| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 26 May 2010: Congratulations Lexi,
Good weight for a first child. Love and best wishes for you and the baby!
FA... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 25 March 2010: Thanks for the update Lexi. Good to know everything is working out.
Online school is a very good choice. 20 years ago when my wife worked with young mothers, that wasn't even an option.
Keep us posted
FA... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 1 March 2010: Good Morning Lexi,
I thought I Had a few more months before I had to answer this question. Changing your mind about adoption is pretty common. Some times mothers change at the last minute. The baby is more real to you now and you are becoming... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 1 March 2010: Hi ya Lexi,
It is good to hear that all is going well. So you are starting the second trimester. For many it is the easy coasting part of the pregnancy. No radical changes, not so overburdened. My secretary is nearing the end of her second t... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 27 February 2010: Lexi,
Congratulations on that milestone. It all seems so much more real when you hear that heartbeat. Thanks for keeping us updated.
FA... (read in full...)
How can I become more confident and look people in the eye?
Q. Hey everyone i was wondering if you could help me :/ okay so, i have a little problem, i find it really hard to look people in the eye, i go really red easily. and i was hoping you guys could give me some tips on how to control my nerves! Thank...
A. 25 February 2010: Almost all young people suffer with this. Some say it is a symptom of doing all their interacting via text and facebook. One recommendation is to get a job that requires you to interact with people face to face. Like a checker in a store or fast ... (read in full...)
He relies on me for his 'fun'...is he using me?
Q. Okay, so I'm kind of seeing this guy from school. I say kind of because we're not officially a couple, I have no idea what we are! We don't talk about it much, and I don't really want everyone to know anyway, my friends wouldn't approve although my ...
A. 23 February 2010: Way back in the eighties we called it NiCMO for non-committal make out. Now they call it friends with benefits. you have a purely physical relationship. You are both free to seek serious emotional relationships elsewhere. Whatever you call it ... (read in full...)
Why are men so cruel when it comes to dating us curvier women?
Q. Ok..I previously posted a question...I went on a blind date with a gentlement who I was talking to for 2 weeks..we were constantly on the phone and texting galore..It felt fantastic, he learned about me and I of him... I'm not big, but I'm not a ...
A. 23 February 2010: Sorry at size 10 you are a bit on the small side for me. Of course I am under 5' 8" tall so I'm undesirable as well. The answer to "I don't like to date Chubby women" is "I don't like to date snobbish men". Quite frankly it is why I stopped ... (read in full...)
His other women are making me miserable but he is denying me a divorce
Q. Married for 33 years.My husband used to be rude sometimes, and very lovely others. 15years ago I got a phonecall telling me he has a son out of our marriage and still is this woman. I had a very rough time.Asked him for divorce. he denied. ...
A. 23 February 2010: I'm not sure about law or culture in your country. Divorce may be prohibited as in the Philippines or unpopular as in Ireland. I'm also not sure where adultery is evident why you need his permission for divorce.
After 33 years the marriage... (read in full...)
How should I approach my girlfriend about changing her attitude?
Q. Hello, I'm having this problem with my girlfriend of 7 months, she is really obstinate, or pigheaded any way you wanna call it. Although as pigheaded as she is, she is really good, and nice. She loves me a lot, I can really tell, even with my ...
A. 23 February 2010: You are more advantaged than her. Does that mean that you are in college? If so I would suggest some course work in Child psychology.
No is an empowering word and she has a need to feel empowered around you. She is dating up, so she feels at... (read in full...)
Can I wear the same jeans again for a third date or will it look bad?
Q. I am seeing a guy i met online for a 3rd time..he seems really open and interested..we met saturday night for a drink and then he offered to go to dinner and then we got another drink afterwards at a different place and then he drove me home..and he ...
A. 23 February 2010: To give you a bit more insight on the male mind, I have 4 pair of identical pants. In High School All my jeans were same brand same cut same color. So I agree no need for you to go shopping now, he is not going to notice.
But...
My Brot... (read in full...)
She asked me out and I said no. Have I lost my chance?
Q. Sorry to repost this, just didn't get comments last time so I'm hoping someone sees this Alright, so there's this chick that I work with. I'm always talking to her when we work together, and we get along pretty well, but we've never really got...
A. 23 February 2010: I've got to go With Strontium Dog on this one. She is not going to like the facebook approach. She asked you in person, so she expects you to reciprocate in kind. We know it is harder, that is exactly why she wants you to do it that way.
FA... (read in full...)
He's having a "friend" over to stay and I don't trust him with her!
Q. My "boyfriend" is sorta having someone over at his place for 15 days. I'm completely jealous, but dont really have the right to be since im with someone else, he's single, and our unbranded relationship is just a secret between the two of us. I ...
A. 22 February 2010: Of course he cares how you feel about this. Why do you think he is doing it. It's working too. You are so jealous that you might even commit to him.
To put it crudely, Girl, it's time to pee or get off the pot.
FA... (read in full...)
Can you really change your future?
Q. Hey, I know this site is for relationship worries, but I dont know where else to go to to be honest. Do you think its possible to change your future? My aunt went to a fortune teller on Saturday there, and they told her that i'm going to get pre...
A. 22 February 2010: Yes you can change the future. Every act and decision you make changes your future.
I would be willing to bet that in the next 10 years you will get pregnant. Probably a 80% chance of that. You will likely also get strep throat twice, a... (read in full...)
How can I make him see that EVERY marriage has problems sometime and it doesn’t mean either person is bad!!
Q. I guess this is a twofold question… My husband, Adam(not his real name) has almost no self esteem, and is very down on himself. Any times I get upset about something and try to talk to him about it, he ends up saying… “I am a bad husband. You would ...
A. 22 February 2010: There are a couple of strategies to defuse a situation. One is to start with an apology. You know that most problems have plenty of fault to go around, so start off by taking a chunk of the blame. The second is to team up against the problem. ... (read in full...)
How can I get alone with him???
Q. hi! i was wondering, if you've never kissed a guy but you really want to, how do you get alone with him? my parents are always watching me like a hawk and always have their ears open for anything. they don't agree with me calling boys, much less ...
A. 22 February 2010: OK, Dad speaking here.
Famous, Feel free to ignore me if you must.
It seems to me that you are just interested in getting your ticket punched. You want a kiss, not a relationship. I'm a firm believer that relationships come first. On the o... (read in full...)
She asked me out and I said no. Have I lost my chance?
Q. Sorry to repost this, just didn't get comments last time so I'm hoping someone sees this Alright, so there's this chick that I work with. I'm always talking to her when we work together, and we get along pretty well, but we've never really got...
A. 22 February 2010: The ball is firmly in your court. She is waiting for you to make the next move. You have two options. First is to ask her out for coffee after work. This is a low commitment date that will allow you two to chat outside of the work structure. It ... (read in full...)
I walked in on my best friend having sex and now he won't talk to me.
Q. This is a bit long, sorry there is some background here that needs to be explained. My ex and I broke up a year ago. After a lot of ups and downs we managed to stay friends. He had hit on me from time to time, and I didn't sleep with hi...
A. 22 February 2010: I see that you have a friendship problem, and it seems that you are sending the right message, that you accept him no matter what he does. But, that is not the big problem. The Big problem is that you need a safe place to go every night. Your ... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned about my period sickness?
Q. Hello, I take to my periods very badly.. Every time I get my periods I experience Dizzyness, Feel very sick, Sore Heads, Bad moods, very sore stomach, and loose my appetite .. Should I be concerned? Thanks...
A. 19 February 2010: Being vegetarian can lead to iron deficiency. There are non meat sources of iron. My wife eats a lot of spinach at that time. I think other leafy greens are high in iron too. Your Doctor can easily test for low iron.
FA... (read in full...)
He was a drug dealer but says he has reformed
Q. ok this si going to sound stupid because i cant belive i'd say this but cutitn to the point. met a guy online.normally i wouldnt rush into things or get attachedd. nearly been a week and we jst chat so much. seriously hes great, and he unders...
A. 19 February 2010: Love is blind, you aren't. You have no need to rush. In his situation he has no right to be so pushy. It is very easy to lie in an online relationship. You should get all the details from an official outside source before meeting him in person. ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and have a question about male sexuality
Q. im just curious, does a guy have 2 b hard 2 give a hand job or head?...
A. 19 February 2010: You are pretty young to need this answer. But curiosity has no age limit. I'm going to have to disagree with Marie. In a normal functioning male an erection accompanies excitement every time. Unless there hasn't been enough time since the last ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 19 February 2010: Lexi I feel so much better knowing your family is behind you on this. It is a good sign that your boy friend is being supportive as well. This will be a hard time for you, because it will separate you from your peers. You may feel all alone.
... (read in full...)
He wants me to come up with a cute nicname for him
Q. I'm almost 18, and my boyfriend is in his early 20's. He has all sorts of cute nick names (like babe, angel, etc.) for me but always wants me to come up with names for him. So what do guys like to be called? Help please!...
A. 18 February 2010: What do guys like to be called? Stud is good. So is lover. I like the other list too. Just so long as he is only a little embarrassed when you say it in public.
FA... (read in full...)
I think he doesn't want me because I am not pretty enough
Q. I think he doesnt want me to be his gf bcz i m not pretty enough! dont i deserve to be loved too? i cry every morning once i wake, i cry to sleep every night. i know i sound foolish but i feel extremely down. fine, i m ugly but dont i deserve t...
A. 18 February 2010: What does this have to do with looks? He is the kind of guy who keeps a bunch of friends. He flirts with all of them. He commits to none of them. Heather is trying to get a commitment out of him. This is making him uncomfortable, so he is ... (read in full...)
Does he love me, I wanna know, how can I tell if he loves me so .....
Q. hi, i was wondering how to really know if a guy i met last week likes me. i want a males prospective please. i met him last Thu. and the next day we went on the same mission trip. he sat next to me the whole time on the 7-8 hour rode trip. he kind ...
A. 18 February 2010: The best way to know is when he starts making efforts to be with you. If he is with you because he happens to be on the same trip it is easy. When he calls you, makes arrangements, and shows up, then you know. I hope you guys are taking notes. ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 18 February 2010: That's a good decision Lexi and I am glad you are thinking of what is best for the baby. Are your parents on board with you in this decision? Have you seen a doctor? Have you found a good adoption agency? I don't want to be a pest, or stack you ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 17 February 2010: Hi again Lexi,
OK you have one person on your support team and you are having dialog with your parents. That's good for 1 day. Keep talking to mom and dad.
Let me tell you a little more about being a parent of teenagers. I made mistakes wi... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 16 February 2010: Why do parents say these things. I mean I could see saying, "If you have a drug party in my house, I'm going to kick you out". You could justify that by saying you are protecting the other kids, and the home. Besides kids want to party, they ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 16 February 2010: With that amount of information about all we can advise is to do what the doctor says. Build yourself a good support group. Eat healthy, exercise, and take care of your self.
More information could improve the advice.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me sex with me was boring!!!
Q. okay.. so im 22 years old.. ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a bit now.. lately he hasnt been able to last that long but during the starting of our relationship even up till about 3 or 4 months ago he was able to last longer and we did it a ...
A. 16 February 2010: Fighting is not going to get anybody in the mood. In fact it is a sign that the relationship is broken. There is almost always more than one side to a story. Perhaps your resentment at his performance is showing. That will put him off.
I sen... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 15 February 2010: Looks like nothing happened over valentines. That could be the death knell for him. Looks like the bad old joke came true.
I got a dog for my boyfriend, pretty good trade, wasn't it.
Sad to see it end but we got a good discussion of th... (read in full...)
Why don't girls put effort into relationships?
Q. My girlfriend is just not putting forth effort into our relationship. She wants me doing all this shit and I get nothing back in return. I even tried telling her nice things all the time and loving on her but I got nothing back in return. I want to ...
A. 15 February 2010: This feeling of doing all the work or all the giving is pretty common. I believe that it has more to do not understanding the opposite sex more than anything. Quite often in a relationship a person gives what they would like to receive ... (read in full...)
I seem to get unfair treatment all the time from men
Q. can some one be a born reject.guys have always being rejecting me since i was 18 yaers old. that its is me not you routine. the rejection towards me is aggressive, they've treated me like dirt, belittled me,name called,even threatend me which is...
A. 12 February 2010: Some (many) guys make the mistake of thinking that an overweight girl is non sexual. Or in other words, the confuse physical form with the capacity for passion. I don't know that there is a similar blind spot for women. Because they see you as ... (read in full...)
Why can't I forget my pig of an ex even though I'm with someone better now?
Q. 2 years ago now my first love walked out on me to be with another girl. We had been together since the age of 16. It was a very troubled break up which was dragged out for around 9 months following the first time he walked out... he was coming back ...
A. 12 February 2010: Good post!
I love it when the story is well written and complete. Thank you.
Now for an answer. We are, or rather our personalities are, a gestalt of the experiences we have had. This includes especially the strongest emotions we have... (read in full...)
I want these feelings for my teacher to go away! Please help me!
Q. i'am in love with my teacher, he is 26 and i'm 14 i know this is wrong, and i dont want to feel this way. but when i see him my heart beats really fast and my face gets really hot, and i feel conscious! i have tried to tell myself that i just admire ...
A. 12 February 2010: Trying to remove unwanted thoughts from our minds is a constant human battle. The best advice I have had on this is to replace the unwanted thought with a stronger positive thought. Music is very powerful in this way. Choose some strong music ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to miss a period after ovulating?
Q. Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex, but i've read on the internet that you can get pregnant without having sex but it's a lot less likely. My period is late but I know I ovulated. I was also under a lot of stress just after i ovulated and I know ...
A. 12 February 2010: Yes good advice, it takes a sperm cell to make a pregnancy. But, as Dr. Ruth is fond of saying, "It only takes one fast one". And, they are very tiny, and there are a lot of them. We don't know exactly what you two did, All we know is that ... (read in full...)
Why does monogamy exist? What's the use?
Q. Why does monogamy exist? I don't get it. A lot of people - men and women - cheat. I've not been cheated on, but I see it happen often. It's often been said humans are not monogamous by nature, and I guess it's true. I get that people need love and ...
A. 12 February 2010: I don't believe that humans are not monogamous by nature. Almost as soon as a person realizes that members of the opposite sex are desirable they start to try to tie one to themselves. This is why it is so hard to talk teenagers into dating ... (read in full...)
Would it be so bad to get a tattoo reminding me of him, even though this weekend will be the first time we have met up?
Q. I have recently met a younger man (3 years) on a dating website. We have texted and talked on the phone. We are supposed to meet this weekend. To add insult to injury his father passed away this last Monday. I feel a VERY strong connectio...
A. 12 February 2010: OK you say you are going to wait and see how it goes first. That sounds good. You already have 3 tattoos, so you obviously are comfortable with making memories in ink. You have been married and divorced twice so you understand that sometimes ... (read in full...)
I don't understand religion and why we should be forced to put up with it.
Q. hi, im 14 and an atheist but i respect religious people who are open to another persons point of view, but the other side of that coin is that ignorance and single mindedness makes me really really angry. i just dont understand religion, i mean no ...
A. 12 February 2010: Kasey,
You are certainly not alone in your ideas. What exactly are you suggesting should be done? It seems that you want to dictate what religions should teach. On one hand you claim to respect religious people. Then you turn around and say ... (read in full...)
Will the court take my kids away from me just for smoking pot?
Q. Hi there...I smoke weed and have 3 kids...I don't smoke around them and they don't know that I do it. My ex-husband knows that I have always smoked weed and now that I pushed for child support, he started calling DCF on me...twice in the last 6 ...
A. 11 February 2010: Congratulations on getting off of pot. Stick with it, those kids need you.
FA... (read in full...)
Pictures of couples make me feel so alone. What to do??
Q. I get jealous when I see pictures of couples (like on facebook)...I just realize I'm alone. :( I then get mad at the thought of thinking how this one girl played a bunch of games with me 5.5 years ago. I really haven't had a gf...I get angry and ...
A. 11 February 2010: You haven't healed yet. Your soul is full of anger and resentment. You are looking for something to come in from the outside to make you happy when happiness comes from the inside and from the things you do.
Over the past 5.5 years you have was... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 11 February 2010: I think that my feelings about dogs are pretty strong. I grew up with some good dogs. Our first dog was a fine fellow too. But they have a lot of needs and the decision to get a dog needs to be well thought out.
My cousins husband went to ... (read in full...)
My penis slips out during sex, how can I stop this?
Q. So i know i have asked this question but i still feel like i didnt get a good answer. Me and my girlfriend are trying to have sex... we are both virgins so its kind of like going into this blindfolded. We get each other going i get her wet and ...
A. 11 February 2010: Deuce,
OK you have already been told to let her be on top. Here is the next thing you two should do.
Let he get comfortable on he back on the bed. Put your body between her feet and you head between her thighs. Then use your hands and e... (read in full...)
How can I communicate with my husband effectively?
Q. my husband and i have been together for 10 years and have been married for 3 years. about a year ago i told him I had slept with my ex when all i did was go down there on our wedding day only bc he hit me i forgave him. about 2 months ago i told him ...
A. 11 February 2010: I'm willing to answer this very confusing question and leave my name on it. I'm going to answer the question in the title, and try to answer the question at the end of the post.
Effective communication consists of talking calmly and clearly,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me sex with me was boring!!!
Q. okay.. so im 22 years old.. ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a bit now.. lately he hasnt been able to last that long but during the starting of our relationship even up till about 3 or 4 months ago he was able to last longer and we did it a ...
A. 11 February 2010: One more thing for general consumption (not just as an answer to Cheryl. I've been having sex with the same woman for over 20 years now and this year has been the most exciting. I don't buy that he is too excited to last long and bored with you as ... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 10 February 2010: Law school is very competitive and stressful. At least it is in John Grisham novels. Some changes in his personality are to be expected. He needs to learn to deal with that and still maintain real life relations. I would say you can be patient ... (read in full...)
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