| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 18 May 2010: And more information pours in. The picture is really changing rapidly now. We have more past and a better understanding of what you want.
Westmoreland, Who obviously didn't share your husbands catholic upbringing, seems to have hit it on the h... (read in full...)
It seems she would be happy to never have sex again! How do I talk to her about this?
Q. Well, I am obviously an idiot. First off my wife and I have a good marriage, she just isn't interested in sex (when we talk about it she says she can't explain other than she just isn't interested)it has been since Jan '09. For reference we have ...
A. 5 May 2010: Get her into a doctor. Unless she has some twisted religious reason for not wanting sex. A decline in sex drive is normal, but a total cut off sounds chemical. At this point in your life with your youngest in school all day she should be on the ... (read in full...)
Should I write a letter telling him how I feel?
Q. I've been trying to tell my friend how I feel about him by saying it online because I'm very shy and don't want to say it in school. I told him that I like him and other things like the way he's been distant is hurting me. Would he be offended? I'm ...
A. 4 May 2010: Write if you want, it won't offend him, it also won't help.
MB You are 18 now, it's time to cowgirl up. If you want it you are going to have to go out and get it. Ask him out. If he turns you down flat it's over and you can move on. That's t... (read in full...)
How do I get her to back off?
Q. i need some help on how to deal with a very annoying problem. i work at a restaurant and there's a girl who comes in very often and hits on me like there's no tomorrow. the problem is she is only 16 turning 17 (she is extremely attractive for her ...
A. 4 May 2010: Cotton I know it's hard to believe But I was in your position once. Not a younger girl but still an inappropriate affection for the position we were in. I'll tell you what I did because it was so effective. I mean it stopped her cold. It was ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in my husbands sexual interests but he hides them from me
Q. I have two kids, so I'm always tired or busy and my husband works 8 hours a day. It seems like we can only have sex when the kids are a sleep. If we don't have sex almost everyday than he'll watch porn when I go to bed or if he gets off work early ...
A. 4 May 2010: Good advice so far. A lot of people don't want to talk about what they want for fear of rejection. Others fear that you will accept it enthusiastically and they might not like it as much as they thought they would. Others can't enjoy their ... (read in full...)
Mom found out I was having sex and now I can't go to the prom!
Q. So my mom found out that my boyfriend of 5 months and I were having sex, and she asked me if I had sex with him prior to her find out and I told her no. When she found out she was upset and broke my boyfriend and I up, she claims she's mad that I ...
A. 4 May 2010: I'm not sure I understand. Your mom wants you to have a punishment on top of missing the prom and losing the money you paid for it and not seeing your boyfriend any more? Or instead of? Because if you want her to agree to letting you go to the ... (read in full...)
He hasn't finished his education, and this is driving a wedge between us!
Q. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19. We've been dating for five months. We are inseperable, we are best friends and very much in love. But in the past, all I've dated is low-lifes, guys that deal drugs, guys that don't go to school. My boyfriend has ma...
A. 4 May 2010: Hmmm. tricky.
First there is the hypocrisy factor. Then the age gap. Then the power struggle.
OK I honestly believe that all a High School Diploma says to the world is, "this guy kept his nose clean and stuck it out through all the B S for ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my husband still loves me!
Q. I'm not sure if my husband of 10 years still loves me. He was my first so I'm having all these feelings that I'm not expeienced enough for him and that he thinks I'm boring. I'm not sure if he's getting sex elsewhere or if our relationship is ...
A. 4 May 2010: two things here.
What makes you think he isn't happy with you. One of the most consistent traits of men is resistance to change. He is happy with the way things are and sees no reason to put effort into change.
Two your feelings about y... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 4 May 2010: Ginger,
We are closing in on this. You two are communicating better than I thought. In a minute I'm going to attempt a translation for you. First I'm going to talk about communication. You say he will discuss sexual topics with you for a li... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 3 May 2010: All good questions Ginger. What you are trying to do is to allow you husband to have sexual stimulation from another source than you. You are being open and thinking about his pleasure. Those are healthy attitudes on your part. But, Yes, you ... (read in full...)
To take risks with finding a girlfriend, or not to take risks?
Q. *OP's own title* I happen to know someone who blames other people that he can't get a girlfriend. He whines that he wishes he'd never been born. He lost his virginity to a prostitute. He says he is a good guy and that he can't understand why the ...
A. 2 May 2010: Hi Bruce,
Thought this might be you. You got a lot of good advice about risks here. In a way waking up every day is a risk. You simply can't avoid all risks.
You probably feel that dating and relationship risks are greater for you because ... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 2 May 2010: You are taking a solo activity and trying to make it a shared activity. He is unsure how to handle this. Rightfully so. There are plenty of women out there who would do exactly this as a "test". You are going to have to lead him along. Cuddle ... (read in full...)
My dancing makes me unintersted in sex with my husband!
Q. Ive got a really serious problem , Im a lap dancer exotic dancer in Australia , I love my job , make great money , and really love seeing the guys get all turned on with their Big erections that they can hardly control . The problem is my hu...
A. 2 May 2010: Caring Guy hit that one right on the head.
I have a similar problem. I work in the building trades. I spend all day making and fixing things. When I get home,if My wife asks me to fix something around the house, I tend to put it off as long ... (read in full...)
I feel like I do everything for her but get nothing back! What should I do?
Q. Hi, i need some advice. I have been dating my Girlfriend for 10 months now. i do lots of things for her. i love her to death. but some times she is a mega bitch. like out of no where. She also can do whatever she wants and i cant. she tells me who i ...
A. 2 May 2010: Tatter,
Your relationship has an unbalanced power structure. That is not all that unusual. It can be a bit dangerous. Most girls are more interested in a man they see as powerful. So she could lose interest in you, not despite that you do a... (read in full...)
Clothes make the woman!
Q. Hey everyone, I heard this one guy say something when i was walking down the street. he said ¨clothes make the woman.¨ What does that term mean?...
A. 1 May 2010: The saying originally was "Clothes make the man". With the idea that the proper wardrobe and knowing how to wear it opened career possibilities to men. The idea is a bit dated, but there is some value still in it even for women. It has been ... (read in full...)
Should I sacrifice my own dream wedding for my family?
Q. I have a Big Problem and its very Complicated I was born a man and I dress like a woman I act like a woman I do everything like a woman but I don't like men I have a girlfriend but she dressess like a man and acts like a man so basically she's the ...
A. 1 May 2010: Thanks for the feedback. Since you have been dressing 24/7 for some time now, and since you started when you still lived at home in high school. (not sure I understood that) Now is not the right time for them to try to push you on this. That ... (read in full...)
Should I sacrifice my own dream wedding for my family?
Q. I have a Big Problem and its very Complicated I was born a man and I dress like a woman I act like a woman I do everything like a woman but I don't like men I have a girlfriend but she dressess like a man and acts like a man so basically she's the ...
A. 30 April 2010: How long have you dressed. Has your family always resisted your dressing? Do you dress 24/7, or just for special occasions.
Answers to those questions would really change the way I would answer this. Marriage is the knitting of two families... (read in full...)
Talking my mom into leting me having a relationship?
Q. im 15 and home schooled , im a larger girl (as a little chubby) i keep thinking to my self i want someone in my life to love and hold me , but being out of school i cant really find a boyfriend , my mom dosent even want me to get a boyfriend till...
A. 30 April 2010: Bunny,
Let me share some experience with you first. My middle daughter is 18. She attends public school. I just read her "self reflection essay" Which is her take on her high school experience as a senior. She covered from the freshman... (read in full...)
How can I build a relationship with my mother?
Q. Okay, here it goes.. I've offten wondered.. am I wrong?.. IS all of this my fault?.. Am I bringing all this on myself?..Am I just emotional?.. I keep doubting myself.. and now I wonder..am I broken?.. I've had just the worst relationship with my ...
A. 30 April 2010: I'd like to add that many women your age, but without your family history, have very similar troubles getting along with their mothers. Oldest daughters often feel that nothing they do is good enough for mom's standards. Parents often condemn your ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to think! Please help me out
Q. Now I have no idea whats going on! I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me. I think this because, 1: He still eats at our lunch table but then he goes outside, that wouldn't bother me at all, but he asked another girl to go outsi...
A. 30 April 2010: What is this Formal dances and limo's in the 13 to 15 age bracket. Why are we all in such a rush to make children act like "adults". ok to answer the question he broke up wit you a long time ago. It's over, kaput, gone. And that's ok, because ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to get rid of all my pictures and letters from my former girlfriend who died in my arms, is she in the wrong here?
Q. I have been dating a young woman for a few months. She is very sweet and I care very much for her. She came over to my apartment when I wasn't home yesterday and my room mate let her in. She went into my room and found an old year book I had ...
A. 28 April 2010: OK Jumping back in.
The question has been raised. How can she be jealous of someone who isn't alive. Some of the aunts have touched on it, because as women they understand it. I think it will be helpful to our OP to understand it as well.
... (read in full...)
Are his actions justified by my cheating?
Q. Hi, so ive been seeing this guy for a few months now and about a month ago i cheated on him with my ex. i felt so bad afterwards and expected it to be over but he didnt leave me. hes 19 and im 16 btw. then.... last weekend i did it again. i ...
A. 28 April 2010: Abuse is never justified. Neither is cheating. I'm afraid that I am unable to understand why you are back in a relationship with him.
He is going to hurt you.
You don't love him.
Why would you risk your life and emotional well being to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to get rid of all my pictures and letters from my former girlfriend who died in my arms, is she in the wrong here?
Q. I have been dating a young woman for a few months. She is very sweet and I care very much for her. She came over to my apartment when I wasn't home yesterday and my room mate let her in. She went into my room and found an old year book I had ...
A. 28 April 2010: Nope, you don't need to get rid of them. There is a new and disturbing trend among women to try to clean out their boyfriends baggage. It's not healthy. Without the past, we would not be what we are. If we were not what we are we would not be ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my husband still loves me!
Q. I'm not sure if my husband of 10 years still loves me. He was my first so I'm having all these feelings that I'm not expeienced enough for him and that he thinks I'm boring. I'm not sure if he's getting sex elsewhere or if our relationship is ...
A. 28 April 2010: Hi EmmJ,
I'm a serious proponent of monogamy. I believe that the idea that a person can't be happy with only one partner is an insult to all people. We as humans have huge mental capabilities. We are able to bring a lot of variety into a relati... (read in full...)
I'm tired of playing games with women
Q. Is it a good idea for me to isolate myself from women forever? I don't think anything good can come out of a relationship for me, and I often worry about catching STDs. I have had it off with prostitutes before. I don't think I have any STDs...
A. 23 April 2010: Hey, YouWish,
I would like to explore what you said a little more. In one sentence you say Women aren't complicated, then later you say Billy Joel is an "ugly slug". I thought he had that Italian / Mediterranean swarthy look with the curly ha... (read in full...)
I'm tired of playing games with women
Q. Is it a good idea for me to isolate myself from women forever? I don't think anything good can come out of a relationship for me, and I often worry about catching STDs. I have had it off with prostitutes before. I don't think I have any STDs...
A. 23 April 2010: Hi Bruce,
I think forever is a long time. On the other hand, taking a break, even for a few years is not a bad idea. It could take some pressure off you. The world could look better when you are less depressed.
FA... (read in full...)
Why does my ex avoid me?
Q. Breaking up with my ex on a phone is very mean. But when he ran back to his previous ex immediately, I thought that at least we could be in the same room but he left his friend place right when he saw me. Everyone knows he leaves because of me and I ...
A. 23 April 2010: People often avoid pain and embarrassment. Those are possible reasons. Another is, to avoid a confrontation.
Don't be surprised that guys handle relationships differently than women do. If we weren't different than you you wouldn't be inter... (read in full...)
Worried about risking the only stable relationship in my life!
Q. My dear friend and I are currently single. He is a big flirt, Has questionable taste in women, very demanding of their time and affection, and then freaks out when he finds out they are or used to be junkies with complicated stds. I am afraid o...
A. 21 April 2010: Why wouldn't you want to be with your "soul mate"? Is it fair for you to monopolize his time when you don't have "honorable intentions".? You both seem pretty young to have so many hangups.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi there, I need advice...I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 11 Months now. And I am pretty much obsessed with him! It's horrible. When he does something wrong, I find myself apologizing! The most recent issue happened last night. I was wor...
A. 21 April 2010: Jealousy and obsession are not love. Sounds like your relationship needs some work. He isn't fully committed to you. You don't trust him enough. Based on his actions he may not be trustworthy. But I'm not about to make that call. A responsible ... (read in full...)
Should I give into my desire to cheat? Or try my best to push it away?
Q. I really need some help. We have been married one year. I love this woman with all my heart. While we were still dating though. My then girlfriend, now wife, took a trip home to visit her family. They live two states away. While she was over the...
A. 21 April 2010: anonymous,
Thanks for the follow up. Don't do it. It is entirely different to have lunch with an ex when yo are dating, than when you are married. I see more clearly that your problem has to do with pride. What was that quote from "top gun... (read in full...)
Should I give into my desire to cheat? Or try my best to push it away?
Q. I really need some help. We have been married one year. I love this woman with all my heart. While we were still dating though. My then girlfriend, now wife, took a trip home to visit her family. They live two states away. While she was over the...
A. 20 April 2010: #1 You have no "right" to get revenge. It is an erroneous idea of our times. The eye for an eye thing will only get you a lot of blind people.
#2 It won't help. You will feel terrible, not justified.
#3 Now when everything is go... (read in full...)
The way I feel is starting to scare me and I have no idea what to do about it
Q. Dear Cupid, the way I feel is beginning to scare me. I’ve been feeling very very low for about 18 months; I am aware it’s a problem and am doing my best to cope. I went to the doctor about a week ago but found she was unhelpful and pretty ...
A. 16 April 2010: Yes, yes.
If one doctor doesn't connect with you, or one counselor, try another. just let the new doctor know what you are doing. Say, "I was not happy with the way Dr. so and so handled this, can you help . . .". We have we have three do... (read in full...)
I want to ask him for his number, how do I go about doing that?
Q. I really like this guy I work with and I really wanna ask him for his number but I'm so shy and nervous to do it. Does anyone know any good ways that I can ask him for it and what I should say? Thanks...
A. 16 April 2010: Terri you are funny, but there is more to say here. Work and relationships just don't go together well. the whole situation is a minefield. What Dee is trying to do is to separate the two worlds. She doesn't want a scene at work. And, should he ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a girl says you're cute?
Q. What does it honestly mean? Sometimes people tell me that a girl would say a guy is cute when she likes, or is interested in him. Most times though, people tell me that girls say that when she's not interested, doesn't like him at all but does...
A. 16 April 2010: Hey Captain,
It is difficult at your age not to be taken seriously by women. I'm thinking that while you have friend who just happen to be girls, you don't have girlfriends. That can be painful.
To answer your question, When a girl says... (read in full...)
Does he really want to be with me? Am I wasting my time and breathe?
Q. Dear cupid, Well last week, i went to ma boyfriends house spent the whole week with him, and everything was going well until this one day . I was on his laptop, lookin for music to play, so im going to google and it shows the follwing web sit...
A. 15 April 2010: Having that degree of control over another person in a long distance relationship is just not practical. I am a bit shocked at your need to control every second of his life. In my opinion, you don't have a relationship of trust with him. Without ... (read in full...)
My mother slanders my cooking
Q. O.K. this is kind of childish I know. I live with my parents cause I'm jobless and have a lot of debt. My mother told me a friend of hers ask her if I know how to cook and my mother told her I knew how to but my food was always 'tasteless'. I'm ...
A. 15 April 2010: What you have here is two mature women living in the same house. There is going to be competition, jealousy, arguing, bent feelings, even fights. I think this is the saddest thing that happens between mothers and daughters, but it is biological to ... (read in full...)
I love her but she slept with so many men
Q. I was dating someone a couple years ago that I cared very deeply for. We were having a great time together. During the time we were together she was sexually assaulted by someone she knew. She didn't go to the police or tell anyone for months. ...
A. 15 April 2010: 31 answers and no reply back from the original poster. Yet I do have one thing to add. I was thinking about it as I wrote the first answer. But, I didn't want to go to the negative side.
Now after reading all the answers that say leave, a... (read in full...)
Sexual dilemma with my cousin...
Q. *OP's own title* I'm having quite a dilemma at the moment. Me and my cousin have been really close since birth; we can talk about anything and we are the closest out of all cousins. At a young age, we'd often freely talk and explore the topic of sex....
A. 14 April 2010: To answer your question directly, she is comfortable with you, not interested in you. She sees you as a safe person to talk about sex to. If you make a sexual approach to her you will ruin all that.
FA... (read in full...)
He's changed so much
Q. Why is my boyfriend doing this? my bf was really sweet.it took him 2months to kiss me. i asked he said hes got respect and didn't want to scare me off. whenever we made Iove it was beautiful, passionate and really tender. he was everything i could ...
A. 14 April 2010: Sudden changes in personality are usually chemically induced. I smell a drug problem. Paranoia is a very common symptom of drug abuse.
FA... (read in full...)
I love her but she slept with so many men
Q. I was dating someone a couple years ago that I cared very deeply for. We were having a great time together. During the time we were together she was sexually assaulted by someone she knew. She didn't go to the police or tell anyone for months. ...
A. 14 April 2010: Your trouble is that you are applying regular rules to an injured person. Kind of like expecting your buddy with a broken leg not to miss a football game with you. Ironically the things she did that hurt you, were done to protect you. She is ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for considering abortion over bringing a child in to an unstable environment?
Q. Well, I been dating a guy for about seven months. I notice that he had several woman friends. I have issue with trusting him. I went by his house and notice a car park in his driveway, next to his. I knocked on the door several times he didnt answer ...
A. 14 April 2010: I would get rid of the Boyfriend. Your problems are more to do with hanging out with the wrong guy than with being pregnant. You are not the first woman he has done this to, who is to say you are even tho only one he has pregnant now. If you ... (read in full...)
How can I give my fiance an amazing handjob?
Q. How can I give my fiance an amazing handjob? he currently likes it when I take charge and sit on top of him and use two hands on his penis, constantly moving them up his penis, then switching hands, kinda like juggling, this makes him cum pretty ...
A. 12 April 2010: The anonymous answer is right but incomplete. First of you are already doing the right things. Timing is the next step. You don't necessarily want to "stop", slowing way down is more effective. you have to be very aware of where hi is in his ... (read in full...)
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