A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago and he doesn't understand why. I told him that I could tell that over time, our personalities wouldn't work well together and we would make each other unhappy. That's true but not a very satisfying explanation for him when he thought we'd be together forever. What I haven't told him (because I don't want to hurt his feelings) is that I've seen behavior like his before and it scares me... After only a month of dating, he believed himself completely in love with me and would do anything for me, but he had me on a pedestal so high he had no chance of really getting to know me. He still thinks I'm perfect and should be together because nothing could ever go wrong. I find that kind of relationship very unhealthy and not at all what I want. He's also shown signs of controlling behavior, which I have a lot of experience with and never want to go through again.So my problem is, what can I tell him to satisfy him that a breakup is the right thing to do? I don't want to tell him what I wrote above, because then I know he would plead with me and say he could change to be what I want. But I know that no change is permanent and doing it for someone else is wrong anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Has he recently broken up with an ex girlfriend? because if so this could be why he is so needy and therefore you need to dump him. Just say its not what you want and theres nothing you want him to change you just dont see it working.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 January 2010):
 You already told him the right thing, that your personalities aren't going to work together. The only thing he needs to hear is that you are not going to change your mind. He needs to move on, and when he absorbs that message he will be able to put down the torch and do that. I've been on the other side of a situation like this and it helped me to be told no. I didn't even feel bad towards her.
If you try to explain that he treated you too good it is just going to confuse him. Personally I don't think you are ready for a relationship right now. Of course that is only my opinion based on two paragraphs of your story. At any rate you are doing the right thing letting him go.
FA
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 I think guys treating you like a princess and putting you on a pedestal is only scary (and creepy lol) when you're actually not that in to them.
I have had guys do that and freaked out and ran a mile as fast as possible. Truth be told, I almost dumped my ex at 6 weeks in for that sort of thing - but I decided to give it more time since I liked him so much, and we ended up together for 18 years. My current partner practically worships me,I jokingly call him a stalker, but I adore him to bits and love the way he dotes on me - it's beautiful to be so loved by someone you love too.
So if your freaking out, in my book, it is directly relevant to how you actually feel about the guy who is doing it. Obviously you just were not that in to him and have made the right decision.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 You need to be honest with him. These kind of guys do come across quite scary. Tell him that. If he does not know he will not know how to change.
It sounds like he has had rejection in his life and thats why he puts you on a pedestal. He loves too much and needs to with hold some for himself. He may need a little counselling. Maybe you could go with him so that he can see how he is coming across.
Its interesting that you have had this experience before, maybe you are doing something to attract that kind of behaviour. We women always tend to go for the same types of guys.
Good luck with it all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): I think you should tell him the truth and be firm about it.
Just tell him that you dislike him because he is showing signs of possessiveness and insecurity and that you have had negative experiences with guys like him. Do this in a public place in case he react negatively. Should he pursue you later call the police.
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