| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My boyfriend told me sex with me was boring!!!
Q. okay.. so im 22 years old.. ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a bit now.. lately he hasnt been able to last that long but during the starting of our relationship even up till about 3 or 4 months ago he was able to last longer and we did it a ...
A. 16 February 2010: Fighting is not going to get anybody in the mood. In fact it is a sign that the relationship is broken. There is almost always more than one side to a story. Perhaps your resentment at his performance is showing. That will put him off.
I sen... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 15 February 2010: Looks like nothing happened over valentines. That could be the death knell for him. Looks like the bad old joke came true.
I got a dog for my boyfriend, pretty good trade, wasn't it.
Sad to see it end but we got a good discussion of th... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 11 February 2010: I think that my feelings about dogs are pretty strong. I grew up with some good dogs. Our first dog was a fine fellow too. But they have a lot of needs and the decision to get a dog needs to be well thought out.
My cousins husband went to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me sex with me was boring!!!
Q. okay.. so im 22 years old.. ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a bit now.. lately he hasnt been able to last that long but during the starting of our relationship even up till about 3 or 4 months ago he was able to last longer and we did it a ...
A. 11 February 2010: One more thing for general consumption (not just as an answer to Cheryl. I've been having sex with the same woman for over 20 years now and this year has been the most exciting. I don't buy that he is too excited to last long and bored with you as ... (read in full...)
Stinky men!!!
Q. I have a problem with my husband's hygiene. He just stinks most of the time. And I cannot stand to kiss him because he doesn't always take care of his dental hygiene. He does brush his teeth, but not as often as i think he should and I also wish ...
A. 10 February 2010: Buy Antibacterial body wash. Dial still makes it. This will help with the overall smell problem. Make his dental appointment for him. I see that this is an ongoing effort and not a decrease in his healthy habits due to being comfortably married. ... (read in full...)
Can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse???
Q. I know that this is going to sound kind of dumb but I'm just a bit confused and would like answers, without making a fool out of myself. Okay here goes nothing... can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse??? it just seems possible to me ...
A. 10 February 2010: Interesting, I thought it was just the prostate gland. Thanks Troubled. On a side note I have heard that a person can train themselves to be able to do it.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm considering cancelling our date for fear of screwing things up, I'm so nervious! Help!
Q. what do i do?!? Ive just started dating a guy in college with me and hes the first real boyfriend Ive had to be honest. anyway he asked me to go out on a date with him on sunday but im worried i wont know how to act or what to say. im becomin...
A. 10 February 2010: I'm going to take another tack at this.
I'm assuming that you are between 13 and 15. You did say college so if you are over 17 disregard everything after this.
You are quite young and if you don't feel ready to date there is no reason you ha... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 10 February 2010: Law school is very competitive and stressful. At least it is in John Grisham novels. Some changes in his personality are to be expected. He needs to learn to deal with that and still maintain real life relations. I would say you can be patient ... (read in full...)
I am starting to think sex is gross and want to turn Vanilla.
Q. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm starting to think sex is GROSS, for the first time since I experienced it a little more than ten years ago, I am not coming from an 'oh, I've been with so many people and done so many...
A. 10 February 2010: Wow! I got confused. Let me try again.
That guy was either messed up in the head or trying to hurt you. My vote is for option 2. Which makes him even worse.
One of my old saws is that committed trusting relationships come before you add i... (read in full...)
Let's play a game! Who is more attractive?
Q. Im the poster of the unattractive black women post (Go back and read it. Great Posts) and I think we are not seeing eye to eye, so lets play a game. For men, choose one of the following women and explain why you would date her over the other (...
A. 10 February 2010: 44 answers into this . . . .
I just can't pass up a direct question. Why do I think black women are single. I think Black women are single for three reasons.
One, marriage is not valued by our current society. There is very little that... (read in full...)
I am starting to think sex is gross and want to turn Vanilla.
Q. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm starting to think sex is GROSS, for the first time since I experienced it a little more than ten years ago, I am not coming from an 'oh, I've been with so many people and done so many...
A. 10 February 2010: I've got to agree that the title was a bad pick. But, it did get my attention. There are 2 things you said that felt wrong to me. First you said that it doesn't feel right to sleep with someone. And secondly you said that physical intimacy ... (read in full...)
Is it safe for a woman to take viagra?
Q. My boyfriends got some viagra from his dad and wants us to take it together. Iv read the packet and health risks but it stil says its for male erectile disfunction. Is it safe for women to take viagra (pfizer 25mg)? And if so what are the known ...
A. 9 February 2010: Those pills are pretty expensive. Unless you think an erection is going to help you a lot, I'd save it for him to use another time.
FA... (read in full...)
Let's play a game! Who is more attractive?
Q. Im the poster of the unattractive black women post (Go back and read it. Great Posts) and I think we are not seeing eye to eye, so lets play a game. For men, choose one of the following women and explain why you would date her over the other (...
A. 9 February 2010: SL Taylor,
Thanks for the articles. They were very helpful to me in understanding where you are coming from. I do note that both articles were quite pointed that attractiveness was not the problem. I think JJ covered the problems very well and... (read in full...)
Let's play a game! Who is more attractive?
Q. Im the poster of the unattractive black women post (Go back and read it. Great Posts) and I think we are not seeing eye to eye, so lets play a game. For men, choose one of the following women and explain why you would date her over the other (...
A. 9 February 2010: OK I'll dive in again. There are two ways to do research.
One way is to look at all the evidence you can find. Then weigh it. Then decide what the fact is.
The second way is to decide first what you think the fact is. Then go look at all t... (read in full...)
I'm being criticized by a teenage boy! Why is he behaving like this and how can I get him to respect me?
Q. HI. I'm a happily single 35 yr. old woman. I go to church alone and even though I've been going to this particular church for more than 2 yr.s it hasn't been easy for me to make friends there. Lots of people smile and say hi but they don't really ...
A. 8 February 2010: First things first, your BMI is Normal not underweight. There is no need for you to gain weight. Fasting is healthy physically as well as spiritually as long as it is done in moderation. Fasting will not cause weight loss as many crash dieters ... (read in full...)
Let's play a game! Who is more attractive?
Q. Im the poster of the unattractive black women post (Go back and read it. Great Posts) and I think we are not seeing eye to eye, so lets play a game. For men, choose one of the following women and explain why you would date her over the other (...
A. 8 February 2010: Dead Eye is dead on, and congratulations on attaining that level of wisdom. When you love someone their physical attributes become attractive to you. Quite likely why I am attracted to large redheaded women. In all honesty when I met my wife, she ... (read in full...)
I am torn between my wife and my lover
Q. Should I leave after 13 years? I have a 4 year old and a 3 month. I am a 32 year old male I've been with my current girl friend for 13 years we never married. I will refer to her as my wife. I have had my lover for 3 years. off for 1 and on for a...
A. 8 February 2010: You know when we write these things, we think we are writing to one person. I guess in this case we should have known that it was possible the other person would find it. Of course we usually only get one side of the story. So now i need to ... (read in full...)
Let's play a game! Who is more attractive?
Q. Im the poster of the unattractive black women post (Go back and read it. Great Posts) and I think we are not seeing eye to eye, so lets play a game. For men, choose one of the following women and explain why you would date her over the other (...
A. 8 February 2010: Hi SLTaylor,
I was intrigued by your title. I hate to pass up a game. But I'm dismayed at the choices. Any way you wnt guys input so here goes:
1 Eva Mendez I saw her in Ghost rider. That character had a mix of vulnerability an... (read in full...)
Boyfriend more interested in computer games than me. Help!
Q. Hi guys! I have a problem with asking for what I want in my relationship. My boyfriend is a lovely person, I love him very much. He loves video games. He plays online shooters with a bunch of friends. My problem is he does this a lot. I feel as t...
A. 7 February 2010: Hey Betty,
Thanks for the followup. I didn't realize the extent that his gaming is interfering with sex. This points to two possibilities. Either he has an addiction that is more powerful than sex. I'm not sure I've ever herd of that in onli... (read in full...)
I've said I wont move back in until he is divorced, so why is he taking so long
Q. hi there, i met my partner 4 years ago, he told me he was seperated and looking for a new relationship, we clicked right away and we were in love in a few weeks i thot he was the most well mannered man id ever met he is 16 years older than me i was ...
A. 7 February 2010: HMCM,
I know it sounds critical of us to point out what is clear from the outside. I don't think anyone sees you as the home wrecker. He is the Player, you were the played. Considering his religion he is likely to stay married living apart fr... (read in full...)
Boyfriend more interested in computer games than me. Help!
Q. Hi guys! I have a problem with asking for what I want in my relationship. My boyfriend is a lovely person, I love him very much. He loves video games. He plays online shooters with a bunch of friends. My problem is he does this a lot. I feel as t...
A. 7 February 2010: Stop being so passive. Step up and ask for what you need. You are not being Rude You are reminding him of why he keeps you around.
He needs to learn to prioritize his time to physically present people first. If you can teach him that he will ... (read in full...)
I've said I wont move back in until he is divorced, so why is he taking so long
Q. hi there, i met my partner 4 years ago, he told me he was seperated and looking for a new relationship, we clicked right away and we were in love in a few weeks i thot he was the most well mannered man id ever met he is 16 years older than me i was ...
A. 6 February 2010: Why is he doing this? The most important reason is because he can get away with it. The best way to encourage a cheater is to move in with him. He has been bouncing back and forth using both of you and lying to both of you. He is a scoundrel, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the ex of my friend
Q. I go out with this guy that one of my friends went with in ninth grade. I'm a senior and haven't talked with his ex since ninth grade. Am I wrong for going with this guy? We love each other dearly. The thing is, I still wanna be her friend. Is that ...
A. 6 February 2010: Possible to be her friend when you haven't talked for three years? Not very likely. And, definitely not recommended. Now is not the time to reopen the relationship. Either her or him, you choose. Having both will wreck both relationships.
... (read in full...)
Parents and sex...
Q. Right... I'm 17 and my girlfriend has just turned 16. I have to admit we haven't been in a relationship that long although it seems like we've been together for ages. We just really love being around eachother and having a laugh a lot... which is ...
A. 6 February 2010: I agree that communication is much healthier than swiping condoms. Aside from that it is time for the classic advice to all teens.
Teenagers, are you tired of you parents telling you what to do?
Act now! Move out, get a job, and start paying... (read in full...)
I can't ejaculate in bed... help!
Q. The following is a bit blunt I hope you don't mind! My girlfriend and I enjoy a healthy relationship and while we haven't had sex yet we are both comfortable with third base and full nudity. If I 'finger' her then she comes, but the thing is, I ...
A. 6 February 2010: You are on the right track. Yes avoid masturbating a few days before your next meeting. Try a different method. I would recommend her taking you between her breasts with her lying on top of you. This should be much more like your regular method. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to kiss a girl's breast during sex or foreplay?
Q. I want to ask a question about this. It confused me sometimes whenever i want to do it. The thing is that i want to suck or kiss my girl friend breast during sex or foreplay, i wonder maybe i might taste the milk during sucking or kissing her ...
A. 6 February 2010: Is it possible? It's recommended. Breasts have more than one purpose, pleasure is one of them.
Talk to her about your desires. Ask her about hers. Communicate. I guess she is too shy to tell you what she wants.
And just because she is l... (read in full...)
The last thing I want is babies but that's all he wants!
Q. Hi, Im 27 and been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. About 2 years ago the topic of children has come up and i am 110% sure i never want to have them-i dont like children and i made it very clear to him. He however wants children and being the on...
A. 6 February 2010: For some reason i think I have something to add to this already over answered topic. If The other aunts will excuse me for butting in. I apologize in advance for being male. I was born this way, and I have a belief that the male point of view is ... (read in full...)
Why did my best friend say all those horrible things to me?
Q. me and my best Friend were talking about a holiday we are going in summer.. shes all going on bout how many guys were going to have sex with..i told her no..am not going to sleep with Random strangers thanx..she said i'd be drunk so i wont know ...
A. 5 February 2010: She told you that she enjoys things that you believe are bad. You declined to participate with her. Exactly what a person with moral courage would do. In judging her activities and rejecting them, you in effect rejected her. So she felt stung by ... (read in full...)
Would you prefer a real rose or a fake one?
Q. Valentines help! I've been with a girl for a couple of weeks and have planned to take her out for a meal on valentines. I just wondered though, I'm planning on giving her a single red rose, but wanted to know on whether that rose should be real or ...
A. 5 February 2010: Mal,
You are right, I don't know why I didn't see that "couple of weeks", I looked twice.
Now the next important question. Valentines is Sunday so delivery is going to be Saturday in many places. So have them delivered early? or deliver them... (read in full...)
Would you prefer a real rose or a fake one?
Q. Valentines help! I've been with a girl for a couple of weeks and have planned to take her out for a meal on valentines. I just wondered though, I'm planning on giving her a single red rose, but wanted to know on whether that rose should be real or ...
A. 4 February 2010: I suppose at 18 to 20, and in a young relationship you can get away with a single rose on valentines. If you have been dating her for a year you should know more about her flower preference. A single Red rose is the default, what you get if you ... (read in full...)
I've had sex - if I tell the doctor I haven't, will it make a difference?
Q. My mums putting me on the pill soon seen as I'm neary 16 and I've been with my boyfriend 2years. The thing is, we've already had sex a few times. So if the doctor asked me if I was already "sexually active" and I lied and said no because my mum was ...
A. 4 February 2010: Not to disagree with anything the women have already posted, but I have kind of a different take on this. I know that 16 in the UK is older than 16 in the US, at least legally, but I'm thinking if your mom took you into the doctors for that, then ... (read in full...)
I always thought Valentines day was about the guy treating the girl. Now my boyfriend thinks I don't care.
Q. This Might Sound Bad But I had No Idea That I was Supposed to Buy Something for My Boyfriend For Valentines Day. We're Going on 4 years Now and Every Year he always Does something Extreme For me and I Love it! Though I have Never Bought Him Anything ...
A. 4 February 2010: I am an advocate of the, Valentines day is treating your girl, school of thought. But, guys need treats too. It is much too hard to relax and enjoy your treat if you are worried about treating him. So, some have proposed that we have a day in ... (read in full...)
Are we damaging my cervix?
Q. Is it dangerous if my partner repeatedly hits my cervix during intercourse? its uncomfortable and sometimes painful, but the good makes up for the bad. i'm just worrying that we are doing some damage. i don't bleed and it only aches a little bit ...
A. 3 February 2010: I don't know but a good rule of thumb is, "pain is your body's way of saying stop that".
FA... (read in full...)
How can I let her see texting her ex is hurting our relationship?
Q. lingering ex bf this girl I am dating tells me she isn't talking to her ex. I notice her texting someone who I am certain is her ex bf while we hang out but when I ask he about her relationship with him she tells me she doesn't talk to him. wh...
A. 2 February 2010: You obviously have a problem trusting her. Without trust the relationship doesn't exist. Your lack of trust is hurting your relationship too. Jealousy and fear are the opposites of love and trust. They can not coexist.
FA... (read in full...)
Why do guys confuse women all the time! Come on guys, let me know your thoughts
Q. I am so very much confused. I am in a relationship that is not the greatest and hasnt been for such a long time now. Recently i have been talking to my partners brother a lot as i lean on him a lot for emotional support and he knows this, this has ...
A. 2 February 2010: If your girlfriend had a boyfriend, and he started talking to you what would you do? You would avoid him. You would not even think of dating him until 10 years after your girlfriend and he broke up. And even then, you would ask her permission ... (read in full...)
I have a phobia of talking on phones!
Q. I hope this question doesn't come across as pathetic, as it is a genuine problem. I have a phobia of talking on phones, i've done a little research and have come across other people who have the same fear. I'm okay with talking to some of my close...
A. 2 February 2010: I think your problem is going to become more and more common. Texting and email have been replacing real communication. Interestingly I know people in their 60s who don't like to use the phone. in their memories phones were not very secure and ... (read in full...)
Do I like him or is it because it's the month I had my abortion?
Q. i got pregnent with my ex last year and he ended it, i had an abortion and it just seemed he didnt want to bother and was not there for me, but now i have strong feelings for him again. Do I like him or is it because it's the month I had my a...
A. 2 February 2010: Valentines is approaching. Everyone is talking about love. And, you feel lonely. With the history you two have, and with your doubts. I'd say it is the loneliness that is causing the attraction.
FA... (read in full...)
What to wear when having sex for the first time...?
Q. hello! as im sure you know, its valentines day coming up and me and my partner will be having sex for the first time! i know i want to do it so please dont tell me to make sure im ready as ive already been through all of this in my head and i am ...
A. 2 February 2010: What you want to do is present yourself in the best possible way. I would go with white, classy not trashy. lace or satiny. Make sure the lace is soft not scratchy. Matching bra (of course).
As to your second question: Get some flushabl... (read in full...)
How do you know if a man is stingy?
Q. Hello people, How do you know if a man is stingy? I mean i had a date with a man i met on line. I prepared myself very well and wore the best i have. But i was shocked when i found out what he wore, he wore daddy jeans or baggy jeans a terrible...
A. 2 February 2010: Well, that is what first dates are for. A look see. Apparently he isn't up to your standard. At 44 he probably in not into high tech phones. The only reason I have a data plan is that my daughters text me and I find it easier to reply with a ... (read in full...)
I felt left out of the dinner convo. Should I not see my guy friend tonight so he does not think he is getting off lightly.
Q. I attended a friend's meal the other night. It was at my guy friend friend's house. I cooked dinner and it went well in general, until both of them chirped on about their faith and music interests. As the night progressed, I felt left out and ...
A. 29 January 2010: Caring Guy has told you why this won't work, and he is right. I'm going to tell you why you shouldn't do it.
You want to punish him. You also feel a need to be in control of him. I am quite sure you don't want to be his mother. You want to ... (read in full...)
Was it reasonable to push her when she came at me with a hot iron?
Q. I've been married 10 years. On Thursday evenings my wife drops off our 7-year old son at football training and I drive from work to collect him. A few times there has been a last minute change and my wife has texted me but I don't think I've...
A. 29 January 2010: Original poster asks: "My questions really centre on my behaviour: Whilst endeavouring to talk about this with my wife to try to resolve it, am I right to consider my behaviour reasonable."
If you are like me you will eventually come to the conc... (read in full...)
I like the guy I'm dating a little, but the thing is I actually like my best friend!
Q. I'm going out with a guy that is 6 years older than me. He's 19. I'ma call him LJ. So about 2 week ago we were hanging out with a group of people the whole day and by the end of the day, we were holding hands. Now, we kissed today. The thing is, ...
A. 28 January 2010: He is 19 and you are 13. He is not going to be surprised if you bolt like a frightened rabbit. If he is experienced he is expecting it. No need to tell him about the other guy, just say you aren't ready for all that yet. I know you are trying to ... (read in full...)
I really want to return the favour for my boyfriend, but I'm pretty scared to do it!
Q. Hi I need a little help, see me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years (since highschool were 20) and we both are still deep in love. We lost our virginities to each other when we were 18 and the sex is great! My boyfriend doesn't have ...
A. 28 January 2010: Based on what you have written, I'll offer up some unqualified advice. First don't rely on porn to learn what your man likes. Encourage him to talk and advise you as you go. Second start off with a shower. Third get comfortable, don't try to do ... (read in full...)
I like this girl but I like her friend too and don't know who to choose.
Q. Hey, I'm 18 and I have been trying to get with this girl at work for almost a year now and its not looking good, she keeps making up excuses but this new guy started and she's obsessed with him! She's on him like a rash non stop. Her friend has also...
A. 27 January 2010: Some times you really wonder when you give advice if anyone is listening. Or if the listen then ignore you. I see you got the most important parts of my message. I'm glad you chose to focus your attention on the girl who is flirting with you.
... (read in full...)
I like this girl but I like her friend too and don't know who to choose.
Q. Hey, I'm 18 and I have been trying to get with this girl at work for almost a year now and its not looking good, she keeps making up excuses but this new guy started and she's obsessed with him! She's on him like a rash non stop. Her friend has also...
A. 22 January 2010: You want two girls who both have other relationships. On top of that, you work with them.
Here is some good advice for you. Quit your job. Thought I would never say that, but at this point where you are about to give them both a present,... (read in full...)
I am torn between my wife and my lover
Q. Should I leave after 13 years? I have a 4 year old and a 3 month. I am a 32 year old male I've been with my current girl friend for 13 years we never married. I will refer to her as my wife. I have had my lover for 3 years. off for 1 and on for a...
A. 30 November 2009: Something doesn't add up here. It took you 13 years and 2 children to decide that your girl friend who you call Wife can't satisfy you sexually. Now you have spent 5 years in a relationship with a "perfect" woman and you can't make a commitment. ... (read in full...)
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