feel... I almost lost my family through this...
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reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 January 2010):
You should not let your boyfriend beat your brother up. The proper person to deal with your brother is your father; or your mother. This is a family affair and your boyfriend is not family. I understand your anger and hurt at what your brother did. But involving your boyfriend is a bad idea. A few weeks from now, you and your brother will be friends again but if your boyfriend does this then your family will never forgive him.
On another note, it is never ever acceptable for a man to hit a woman EVER. Not for any reason. Not even to defend himself, which is the most common excuse used by wife-beaters. I have two teenage children who sometimes get into bust ups like this and the punishment for my son is always more severe because feminism in all its glory will never make a woman's physical strength compare to a man. When my daughter hits my son, the rule is that he can only block or hold her hands back. He is not allowed to hit her. I then punish my daughter severely for hitting my brother. A boy has to be taught to control his anger. At the same time, the daughter should also be punished for violent behaviour. Bottom line, no one is allowed to use physical violence but it does happen every once in a while so as a mother my role is to keep driving it in that no son of mine is going to hit a woman; and that no daughter of mine is going to also use violence to get her way. Wife-beaters are made; not born.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Don't do it.. Leave family matters out of your social life.. If this guy loves you he will only give you advice and not risk having your parents an bro hate him and out of your life
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): 1. You don't have to sit there and take the insults, you could walk away. My brother does that to me ALL THE TIME, it's a running joke. But I know if I hit him I would expect one back. Why not? Just because he is bigger than me doesn't mean I should be able to use violence against him.
2.I'm afraid your boyfriend sounds like an idiot who seems to think that violence will solve things, that it will make people treat you better, make him look more macho, and give him some sort of reputation for beating guys up who hurt you, or whatever. That is completely immature and dumb. People who go around attacking others over something that is really none of their business will end up getting prosecuted. I hate violence and I would hate to go out with someone who thought it was some sort of badge or respect that shows people that he can deal with someone who messes with you. How horrible is that? I would hate the idea that my boyf would weigh in an beat someone up on my behalf ESPECIALLY my brother. Brothers and sisters have their own relationship. The boyf has nothing to do with this situation. And NotMyName is right, your brother will be around for ever. If your boyf gets involved he will be causing a whole load of unnecessary trouble. He sounds like a jerk who just wants to talk with his fists. Get rid of him. If someone threatened to beat up my brother, that's what I would do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk people...I didn't hit him expecting him not to hit back. But he went way too far with beating me down! He could've pushed me and held me down so easily but he didn't do that. He hit me quite a few times when one little hit would've been enough! He wasn't even hurt with me hitting him in his face because I don't hit that hard. If he didn't want me to hit him, then maybe he shouldn't have instigated it!
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Silly boyfriend! Family and blood ties are forever, bf's come and go. He is just as likely to beat him up and then have you dirty on him for it once it all simmers down. Tell him you will sort your shit with your family in your own time and that it is not his place to butt in.
Must say tho - I agree with Satindesire - if you wanna hit a man, be prepared to cop one back! It is about behaviour and accepting what is equal to what you dish out! A pussy is no excuse to mistreat others and expect to get way with it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): WHAT? It would make your BF feel better by committing a felony? You assaulted your brother, he fought back (and then likely crossed the line) and you're BF wants to kick his ass...The mature solution would have been NOT to get in the fight, him not to fight back, and even if that happened your BF's mature response would have been to ask you what the hell you were thinking and stay 100% out of it...If he goes after your brother, what happens if he pulls out a crowbar and beats the living shit out of him? Is that fair? Would that make anyone feel better?
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reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (19 January 2010):
Most guys are bigger and stronger than the average girl, and there's a difference between defending yourself from physical harm, and engaging someone.
Both of you were wrong. You had no business punching him, and he had no business punching you in the stomach when he could have easily escaped the situation without violence. It wasn't necessary for him to do that to you, just to defend himself, HOWEVER, you were way out of line, too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): "It's okay for a boy to hit another boy, a girl to hit a boy, but not a boy to hit a girl."
That's just bullshit. If a woman hits a guy then the guy has a right to defend himself. Pushing her away is a proper restrained first response. What if the woman is stabbing a guy with a knife? Would you still say that it is wrong for the guy to defend himself. Some idiot said that here a couple of months ago.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 January 2010):
 On the subject of physical violence. It has taken me 4 decades of life to learn that it doesn't solve any thing, or prove anything. It really doesn't help to salve your pride. I went through a stage where I was a lot like your boyfriend. I now regret every time I lost my temper and struck another person.
I don't expect you to understand this at 17 years of age. It is commendable that you can see what will happen in your family should your boy friend get into a fight with your brother. That is a step in the right direction.
On a side note to satin and janniepeg. I had an experience with a girl who hit guys. She was 17 and dating my best friend. As well as hitting me she would openly flirt with me. I was quite leery of her and avoided her if possible. I was never happier than when they broke up.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI punched my brother because i was upset already and he was calling me names for no reason and saying things he knew would hurt me. He does this all the time and i do not agree with all of you who say it's ok for a guy to hit a girl! I am 95 pounds and he is 120 pounds and is physically fit! You expect me to just sit there and take the insults from him just because i'm a girl?? No! Believe me if you guys had been there, you would not be having the same opinion you do. And no he did not just push me. He hit me in my chest a few times and my stomach till i fell on the ground. Then he still continued hitting me till he got pulled off. So before you make assumptions that i was in the wrong, why don't you read the whole thing. I hit him once and did not deserve a beatdown. And i do not need advice on that part of the story anyways!! Read the question! If you don't have any advice on that then i'd greatly appreciate it if you didn't answer at all! Thank you to the rest of you who actually gave me your opinion on my question.
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reader, sammy462 +, writes (19 January 2010):
well i suggest that you should not let him handle it you should just sit down and talk to him. in another case you should let him beat him up but what would your family say they would not accept your boyfriend or they would think bad about your boyfriend
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 I don't think you should let him know that because that would reinforce the idea that physical aggression is the way to solve problems and it would make your family hate your boyfriend. I assume your twin brother is close to you so it's up to you if you want to fight with him. Make him feel ashamed for wanting to hurt a girl. It's okay for a boy to hit another boy, a girl to hit a boy, but not a boy to hit a girl. So make sure don't take advantage of that.
It's a turn on for your boyfriend to want to protect you but the consequences of him hitting your brother is certainly not a good one.
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